I have a brief recap of Big Guy’s newest “Stop Whining” tour for you:
There was A HUGE rally in Madison Wisconsin on Tuesday, energized by hundreds of college students who haven’t yet figured out that eventually they’re going to have to get jobs, buy their own health insurance and pay for all the stuff Big Guy is “stimulating.”
The backyard barbeques are not going quite as well. The questions are getting more pointed, and BO’s answers are getting longer. If you’ve seen Big Guy without TOTUS, you will know that this is usually a bad combination.
In order to deflect attention from economic issues, which seem to be one of the things the stupid people are whining about, Big Guy decided to get back in touch with his faith, which we have now firmly established to be Christianity by choice.
He’s also using the backyard meet and eats to promote his own twist on the Christian faith: it combines the best parts of Christian doctrine with the best parts of Black Liberation Theology and Marxism’s central concept of redistribution of wealth. Big Guy calls it the Obamacare Progressive Unification Church (OPUC).
He’s hoping that the Pope will name him Patron Saint of Free Health Care before the election, because that will probably pull all of the Catholics into his camp.
Patron Saint of Free Health Care
While based on the precepts of the Prophets Marx and Reverend Wright, OPUC wasn’t an official religion until it was codified last March in a 2000 page document by the church council of elders.
Like all great faiths, it requires adherents to defer to a higher power (the government). In return, that higher power (government) promises you eternal HOPE and CHANGE. And free healthcare.
In order to be a member of the sect, you must accept certain precepts on faith:
- that you will be able to keep your own insurance,
- that you can keep your own doctor,
- there will be no federal coverage for abortions,
- that there will be no rationing of procedures or services,
- there will be no death panels, and – here’s the one that really tests your faith -
- that it will decrease government’s health care costs as well as your own individual premiums.
Surprisingly, even with so much to offer, Big Guy’s still having a hard time selling it to the regular backyard ‘folks.’ Although that’s probably because they’re all lazy, stupid and whiny.
Because we have so little time left to “get our message out,” we’re tapping into our administration’s preacher in chief: that’s right, Lady M. She’ll be launching her proselytizing campaign on behalf of our beleaguered legislators on October 13th. (watch for a whole new wardrobe)
In addition to the gospel of OPUC, she’ll also be preaching the virtues of a diet of organic vegetables, low fat and low salt. For obvious reasons, she’ll not be attending any of the backyard barbeques.
OPUC even has their own new facebook page! Be sure to check it out and leave a comment: but no whining, please.
Oh, and one last thing. Although our current colleges and universities are doing an admirable job of teaching many of the concepts and principles of this new religion, Big Guy is thinking of establishing his own religion-based institute of higher education: OPUC-U. When he finally leaves office, BO will be taking over the chairmanship of The Living Constitution: Judicial Activism for Social Justice department.
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