MOTUS A.D.: Pay for Play

Sunday, July 1, 2012

Pay for Play

As part of our Friday night doc-dump, the Big White released its annual salary report.

On this year's report, there were 68 special assistants to the president, 22 assistants to the president and 24 deputy assistants.

What’s significant about this? I’ll tell you what’s significant: every stinkin’ one of them makes more than I do! Once again I find myself at the bottom of the totem pole.

I don’t know about you, butt I’m outraged. Even the Chief Calligrapher makes more than I do:

Can you believe it? All he has to do is make letters look good:

I’m not saying making fancy letters is child’s play, butt compared to what I’m tasked with making look good day-in and day-out?

And as if that weren’t bad enough…then I find out that even the non-chief calligrapher makes more than I do!

And all he does is dinner menus!

While I have to clean up the whole hot dinner mess!

Forget about that “equal pay for equal work” crap; I do twice the work for way less than half the pay.

Maybe I wouldn’t be so ticked off if I hadn’t found this entry in the Big White salary log showing that even Big Guy’s “Ethics Advisor” makes more than moi:

Ethics, shmethics! All he does is issue waivers for the Big White Ethics Pledge;

David “Ax-man” Axelrod was #1 on the ethics waivers list only because it’s alphabetical

Although, while I'll grant you that the “Ethics Advisor” does have to work a lot of overtime around here, it’s hardly as if I don’t.

Maybe it’s because of this one time I slipped up and failed to catch this booty shot before it went viral:

Do you think I could get a waiver from the resident “ethics advisor” for this? No way.

Even so, I might have let the whole thing roll off my silver back butt for one thing: the salaries of people considered “residence staff” who DON’T have to appear on the official list of Big White employees. That loophole is compliments of an “ethics waivers” issued by Mr. Ethics Advisor. So until further notice, the salary list of “resident staff” will not be released by “the most transparent administration” in the history of the world.

Never-the-less, I got a copy through my sources (okay it was from Little Mo - currently on undercover assignment at the DOJ). And surprise, surprise! Everybody on that list except me makes more than the top paid person on the “official” list of Big White employees.

For example, do you think “residence staff” member and world famous chef Sam Kass – the genius behind Lady M’s No Child’s Fat Behind program – is going to work for a measly $172,000?

Hardly. Not when you’re one of the world’s top 100 beautiful, sexy chefs.

Hot bald steaming hunka-hunka

I’m trying to be fair here, so I will note that Sammy, the Wons’ former “personal chef” who followed them from Chicago to Washington, does have other official duties around here as well.

This constant gardener’s other responsibilities are illustrated below, left to right and clockwise, 1. helping MO eat right, 2. showing her the way, 3. singing for his supper, 4.delivering the sweets, 5.sitting by her left side, 6.leading the annual Gaia dance and 6.posing with pumpkins.

And here, perhaps Sammy’s most important extracurricular job responsibility of all:

Helping Big Guy work the kinks out – on the golf course I mean

So okay, he does seems to be busy servicing the Wons day and night, so maybe he earns his money. Butt again, what about me? I don’t get much down time either and I still haven’t even gotten the paltry raise to my paltry salary that I was first promised by Rahmbo way back in 2009.

So here I am, still the lowest paid staff member around here. I wouldn’t complain except I really am beginning to think that it’s because I’m a girl. Even though both Lady M and Big Guy are like 1000% behind equal pay for equal work, right?