Dancing With America’s Czars

I see Weasel Zippers dug up an old picture of Lady M from her modern dance class in high school and is passing it off as “newly discovered” Moochabilia. Well unfortunately, it’s not new to me, it’s been sitting here on my hard drive, making me twitchy since the “Wonce and Only” mooved in.

In case you haven’t figured out by now, dancin’ is Lady M’s life. She does it everywhere, all the time. It’s just in her genes. (Is that racist?) She takes to it like a turnip to vinegar. Is that even an expression – outside the Middle East I mean?

 

Tasty pink turnip pickles

This should come as no surprise. As you may recall, Lady M danced her way into this job (as did Big Guy).

and she intends to dance out too. When she’s good and ready.

In the interim, so far, we’ve danced across America,

Europe,

India,

   

…with and without Big Guy

Latin America,

 

and Africa

ll you want to know how much Lady M loves dancin’ all you have to do is check out how many times I’ve reported on her mooves right here. Just a few of many examples:

Dancin’ in the O-zone:

The world famous rhubarb dance in Getting Back to our Roots:

Transformed just last month as a tree worship dance in Crouching Tigers, Hidden Dragons:

Or how about way back in September of 2010 when we had an evening devoted to Lady M’s love of dance? We invited the legendary Judith Jamison - remember how my memory chip  momentary mixed her up with porn star Jenna Jamison? Boy, that was embarrassing!

JJ and her cantaloupes

Fall for Dance: 100% Pornography Free:

     

“I could 'a been somebody! Instead of a bum. Because that’s what I am. I could 'a been a contender! If only I’d been shown that trap door.”

Then there was the modern dance grant that Big Guy’s stimulus dollars funded, at Lady M’s behest (covered here in my Dressing Up Our Summer of Recovery):

North Carolina’s $762k Computer Choreography. So much for Rage Against the Machine.

UNC said they needed the dance stimulus grant to “define an evolving system that assists in the design and production of interactive dance performances with real-time audience interaction.”

Dude: it’s called a “club.” They have them in nearly every city outside of the Middle East.

And if you don’t believe me, just ask the Secret Service guys assigned to Big Guy.

Then there was the Platypus Dance:

    

And who can ever forget the Dougie? Ever. Here, in Risky/Not Risky:

And again, later in my Diptych Trip Tic dispatch:

The chartreuse blouse sort of grows on you, doesn’t it?

And here’s one of my personal faves, because it includes both Lady M’s dancing skills and Big Guy’s, uh, talents too: She’s a Rich Girl, She Don’t Try to Hide It?

He's a poor boy
Empty as a pocket
Empty as a pocket with nothing to lose
Sing ta na na
Ta na na na
She got diamonds on the soles of her shoes
She got diamonds on the soles of her shoes
Diamonds on the soles of her shoes
Diamonds on the soles of her shoes

So I wrap up this dance review of the Wonce and Only’s dancin’ on graves across America and around the world with a couple of observations:

BO said after Osama’s demise at the hands of the Navy Seals that there would be no spiking of the ball in the end zone. So apparently that is NOT Big Guy dancing in the end zone in that “Romney is so uncool he never would have made the tough call to take Osama out” ad.

So I’m hearing a lot of people saying this could be Big Guy’s politics of fear “It’s 3:00 AM, who do you want to answer the call?” ad.

All I can say is the call came in closer to noon, EST, and Big Guy wasn’t asleep. He was on the golf course. So after 5-6 hours of consulting with his top advisors, conducting a quickie poll and focus grouping the options, he finally received the go ahead from Lady M and boldly said, “OK.”

Butt he’s probably right, Romney wouldn’t have made that call. He probably wouldn’t have made his troops call home to get mommy’s permission before doing the job they were sent to do.

So all’s well that ends well, don’t you think? Bin Laden is dead, Big Guy is a hero, and as for Lady M, well it appears all those years of practice finally paid off -

 

And she too has reached her life’s goal:

Finally! I found that trap door! And now, here I am - in front of the klieg lights!

Linked By: anyonebutbarry2012 on GrettaWire, and MRM on twitter, Thanks!

Free Lavaughn: We Share Her Fantasy

TODAY’S POST IS BROUGHT TO YOU (UNOFICIALLY) BY THE “MAKE A WISH” FOUNDATION

"It is hard to sneak around and do what you want," Michelle Obama said today. "I have done it a couple of times. But you know one fantasy I have, and the Secret Service they keep looking at me because they think I might actually do it, is to walk right out the front door and just keep walking."

Yes; her fantasy. That’s what Lady M chose to share with the kids who attended an Executive Office “Take your children to work day” function. Coincidentally, that’s the same fantasy a lot of parents who no longer have a job to take their children to on this new national holiday are having.

If it’s a gingham checked tablecloth skirt, it must be campaign season

 

At last year’s event, Lady M revealed what she wore when she felt like being pretty:

Turns out it was the same cocktail dress she wore for U.S. Army Sergeant First Class Jared C. Monti’s posthumous Medal of Honor ceremony - what else?

You may recall, I gave you a primer last year on how “Take our daughters to work” day morphed into the “Take our children to work” holiday:

What used to be Take Your Daughter to Work Day  morphed into "Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day" once boys figured out that they had to go to school while the girls got to skip class and tag along with mom to her office.

And while feminists hated the idea, (boys, after all, don’t need roll models) once the boys demanded equal rights there wasn’t anything they could do to stop the PC and fairness police squad from including them in the skip day. And so now dad is on the hook for dragging the kid to the office too. Viva la equality! Thanks to NOW (who invented TYDTWD) all kids can enjoy another free day.

As a result we have created a generation of kids who think when you grow up you spend your days in an office making photocopies of games and puzzles, instant messaging people in the cubicle next door, making microwave popcorn and generally entertaining visitors. Butt that’s just not true: not everyone works for the government.

For his part Big Guy went to the University of North Carolina (and Iowa and Colorado) earlier in the week to kick off a two day campaign event show the kids how they could do their part:

President Obama opened a two-day, three-campus swing on Tuesday designed to recapture the youth vote that helped propel him to the White House four years ago, presenting himself once more as a product of poverty in implicit contrast to his wealthy opponent.

In the process, he reminded them several times that he and Lady M weren’t born to wealthy families and that he felt their pain:

At his first stop at the Chapel Hill campus of the University of North Carolina, Mr. Obama pressed Congress to stop student loan interest rates from rising significantly this summer, recalling in vivid terms the “mountain of debt” that he and his wife accumulated when they were students. While he did not mention Mitt Romney’s name, the comparison was hardly lost on his audience.

“I don’t deserve this.”

He advised them to tell their members of Congress not to double the rates on student debt. Because after all, aren’t things hard enough as it is? With 1 out of 2 college grads unable to find any job at all, let alone won in their chosen field of social justice.

And boy, talk about doubling rates! This is something kids can really relate to. They’ve already seen it happen with the price of gas, hamburger, milk, cheese, mayonnaise - even those healthy fresh veggies Lady M wants us to eat. Now that the number of students whose parents are unemployed has doubled too, it’s really starting to impact them since mommy and daddy can’t afford to pay the full freight anymore.

In other, unrelated, news: GDP unexpectedly fell to just 2.2% last quarter, down from our robust 3% growth rate in the previous quarter. Boy, I guess a trillion dollars just doesn’t buy what it used to.

Anyway, despite complaints by the GOP that Big Guy’s been using taxpayer money for campaign trips, here’s proof that Big Guy has NOT been using Air Force Won and the Secret Service for illegal swing state visits including butt not necessarily limited to giving stump speeches:

"Good evening, and welcome to the general election," Obama campaign manager Jim Messina told reporters on a conference call to announce the rallies this evening. "The Republicans have settled on a candidate — or should I say settled for a candidate."

Howdy Messina didn’t even officially kick off the campaign until yesterday.

The show doesn’t start until the dummy says so

So case closed, GOP knuckleheads. Just because we’re on Air Force Won doesn’t mean we’re campaigning.

Sometimes we’re just taking our guests to a NCAA playoff game

Today, both Big Guy and Lady M are on a non-campaign trip to Georgia to visit our troops at Fort Stewart:

We’re wearing a recycled L'Wren Scott cardigan. Being frugal: another sure sign of campaigning. We did get a new red princess style dress and red flats to wear it with though.

Hey, we’re frugal, not broke. And what better way to demonstrate that “ well yes, thank you, we are better off than we were four years ago!”

So, how you doin’?

 

WEEKEND TRAVEL ALERT: I’M TRAVELING CROSS COUNTRY THE NEXT THREE DAYS (BY SUV, DON’T TELL DR. CHU) SO WILL BE POSTING AS  MOUNTAINS AND 3G TECHNOLOGY ALLOW.

Linked By: Gateway Pundit, and Clarice on Just One Minute, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, Thanks!

Schooling the Supremes on our New Constitution

Our Supremes arguments have not been going as well as we would’ve HOPEd. First the slap down in  Sackett vs. EPA, then the Obamacare arguments,

which were so painful they were handing out prescription pain-killers outside chambers; and now, more judicial rough-up – by our friends no less – on the Arizona Immigration Law. Even the wise Latina had a hard time understanding the wisdom of the Solicitor General’s arguments:

JUSTICE SOTOMAYOR: General, I’m terribly confused by your answer. O.K.? And I don’t know that you’re focusing in on what I believe my colleagues are trying to get to.

Can I get to a different question? …Because I, frankly — as the chief has said to you, it’s not that it’s forcing you to change your enforcement priorities. You don’t have to take the person into custody. So what’s left of your argument?

Justice Kennedy seemed likewise confused:

JUSTICE KENNEDY: So you’re saying the government has a legitimate interest in not enforcing its laws?

And Justice Scalia just wondered which sovereign state Mr. Verrilli was representing in his briefs:

JUSTICE SCALIA: So we have to — we have to enforce our laws in a manner that will please Mexico. Is that what you’re saying?

GENERAL VERRILLI: No, Your Honor, but what — no, Your Honor, I’m not saying that –

JUSTICE SCALIA: Sounded like what you were saying.

When it’s no longer even good enough for government work, maybe we need to get a new top legal beagle. Say! Wasn’t Big Guy a lawyer at one time? Maybe he can buy his law license back and school the Supreme Court on constitutional law himself!!!

Constitutional division of power, explained by Constitutional Professer  bama.

Or wait, that won’t work. He’s already got a job.

Okay then, we turn to our second line of defense. Lady M is nearly as eloquent a speaker as Big Guy. We could temporarily reassign her from fundraising detail to Clean Up on the Supreme Court; assuming the repurchase of her “voluntarily surrendered law license” can  be completed in time to make oral arguments.

“Ladies and gentlemen, I’ve come before you today to tell you we’ve all just got to learn how to milk these laws a little better! Right? Am I right? Come on Let’s Moove! Milk it! Milk it!”

Because clearly we’re going to have to send someone up to the Supremes who’s capable of defending the indefensible. It’s clear that the solicitor we’ve got in there now is another one of them dawgs that just don’t hunt!

Dick, the dog, isn’t really much good for hunting.

Anyway, I’ve got much more important news to report: have you heard that Lady M again made People Magazine’s most beautiful people list? Although it’s not clear in which category – it might be the newest one: wives of world dictators leaders. Not that it matters. We’re downplaying this since MO wasn’t named Numero Uno Most Beautiful (that honor went to her new BFF and pen pal, Beyoncé).

Anyway as I’ve already explained, Lady M really has more important things to do with her time:

and your money.

I’m just so honored to be here, on your dime, raising money to get my husband reelected! Thank you all sooo much!

Anyhoo, I’ve got to run butt before I do I just wanted to let you in on the latest entry in my “that bitch stole my look” log. This one isn’t technically a “look” steal, butt a line stolen from James Carville, world famous political pundit and pit bull to ex-president Bill “Big Dawg” Clinton. Seems he’s whining about Romney stealing - and stepping all over - his copyrighted  world famous line: “It’s the economy, stupid.”  Reimagined here by the Mittster as “It’s still the economy, and we’re not stupid.” Wow! That’s got the ragin’ Cajun so spittin’ mad that he’s using it to raise money for BO!

That bitch stole my line!

Butt with the RNC breathing down our neck about BO’s and MO’s misuse of taxpayers funds for Big Guy’s fundraising trips we may have to call in all the dogs to help fill our coffers this time around.

“Members of the media are questioning the Obama administration’s numerous “official business” trips to swing states, during which he has been giving stump speeches and raising campaign funds.”

So what exactly are they implying? That Big Guy isn’t paying his fair share?

 

RIP. We’ll take it from here.

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and bettyann on twitter, and bleu66 on Politico, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, MathMum on twitter, Thanks!

Mad Cow Alert in Omaha: MOO

First, let me thank Portia Elizabeth for remembering Hub’s Anniversary yesterday! He’s still out there, keeping an eye on you.

The “Eye of Sauron” created by dust rings around the star Fomalhaut; captured by Hub

Our actual birthday (as Portia pointed out, Hub and I are fraternal twins) is April 1st (April Fools Day, butt that’s just a coincidence) so we had 23 days of childhood to bond as sibs before Hub was launched to keep an eye on the universe and I was sent to the Smithsonian (because I was a girl - an early volley in the Republican War on Women).

Butt as is our habit, we always celebrate (telepathically) on his launch date. Yesterday was no exception: I told him what was going on around here, he pretended he didn’t already know. (Hub’s spent his years in isolation perfecting that whole Einstein time/space continuum thingy; so he knows how to see forward, backward and inward) And he once again encouraged me to remain hopeful, with a small “h”. I take that as a good sign. 

Perhaps you remember my post from last year, when Hub’s anniversary fell on Easter, A Joyous Message of HOPE:

And oh the places Hub’s been; the sights he’s seen! Twenty-one years bearing witness to the magnitude and magnificence of God’s universe has imbued him with wisdom beyond his years, and abilities beyond our earthbound souls. Unlike us, he is not constrained by linear continuums of time and four dimensions of space;  therefore he can see our future from his berth. He dare not speak it, and I dare not ask.

Hub’s transmissions are always the highlight of my year. You probably remember the rest of them too:  Solar Tsunami Tonight (which coincided with Lady M’s trip to Spain: awesome aurora footage!), Does This Black Hole Make My Butt Look Small? (Hub’s Christmas/New Year/Holiday card from 2010, 2010: A Space Odyssey, and this one from the way back machine of 2009: Nice Pictures, Bro, when he sent his now famous Butterfly nebula shot.

Before moving on to more mundane issues, I just want to repost Hub’s musical transmission from 2010. It will  help you put everything in perspective:

Now then, as you already know both BO and MO spent yesterday wooing the youth vote as they are the last best HOPE for victory, not having experienced the economic realities of HOPE and CHANGE yet (student loans don’t count, because they also haven’t figured out that their conflict resolution jobs aren’t going to cover the monthly repayments).

For her appearances MO once again wore recycled; this time her Balenciaga Good and Plenty dress from 2009,

MO, talking to “the girls” in Omaha

This frock was one of the originals in the Balenciaga candy collection, seen below: Skittles with built in sparkly boob belt on the right, and the 2009 showing of the Good ‘N Plenty frock (which now seems vaguely ironic), left.

    

Launching a country-wide campaign yesterday, Lady M appeared alongside the Oracle of Omaha, touting the implementation of the Buffet rule - which could make those steaks that Omaha is so famous for a lot less affordable for a lot more people. Later, in Iowa where they grow the corn that those Nebraska cows eat, she told a group of supporters:

"In the end when you're making those impossible choices, it all boils down to who you are and what your stand for. And we all know who my husband is."

Do we even have a speech editor anymore?

Beware the cowboy wearing a black hat

Oh, and that reminds me, bad news for the day: Mad Cow Disease discovered in a California cow at the rendering plant.

Butt don’t worry, I’ve got good news too! The War on Terror: it’s OVER! So there’s another promise kept.

Now can we get rid of the TSA?

Hey I’ve got a good idea! Instead of just laying off all those TSA agents that we won’t need  to screen for terrorists anymore,

Isabella: 4 years old. Fit’s gun-toting terrorist profile

we can reassign them to take the place of the 50,000 cattle guards in Colorado that Big Guy fired. Butt do we really want to get started on cow jokes?

Stop me if I’ve already told you this one…

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in

a remote Pasco pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?"

Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg,Germany.              

Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer, turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."         

"That's right.. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"

"You're an aide in the Obama Administration", says Bud.

"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars' worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about how working people make a living - or about cows, for that matter.  This is a herd of sheep. ...

“Now give me back my dog.”

I don’t know about you, butt that whole set up sounds like another dinner ruse to me.

Sirius: the Dog Star. Compliments of Hub, that jokester.

Linked By: Temple of Mutt, and Henrysheretoo on twitter, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, and bg on The Gateway Pundit, and anyonebutbarry2012 on GrettaWire, Thanks!