Uff da! Another rough day for our team at the Supreme court. Jeffrey Toobin down-upgraded the patient’s condition from a “train wreck” to a “plane wreck.” Prognosis: terminal. Diversionary tactics are usually used to avoid the plane wreck, not to obscure the debris.
Butt, in order to get everyone’s attention off of this potentially disastrous and embarrassing snafu in Obamacare’s march to infamy, we quickly deployed a slew of the usual suspects to, uh, distract the eye and improve the optics of the situation.
Distraction #1, Greedy Big Oil raising gas prices:
Gas prices on the rise, from sea to shining sea
Granted this one’s a two-edged sword, butt the EPA is responsible for keeping this diversion going for awhile longer. Their key strategy seems to be tripling down on the “None of the Above” energy policy:
Coal is our nation’s leading source of electricity for a reason; it is less expensive than all other sources except large-scale hydropower, which environmental activists had already taken off the table. By definition you cannot ban the least expensive power sources without creating a jump in electricity prices. If you have been a fan of our rapidly rising gasoline prices, you are going to love what is about to happen to our electricity prices, too.
So I think we’ve got the environmentalists-against-progress vote locked up. To mitigate the fallout of these increases Big Guy will continue to taut his “All of the Above” energy policy, which is essentially higher taxes on fossil fuels and tax payer subsidies on everything else, while continuing to demonize Big Oil and their big profits.
Diversion #2, amusing and endearing Joey B gaffes:
“So let me say it again: Thank you, Terry, and thank you, Dr. Pepper, and thank you, Chancellor — Dr. Paper — and thank you, Chancellor, for this partnership of yours…”
I'm a Pepper, he's a Pepper,
She's a Pepper, we're a Pepper,
Wouldn't you like to be a Pepper, too?
It’s confusing, so many peppers out there. And they all look alike.
Diversion #3, Lady M trips:
This one always works. Lady M and the Wee Wons are in Las Vegas, baby!
You know, the vacation spot Big Guy said we shouldn’t patronize if the budget was a little tight? I guess ours is just fine. In fact, I see the House just passed BO’s budget 414–0. What? Oh, they killed it 414-0. Well, I guess we can’t have a budget problem if we don’t have a budget.
I don’t know what we’re doing in Vegas anyway. The Wee Wons are too young to smoke, drink or gamble so I guess we’ll just head over to Treasure Island and watch the pirates plunder the unfortunate bystanders. Frankly, they didn’t need to leave D.C. to do that.
Unclear if Lady M will have to do a little more sacrificin’ to raise some money to help us reach our 2nd quarter fundraising target. If we’re going to come up a little short (and it sure sounds like we might) this is probably a good place to pick up a little cash. I’m pretty sure everyone here appreciates all that Big Guy has done for them.
“The guy keeps making speeches about redistribution and maybe we ought to do something to businesses that don't invest, their holding too much money. We haven't heard that kind of talk except from pure socialists. Everybody's afraid of the government and there's no need soft peddling it, it's the truth… And I'm telling you that the business community in this [country] is frightened to death of the weird political philosophy of the President of the United States. And until he's gone, everybody's going to be sitting on their thumbs.”
Yesterday Lady M and the Wee Wons visited Mt. Rushmore, I think to pick out an appropriate future location.
And # 4, our final diversion for the week, Big Guy’s war against anti-civility:
Oh wait, we haven’t had a chance to weigh in on that one yet. Butt I’m sure we will, soon, because apparently the R-words are “politicizing” the Trayvon Martin tragedy. This incivility just has to end. I mean all the uncivil, inflammatory rhetoric and all, right? Bounties? Wanted dead or alive? A “Kill Zimmerman” hashtag, with crosshairs?
Surely the DOJ will be all over these unlawful perpetrators of hate crimes, like white on rice, shortly.
Personally I think it’s time to call in the big guns – no, not Jesse or Al. Time for a real professional:
Effective immediately, all vehicles registered in Florida will be required to display this bumper sticker (a small tax may apply; we still have that deficit thing to deal with):
That should take care of things until such time as we decide to unleash the angry mobs.
I just HOPE these diversionary tactics work so we don’t have to leak Lady M’s special relationship with Gerard which came to light yesterday.
“Why don’t you come up and see me some time?”
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