MOTUS A.D.: Warning: This is NOT an April Fools Joke.

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Warning: This is NOT an April Fools Joke.

I know it’s April Fools Day. Butt seriously, I’m telling you right up front: none of what I’m about to report is a joke (at least not intentionally).

First we went to the official christening (can I still say that?) of a Coast Guard Cutter in Alameda. You may recall when we attended the “laying of the keel” ceremony for the Cutter named after Dorothy Stratton back in July of 2010. I always thought that was a trumped up excuse for a photo-op, as it was only 20% complete at the time:

“laying the keel” ceremony for Dorothy, July, 2010, in an oddly fitted dress h/t Krista

Yesterday, when “Dorothy” was finally 100% complete, no champagne. Go figure. Maybe it was because it was already raining.

And speaking of rain, I don’t know what it is about Lady M, butt whenever she’s around men with umbrellas, they seem to lose the use of their frontal lobes:

Umbrella Men: Missing the concept

Maybe we should just stay home when it rains.

Little did I know at the time however that the umbrella incident was going to be the highpoint of the day.

Next stop: Nickelodeon. To present the “Big Help” award to Taylor Swift at the Kids Choice Awards show. Unfortunately, Taylor wasn’t the only one there who wound up needing some “Big Help.”

In the audience with the Wee Wons: everything seems to be going okay

And now, a few words from FLOTUS: a little sparkly butt still okay

Taylor arrives to receive her award;

Still ok…

…although maybe a stronger containment system would have provided a bit more lift and separation

Oh dear, what’s going on here – oh no! Not the long shot!

oh heck, let’s just get it over with. Here’s the BIG reveal:

Just pretend it was an April Fools joke and I’m sure you’ll feel better. I know I will. So with that conceit in mind, I think you’re probably ready to handle the really, really, looong shot:

I deeply apologize. I did my best, butt unfortunately I got slimed with that green crap they spray all over everybody on this dumb show and it totally screwed up my delicate lenses. Now I’m probably going to have to go to NASA for a deep cleanse and could be out of commission for a week. I never would have agreed to do this gig if I knew there was going to be slime, I have enough of that to deal with back in D.C., or if Lady M had told me she was being “dressed” by the same designer who was doing Katy Perry’s costume for the show. I’m so, so sorry. I’ll try to do a better job of vetting the event next time out.

So I’m glad it’s finally April. March was a complete nightmare. Honestly, it’s been like begging month on PBS around here, only you couldn’t turn it off. Between Big Guy’s March Madness - basketball games blaring from every TV, monitor and smart phone in the Big White - and the 24/7 solicitation for money to help BO WTF my backup systems are nearly fried. And now that I’ve seen what a battery fire can do to a Chevy Volt, I’m getting a little more concerned than I used to be.

Anyway, since the first quarter fund raising season is now officially over, I trust this email I received at 11:00 pm last night will be the last I’ll get for awhile. I sure hope so because I don’t like being referred to as “friend” by people I don’t know and I really don’t think I need a much better shot at having dinner with Big Guy than I already have.