Obama’s “Dead Cat Bounce”

Have you seen this analysis of state-by-state factors determining the outcome of the November 6th election? Apparently the University of Colorado has been doing this Presidential analysis since the run up to the 1980 election; and they’ve never been wrong!?!

A University of Colorado analysis of state-by-state factors leading to the Electoral College selection of every U.S. president since 1980 forecasts that the 2012 winner will be Mitt Romney.

They’re predicting what? They’re predicting Big Guy will be…defeated!?! By a Mormon!! Not that there’s anything wrong with that – being a Mormon I mean. Butt Team Obama losing? I guess that means Team O will be spending a lot more time and money clarifying just exactly how risky it would be to elect a MORMON to the Presidency. Like I said, not that there’s anything wrong with that; butt do we really need any more sister wives in the Big White?

Anyway, I think Team Romney might be smarter than previous R-word teams: they declined to assist in their own demise by refusing to participate in the lynching.

NBC requested an interview with Romney weeks ago but was denied. It tried again on Monday after it seemed the Republican was becoming more open to talk about his faith.

Hartman said Wednesday many Americans know little about the church even though one of its members is on the eve of becoming the first Mormon nominated by a major political party to run for president of the United States.

Among other topics, the show will look at why so many Mormons succeed in business.

Our lap dogs are not accustomed to this lack of cooperation. Can they do that? Play the same game we do?

Team Romney, getting dirty

Butt don’t ruin your weekend worrying too much about that Colorado analysis; they failed to include a very important variable in their analysis. And that’s the effect of our all-out voter fraud registration drive to register all of the dead people and cats we can between now and the deadline. I cannot emphasize enough the impact that this is expected to have in all of those swing states.

Internally this is referred to as “The Dead Cat Bounce” and we’re pretty confident we’re going to get it.

And speaking of dead cats, here’s another one we recycled from earlier in our first, historic  term:

     

Visiting the DOJ, June 2010, left; right, visiting Sikh temple in Wisconsin (swing state) August 23, 2012.

You probably think this is a meaningless gesture of frugality during campaign season. Butt let’s be honest, that would be too little too late anyway. Actually this is simply Lady M playing out one of her superstitious rituals. She thinks if she wears each of the outfits that the press has swooned over in the past she will be able to ensure another “WIN” for the O-Team! And squeeze in a few more cover shoots before our Occupation ends.

Unfortunately some of these “repeaters” fit us better than others.  I’d have to put this one in the “others” column. And since I did my best with the refractions the first time around, there’s not much else I can do to help out. This is as good as it gets folks, get used to it.

Lower quadrant containment system showing signs of stress fractures

  

Upper body bodice reinforcement not “holding up” a whole lot better

We added the bolero mini-me to hide the poorly constructed darts that you were all so (rightly) concerned about when the frock debuted (or is that debutted?) in 2010, butt it looks like we still have issues.

On another campaign front, we’re still running strong on our class warfare platform.

…with the rollout of Romney's vice presidential pick, Obama has focused more in recent days on the policy implications of the Republican ticket, saying a GOP victory would be disastrous for working class and low-income Americans.

And that would be because, as we all know, Romney is part of that greedy, hated 1%.

The latest messaging blitz from Obama will augment his portrayal of Romney as an out-of-touch businessman who keeps his money sheltered in overseas tax havens.

(h/t: Full Metal Spanx)

Do you know what it takes to get into the 1% club? An annual salary of at least $343,000. And looky-here who has “earned” membership in that elite club:

• Gerald McEntee (President, American Federation of State, County & Municipal Employees) $512,489
• Randi Weingarten (President, American Federation of Teachers) $493,859
• Dennis Van Roekel (President, National Education Association) $460,060,
• James P. Hoffa, Jr.(President, International Brotherhood of Teamsters) $372,489,
• Joseph Hansen (President, United Food and Commercial Workers) $361,124 .

Also within strike zone of the 1%:

• Harold Schaitberger (President, International Association of Fire Fighters) $323,000,
• Richard Trumka (President, AFL-CIO) $294,000
• Mary Kay Henry (President, SEIU) $290,000.

Don’t feel bad for Dicky Trumka, leader of the largest union in the country. Although he appears on the the lower end of the common man’s 1 percenters: that’s just what he has to report to the IRS.

Butt don’t tell the 99% about any of this; they still think we’re on their side. I guess it depends on what you mean by “our side.”

All this means that AFL-CIO and SEIU members have themselves become enormous profit centers for the union bosses who control them. When the banks do it, it’s called Wall Street greed at its worst. When the Big Labor does it, it’s simply working the union way.

Can you say “Predatory Banking Practices?”

Yep. I’m thinking  “dead fat-cat bounce” – that would come in real handy right about now.

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