More Science For More Jobs - Four More Years! Raw Raw Raw!

Big Guy’s always greatly anticipated weekly address was about Jobs, Jobs, Jobs again this week. Today he previewed the debt reduction plan he’ll be presenting to the Deficit Reduction Super Committee next week:

“On Monday, I‘ll lay out my plan for how we’ll do that — how we’ll pay for this plan and pay down our debt by following some basic principles: making sure we live within our means and asking everyone to pay their fair share.”

Super heroes: Behold My Jobs Bill! Details at 11:00! So get to work; you don’t have much time.

Some of the little details of Big Guy’s original American Jobs Act – seen here in the Rose Garden bundled into its giant binder clip, just like in your office! – are beginning to leak out.

For example how we’re going to “pay for it.” That’s where we get a glimpse of Big Guy’s creative thinking that he pulled together during his sleep away on Martha’s Vineyard. Here’s just a little glimpse: he’s going to raise taxes on millionaires and billionaires and private jets! And he’ll be proposing the elimination of some of those unfair “loopholes” like charitable deductions and mortgage interest deductions that are currently used by so many scofflaw's. I think we’re trying to eliminate charities that are competing with well paying government jobs that also provide handouts. And clearly, with no one having bought a house for 3 years now, there’s enough pent up demand that the housing market no longer nedds that decades old “loophole” deduction incentive to get back on its feet.

Besides, isn’t that a small price to pay for a bill that “puts teachers back in the classroom, and keeps cops and firefighters on our streets.” Except, I thought we all ready did that with the last stimulus? Or maybe those funds got diverted to their underfunded pension plans, or something.

Other details that you may have missed in Big Guy’s new and improved JOBS JOBS JOBS Plan:  provisions for “The Plaintiffs’ Lawyers Full Employment Bill” by creating a new protected class of the “unemployed” – and let’s face it: that’s a HUGE group now! Under the American Jobs Act, employers can be sued if they don’t hire an unemployed person to fill their job opening, and the candidate feels he’s been discriminated against (and let’s face it, who won’t?). So there’s at least 100,000 lawyers jobs created or saved right there.

Also, as you may recall from Big Guy’s Big Jobs Speech, he promised to streamline the patent process. And true to his word, he signed the America Invents Act into law last week.

Does this little desk make my presidency look big?

The first major revision to patent law since 1952, you might think this is just another arcane piece of legislation. Butt since there are people singing it’s praises while others are vehemently condemning it, you can assume that - like most things in Washington - it is exactly the opposite of what it claims to be, and the guys whose lobbyists bought the most tables a our fundraisers got the “win.”

Some think it’s more crony capitalism, while others see it as a tool that will stifle growth and innovation and still others think it may be “patently” unconstitutional (that’s a little patent attorney humor).To be fair, there may have been good intentions involved, but as always, leaving the details to bureaucrats can and will result in unintended consequences. Which of course is why everyone thinks government is all screwed up in the first place. All I know is that Lady M’s industrial strength containment systems have already been patented (here, here and here) and therefore cannot have impacted this legislation in any way.

High speed industrial containment rails

Beyond that all I can say is that anything that rises to the level of inclusion in one of Big Guy’s patented TOTUS presentations to the nation - especially one to a joint session of Congress - has been bought and paid for in full by someone with a dog in the fight.

Here is a picture of a very proud Big Guy last Thursday, right after he signed the “American Invents Act” at More Science High. You do remember our little Firesign Theatre tutorial in the “Shoes for Industry” post, don’t you? Here’s the More Science High pep rally tape:

Big Guy at More Science High, watching a demonstration of a new “voters guide” cap.

This is one patent I expect we’ll see fast tracked. Not only does it provide helpful instruction and direction for how to vote in a Presidential election, it also assists you in complying with Big Sis’ directive, “if you see something, say something.”

 

Putting the “Quo” Back in Quid pro Quo

If anyone doubted Lady M’s prowess at the Chicago rules, Pay-to-Play game, behold this:

Darden Restaurants, the world's largest full-service restaurant company, whose brands include Red Lobster, Olive Garden, LongHorn Steakhouse and Bahama Breeze, today announced the most comprehensive health and wellness commitment in the restaurant industry to date. Darden has committed to reduce its calorie and sodium footprints and to provide greater choice and variety on its children's menus

Sorry, butt you’re too fat to eat that!

At her Pay-to-Play seminar yesterday Lady M deftly demonstrated the “quo” part of quid pro quo. If you think the Darden restaurant chain just came up with the idea on their own to offer their customers something they hadn’t asked for, don’t want and undoubtedly won’t like, in order to “reduce its calorie and sodium footprints” – well, think again: 

“President Obama had lunch today with "four business leaders to discuss ideas to grow the economy and create jobs," according to the White House.(snip)

Curiously, one of the participants, businessman Clarence Otis, could have used today's affair to provide President Obama a "teachable moment" (a favorite phrase of the president himself). Otis might have explained to the president the negative effects of Obamacare, and why his business, Darden Restaurants, sought and received an Obamacare waiver.”

Given the earlier negotiated settlement with McDonald’s,

Get out of Obamacare card compliments Michelle Malkin

(apple slices in place of French fires for the same “quid” of an Obamacare waiver) I would conclude that this is either an incredible coincidence, or, despite rumors of trouble in paradise, Lady M and Big Guy are still a formidable team - who only have America’s best interests at heart.

Despite widely circulated reports that Lady M said “All this for a flag?” in the video, what she really said was “I could use some fries.” It was a long day and her blood sugar was low.

I was going to report on the Medal of Honor ceremony too,

butt that’s going to have to wait, due to the ongoing Solyndra pay-to-play controversy. I thought it would be more important for you to get up-to-date on that issue. Please review all the details known to date, as laid out by Jon Stewart, as this could possibly turn into another big effing deal.

Oh, and sorry about the 30 second commercial. Butt as I’ve already explained pay-to-play rules apply in this administration across the board.

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, Thanks

Don’t Kill the Goose that Lays the Green Eggs

Did I forget to mention the lovely sequins embedded in the Indonesian dinner dress that we wore at the Design Awards luncheon? Sorry. I should have told you about them because they are special: solar powered to shine both day and night. Here’s a close up where you can see them twinkling:

 Lady M’s solar powered sparkle skirt

I fear I gave it short shrift yesterday. I don’t believe there’s any truth to the rumor that those little dots are also miniature cameras. However, both Little Mo and Little Bo were completely creeped out and refuse to go anywhere near Lady M. They thought the twinkly lights looked like beady little eyes and have grown quite paranoid. It’s not really a big deal, butt I thought you would want to know.

On to current events. Last night was the annual Congressional Hispanic Caucus Awards Ceremony. We wouldn’t miss that for the world! Here’s a quick recap of the first two galas we attended during our historic presidency:

Our black sequined 2009 CHC Awards Dinner,

2009 Latina World

And who will ever forget 2010’s “Where the rubber meets the Load”? show?

Goodrich’s latest iridescent rubber fabric draped on Lady M’s fab-u-lous bod.

So the pressure was really on this year: what on earth could Lady M do to raise the bar yet again?

Solar cell powered totally green gown

Go Green! Departing from the standard Hispanic Caucus palette of black/slate, we went green in a very big way. This frock is made from a special recycled “green” polyester fabric with embedded solar cells  (that’s where the shine comes from!). I heard we loaned the company a half a trillion dollars to see if they could actually make the fabric glow in the dark. Based on last night’s showing, I’d say they’re about 50% of the way there (Big Guy gave them a B+):

Unfortunately they’ve burned through 100% of the money, so this may turn out to be the best we can do. I knew it wasn’t easy being green, butt apparently it’s not cheap either. Although we have arranged for tax rebates that allow you to purchase the special fabric at half the price of what it costs to produce. That way we can spread the loss around, while still promoting our green jobs, jobs jobs program! We’ve picked another winner.

Never one to let a good crisis go to waste, Big Guy used last night’s soiree to pander appeal to the Latino members of Congress to…that’s right – “Pass the Jobs bill! Now!”

"Passing this jobs bill will put people to work rebuilding our decaying roads and our bridges, and will repair and modernize 35,000 schools by fixing roofs, insulating windows, and installing science labs and high-speed Internet, and getting our kids out of trailers -- all throughout the community, especially in the Latino community, where our children -- the population is growing fastest. (WTF?)

"At a time when countries like China are building high-speed rail lines and gleaming new airports, we’ve got over a million unemployed construction workers -- many of them Latino -- who could be doing the same thing right here in the United States. That’s not right. It’s time for us to fix it. And that’s why Congress should pass this bill right away."

We passed on the dancing this year. Since Lady M is already generally PO’d, there’s no point pushing any more buttons.  So after and making the rounds we slipped away to prepare for another busy day: first we have to dictate our new restaurant guidelines for creating an obesity free world in one generation and then another one of those darn Medal of Honor ceremonies. What to wear, what to wear…?

Linked By: Give Us Liberty, Thanks!

What Designing Women Want: a Mop to Clean up this Mess?

Let’s start with yesterday’s most important event: The Smithsonian's Cooper-Hewitt National Design Awards. Lady M, of course, co-hosted the awards luncheon at the Big White.

We wore yet another recycled frock! So I guess this recession must be for real. This recycle is from from our trip to Indonesia last October – only without sleeves this time! How clever, no?

Apparently the Indonesians frown on bare arms. And uncovered heads, butt that’s a different story altogether.

Happy times in Indonesia in our wild things prints

While the design awards are given for everything from typeface to floor cleaning products, (Swiffer took this year’s honor )

Award winning Swiffer mop, being pushed around by an Obot

I know you’re most interested in the fashion award.

Unfortunately, this year’s winner, J. Mendel, may be yet another  indication of a Big Guy’s falling poll numbers. Not only is J. Mendel a fifth generation (i.e. old white guys) design house whose designs Lady M has never even worn, butt the two runners up were both Lady M faves: Jason Wu and Prabal Gurung (i.e. not old white guys). However, having reviewed some of J. Mendel the younger’s designs, I think they could work for Lady M:

At least the model seems to be sporting the right attitude. And the pooling hem is one of Lady M’s favorite affectations.

Although in this pool, it looks like the tide’s going out

Other than that it was a pretty quiet day around here. Until Big Guy got home from his pep rallies

Soaking up a little lovin’ at the Columbus “Pass it Now!” rally

and we started getting updates on the Weiner seat. And then the finals. Ouch! Looks like the Weiner seat got the Bobbit treatment: 53% Rep–47% Dem in a 90% Dem district! Apparently Big Guy has a Jewish problem – I wonder what that’s all about? Probably racism.

Don’t worry. If the R-words start telling tall tales about Big Guy again - like right wing haters always do - we’re all set up to track them down: we have a civilian national security force that's just as powerful, just as strong, just as well-funded as the military. Oh, whoops! I wasn’t supposed to say anything about that yet.

I better sign off before I get in trouble. Just remember: “If you see something, say something!”

PS: after an unexpectedly long hiatus, Dewey is back with a vengeance. First, a new episode of WTF Theater, “Just Clowning Around” and then a review of the Fourth Estate, “Freedom of Speech? No thanks, we prefer to censor ourselves.”

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and by FLDemFem on NOQUARTER, Thanks!

Primary, Colors: Put your best typeface on

Short post today – we have to get ready for the annual National Design Awards luncheon at noon today. Tim Gunn is going to be co-hosting with Lady M!

Maybe Tim could make the Big White his next Project Runway

This is one of my favorite Lady M events. All that creativity in one room! And then all the designers too.

This year’s honorees include Matthew Carter for his lifetime achievements in typeface designs that include the Verdana and Georgia fonts for Microsoft. You might not think of typeface in terms of design. I never thought about it much myself until I read this article about typomania. Apparently it’s a very serious affliction. I believe we’re considering launching a campaign to find a cure. It might be next year’s National Day of Service project.

Anyway, just to keep you up to date; Big Guy’s hitting the road today with his Big Jobs pitch. We’ll be hitting John Boehner’s and Eric Cantor’s states today, to undermine their entrenched position against adding another $.5 trillion to the $1.5 trillion the Super Committee already has to whack out of our $14 trillion deficit. I know Big Guy said his Jobs, Jobs Jobs plan was paid for, butt  certain pundits have called that “cynical.” Well, technically, Mr. Krauthammer said “the word ‘cynicism’ is inadequate here.” Butt I think he just doesn’t understand the nuances of Big Guy’s Big Jobs bill.

And now that Dr. Phil is back on prime time, I was wondering about calling him in about a potential Big White issue. I think we could make use of his years of training in couples therapy.

No, don’t be silly. BO and MO are doing as well as they ever have:

I’m more concerned about the rumored breakup of another Big White couple who seem to be having some issues:

BO and Joey B in the Rose Garden yesterday, announcing our “Big Effen Jobs Bill”

I don’t think Joey B’s going down without a fight. Rumor has it that he might just primary challenge if he’s thrown under the bus. Stay tuned.

Got to run. I have to reset all my vertical, horizontal and color pixels for the big design awards ceremony.

Buttons and Bows

It is amazing isn’t it, Lady M”s special gift? She can lighten the mood of any event. Take yesterday for example. What would have been just another somber day of remembrance was brightened considerable just by Lady M’s presence.

For the occasion she chose an appropriate wardrobe of buttons and bows gauged to present a nice balance between consolation and cheeriness.

We ended our day by attending the Concert for HOPE (not a campaign event) at the Kennedy Center. The concert was originally scheduled for the Washington Cathedral, but as you recall the church was damaged in the earthquake that Bu-rocked our world a couple of weeks ago:

Suicidal angels at the National Cathedral plummeted to the ground, apparently in solidarity with the Teamsters

To cap off our busy day of service Lady M tied herself all up in a big bow.  Or a knot. Or a bowknot. Whatever. It was big.

Bows can be a fashion icon’s signature, and for awhile Lady M thought it might be hers, as well as Aretha’s.

Butt then we switched to backwards sweaters, boob belts and bangles.

Anyway, throughout the day of remembrance and service, MO tried to keep things on a light note by relying on musical themes to convey an air of cheerful celebration while she was performing her national service. Her two themes for the day were “Buttons and Bows” and, with a bow to Americana, “Square Dance Patter”.

Two are not like the other two (H/T: Gerard)

You’ve already seen the “bows,” here are the “buttons.”

Here is the rest of the day, set to square dance “patters”

“Swing your partner Round and Round

And turn your corner upside down.”

“Right foot up and a left foot down,

And make that big foot jar the ground”

“Bow to you partner and the corner miss,
To the opposite lady just blow a kiss”

“Old Ida Red she ain't no fool,
She can put a saddle on a hump back mule”

“Promenade round that ring so fine
Till the cows come home
And the Oxen-dine”

“Same old boy, same old route,
Good old shoes that won't wear out”

“Some girls are pretty, and some are not,
But boy, you're stuck with the one you've got”

“Swing with Mary, swing with Grace,
Allemande left with old Prune Face”

“The little banty rooster told the little banty hen,
I'll meet you around the corner at about a half past ten”

“We don't care just how we look,
'cause we're gonna have our picture took”

“A right and left around the ring
While the roosters crow and the birdies sing”

“Comb your hair & button your shoe,
promenade home like you always do.”

Seriously, nobody knows how to do service and remembrance quite like the Wons.

Except maybe Frasier. So extraordinary, unexpected and smile inducing was Lady M’s musically inspired ensemble, that one of my bosses over at RIGHTNETWORK, co-founder and noted psychiatrist, Dr. Frasier Crane, performed a tribute to her fashion statement, by singing his signature piece from the Oscar winning movie, “Paleface.”

Oh yeah! I think we’re getting the old band back together for one more gig!

Today’s inspiration from Gerard at American Digest via Larwyn of Larwyn’s Links

Linked by SadHill. Thanks!

Never Forget

… the face of consummate evil.

“Ten Years After”

May God give us the strength to smite our enemy.

 

Update: Sadhill has a moving tribute. New York City is Praying

and, an All-American Pride Ride, Compliments of Madhattan:

reflecting New York, in more innocent times.

 Regularly scheduled programming will resume shortly.