MOTUS A.D.: Caution: Bird Brains May Find The Story of Thanksgiving Offensive

Friday, November 23, 2012

Caution: Bird Brains May Find The Story of Thanksgiving Offensive

This year Thanksgiving was marked by the issuance of a statement of infallibility:

… (the)President issued a new constitutional declaration on Thursday in which he assumed sweeping powers that will not be subject to appeal…

“The constitutional declarations, decisions and laws issued by the president are final and not subject to appeal.”

Thankfully, it came from Egyptian President Morsi, where they are accustomed to such edicts. For his part Big Guy continued his commitment to the separation of church and state and issued his own godless Thanksgiving Day message, after pardoning Cobbler and Gobbler and doing some good works for humanity at the local soup kitchen.

Sorry little bro, that’s the last cherry pie and it’s mine. Give me five!

So I guess that Arab Spring really paid off, eh? The Egyptian people spoke and apparently what they said was they wanted to replace their tyrannical secular dictator with a tyrannical Islamist dictator. Like we like to say around here, elections have consequences. Get used to it.

And I see the let’s-spoil-every-holiday crowd was busy yesterday taking offense over the message of the American Thanksgiving; complaining about the impropriety of celebrating the Pilgrims’ survival in the land of the First Peoples. Where, as the enlightened younger generation has learned in school and on NPR, the colonialists came to rape, pillage, slaughter and impose their racist imperialist values on the natives.

We should all be grateful that for one day out of the year this normally open minded, judgment-free crowd comes out of the shadows to condemn the White Imperialist holiday as a “glorification of racist barbarity” and self-righteously proclaim their hatred for the “haters.”

Nobody – and I mean NO-body – is immune from their sanctimony: not even cartoon character Charlie Brown who came under attack again this year for his racist/segregationist ways. The charge is based on the fact that Franklin, the only little character of color in the comic strip, is forced to sit all alone on one side of the table. Note also that Snoopy – the only half black/half white character, is made to cook the dinner for the otherwise all-white group.

Others take the criticism of Charlie Brown a step further and object to the anti-feminist overtones in the imperialist Thanksgiving production as well.

Butt Big Guy and Lady M swore not to let the blatant racism of this holiday get in the way of their enjoyment of their uniquely secular Thanksgiving festivities with friends and family. The menu was pretty much the same as always:

Turkey (George, the Unforgiven one) and Gravy

Ham (halal?)
Cornbread Stuffing
Oyster Stuffing
Greens
Macaroni and cheese
Sweet Potatoes
Mashed Potatoes
Green Bean Casserole
Dinner Rolls

Dessert:

Banana Cream Pie
Pumpkin Pie
Apple Pie
Sweet Potato Pie
Huckleberry Pie
Cherry Pie

(Six kinds! One for each swing state that sweetened up the ballot box)

So even though BO pardoned two very lucky turkeys, we ate another one and spit-roasted one very unfortunate pig,

Today everyone around here has moved on to football and basketball with brother Craig and team Oregon who joined us for yesterday’s pig fest:

I thought you all might be more in the mood to watch A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving. If you do, be sure to take notes as you notice for the first time all the subtle racism, sexism and otherwise insensitive treatment of special interest groups embedded in this American classic. Because remember: we’re all racists in our hearts. And only by exposing and picking at the scab of racist politics will be be able to maintain that position, and our power over the majority for the coming decades. So thank you for participating.

Charlie Brown: International Symbol of the Evil Empire

Now playing, the original, unedited version of A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving. Caution: contains scenes that may be inappropriate and offensive to some.