MOTUS A.D.: A Mother’s Work is Never Done. Apparently

Sunday, May 13, 2012

A Mother’s Work is Never Done. Apparently

Four words: Happy Mother’s Day Mom!

Happy Mother’s Day to all the Mom’s out there! And to everyone else who has or ever had a Mom!

As Big Guy said in his annual Mother’s Day Proclamation:

Today, we continue to mark Mother's Day by paying tribute to the women who shape our characters and set our families up for success. Through their example, our children learn the principles of hard work, compassion, service, and personal responsibility. Through their encouragement and unconditional support, they instill the confidence and values so vital to our children's success.

So yes, on this special day we pause to reflect on the woman who not only brought us into this world, butt the woman who shaped us, defined our beliefs, guided our values, encouraged our dreams and believed in us no matter what. Or as Big Guy calls that woman: “grandma.”

So what if she was just a typical white woman? She was just crossing the street to get to the other side. BO’s Mom was anything butt typical, and we all know how well that worked out for the young Barry. Still, it’s too bad Big Guy had to throw Granny under the bus in the name of political expediency. Butt she understood; after all, she raised him.

And Lady M gave her “mommy” a shout-out on Thursday at the Joining Forces Mother’s Day Tea in the East Room:

My Mommy: dearest

And it wouldn’t be a Mother’s Day tea if I didn’t thank my own mommy. Mommy -- there you are, who is here today. (Applause.) And it’s a big deal when grandma does anything. (Laughter.) So the fact that she’s sitting in that chair is a big testimony to her respect and admiration for all of you. (snip)

Yeah, Granny R – she gets tired of doing “stuff” for Lady M, so getting her to do even more “stuff,” like sitting through the Mother’s Day Tea is going to cost MO big time. So in case you’re wondering where Lady M gets it, there you are.

What happens to the grandmothers, you know? You turn into just pieces of mush. (Laughter.)

Yes, I tell my children to eat my vegetables, and Grandma is like, why. (Laughter.) Why can't they have whatever they want? (Laughter.) And I’m like, these were the rules you -- these were your rules. (Laughter.) Don't you remember? No, no, I don't remember ever making you eat vegetables. Ever. (Laughter.)

And I’m like, why do the Wee Wons have to eat Lady M’s vegetables anyway? I’m sure they get enough of their own. I’m really not sure what that was all about, butt let’s just say there was more than a little ambient hostility in the room.

Anyway, O/T butt do any of you watch American Idol? You really should, because if Big Guy had a son he would sing like Joshua Ledet.

And here’s something else he has in common with Big Guy; the judges have already selected him as the winner, so it doesn’t really matter how America votes, he’s going to be the Won.

They aren’t even pretending anymore: “After all the votes were counted!” we’re told breathlessly every week by host Ryan Seacrest, before announcing who’s getting the boot.

Butt here’s what he doesn’t tell you: first they do polls, conduct focus groups and meet with the producers and advertisers to decide which contestants will draw the largest audience for the next round. Then, and only then, do they count the votes - as many times as necessary to to get the correct results. It’s Chicago rules.

And I can tell you, based on the judges standing O’s alone, Joshua, the 19 year old son of a preacher man is a sure bet – and you can take that to Vegas. His only remaining competitors at this point are a White-White American heterosexual male and an Asian-Hispanic American heterosexual female, so I’m going with Joshua, who not only looks like Big Guy (check out those ears), butt sings and moves like him too.

Last week he did James Browns “It’s a Man’s, Man’s Man’s world” and the judges were beside themselves: Jennifer Lopez found it to be a religious experience, “I never knew before what it meant ‘take me to church.’ Now I know. It was amazing. I saw the Lord.” And Steven Tyler gave the endgame away: he said, “I can go home right now! I’ve never heard anything like that in my life.”

Is it just me, or does that sound reminiscent of the run up to the 2008 American Idol winner? Oh and one last thing: I guess Joshua isn’t gay either, because here he is with his Idol girlfriend, fellow finalist Jessica Sanchez:

Butt would it hurt for him to pretend? After all, the LGBT community is currently our biggest fan club, and if he did (pretend that is) Big Guy would be his biggest fan, hence sealing the deal for a victory. And while he may not be gay, he certainly has the persona down pat. I think he can pass.

Back to Mother’s Day though: I see Time Magazine did a special tribute edition to Moms this week. I hope this doesn’t offend anyone; apparently they feel they have an important story to share: LA (natch) Mom plans to breastfeed her kid till he’s 6. Or maybe Time is just testing the waters to see how far they can push liberals into accepting the abnormal as normal. That could be fun.

I prefer to think of it as a postmodern version of motherhood, although I guess technically it’s called “attachment parenting.” The Gateway Pundit calls it a Failure to Wean.

Jamie Lynn Grummet explains why she’s still breastfeeding her nearly 4 year old son:

“People have to realize this is biologically normal,” she said, adding, “The more people see it, the more it’ll become normal in our culture. That’s what I’m hoping. I want people to see it.”

Redefining biological normality is a good trick to use to get liberals to sign up. It’s sort of like gay marriage, generational welfare and the life of Julia; if we can get you to agree that what was once abnormal is now normal it will be much easier to legislate it into existence. Heck, except for the meltdown of the global economy we’d have already implemented world-wide Cap and Trade laws! I think there’s a name for this sort of sort of malignant desensitization – oh yes, propaganda!

I don’t know, I’m probably just old fashioned butt I think if a kid’s old enough to walk up to the window and order his own burger, fries and a Coke it’s probably time to get off the teat. And that applies to the government’s teat as well.

Let’s try to remember, it’s MOTHER’S day, not Nanny’s day.

Anyhoo – we’ll be celebrating Mother’s Day big time around here today – because Lady M deserves it. And because Big Guy would do anything to forget about the dismal crowd he drew for his garage speech to take credit for refinancing Paul and Val Keller’s house. I think the Secret Service even had to pay Paul and Val to show up.

Man, the audience is brutal when you get away from that Hollywood bubble!