Don’t Tax, Just Spend. That Should Work.

Veni:

 Vidi:

 

Vici:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is the darndest recovery I’ve ever seen: requiring a major extension of the unemployment program because, well, everyone’s still out of work. The new deal gets us up to about 3 years. That’s 2 years more than Europe! So we’ve got that going for us.

It’s also the darndest bipartisan plan I’ve ever seen. Big Guy announced the extension of the Bush Tax Cuts for the middle class (that we used to pretend didn’t even exist) as well as the extension of tax cuts for America’s “wealthiest families” as if he was making a hostage tape. Even TOTUS couldn’t help him conceal his contempt. I guess he thinks 3 years unemployment is too long too.

And everybody’s mad. So it’s a win-win.

So the unemployed whose benefits are running out won’t have to worry about going into the Winter Holiday season without a job or a check, small business owners (aka America’s “wealthiest families”) can now plan for business expansion and maybe hire some more people from the ranks of the unemployed.

Butt that’s not the best news coming out of this compromise: now Lady M and Big Guy won’t have to postpone our annual Hawaiian Winter Holiday vacation after all.

Mele Kalik-Obama

It’s Winter Holiday, and here are this year’s Sugar Plum Fairies

What better than a weekend filled with parties, dinners, receptions and awards to take your mind off tax “cuts” for the middle class (which we love) and the rich (which we hate), WikiLeaks founder  Julian Assange’s Doomsday f-bomb, North Korea and Iran’s nuclear arms, and a jobless rate that again rose alarmingly and – yes - unexpectedly?

It was just one big party, celebrating this year’s Kennedy Center honorees ( Merle Haggard, Bill Jones, Sir Pall, Jerry Herman and -surprise! -  OPRAH!). First, a State Department (!?) dinner on Saturday hosted by Hillary:

Then a Big White reception Sunday with a special shout out to the award winners by Big Guy.

Sir Pall, drumming his way down the Big White  hallway, in his second visit this year.

There’s no truth to the rumor that Sir Pall keeps winning all these awards because he’s the one who taught Big Guy how to play the drums while walking down the stairs.

Big Guy, deplaning before his Sir Pall drumming lessons:

…and after – much more presidential, no?

In his shout out to the winners, TOTUS pulled a little trick on Big Guy and made him stumble over the word "superfluous" while reading about the importance of the humanities. But don’t worry, BO recovered quickly:

"It’s hard to say. You try it when you’ve had 12 stitches," Obama said to laughs.

To paraphrase an old saying: “Hard to say, easy to do.”

After our Big White reception on Sunday, it was on to the main event at the Kennedy Center, where all the honorees were resplendent in their holiday finery.

Composer Jerry Herman, 79, who has not had any plastic surgery according to his publicist

 

 

Country singer Merle Haggard. Also has not had any.

 

 

 

 

Dancer/choreographer Bill Jones and partner Bjorn.

Bill is director and choreographer of the musical Fela! which you may recall was Lady M’s favorite Broadway show  this year.

Jones,  a victim for much of his life, was proud to be an America for the first time. He said he could:

"feel the love" and said he was thrilled to be receiving the award while Obama is president. Still, he said he's discouraged by the country's direction. "I am trembling a little bit, actually. The discourse is so poisonous."

Indeed, including his own:-

"We don't want to be marginalized anymore," he said. "Indifference is worse than dislike."

 

 

Sir Pall with his latest squeeze, and accompanied by Barbara Walters and her date, Sir Pall’s son, who seems to resemble an owl as much as his father.

And of course, the first among equals: the Oprah!

 

Who. in addition to her Kennedy Center honor, was the recipient of the bosom award placement and framing prize that went to Grace Bumbry at last year’s ceremony:

There were too many other stars and celebrities in attendance to even mention. So here are just a couple of note:

  Carol and Cheryl, taking a night off from saving the earth for Algore’s carbon credits.

Jamie Johnson and Kid Rock

 

 

 

 

Gabriel McNair,Tony Kanal, Gwen Stefani and Jim Guerinot

Newt and Callista: I hope he doesn’t decide to run for president. I just don’t think I could deal with a Stepford wife after this ordeal.

Charlie and Alma. You can’t keep a good man down. But I don’t know what’s up with that taxi cab tie.

Oh, and also in the political division: Nancy Pelosi was in the house.

and in the box with the O’s:

And finally in the “Shut up and Sing” category:

Willie. Love you always.

And don’t worry, you can keep your fat cat tax rates because we know that you, unlike the other fat cats, really need them. In order to pay all those fines.

These award ceremonies seem to get better and better every year. I just love kicking off the season with all the sugar plum fairies. Winter Holiday just wouldn’t be the same without them.

Here’s a sneak peak at one of next year’s front runners for snaring the honor:

Julian

How to Ruin an Otherwise Perfectly Good Day

Did you see this!?

Day by Day Cartoon, December 3, 2010 by Chris Muir:

  H/T *J*

WTH is this? Who is this Chris Muir? And who the heck does he/she think he/she is?

Making fun of Lady M’s occasional variation from her normal fashion forward boob belt? And right before the Winter holiday season! Could he/she be any more insensitive? (Or possibly he/she just forgot how much MO enjoys playing Mrs. Santa Claus this time of year?)

Receiving the Big White Winter Holiday Tree, December 2009

I still don’t know who this Chris Muir is, but I can assure you that our FCC Czar, Julius Genachowski,  will neutralize him/her as soon as he gets his new rules in place.

Thank goodness. And it can’t happen soon enough. Don’t I have enough to deal with around here?

And regarding that crack about whether Sarah has more than Big Guy? Well, that’s confidential. You won’t know until you read about it on WikiLeaks.

Until she saw this cartoon, we were having a pretty good day, celebrating the passage of Lady M’s No Fat Childs’ Behind bill.  AP reported the good news on our hard fought battle that resulted in a triumph of politics over logic:

More children would eat lunches and dinners at school under legislation passed Thursday by the House and sent to the president, part of first lady Michelle Obama's campaign to end childhood hunger and fight childhood obesity.

Despite the objections of detractors who claim that this bill created a Nanny-state on steroids, and that it took funding away from the food stamp program, our enlightened, and still-in-the-majority Dems in the House, passed it anyway. They realized, like visionary Agriculture Secretary (and school lunch Czar)Tom Vilsack, the much higher purpose of this important bill that will outlaw school bake sales:

"Our national security, economic competitiveness and health and wellness of our children will improve as a result of the action Congress took today,"

So  a big “Thanks” to Lady M! Thanks for ensuring that we will not be attacked by terrorists, lose our lunch to China or wind up with fat rear ends. Not bad for a day’s work.

Saving little childrens’ fat behinds, one cookie at a time.

Champagne DREAMS and Caviar Knishes

We dispensed with many of our religious and military responsibilities this past week, in order to clear the way for our December 18th (hopefully) annual Hawaiian get away.

First up, Jews: Hanukkah celebration, check.

Two down, eight to go. Happy to be here!

next, military families: New Fisher House dedication, check.

  Repurposing in these times of trouble: Quilted argyle upholstery fabric and horse blanket wrap coat.

 

Finally, the military: Big Guy at Bagram, check.

Happy to be here, too!

 

Lady M at the Big White cookies and crafts for our military families gathering, check.

 So what if it’s daytime brocade? At least it mostly fits and covers the knees! Hallelujah!

Ok, now that we’ve done our part, back to you, Congressional Dems. Here’s what we still have on our Lame Duck legislative wish list:

• Lady M’s No Fat Kids’ Behinds Bill: because we have to feed the kids more in order to save them from obesity (check! Special Thanks to the House from Lady M and the SEIU!)
• Unemployment extension: the only recessionary action PROVEN to create jobs!
• Net Neutrality: Because someone’s bound to challenge the FCC’s authority to take over the Internet. We need a law that makes shutting down conservative content the sole responsibility of our FCC Czar.
• START: Because you can always have too many nuclear deterrence devices.
• DADT: Because Colin Powell and editorial writers across the country say so. And our own internal survey, conducted by our own, hand selected, consultant said military men and women agree with us.
• Dream Act:  “to give young people the chance to obtain legal status by pursuing a higher education, or by serving in the U.S. armed forces for the country they've grown up in and love as their own.” See how mean it would be to deny them the right their parents denied them?
• Extending Middle Class Tax Cuts: Because despite the fact that the Bush tax cuts were only tax cuts for the rich when he was in office, by letting them expire we will now be imposing tax increases on the beleaguered middle class. Or something. All I know is we need to tax the fat cats more, because Nancy Pelosi is covering the need to create new jobs by increasing unemployment benefits.

So, if you don’t mind, lets get crackin’! We’ve got a lot of Winter Holiday plannin’  and partyin’ to get on with.

World Football Gives Obama the Boot

Up until yesterday, Copenhagen’s rejection of our Chicago bid for the Olympics in favor of Rio de Janeiro was Big Guy’s worst dis ever:

 Leaving Copenhagen, empty handed (well, not quite)

In order to prevent any possibility of a repeat loss, we sent the A-team to Zurich to seal the deal for our 2011 World Cup Soccer bid.  Ricky Holder took time away from not prosecuting Black Panthers and Wikileakers to lobby for the games. Big Bill Clinton went to woo the babes on FIFA’s executive committee. And Morgan Freeman went to – well, I’m not sure why – but since he flubbed his lines anyway, I don’t think we have to pay him.

And still, we lose to Quatar!?! A sweltering hell-hole smaller than Connecticut with a population of less than a million – and half of them are illegal aliens working as indentured servants.

Wow. Talk about a bad week. First a split lip, and now another black eye. This is like a really bad flash-back:

NO-LYMPICS: Chicago loses to Rio

CHRISTIANS: 1; MUSLIMS: 0

Irony is a cruel master, as you can see from the way Qatar’s unexpected win so closely *mirrors* Big Guy’s own ascension:

For starters, the selection of Qatar was historic,  

In selecting Qatar, the tiny emirate in the heart of the Middle East, FIFA chose to bring the World Cup to a Muslim nation for the first time. A desire to make history, and the opportunity to partner with the natural-gas fortune of the Qatari royal family, ultimately proved irresistible to FIFA.

and driven by a sense of guilt:

"When is the right time for the World Cup to come to the Middle East?" asked Sheikha Moza bint Nasser, wife of the emir of Qatar, in a challenge to the executive committee. "After 92 years of waiting, will we finally be a recognized part of this global football family?"

Also, the candidate came out of nowhere, had no credentials that warranted the win,

only 1 stadium, inadequate hotel rooms, highly restrictive alcohol rules, strange ideas about women and blistering  heat – oh, and did I mention scorpions? 

Butt it offered the voting body great HOPE with amazing promises:

Qatar has promised to spend $4 billion to build nine stadiums, renovate three others and equip all of them with a high-tech, outdoor air-conditioning system to combat summer temperatures that can reach 120 degrees. The country has vowed to spend an additional $50 billion on infrastructure ahead of the tournament.

To support their bid, they garnered HUGE, nearly bottomless sources of financial backing that could be used to inform voters:

Qatar also poured money into advertising. In Zurich this week, slick commercials showing thousands of young Arabs rushing a stadium in support of the bid blanketed the airwaves in hopes of catching the eyes of FIFA's leaders. The bid plastered its logo near the field of the Barcelona-Real Madrid match, which was televised in Zurich Monday night.

and – just to seal the deal - they employed Chicago rules:

Even as FIFA's selections were announced, new questions were raised about how Qatar secured its win.

… But Thursday night (Sheikh Mohammed bin Hamad Al-Thani, chairman of Qatar's bid) addressed separate allegations that Qatar and Spain had a vote-trading deal. "There was no alliance," he said. "That was a rumor that got started and there was no truth to it."

and,

True, two of FIFA’s 24 executive committee members were suspended for appearing willing to take bribes in a sting by a British newspaper, and also true, FIFA has a deserved reputation for graft and favoritism and opacity.

Butt, in the end, it was simply Qatar’s time.

"Thank you for believing in change, for expanding the game and for giving Qatar a chance," said Sheikh Mohammed bin Hamad Al-Thani, who headed up the nation's bid committee. "You will be proud of us - and you will be proud of the Middle East. I promise you this."

And, for the first time in her adult life, Sheikha Moza bint Nasser was proud to be a Qataran.

So you’d think Big Guy would be 100% behind this win, right?

"I think it was the wrong decision," Obama said at the White House, joining thousands of disappointed Americans who watched the announcement from Zurich, where a video message from him had been part of the US presentation.

The “wrong decision”  - or, as others have put it less delicately,  “One Big Ass Mistake, America.”

Current Score - All evened up at the end of the World Cup Round, USA vs Qatar:

CHRISTIANS: 1; MUSLIMS: 1

Lady M Wishes You a Healthy, Hungry Free Holiday

Of course there’s lots of news out there. Hillary has challenged Ricky to arrest Julian Assange’s butt even while Gibbsy is telling us:

"We should never be afraid of one guy who plopped down $35 and bought a Web address…We're not scared of one guy with one keyboard and a laptop."

Perhaps he’s not familiar with the Richard Nixon presidency? Or Dan Rather’s demise?

And then there’s the news about the Big Bank Bailout going to bail out – European Banks!!!! Well, no wonder that first stimulus didn’t stimulate anything in our economy. Maybe we should check to see where all that money from the second stimulus went. I’m guessing Asia. That would explain why that Stimulus didn’t stimulate anything over here either.

Butt in bigger news: Lady M unveiled the Big White Winter Holiday Tree yesterday with a preview for military families who were invited over for cookies and crafts.

 Tree top obliterated by giant crystal chandelier. Heads will roll. This is worse than the wikileaks.

Resplendent in a dress and matching jacket repurposed from last year’s Winter Holiday tree skirt on Granny R’s Singer, Lady M explained to the mostly Marine families assembled that:

'In the end, that spirit of kindness and generosity is really what the holiday season is all about,'

They’re also part of what Christmas is about. But only part.

'And it was the idea behind this year's theme, which is "Simple Gifts," because in the end, the greatest blessings of all are the ones that don't cost a thing,'

Maybe not a good idea to lecture Marines and other military families about gifts that “don’t cost a thing.” The gift they’ve given us costs dearly.

One of the "Simple Gifts" MO was expecting under her tree was passage of her No Fat Kids’ Behinds bill, officially known – without irony - as "Healthy, Hunger-free Kids Act," which breezed through the Senate on Monday.

Of course, this “simple gift” came with a $4.5 billion price tag. Which may be why the mean old grinchy R-words blocked The Great SEIU Food Bill in the House with some kind of a procedural maneuver that they learned from the Dems.

House Republicans have temporarily blocked legislation to feed school meals to thousands more hungry children. Republicans used a procedural maneuver Wednesday to try to amend the $4.5 billion bill, which would give more needy children the opportunity to eat free lunches at school and make those lunches healthier. First lady Michelle Obama has lobbied for the bill as part of her "Let's Move" campaign to combat childhood obesity.

Meanwhile, back at the Big White, Lady M took measures to combat childhood obesity and ensure "Healthy, Hunger-free Kids” herself.

MMMMMMMMMMM! Cookies!

 

From our House to your house: a little holiday bakin’.

Lets Do it, Just for the Halibutt

I know Big Guy has mentioned God’s name before, mostly at his campaign stops at Black Churches, butt generally he’s been very diligent about observing the mandated separation of church and state.

Exception to the Separation of Church and State rule 

He thinks it’s in the Constitution, and who am I to argue with him, since he’s a professor of Constitutional Law and I just have a micro-processor? So anyway, he seldom mentioned God’s name in our historic first two years, and never without likewise invoking Allah and Gaia too.

And I know we seldom go to church anymore, because it’s real disruptive and we don’t like to inconvenience the good people of Washington D.C. on Sunday morning the way we do when we go on Date Night.

First D.C. Date Night at Citronelle

So I - like you, probably - was surprised when Big Guy all of a sudden introduced God into his previously god-free rhetoric during his annual Thanksgiving Address. His name seldom came up, even during the 20 years that he spent in Reverend Wright’s pews, so it did seem curious.

Butt like all things in Washington, if you wait long enough, everything is transparent. As it turns out we just wanted to cement our creds as a card carrying member of the God-Squad so it wouldn’t look so, ahh, unusual, to all of a sudden be asking for religious backing of our No Fat Kids’ Behinds program.

See, we need Him on our side in Lady M’s War on Obesity in order to allocate more funds to our holy calling of eliminating  kids’ fat behinds in one generation. MO is taking the fight to the churches, synagogues and mosques of America: this has been raised to a moral imperative. And who better to carry our water on moral imperatives than the Faith Based Organizations that we generally ignore?

“You all play a vital role in so many aspects of people’s lives: offering counseling on family matters, providing comfort and guidance in times of crisis, being there for folks during some of the most important moments of their lives,” the first lady said. “All of you know how to empower people. That’s why you all have an important role to play on an issue you know is near and dear to my heart. You all know how serious a problem this is.

Butt as it turns out, there are lots of federal funds available to allocate to Faith Based Organizations willing to commit to our Fat Behinds program.

The faith and communities aspect will get support from the White House Office of Faith-based and Neighborhood Partnerships as well as the Partnership Centers at the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services and the U.S. Department of Agriculture, a White House aide said.

And as Joshua DuBois, executive director of the White House Office of Faith-based and Neighborhood Partnerships told HuffPo:

…charities involved in "Let's Move" have helped develop goals for 2011, including walking a collective 3 million miles, developing 10,000 community gardens and
farmers markets and hosting 1,000 new summer feeding sites for needy children.

I sure hope they remembered to get a “Fat Kids’ Behinds” exception from the Food Safety Modernization Act, aka S.B. 510, which outlaws the sale or giving away of food not officially sanctioned by the FDA. Butt that’s a subject for another day.

So, we’re slowly butt surely working our way through the list of the special interests groups that put us here in the first place. The SEIU has been on board from the inception of the Fat Kids’ Behind program, as have all the Community Organizations. With the inclusion of the Peoples of God/Allah/Gaia this money grab  health initiative is pretty much a slam dunk.

And please, do me a favor: no more harping about Lady M not practicing what she preaches about nutritious eating. As it is she’s already ticked off. All the good work she’s doing to ensure that your kids eat right, and what’s the top Google hit for “Fat Kids’ Behinds?” That’s right: Sarah Palin: Americans have a “God given right” to be fat. 

That b***h. We hate her. And I hear she clubs halibutts to death too.

 The b***h. Did I already mention that?

I wonder where the HuffPos think their fish tacos come from?