Obama Gets a Historic Blow

Well, we’re home, butt we aren’t happy about it.

Just 9 crummy days on the Rock. Hardly enough time to unwind, and now, here we are back to the daily Washington grind: work, work, work, jobs, jobs, jobs. Tedious.

Butt the big blow  beckoned us home in order to handle the pending national emergency. With all the bad press we’ve been wracking up lately, Pluff-Daddy insisted we get back and act like we’re in charge of getting the oceans to recede. And Axelrod – the doofus – got into it with Big Guy about whether Lady M could fly her own Air Force Won-Too jet home today instead of coming back last night with Big Guy.

Believe me, no one was more surprised than Lady M to find out that Axe-man won that argument. Nobody says “no” to Lady M. Those are just the rules. So that can mean only one thing: internal polling numbers look even worse than the ones published by Gallup.

Following our own good advice:

“Don’t wait. Don’t delay. We all HOPE for the best, but we have to be prepared for the worst. All of us have to take this storm seriously.”

We don’t really need Big Guy to tell us that. 47% of the American people figured that out back in November of ‘08. Of course the “worse” turned out to be way worser than most people imagined; and no one seemed prepared for the aftermath of that storm surge.

So let’s use that as a learning moment, people: get out now while we can still save ourselves!

Disaster plans that seemed adequate ahead of the disaster now appear puny and inadequate to stem the relentless force bearing down on America.

Butt Big Guy has some additional advice on how to manage this emergency:

“So the more you can do to be prepared now, making a plan, make a supply kit, know your evacuation route,

follow instructions of your local officials,

the quicker we can focus our resources after the storm on those who need help the most,” Obama said. “All indications point to this being a historic hurricane.”

No argument there. Historic.

Anyway, we’re back in Washington to manage the emergency response to the Cat 4 Cat 3 Cat 2 Cat 1 hurricane about to hit our shores. Apparently, like everything else around here, it’s been significantly weakened and downgraded.

Butt I know someone who isn’t going to be very happy about cutting our vacation short for a lousy Cat 1 hurricane.

As is often the case with natural disasters and economic downturns, women, children and minorities were disproportionately impacted.

If this storm surge continues to blow unabated, no one will be able to afford to stimulate the economy by purchasing  $156 tee-shirts for their workouts.

And then we’ll all end up with fat behinds.

So stay safe my fellow Americans, and keep your powder dry!

H/T Doug Ross

Linked By: Bunni on Be Sure You’re Right...

Lady M Orders Another Round of Hurricanes!

I’m not sure I’m comfortable with this USA headline: Obama’s vacation: lazy days, long dinners. It almost smacks of sarcasm, something we are unfamiliar with around here.

In between Libya's revolution, the financial markets' gyrations, the East Coast's biggest earthquake in a century and the impending wrath of Hurricane Irene, Obama finally had a full day to chill Thursday.

Evidence: a day at the beach with his family that stretched for nearly five hours, and an evening at a classic Martha's Vineyard restaurant that stretched for another three.

Perhaps this is the source of his pique: our photo embargo.

In a sign that Obama is truly vacationing, the traveling press corps didn't see him all day, despite following along in a motorcade.

I understand his frustration: everyone wanted to see the first couple on their return trip to the State Road restaurant, a “contemporary American tavern on the spectacular island of Martha's Vineyard” that’s located in the dry village of West Tisbury.

Here’s the best I can do: last year (again)

Somehow this retro-chic patchwork frock with tights look never gets old, does it?

Since the State Road restaurant is located in one of the many dry towns on Martha's Vineyard, they invited us to BYOB. So we did.

I know it may seem like a lot, but once again, ValJar came with us.

We also went to the (private) beach yesterday. As far as I know there was no problem with raw sewage this year. Just the threat of a pesky hurricane.

No wait, wrong kind of hurricane:

So basically just another day, another historic disaster. It’s become so routine that Big Guy just takes it all in stride any more. In fact, he’ll be making a statement about Hurricane Irene later today from our island residence (open press), but I have an advance draft of it for you:

Good morning. As you know, every day, Michelle and I  go about our lives with duty, honor and pride. And neither snow, nor rain, nor heat, nor gloom of night, nor the winds of change (Irene,) nor a nation challenged, will stay us from the swift completion of our vacation and my appointed round of golf. Ever.

If that sounds a bit familiar it’s because we’re on vacation and nobody felt like drafting a new statement so we just recycled the Postal Workers creed, which worked perfectly for the occasion:

Postman’s Creed:

Who every day go about our lives with duty, honor and pride. And neither snow, nor rain, nor heat, nor gloom of night, nor the winds of change, nor a nation challenged, will stay us from the swift completion of our appointed rounds. Ever.

Except for Saturdays, in the near future.

Butt like so many other things, we’re going to go that way any how.

In other news, I think the portrait of Big Guy that was in the Granary Gallery last year is still for sale if you’re interested.

You’ll recall that the portrait depicts Big Guy reading Steinbeck’s classic The Grapes of Wrath.

As I first reported last year, artists are really big on symbolism so I tried to figure out what message the painter was trying to convey with this affectation:

• He’s aware of Big Guy’s obsession with having a bunch of grapes
• It’s an illusion to Big Guy’s historic role in the country’s 2nd Great Depression
• It’s a reference to the plight of current-day “migrants” from Mexico, just looking for a job (along with millions of Americans)
• It’s a reminder of how much more hospitable the government run migrant camp in California was to the Joads than the private sector camps

Whatever it is, I don’t think it’s a good sign that it’s still for sale, and at a lower price. Oh, and did I mention that the second quarter growth was reported at an anemic 1%? Unexpectedly, of course. And Benny doesn’t have a single trick left up his sleeve.

Wow! We may have to think about changing our campaign slogan.

More like 1979. WTF?

Same as it ever was...

How can you put a price on an Obama vacation?

First of all, how can you even call this a vacation? All Big Guy does is work, work, work.

Here’s proof: a Big White photo of BO taking an economic meeting. Note the surroundings: this is not a luxurious estate! It’s actually quite sparse.

Taking a meeting on the economy. Maybe a beer would help.

I don’t know though - that guy doesn’t look like he knows diddly squat about economics. The one on the right, I mean. That’s Brian Deese, Deputy Director of the National Economic Council. Sheesh! The Leader of the Free World doesn’t even warrant our Economic Council’s top dog for his briefings? Butt I guess Director Sperling must be on vacation too.

Big Guy told him to go ahead because, like Big Guy, Gene’s been working hard for the American people all year. And it’s not like he knows that much more than Big Guy about the economy. Besides, they already cooked up a scheme to save the American economy while at the same time saving Fannie and Freddie refinancing everyone’s mortgage! It’s pure genius. Big Guy wants to call his new program “Re-mortgaging America” butt he’s getting a little blow-back on that name.

So, after settling his economic/jobs problem,he played a round of golf. Because we are, technically, on vacation.

Putting along with BFF, Eric Whitaker; the only guy on the course with less style sense than BO

And who, you ask, is Eric Whitaker? For starters, he’s Associate Dean and Executive Vice President, University of Chicago Medical Center – you know, where Lady M used to draw a pay check? Butt our history goes way back. Or at least as far back as Big Guy’s public history goes. Eric’s one of our Chicago posse. And we hang tight.

Some of the FOO (friends of Obama) fighters

“In the Times profile of Obama’s First Friends, Whitaker figured prominently, along with White House senior adviser Valerie Jarrett; campaign treasurer Martin Nesbitt; John W. Rogers, president of Ariel Capital Management; Rogers’ ex-wife, the former White House social secretary Desiree Rogers; and Craig Robinson, Michelle Obama's brother.”

They do everything together, and sometimes Big Guy gets better economic policy advice from them than he does from any of his official advisors. Because, let’s face it, they have more skin in the game. In fact, I think the “re-mortgage America” plan originally came from the Chicago mob.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the estate, some Lady M news:

The intertoobs are abuzz with rumors about the gazillions of your tax dollars that Lady M and her posse have spent so far this year on “extravagant” vacations. Allow me to put all this carping into perspective.

It all started with some loose lipped Big White staffers squealing to the National Enquirer that Lady M is a “vacation junkie” and calling her behavior “disgusting.” Then they went on to claim that she has spent more than $10 million, so far, this year alone. I don’t know who the weasels are yet, butt Puff-Daley’s security goons are efforting  their identification as we speak. I do know that none of them are accountants, because Big Guy doesn’t hire accountants.

Does he look like an accountant to you? Well he’s not.

I think it would have ended right there, on the front page of NE,  because I don’t know anybody who reads the National Enquirer. Ok, I do scan it occasionally in the grocery store check out line, Ok, so I read it every time I’m in the checkout line, butt I don’t know anybody else who actually goes to a grocery store.

Anyhoo, along comes The Gateway Pundit to stir the pot, along with with Free Republic and The Daily Mail for cripes sakes! So now it falls on me to fix everything: “grab a mop, MOTUS and clean up this mess in aisle 10!” That sure was a short vacation.

So here goes: Lady M has not spent $10 million of your tax contributions on vacations so far this year. As I explained to The Gateway Pundit’s readers, in order to accuse Lady M of spending $10 million of taxpayer investments this year, you would have to round up from the $9.78 million in actual expenses (not including our in-progress Vineyard vacay) PLUS, you’d have to ignore the fact that none of the money is coming directly from tax revenues. There is a separate account set up as “Lady M’s travel stash” that was included in the recent debt ceiling increase, and was borrowed from the Chinese. So, if the Chinese aren’t upset about this, I don’t know why anybody else should be.

Our afternoon snack

PS: Lady M’s been so upset about these reports leaking out that she’s taken to getting her spa treatments in her private quarters. Butt that doesn’t mean that no one else can have fun. (h/t Mommy Life)

Linked By Vanderleun @ American Digest, and Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, Thanks!

Pay no attention to the polls: Obama is slowing the oceans and healing the planet. Oh yeah, and “jobs, jobs, jobs!”

People everywhere are asking, “if Obama hadn’t been vacationing when it struck, would he have been able to save Washington D.C. from the devastation of yesterday’s earthquake?”

Documented earthquake damage in D.C. h/t jmckinley

As you recall, Big Guy arrived in Washington accompanied by high HOPE for his ability to cure all problems and avert all future disasters. These HOPEs were based primarily on the echo chamber reverberation of his own humble assessment of his abilities:

“The journey will be difficult. The road will be long. I face this challenge with profound humility, and knowledge of my own limitations.

Reflection on the Won’s limitations

But I also face it with limitless faith in the capacity of the American people. Because if we are willing to work for it, and fight for it, and believe in it, then I am absolutely certain that generations from now, we will be able to look back and tell our children that this was the moment when we began to provide care for the sick and good jobs to the jobless; this was the moment when the rise of the oceans began to slow and our planet began to heal; this was the moment when we ended a war and secured our nation and restored our image as the last, best hope on earth.” 

Last, best hope on earth?

So let’s – just for fun – do an inventory to date to see if those plummeting polls of Big Guy’s popularity are warranted:

• Care for the sick, check – if by “care” you mean granny will be better off just taking the pain pill.
• Good jobs to the jobless, check – if by “jobs” you mean “in China.”
• Oceans began to slow, check – if by “slow” you mean “hurricane Irene.”
• Our planet began to heal, check – if by “heal” you mean rupturing along fault lines that have been at peace for decades.
• Ended a war, check – if by “end” you mean start another one butt refer to it as a KMA, “Kinetic  Military Action”
• Secured our nation, check – if by “secured” you mean  debt topping 72% of GDP.
• Restored our image as the last, best hope on earth…um…well, uh… maybe we can address that quaint notion in 2012.

Meanwhile, allow me to recap the last few days of on the Vineyard with the world’s last, best hope:

Sunday, Big Guy got dressed up in his business casual blue and brown uniform to announce the pending victorious end of his kinetic military action in Libya. It’s just a formality now, that Gadfly has left town as Big Guy directed him to do at the start of his KMA.

Posing naturally, in nature. Maybe we should use smaller props.

Critics, of course, are grousing about the fact that the Libyan draft constitution reportedly will look to the superior guidance of Sharia law for guidance in establishing its ruling principals. So it looks like that’s working out just swell.

I still remember how proud Lady M was when Big Guy stepped up to the plate while we were in Rio and racked up yet another historical presidential first. You remember that, right? Big Guy was the first president ever to declare a war kinetic military activity while on a wine tour.

To our KMA!

I sure don’t want to be the one to tell Lady M that Big Guy just helped establish another country she won’t be allowed to visit due to their no-bare-guns-on-babes law.

No right to bare arms in Libya’s future

Yesterday we went cycling, in our not-yet-mandated butt highly recommended brain buckets:

Big Guy: racing to the rescue of earthquake victims

Lady M, cycling in one of our recessionary recyclables

I guess we didn’t ruin our designer t-shirt last September after all:

Spiffing up the pipes on our National Day of Service, aka 9/11. WARNING: watch out for drips

I’m not sure what’s on tap for today yet, butt I do know it’s going to be all about jobs, jobs, jobs!

Linked By: Key West Reader on HotAir, and Anonymous Coward on Godlike Productions, Thanks!

Getting’ Nosey: Last day on the road…

This trip sure would have been a lot faster if I could have borrowed Air Force Won 2, butt as you know, somebody needed it to get to the island a few hours early.

Anyway, full post later. For now I leave you to continue contemplate whether Lady M really had another nose job.

I report, you decide.

Finally, if you’ve already made up your mind on the nose job, take a shot at captioning this pic of Big Guy. It has been troubling me ever since it landed on my hard drive:

Thought Bubble: “You have the most amazing eyes”

Linked By: LucyT on FreeRepublic, Thanks!

Our Nationally Lampooned V-A-C-A-T-I-O-N:

So far:

Need I say more?

Of course there is this:

And never mind Lady M’s Raushenberg-meets-Mondrian skirt, what the hell’s wrong with Big Guy?

He looks like he’s just been served with divorce papers.

By Debbie Wasserman Schultz.

And what’s up with the brown and blue uniform? Do we not own any other “vacation casual” clothes? Don’t make me call Naomi Wolfe in again.

Actually, the Wons were just ordering takeout from Nancy’s (specializing in all things fried: Fried Shrimp, Fish & Chips, Scallops, Calamari, Clams (whole belly) or Clam Strips – oh, and lobster rolls, of course) while Big Guy monitored the Libyan situation. Work, work, work you know, because he won’t rest until… well, you know.

And for those of you deliberating over the probability of a boob job: don’t focus on the odds, focus on the over/under cup size. I of course can neither confirm nor deny.

Butt you do the math.

Dang! This blue tee used to fit perfectly. Otherwise, why would I ever have bought it?

Even though things are, uh…”shaping up” quite nicely on Martha’s, I’m thinking of cutting my road trip short.There could be trouble in our vacation paradise. 

It’s beginning to remind me of Walley World all over again.

Maybe someone should check under the hood before we attempt to push this puppy any further down the road. You know, just in case the pistons are shot, or our gaskets are blown. Or we’ve just run out of gas.

Linked By Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and The Warplanner, Thanks!