MOTUS A.D.: Having Hit the Jackpot, We are Leaving Las Vegas With Your Money

Friday, November 9, 2012

Having Hit the Jackpot, We are Leaving Las Vegas With Your Money

Two days, and a 420 point drop on the Dow Jones average? Sheeze! What does the market know that we don’t? And come to think of it, what else don’t we know? And why don’t we know it?

You might think it’s something serious, since it's reduced BO to tears twice in the past week alone.

How many times do I have to tell you: THERE’S NO CRYING IN POLITICS!!!

Don’t worry, it’s not real and here’s an upside: since John-boy and BO have both been able to get in touch with their girly sides, it looks like they’ll be able to get together and work through their feelings on the pending fiscal Armageddon. I predict they’ll reach an amiable agreement on both tax increases and spending cuts. I smell an $18 trillion debt ceiling for Christmas!

And even though I know we’ve still got 4 more years to sludge through around here, finishing what we started and all, I can report that Big Guy’s already thinking about his next gig. Once his work is finally done around here.

So if you think that any of the recent displays of emotion from old “no drama Obama” were real, slap yourself. He’s actually just been taking the “ultimate acting challenge” - faking sincerity; in case the silver screen comes calling. He had an advantage, given his current line of work, and his natural skill at this stuff was obvious in the wake of Hurricane Sandy. So I think he’s a shoo-in.

Think about it: ever since this country located the one diamond in Hollywood’s coal pile (please: no racial or carbon jokes or complaints) that could both act and lead the free world, every two-bit actor who hit the box office jackpot thinks they can be a politician.

So why shouldn’t it work the other way around? Why can’t a two-bit politician who hit the political jackpot likewise be able to ply his trade in Hollywood?

Since governing is now more about knowing how to be a celebrity and acting like a leader than knowing how to actually lead, acting is a natural career track for retiring heads of state. Hollywood is always doing blockbusters about historic and fictional presidents, monarchs, dictators, potentates and mob bosses, so it’s not as if the roles won’t be there for BO. Especially since he has transformed us into a post-racial society.

Yes this is real: sometimes you can’t make this crap up

Of course he’ll have to audition. He understands that: it’s still usually a ritual for political jobs too.

"Don't be so f***in' smart. Things could've gone the other way, my little nephew." Sopranos: Season 2, Episode 2: "Do Not Resuscitate"

At least I HOPE, and assume, that this tape that recently came to be in by possesssion is an audition:

[A reading from the unreleased script for The Godfather IV, secretly taped in an undisclosed location by Little Mo, still undercover somewhere] (h/t The Godfather)

Don Obama: I understand. You found paradise in the House of Representatives, you had a good trade, you made a good living. The Republican party protected you and there was Fox News. And you didn't need a friend like me. But, now you come to me, and you say: "Barack, give me a tax cut." But you don't ask with respect. You don't offer friendship. You don't even think to call me Godfather. Instead, you come into my house, on the day of my historic re-election and you ask me to do this for you.

John Boehner: I ask for justice.

Don Obama: That is not justice. The rich can afford a little more.

John Boehner: How much shall I pay you?

Don Obama: Boehner, Boehner. What have I ever done to make you treat me so disrespectfully? If you'd come to me in friendship, then this debt ceiling fight would have ended this very day. And if by chance an honest man like yourself should make enemies in your party, then they would become my enemies. And then they would fear you.

John Boehner: Be my friend – Godfather. [Boehner sheds a tear, bows toward the Barack and kisses the Barack's hand.

Don Obama: Good. Someday, and that day may never come, I'll call upon you to do a service for me: perhaps comprehensive immigration reform. But until that day – accept this justice as a gift on my historic re-election day.

Honest to Pete, these two deserve each other. Weepy little girly men.

So what do you say we wrap the week up with a little fun music. I wish I could’ve presented it to you under better circumstances, butt as we say in politics “It is what it is - until such time as it isn’t.” It’s Michael McDonald (Doobie Brothers) Don Fagin (Steely Dan) doing Jackie Wilson’s old soul standard “Lonely Teardrops” as heard at the beginning of Leaving Las Vegas. Watch, listen, enjoy what woulda coulda shoulda been: