If Mama ain’t Happy, ain’t No One Happy.

All the glorious work that Big Guy has accomplished in the past week and still, people want to talk about the economy?

Well, at least they’re reporting good news this week. According to the MSM, Big Guy hit a triple for the team this month! The private sector created 260k jobs last month, (or 7000, if you take the smoke and mirrors (no relation) out of the calculations); food price increases drop, and now match inflation! Which is going up! (Thanks to the Bernanke’s “quantitative easing” programs.) I guess you’re not supposed to notice that almost every food product has been downsized while simultaneously going up in price, because if you factored that in, food price increases would be much greater than inflation.  And finally, gasoline prices dropped a fraction of a penny this week! After going up for 44 weeks straight! Oh, and did you hear that unemployment went up from 8.8% to 9%? No? That’s probably because the MSM didn’t report that.

Butt don’t worry, we are on correct path now, comrades. Let’s give it up for Big Guy!

Meanwhile, Lady M and Dr. Jill were holding an “event to mark the Mother's Day for military connected mothers, grandmothers, and spouses,” whatever that means.

Not sure about the dress, pin and shoes, butt love the chrome O-ring

…and major kudos to our dresser on the length

On the other hand, Dr. Jill may be spending a little too much time with Lady M.

And open toed, sling back, floral heels? Really?

You know - hosiery wouldn’t be a bad idea either.

 

 

Oh well, I’m sure all of the “military connected mothers, grandmother’s and spouses” really appreciated the effort the ladies put into this charity appearance.

Now if I may, just a quick recap of the Sink-O-de-Mayo party. As I’m sure you saw, Big Guy was feeling his oats after personally taking OBL out and decided he could take on Lady M as well:

"You do not want to be between Michelle and a tamale," joked the president. "It’s true. It’s true.” (Thanks Breeze!)

You may recall what happened a couple of years ago at the Fiesta Latina when Big Guy was foolish enough to get between Lady M and Thalia – truly one hot tamale:

You can tell that Lady M didn’t appreciate him bringing it up again the other night:

Don’t get too cocky, little man. Remember: if mama ain’t happy, ain’t no one happy. And it doesn’t look like mama’s happy.

Excellent round of discussion yesterday MO/YLs and MO/YDs! Great snark! Butt then, I expect nothing less from all of you. Lovely, really, just lovely.

Secret assignment is going well, butt my internal atomic clock is all screwed up.

Sinko-de-Mayo

You’ve probably noticed I’ve not been as attentive as I should be the last couple of days. In truth, I’m on special assignment, and will be on the road today through Monday.

I’ll continue to monitor things around the Big White with my remote video and intertubz systems, butt time zone changes and sporadic internet availability will make posting times a little iffy. I’ll do my best.

Today, please share your thoughts on Ground Zero, the National Day of Prayer (is it just me, or do we seem to have a lot more of those now than we ever used to?) and  - most importantly – Cinco de Mayo at the Big White:

…which saw the return of our favorite boob belt, caterpillar lashes and dance moves.

I’ve got to run, see you from the road.

Can you see me now?

Risky/Not Risky; Attending/Not attending; Dougie/not Dougie

Risky/Not Risky

• releasing a picture of a dead OBL: risky
• releasing 2000 pictures of terrorist prisoners with panties on their heads: not risky
• sending our elite team of Navy Seals on a deadly mission to take Obama out: not risky
• Showing Senators fake pictures of dead OBL: apparently risky

Do these people ever listen to themselves? Or think? I don’t remember any other Administration so discombobulated so much of the time.

Maybe it’s that “experience” thing again. I wonder if we could maybe hire Big Guy an executive coach along with his new teleprompter coach.

Attending/Not Attending

Ground Zero ceremony today:

• George W. Bush: No. Thank you for asking though.
• Dick Cheney: not invited
• Donald Rumsfeld: definitely not invited
• Rudy Giuliani: uncommitted as of press time, butt yes, he’ll be there; he owns ground zero.
• Joey Bidden: will attend, if someone will divulge the location
• Bill Clinton: previous engagement
• Hillary Clinton: undecided, waiting on poll results
• Leon Panetta: undecided, unclear if his timeout will be over in time
• ValJar: are you kidding? Wouldn’t miss it for the world.
• Eric Holder: boycotting Ground Zero until such time as the new Mosque is built
• Sarah Palin: not invited. Had conflict any way; combat training
• Oprah: Uh…no. Busy.
• Chris Matthews: Yes, with rings on his fingers, bells on his toes and tingles in his pants
• Nancy Pelosi: Yes, butt she’ll be 5 years late
• Harry Reid: No. He fell over yesterday and got a boo boo. Don’t worry, he’s fine.
• Senator Chucky Schummer: is there a camera?
• Rep. Anthony Weiner: is there a camera?
• Rep. Peter King: attending, butt not really welcome
• Donald Trump: undecided, wants to see the official invitation

Dougie/Not Dougie

Well, I’ll leave this one up to you to decide because I don’t really  know who or what a Dougie is. I’m guessing that it’s some new kind of flash-line dance invented by Beyonce. See what you think:

Dougie by Beyoncé at PS 161, Harlem

And wow! That “Let’s Move” campaign must really work because I don’t see any fat behinds there; at least not until Beyoncé shows up

Alternate “Dougie” by Lady M at Alice Deal Middle School, Washington. No kids fat behinds here either.

Want to see the video too? Really? OK.

Vote on any and all of the above as often as you’d like.

Linked By Larwyn’s Linx on DougRoss@Journal

Oprah-Doprah: part two

Some of you undoubtedly remember, if not the genesis, at least the early, malignant manifestation of the Lady M/Oprah feud:

Defaced copy of the big O’s March, 2009 magazine cover, discovered in the East Wing

In another historic first (first time O interviewed a sitting president, also sometimes known as “O”) Big Guy and Lady M appeared on the couch with Oprah in a segment of her show aired on May 2. Don’t count on this being the end of the bad blood between MO and O however.

Despite what you might read about this being strictly a business issue fueled by Oprah’s concern that her endorsement of Big Guy caused a dip in her ratings, (how could that be?)

“Oprah’s convinced that her original public endorsement caused the widely reported erosion in her ratings.

"Now she’s fearful that if she repeats her personal public campaign for Barack Obama, it could undercut female viewer support for her new network, OWN. It’s a real dilemma.”

I can confirm that the feud runs much deeper than “business.” Lady M didn’t like that O bought so much air time in Big Guy’s head – she felt that she had already paid for that exclusive privilege. So Lady M tried to cut O out of all Big White official communiqués and parties. Butt Big Guy continued to contact her privately and even invited her to his birthday party last August, while Lady M was off ending racism in Spain.

      

Lady M reigning in Spain, O, reigning in Chicago

If you think you’ve seen cat fights, believe me you’ve seen nothin’. And now it’s awkward because it looks like the Wons need the O more than the O needs the Wons.

Butt for now we’ve all put the daggers away in order to put a good face on things. As a result the O agreed to put the Wons on her last round of syndicated shows. She held up her end of the bargain, lobbing one soft ball after another for future campaign sound bites.

Here are the highlights:

On Big Guy’s cool, calm demeanor:

“[Barack] can keep his eye on the prize in the midst of some craziness. That’s what makes him a special leader.” [ed. detachment?]

On Vetting his decision to run for president again in 2012:

“Did you ask Michelle before deciding to run for re-election?” Oprah Winfrey asks the president.

Glancing toward his wife, seated to his right on Oprah’s couch, Obama answers: “Michelle has always had veto power over these kinds of decisions.”

The first lady nods and says, “I should use it more.”

So who really made the decision to go after OBL I wonder?

Next, Big Guy shared his views of what’s wrong with the world today:

The president said he felt “The line between entertainment and politics has blurred." and added "Reality TV is seeping into how we think about our politics.”

REALLY? I wonder how that happened?

“Come on down!”

From: “If I Ever Lose My Faith In You” by Sting (they all seem like game show hosts to me)

And Big Guy shares his concerns about the American Dream:

“The American dream is slipping away. [ed. I wonder who’s responsible for that?] I want people to once again feel like, ‘If I’m working hard and doing the right thing, opportunity is right there for me to grab.’”

Would that be the “HOPE” part or the “CHANGE” part?

Sticky Note campaign

The Birth Certificate controversy

Obama admitted he was at first amused by the controversy, but the first lady said she was not.

"This came up 2-1/2 years ago," the president said. "I didn't take it too seriously. This is kind of a silly thing. But we still posted what the state of Hawaii provides [ed. whatever that is]which is a certification of live birth, which is essentially a copy of the live birth certificate.

via Doug Ross

On religion/prayer:

"I pray a lot," President Obama told Oprah on a show that aired Monday, May 2, 2011.

"On your knees pray?" Oprah asked.

"Sometimes..." he answered, saying, "Abraham Lincoln said if you didn't pray before you were president, well..." [ed. well?]

"We pray everyday," Michelle said, detailing how the Obama family prays before each meal -- and how she and Barack try to instill the importance of prayer into their daughters and the hopes of getting them to appreciate everything they have.

That would be some change: the praying, the appreciating…

The rest of it was pretty much yada yada, blah blah blah. If you think all this nicey-nice was the end of the MO/O feud I fear you’re sadly mistaken. We cancelled our subscription to O’s dumb magazine months ago, butt she sent another “gift” subscription that just started with the current edition. I found this copy in Lady M’s boudoir last week. I’m going to have to say there still seems to be a bit of bad blood here:

I wonder where all this hostility comes from?

Anyway, big day tomorrow. No, not because of Stinko de Mayo – although that’s always fun too. Butt because we’re going to Ground Zero. And George W. Bush isn’t. Not that he wasn’t invited, he was. I guess he just decided that since Big Guy was able to do what he couldn’t, he would just graciously stay in the background. Either that, or he had a previous engagement. Or decided to spend more time with his family. Or something.

I just won’t be the same without him.

BREAKING NEWS: Bin Laden Burial @ Sea Photo

The much anticipated photo of Osama Bin Laden’s burial at sea was just released. MOTUS has the burial photo first.

Osama Bin Laden Buried at sea

More photos of the burial at sea from different angles are posted by Doug Ross over here. Also, released earlier and posted at American Digest, the first photo of OBL in hell. And, this just in, Sad Hill reports release of the DVD, “Weekend at Osama’s.”

Back to you, Chet...

Warning: Eye Candy makes your butt look big

Yesterday was so busy we had to call in a backup dresser to help with all the wardrobe changes.

Immediately following our private daybreak champagne breakfast of champions celebrating the demise of OBL, we took to the south lawn for a Let’s Move! event with Kelly Ripa. She and Regis are sponsoring a Run Across America; now that’s what you do if you’re really serious about getting rid of fat butts.

I thought that Lady M had learned her lesson at last Monday’s sphere roll about standing next to Kelly: not a good idea if you don’t want to look like an Amazon.

Seriously, Kelly is so short that she even jogs in 5 inch stilettos:

There’s just no way this is going to be a fair fight:

 

Later, after all that sweaty fun, we had  to clean up and change for another Medal of Honor  ceremony.

We wore recycled Balenciaga for the posthumous awarding of the Medal of Honor for conspicuous gallantry to U.S. Army Private First Class Anthony T. Kahoâohanohano and Private First Class Henry Svehla; both of whom bravely sacrificed their own lives in the Korean War in order to save their fellow soldiers. I don’t know why, but this ceremony didn’t seem to resonate very much with people around here. Butt then, most people around the Big White these days think the Vietnam War was ancient history, and wouldn’t have even heard of the Korean War butt for old MASH reruns.

Our very special Balenciaga that we selected for this ceremony is from last September and is part of our “candy” line of designer frocks:

Left, Lady M’s “Good ‘n Plenty” frock, right, her “Skittles” dress

 

The “Good and Plenty” looks as good going as it does coming:

We barely had time to cleanup again, have a pre-prandial cocktail and change before the guests began showing up for the annual Bipartisan Congressional dinner for the Committee Chairmen and their spouses.

And Wow! Was that fun! Even the R-words applauded Big Guy, enthusiastically this time, for taking OBL out. We served the champagne that was left over from breakfast, and everyone had a smashing good time.

For the dinner we wore our chartreuse silk charmeuse that was last seen in Copenhagen - where we were humiliated by the International  Olympics Committee’s rejection of our bid for Chicago to host the 2016 games. Honestly, that was all political; Billy Mays himself wouldn’t have been able to make a better pitch.

RIP, Billy

Lady M intended to burn this dress when we got home butt forgot about it after it was swept away by the Big White laundry for reconditioning. I don’t think she even remembered it when one of our new dressers trotted it out for last night’s dinner.

Especially since we didn’t wear our winter time mini-me sweater with it.

Copenhagen, 2009

Also from the “candy” line of frocks, this “Bit ‘o Honey” looks as good going as coming, too.

Anyway, I was going to tell you about our Oprah appearance, which also aired yesterday, butt with the frenzy of activity to report on I’m going to have to hold off on that until tomorrow.

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on DougRoss@Journal  Thanks!

The Evil One has been Smote by the Hand of God. Support Provided by the Navy Seals. And the Won.

Let me say that there is no one on the planet today happier to hear of UBL’s death by a US firing squad than me. If the Navy Seals’ raid on the compound of America’s sworn enemy doesn’t make you proud, you don’t deserve to be here, in the land of the free and the home of the brave.

To further address our successful operation: Big Guy took it on himself to direct CIA director Leon Panetta to make the capture of Osama Bin Laden job number one. Because until then, it hadn’t occurred to them.

Then yesterday Big Guy “directed” our forces to carry out the mission.

Which leads me to today’s news quiz:

Q. How many “I’s” can you inject into an announcement of Osama Bin Laden’s death at the hands of US Special Forces?

A. One’s too many. Butt for the record, Big Guy used it 10 times, an even dozen if you count the possessive pronoun “my.” UPDATE: make that an even baker’s dozen, per Rushbo

Butt in his defense, until he got here to serve as the Leader of the Free World, he had no experience in this area. Leading, that is. Not even so much as a boy scout troop. In the world of community organizing, you learned to take credit for everything, even things you had nothing to do with if it served your purpose. Ditto in politics. So how was he supposed to know that leaders never take credit, they give it?

To be fair, he did also give credit where credit was due, to our special forces who actually conducted the stealth attack with brave hearts and precision maneuvers. Butt only after ensuring that you all understood, that he Won, and he was in charge. Which is important, because Big Guy’s running for president again in 2012, in case you hadn’t heard.

I can tell you that originally the plan was to drop 2 bombs on the compound, but that would have caused a good deal of collateral damage (kind of like that 9/11 thing did), so Big Guy nixed that plan. Instead, our brave guys hatched this incredibly daring and difficult operation. Big Guy authorized it, and the Seals executed it flawlessly. Ergo, Big Guy gets the credit.

I wonder if he would have been as quick to take the blame had this raid gone bad?

I leave that for you to answer. I’m just the mirror. Thank God we’ll never know the answer.

A heartfelt thank you to our CIA spooks, our brave military serving around the globe, and a special thanks to our Navy Seals. Job well done.

Oh, and a special thank you to President George W. Bush, because I guess Big Guy forgot to mention that. You were right, sir: 

“We will not tire. We will not falter. And we will not fail.”

God Bless America.

Burial at sea was too decent for UBL

UPDATE: HOW’S THAT CLOSING OF GITMO WORKING OUT FOR YOU?

Obama Plays His Trump Card: WTF Edition

Now we know why Big Guy chose last week to release his real, authentic birth certificate: he needed material for his White House Correspondents’ Dinner routine. He and TOTUS had our lapdogs eating table scraps out of his hand. He turned the usual good natured political-media event into a Choir’s Club Roast. Last night’s assigned target: The Donald. And his hair.

Butt for Lady M, the Donald would have had the funkiest hair in the room.

I hope the Republicans were paying attention last night, because this is what they’re going to be up against. Frankly, I don’t think they’re up to the task, despite the Donald trying to show them the way. The fact is, they’re just not mean enough. For example, they still think this “Nerd Prom”  as it’s known by the cognizanti, is a bi-partisan event aimed at mutual good humored ribbing. Sheeze! The last time I saw naïvety running this deep, George Romney was getting brain washed. ( ed. this also provides a historical example of an early example of the media taking down a candidate they were afraid of.)

This soiree is clearly an event designed by and for the Media, which by definition tilts, well, you know. So everyone got together a few weeks ago to plot the Donald’s takedown and plan the Roast, in retaliation for his off-the-reservation campaign against Big Guy.

We had to release a copy of the “original long form” birth certificate in order to give the theme liftoff.

For a sense of what the WHCD is like you first have to review the guest list: Sean Penn, Gayle King, will.i.am, Cee Lo Green, Scarlett Johansson, Jeremy Pivens and a whole lot of other A-listers I’ve never heard of. Butt it’s important for a sitting president like Big Guy to have a lot of A-listers from the entertainment world show up for the Correspondents’ dinner. It means that you’re really popular with all the socialist stars, glitterati, imbeciles, drug addicts and noisy music lovers who will pay to get you re-elected.

will-i-am, the Pennster, Oprah pal, Scarlett and Bradley Cooper, Christine Teiger, John Legend and Jeremy Piven. Wow!

         

Just imagine! 3000 celebrities and media types (is that redundant?) together in one room with their elected deity!!!  Al Gore should have been there; with all that adulation, self and otherwise, that’s a whole lot of renewable, tingly electricity emanating from one room. 

And these are all zillionaires who don’t mind “giving a little more” (to us) in order to WTF and spread the wealth around. Excellent!

I don’t want to be around when they find out exactly what “a little bit more” amounts to. Of course, that’s what their business managers and accountants get paid for: to find ways to shelter their stash in trusts, “non-profits,” tax shelters and, if need be, moved off-shore. So they’re ok. I’m just a little bit worried about the rest of the country, butt I guess Big Guy will take care of us too.

'Please, sir, I want some more.'                     via Gateway Pundit

Anyway, the Washington Oscar night was a huge hit for Big Guy. His normal team of staff comedy writers was augmented with some union professionals flown in from LA to give his comedic takedown of The Donald that polished, professional, presidential edge that you only get from Hollywood these days. The R-words should be paying attention. This is what they’ll be dealing with in the upcoming contract renewal talks.

And a note to Sarah and Michelle: if you two want to be serious contenders in the next round of American Idol, get yourself a good professional stylist from Hollywood too. Like Lady M’s. Since neither of you require containment structures and both of you have a lot more to work with (while simultaneously a lot less to work with -if you catch my drift), I think the right stylist could take either of you to the top.

Gown by Halston;  Body by Fisher

 

WTF: Whitehouse Tarty Firstlady

 

 

Until next year’s dinner, this is MOTUS, your Big White cub reporter, signing off.