MOTUS A.D.: We Are All Terrorists Now

Thursday, July 5, 2012

We Are All Terrorists Now

It’s the Fourth of July in Washington D.C.. Do you know where your President and First Lady are?

That’s right! Enjoying themselves at the traditional picnic for military heroes and their families on the lawn of the Big White.

Just one look at their faces and you can tell just how much they’re enjoying it too.

For this year’s traditional ceremony Lady M ditched her previous 4th of July themes of black and white and funky batik prints and went more traditional in red, white and blue stripes and pleats. No sacrifice is too great for our reelection effort.

Black and white marked our first historic Big White 4th of July: it also sparked our first “preggers” rumor.

A red, white, black and turquoise apron top marked our 2nd historic 4th. More “preggers” rumors ensued.

A lovely cornflower blue and red frock, reminiscent of a Marimekko shower curtain from the 70’s, marked our 3rd historic 4th.

Butt now that it’s the reelection season:

We are all over the preppy red, white and blue stripes. This ensemble stars double-double belts. I’m referring to the ones with buckles in the proximity of MO’s “waist;” I’ll leave the alcoholic drinks coverage to Obama Foodorama (from which I’ve currently been banned for some reason. I HOPE it didn’t have anything to do with my coverage of O-Food fave Big White chef, Sammy Kass, last week).

Any hoo, fireworks followed the picnic and a good time was had by all as we celebrated the Nation’s Independence Day. Or, as some of Big Guy’s big supporters would say, “Happy effing Birthday America, you sucky, racist, violent slaver-nation!” (h/t: Juno)

Meanwhile, over at Bruno’s Homeland Security agency, we’ve finally discovered where to direct our anti-terrorist forces: at you. Despite the worldwide Jihadist war declared against all infidels (I hope you’re paying attention Hollywood – they’re talking about you), HS has determined through in-depth research and studies that their pre-conclusions were correct: the real threat to America comes from home grown terrorists like Susan Daniels. She’s a 70 year old mother of 7 and private investigator challenging Big Guy’s Social Security credentials, so you know she’s dangerous.

That’s right. It seems we have just received the official and incontrovertible results of a report funded by Homeland Security that classifies

Americans who are “suspicious of centralized federal authority,” and “reverent of individual liberty” as “extreme right-wing” terrorists.

So, I guess that’s that, it’s now official:

Note: To be sure, the report “Hot Spots of Terrorism in the United States ~~1776~~ 1970 –2008” includes this disclaimer:

This material is based upon work supported under Grant Award Number 2008ST061ST0003 from the U.S. Department of Homeland Security made to the National Consortium for the Study of Terrorism and Responses to Terrorism (START, www.start.umd.edu) at the University of Maryland. The views and
conclusions contained in this document are those of the authors and should not be interpreted as necessarily representing the official policies, either expressed or implied, of the U.S. Department of Homeland Security or START.

In other words, if this causes too big of a stir, Homeland Security will disavow it. Even though they agreed with it before they funded it.