MOTUS A.D.: The Duchess of Cambridge vs the Queen of Tarts: it’s a Throwdown

Sunday, July 10, 2011

The Duchess of Cambridge vs the Queen of Tarts: it’s a Throwdown

So, here we are stuck at Camp David again. For the optics, you understand. We’ll be back in plenty of time to make Big Guy’s no-longer big meeting with the boys and girls of Congress at 6:00 pm.

Speaker Boehner found out that the deal he cut with Big Guy on taxes just wasn’t playing in Peoria, so I guess we’re back to Joey B's plan. Let’s hear it for Joey! Stand-up Joey, God love ya! Let’s all stand up for Joey’s plan! WTF.

So I’ll just bring you up to speed on what little-miss-perfect, Catherine, the Duchess of Cambridge, has been up to on her North American, “Look at me, I’m as refreshing as a breath of fresh air” tour.

“As Oscar winners gushed, the couple was compared several times to the late American President John F. Kennedy and his glamorous wife, Jackie O.”

Lady M says she’s just a little publicity hound. And she should know.

Kate certainly has been getting 100% glowing coverage from the worldwide media: until now the exclusive purview of Lady M. The closest thing to criticism I’ve seen anywhere was this, from the Daily Mail:

“The 29-year-old has not set a foot wrong when it comes to designer frocks, but in almost every single picture, there is the same telltale satin sheen of sheer hosiery.”

As if that’s a bad thing:

Personally, I rather like the subtle sheen of a pair of hose, and believe me, there are worse options. Too many to count, really:

Aside from the hosiery issue, Kate and Lady M have a lot in common, given that they’re both fashion icons. That means they are both market drivers:

“It has been well documented that Kate Middleton's marketing power - known as the Kate effect - ensures anything she is seen wearing is sold-out within hours...

But what continues to come (as) a surprise is how Kate can turn the notably 'un-fashionable' into an instant hit.”

“The simple nude Vanessa dress by Joseph she wore on Sunday in Quebec City has unsurprisingly now sold out.”

As did this lovely frock that Lady M wore on the Today show, sans stockings:

A few pair of the mustard shoes are still, surprisingly, available in the bargain bin though.

The Mail continues:

“… low-heeled court shoes and longer-hems, though once labeled as old-fashioned or 'mumsy', have become instant hits among young shoppers.

This would come as little surprise to industry experts who know an icon becomes so by playing against type…”

For young, hip Kate who could easily have been a latter day “Sloane Ranger” like Princess Diana, that means dressing conservatively. For Lady M, well, I haven’t quite figured out what “against type” might be. She’s never met a “type” she doesn’t like:

“While some labeled her outfit choices over the weekend 'boring', Kate's samey style is what will ultimately ensure her iconic status.”

Still searching for our anti-type, butt definitely NOT ‘samey’

“But as she has been increasingly thrust into the limelight, her style has continued to mature and develop.”

Just like Lady M’s

Developing. Maturing.

Note in the last frame how Lady M’s cardi and boob belt style has matured and developed into a sleeveless cardi vest-belt:

“Gone are the 'Sloaney' flat knee-high suede boots and frosty pink lipstick and she is paying more attention to her accessories…”

Knee high suede: Hot, Flat and Crowded. Check.

Frosty pink lips, check

“Her taste in jewelery has also changed. Whereas it was always rather understated, Kate is now sporting sophisticated brooches, carefully selected earrings and of course, the stunning sapphire engagement ring.”

Close-up of the tasteful diamond Canadian maple leaf brooch borrowed from the Queen specially for Kate’s trip:

…and a tasteful bracelet, of course:

Just like Lady M’s jewelry; sophisticated, understated.

Rings on your index finger: why not?

As long as they are tasteful. And sophisticated:

Lady M’s carefully selected earrings:

Oh, and by the way; Lady M has her own royal bonnet too:

“H/T” - in more ways than one - to AnnieLaurie

“The demure outfits – skirts never too short, heels never too high - are telling details.”

Lady M: Demur…and a little bit dangerous:

Kate knows who she is and isn't easily swayed by passing trends.

Nor is Lady M.

If we like it, we wear it

“Her wardrobe choices indicate qualities in her character: stability, loyalty and self-assurance.”

Yes, clothing choices do indicate qualities in our character:

Kate, MO; knowing who they are in their classic trench coats.

Now I know there’s been quite a to-do about the Canadian breezes which were kicking up during Kate and Wills visit. You’ll recall the first incident on PEI back east that initiated all the discussion and

speculation on what, exactly, that undergarment was. Was it an old fashioned slip? Bloomers, pettipants or spanx? I checked with the British Consulate and now have it on good authority that the correct term for the Duchess’ inner lining is…“kittenpants!” And I understand they come in a special bootcut too. Who knew our very own Noelle came from royalty!?!

Bootcut Kittenpants

Anyway, it’s obviously not an undergarment required by the queen, because when the prairie winds kicked up out west Kate had pretty much abandoned them. You’ll see the sensationalist sites claiming she was wearing a thong, butt don’t forget the stocking rule: she was wearing nude-to-the-waist panty hose.

Whoo! I guess we know what those white hats are really for now.