Transforming America, One Thingamajig At A Time

Today’s Four Words: thing, a, ma, jig

Hell Day, indeed: unemployment, up; jobs, down; stock market, down, down, down. And May auto sales were disappointing (and don’t even get me started on the $1 billion green car fiasco).

The only thing on the upswing was Big Guy’s fundraising. And thank goodness, we conveniently had an economic speech scheduled in Minnesota yesterday so the fundraisers were right on the way. Plus the Honeywell speech gave BO the opportunity to take to the teleprompter to explain exactly who’s responsible for this ongoing mess that Bush got us into: Europe, clouds, and, of course, the do-nothing thingamajig.

Looks like the stress of the thingamajig is starting to get to Big Guy

Urging Congress to pass his economic measures in the wake of a disappointing jobs report, Mr. Obama told employees of Honeywell in Golden Valley, Minn., that with extra cash from a refinancing plan, some homeowner might “be replacing some thingamajig for their furnace.”

So come on, you laggards! Get your butts out there and buy some thingamajigs! (no, wait… “thingamaJIGS” !?! – can he say that? Doesn’t that seem sort of…racist?)

Well, I don’t know if it’s racist, butt it certainly served as entertainment yesterday for the mindless Romney operatives just waiting to jump on a stupid meme like #thingamajigs

and #replacequotewiththingamajigs 

Butt Team-Obama is nothing if not nimble. They quickly co-opted the term for themselves and have already used it to launch a couple of new initiatives. For example, they’re rolling out a new Thingamajigs Plan that includes selective aspects of “all of the above”:

Anyway, what started out as Hell Day ended up as a nice, relaxing evening for Big Guy, back at the house that Rezko built, in his some-times hometown  "to sleep, cook, and “putter in my backyard” with his thingamajigs.

So why don’t you join Big Guy’s effort to turn the U.S. economy around? If everyone bought just one vote for the thingamajig, we could wrap this campaign season up early.

And get back to more important thingamajigs.

Winning!

So, with Big Guy out of town, Lady M and I are grabbing our government issued AMEX Centurian (aka the “Black” card) and going shopping. We’re going to enact our own economic stimulus by buying a whole bunch of...

You know what’s coming, don’t you?

Wait for it...

Clothes!

We’ll be shopping online, incognito so as not to divulge our real size to snoopy sales clerks.

If all we needed were a few more thingamajigs, we would’ve just run down to Target to pick them up. They’ve got zillions of them.

What are those thingamajigs?

Linked By: petefrt on Hot Air, and Janet on JustOneMinute, and Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and Doug Powers: The Powers That Be, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, and MRM on twitter, and A California Yankee, Thanks!

Hostess with the Mostest

As it turned out, lunch yesterday wasn’t all that exciting: beef, as a nod to the Cowboy’s home state, and organic weeds from the Big White Garden of Good and Evil, just because we serve them with everything.

Butt thanks to 41 and Barbara I,

WWII finally took it’s toll on 41’s hips; butt his feet are still kickin’!

Jenna and Barbara II

and 43 and the lovely Laura,

…the lunch conversation was light and polite. Lady M must be on a diet again because she didn’t eat much, and mostly just ground her teeth. Big Guy ate a few bites and flashed those million dollar choppers of his to remind everybody how charming he is, and that he Won.

The official ceremony revealing George W and Laura Bush’s formal portraits was a lot of fun! W brought his A-game. Big Guy brought Lady M – and like I said that million dollar smile:

          

For her part, Lady M did everything in her power to make the Bushes feel welcome,

…as long as they didn’t try to wander beyond the rope lines.

Sorry, no visitors beyond this point. Secret Service orders.

And I must say, the Bush portraits are lovely:

    

Butt I’ll have to remember to mention to Lady M that they are equipped with camera lenses and sensors that will capture any signs of vandalism and/or incoming flying objects. Not that I’m worried. It’s not as if there are things flying around the Big White or anything.

Anyway, it was a very civil affair and nobody even mentioned that George W caused the giant economic mess that Big Guy is still trying to clean up.

So we’ve got a big job between now and November. And if you are worried about how Big Guy is going to handle all of his additional campaigning duties along with his regular job responsibilities here’s your answer: surrogates!

If Hitler had a son who let himself go, he’d look like this.    h/t bitterclinger

David Axe-man also attends Big Guy’s Tuesday coffee-klatch where our enemies list is reviewed and our kill-list updated. These meetings are very important; not only do we plan our campaign strategy and keep track of our enemies who may need to be eliminated, butt they serve as a test run for how we might run our death squads cost control teams Obamacare panels. Assuming the Supremes don’t act stupidly, and force us to change the rules.

Whatever. We’ll just push “FORWARD!”  with our agenda. To that end, BO will be getting down to serious business today, hitting a historic six (6) separate fundraisers! Because a sitting president’s work is never done. Although I think we have managed to work a round of golf into the heavy schedule this weekend.

Oh, and just one little note on the John Edwards trial decision. Between the acquittal on one charge and mistrial on the others (apparently due to lack of evidence in the prosecutor’s case) I feel as though I was robbed. I was so looking forward to a little Schadenfreude this week. As personally disappointing as the decision was, it looks like this was yet another case of prosecutorial over-reach. 

Maybe prosecutors would revert to the old fashioned concept of prosecuting egregious violations of the law that are supported by evidence if they were prohibited from running for higher office for 5 years or so after leaving their current position.  You know, instead of picking cases that ensure high-profile coverage that will enhance their political careers? Just a random thought about politics.

So, now the “rehabilitation of John Edwards” tour begins, starting on the courthouse steps yesterday, where he tried to pull me into his little mea culpa :

"I do not believe I did anything illegal," Edwards said. "I did an awful, awful lot that was wrong. There is no one else responsible for my sins. ... I don't have to go any further than the mirror.”  [most people don’t]

Anyway, John-boy, who already channels dead babies, is now getting communiqués directly from the really BIG GUY. He said yesterday that "I don't think God's through with me." I’m quite, quite certain he’s right about that. The voters, on the other hand, are completely done with him.

“Thank you God, for freeing me from those $12.95 hair cuts from Super Cuts”

Note to self: mention the $12.95 deal from Super Cuts to Big Guy. He might want to avail himself of that service from now through the end of the reelection season.

And just one last TGIF note - Like father, like son:

        

Seriously, don’t touch me bro.

Linked By: American Digest, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, and betyangelo on twitter, and MRM on twitter, Thanks!

“I’m younger than that now.”

I know there’s lots of other news out there about the Won’s.

On our way to find out how far above average Wee Won II is

Butt I didn’t want to give short shrift to this year’s Presidential Medal of Freedom Awards.

 

Big Guy gives Toni Morrison a back rub before the big presentation

As you know everything in politics is, well, political, butt this year’s winners reflect a pandering an outreach to every conceivable interest group we traditionally rely on. So let’s run through this year’s honorees:

Dolores Huerta: a socialist activist and organizer who just happens to be Hispanic! Big Guy admitted to stealing his trademark slogan “Yes We Can” from her. This time around we’ll be doing it her way: “Si, se puede.”

John Glenn: old, gray white guy. ‘Nuff said.

Gordon Hirabayashi: Japanese-American who fought the Supreme Court. And lost. There’s a lesson for you in there.

Pat Summit: hugely successful women’s basketball coach and Alzheimer’s sufferer. Emblematic of both the Republican’s War on Women and the virtues of Obamacare. (Only don’t ask where the care and feeding of Alzheimer's patients is headed.)

Toni Morrison: black female author who famously dubbed Bubba our “first black president” using the poetic license issue to all liberal authors.

Madeleine Albright: brilliant stateswoman and anti-nuke advocate who fomented world peace at any price unless we had to go to war to save the presidency (that sounds strangely familiar). She discovered late in life that she came from Jewish stock. That still doesn’t explain all those stupid pins.

Shimon Peres: President of Israel. In case Madeleine’s late-to-be-discovered Jewish roots weren’t adequate to persuade the Jewish block. And because it’s Jewish heritage month.

Jan Karski: a Polish hero who tried to stop the holocaust by warning the West. Although I think you’re all aware of the little kerfuffle caused by Big Guy’s misremembering the correct way to describe Nazi death camps. So I’m not sure we can count on the Polish resistance fighter vote this time around.

Justice John Paul Stevens: here to remind everyone that we can reach across the aisle and all just get along.

Juliette Gordon Low (posthumously): founder of Girl Scout cookies. Lady M wasn’t totally on board with this one, butt you know how important the women’s vote is.

And that brings me to Bob Dylan, né Robert Zimmerman. That’s right, another white Hispanic. Although I’m not aware of him having shot any kids that look just like Big Guy’s sons.

Now I know what you’re saying: “Butt MOTUS, there are predator drones in the otherwise friendly skies and for all we know, Bill Boom Boom Ayers is manning the console:

“Well, what is going to happen to those people that we can’t re-educate, that are die-hard capitalists?” And the reply was that they’d have to be eliminated and when I pursued this further, they estimated that they’d have to eliminate 25 million people in these re-education centers.”        –Bill Ayers, in Prairie Fire

…why are you wasting our time on an irrelevant old leftie protest singer?

                            

Well, I just want to make sure nobody misunderstands the look on Bob Dylan’s face as he received his award from Big Guy.

He’s not stoned, nor is he overwhelmed by being in the presence of greatness, as were most people at the awards ceremony. The truth is, it just might have something to do with Big Guy’s really, really big agenda, his enemies lists and those drones over America.

You see, most people, including Big Guy, still think of Bobby Dylan as the “voice of a generation” and associate him with the nascent protest movement in the early ‘60’s because of his anthems like “Blowin in the Wind” and “The Times They Are-a Changin.’” He was nothing short of a leftist icon! Even Big Guy idolized this dude!

                

I mean, he was soooo cool! Heck, he practically invented the “change” part of HOPE and CHANGE.

Butt fewer people, including Big Guy, ever went beyond the persona of the early Dylan to see how he, shall we say, “evolved.” Indeed, as early as 1965 he was smart enough to have figured out how rackets work, and to know that he was caught in one. His epiphany had begun, and My Back Pages was the result. Go listen to a great rendition of it on Gerard’s site. He has all the lyrics posted too.

A self-ordained professor's tongue
Too serious to fool
Spouted out that liberty
Is just equality in school
"Equality," I spoke the word
As if a wedding vow.
Ah, but I was so much older then,
I'm younger than that now.

It seems that by age 24, and much to the left’s dismay, Bobby was already “evolving” away for the authoritarianism at the heart of the “protest and liberation” movement and the smug self-righteousness he saw there. They pretended for a long time that his lyrics didn’t mean what they meant, butt what they wanted them to mean.

Bobby’s probably not a closet conservative, butt I’m fairly sure he’s a closet libertarian. Definitely not the social justice protest icon the left has frozen him in time to be. 

Still, Big Guy heard that he was a supporter back in 2008, and assumed that awarding him the Medal of Freedom would lock him in with the aging hippie baby boomer vote. And while there was a claim that Dylan was an “Obama Man” in 2008, it turns out that rumors of his support may have been greatly exaggerated. Or minimally taken out of context, misunderstood or simply ironic. As always, I report, and let you - the best snarkers and cynics in the universe – decide and deride:

What seemed to prompt him to talk to the crowd more than anything was Tony Garnier’s donning of an Obama button. It was Tony’s turn to be introduced and Bob started to chuckle a bit and said something like, “Tony Garnier over there wearing his Obama button (raises his eyebrows)…..Tony thinks it’s gonna be an Age of Light (chuckling)…..Well I was born in 1941, the year they bombed Pearl Harbor. Been living in darkness ever since……Looks like that’s all gonna change now (chuckling a bit).” Then he broke into “Blowin’ In The Wind.”

 

Let’s just say that puts the cool man behind the shades in a slightly different light, no?.

Lower those eyebrows, Bob, or your ironic acceptance of the ironic medal from, ironically, the Agent of Change may be mis-misunderstood.

For the record, Dylan, who described himself as a born again Christian in the late 70’s perhaps ironically, I can’t say, has been dismissively even derisively written off by the left who claim that most of his music since the early sixties is “barren artistically and politically.” 

That exact same criticism has been leveled at Big Guy by the right.

Isn’t that ironic?

Anyhoo, speaking of mis-misunderstanding, I see we have lunch with Bush today.

Whoops! That’s the wrong Bush:

Don’t touch me ‘bro!

It’s with the other Bushes (awkward). Followed by the unveiling of the official White House portraits of George W and Laura Bush (more awkward). Oh well, I’m sure we’ll all be grown ups. And charming. I’ll report back tomorrow.

Miss me yet?

Linked By: NOBO2012 on Free Republic, and betyangelo on twitter, Thanks!

Constant Gardener; Constant Wife

Today’s four words: Constant Gardener; Constant Wife.

Yesterday was jammed with news and events, so let me get right to it. With the coincidental publishing of her Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil book, Lady M was able to take to the airwaves to promote the President book.

First up GMA, where we looked, well, quite stunning:

Just in time for the campaign…it’s ba-aack! Bigger and badder than ever: the Boob Belt!

"I'm going to be out there a lot. I love campaigning.  If every American had the opportunity to travel around the country and go into people's living rooms and talk, we'd understand that we have so much more in common and we're working towards the same goals."

Unclear to some if that’s 100% true, butt good enough for government work.

Big Guy’s energy goals: more sun and wind, less oil and no coal.

And then back to the vegetable theme:

“One thing the president and I, we don’t really like, are beets. We don’t have beets. We’re a no-beet garden. We believe there’s a beet gene. You either love beets or you hate ‘em, and neither of us have the beet gene.”

BO and MO demonstrate their lack of a beat gene.

And on to the very critical issue of being Beyoncé:

"I love her to death. I was happy to be out there moving my body with her. Anybody who's got talent, I'm all for."

America’s got talent: maybe that’s a gene too?

And then it was on to the View, where not only her opinions, butt her impeccable style sense earned rave reviews, as usual:

Michelle Obama joined the ladies on The View this morning, where she looked appropriate and chic in a pleated dress that perfectly flattered her figure — when it comes to dressing for her body, she’s such a pro! While the First Lady is in fantastic shape, she definitely does have a pear-shape — and the a-line silhouette of the skirt combined with the belt accentuated her waist and elegantly flowed around her curves. She looked fantastic!

Because nothing accents your “waist” quite like a double belted radial boob belt

Butt we also covered some important topics with the always insightful ladies of the View: racism and our reelection.

First Lady Michelle Obama appeared on "The View" this morning and was asked about racism in the upcoming election. "Do you think that racism is going to play a part in this campaign?" asked host Barbara Walters.

"You know, racism is still an issue in this country," the First Lady answered. "But I'll tell you right now, Barack Obama is president of the United States. And he's done a phenomenal job. And this country put him in office."

"And they will again." interjected one of the hosts.

"Exactly, absolutely," Michelle answered.

So you heard it there first folks: The View calls a second term for the Wons. Butt remember: this is still a competition not an exhibition. No wagering please.

 

And still the day wasn’t over: next we taped the Daily Show with Jon Stewart. For this we “shifted” our style to our other campaign dress theme: a Jackie sheath with pearls, ensuring that we still showcased our famously toned second amendment rights:

 

Lady M in a timeless sheath: this cut and fit would even make the Fox news bunnies jealous.

On the Daily show, Lady M chatted with Jon about how Big Guy’s parents helped him get on the right path after smoking some weed and doing a little blow:

“He had a mother that was saying ‘you’re so gifted, you’re so talented,’ and would slap him on the head (and say) ‘get yourself together,” she said.

But it wasn’t until his father died, she told Stewart, that he truly grew up.

“That was one of those click-in moments,” she said. “And he really buckled down, he transferred schools, went to Columbia and thought about how to use life to the fullest.”

Amazing. That he would be so effected by the death of a no-show dad I mean. And the advice of a mom who abandoned him to “follow her heart” or whatever. That’s a powerful story.

Powerful, if not true.

Lady M’s campaign uniform: Jackie sheath and pearl necklace; this one of many colors: black, white and brown. It’s significant.

Anyway, Lady M spent the entire day recounting her trepidations as a gardener as outlined in her compelling new story book: “American Grown, The Story of the White House Kitchen Garden and Gardens Across America.”

“What if the seeds or seedlings were not set in correctly and we ended up with empty beds? What if we couldn’t control the weeds?”

Man! If only the Wons worried half as much about the seeds they’re sowing all across America as they do that damn weed patch out back.

“Let them eat cake”

 

I’ll cover the Presidential Medal of Freedom honors tomorrow, the TeeVee trifecta has left me close to tilt mode.

Linked By: Green eyed Lady on Michelle Malkin, and eaglesoars on The Blogmocracy, and HenrySheretoo on twitter, anyonebutbarry2012 on GrettaWire, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, Thanks!

Recovered Memories

Today’s Four Words: Reelection and rewritten history

Do NOT get me wrong: it’s way past time for a proper commemoration of the service and sacrifice of our Vietnam war dead and the returning Vets. So I’m sure that’s why George W. Bush signed the National Defense Authorization Act of 2008 that designated this election year as the official 50th anniversary of the Vietnam War.

Butt I’m having a little trouble reconciling my internal history data module with my calculator function to come up with 2012 marking the 50th anniversary of the Vietnam War.

Mind you, I’m not saying that the Vietnam “50th anniversary” commemoration was ginned up to provide Big Guy with an opportunity to give a patriotic speech on the Memorial Day proceeding the reelection year. Heck, when the Democratic Congress passed the measure they didn’t even know which one of their gals or guys would be president this historic reelection year.

I’m just saying it seems curious that this is the year chosen to commemorate this particular anniversary, given the actual history of the Vietnam conflict.

Because 2012 isn’t the 50th year from the date we first began providing military advisors to Vietnam (1955), or the year President Kennedy first ramped up the number of “advisors” assigned to Vietnam (1961), or even the year President Johnson seriously ramped up the level of “advisors” (1963) ahead of the first actual deployment of U.S combat troops (1965). Nor is it the year marking the end of active U.S military engagement (1973) or even of the date of the fall of Saigon (1975).

So what did happen in 1962 to mark it as the official start of the Vietnam War?

Vietnam era Chinook helicopter does a fly-over at the Wall

Apparently that was the year our Marine “military advisors” gave some South Vietnamese troops a ride in our helicopters and dropped them off in the jungle north of Saigon to begin their South Vietnamese village relocation program. (Aside: I think they’re planning to execute a similar consolidation plan in Detroit;, they might want to read up on how that Vietnam thing worked out before proceeding with their relocation of neighborhoods plan.)

Butt it’s not as if Congress had a lot of meaningful dates to choose from. In addition to the already mentioned, “less significant” events, They could have picked:

May 6, 1954 for example. The Civilian Air Transport (CAT), owned and operated by the CIA, completed the last of 682 air supply missions in support of besieged French garrison at Dien Bien Phu.  Two CAT pilots, James "Earthquake McGoon" McGovern and co-pilot, Wallace Buford, died when Viet Minh ground fire downed their transport plane.

Or October 21, 1957 when Captain Harry Cramer Jr. died near Nha Trang, South Vietnam from an explosion during training thereby becoming the first American to die in a war-related incident.

Or March 23, 1961 when Pathet Lao anti-aircraft artillery (AAA) shot off the wing of  U.S. Air Force SC-47B. Crashing in the Plain of Jars, seven crewmen died. Major Lawrence Bailey survived and was subsequently captured. Released on 15 August 1962, President John F. Kennedy presented him with the first Bronze Star Medal for service in Southeast Asia. C-47 reconnaissance flights in Laos had begun in December 1960.

Check out the entire, interactive Vietnam War Timeline here.

And if you think it’s just me - that maybe there’s something wrong with my software - it’s not. When the MSM world (ABC,NBC, CBS, CNN, MSNBC, and the New York Times) declared the Afghan War to be the longest running war in U.S. history back in June of 2010, they said  that it surpassed the Vietnam War which they all agreed at the time ran for “103 months.”

More sweat than emotion

Let’s see, 103 months - 8.6 years. If you use 1973 as the end date, that makes the start date 1964; the year the "Gulf of Tonkin Resolution" resolution was passed. History books will have to be re-written now (where else did that happen, again?) because they use to teach  that the Tonkin Resolution signaled the start of the Vietnam War. I guess that was just a technicality though. Because that would make the official 50th anniversary 2014. And that’s not even a presidential election year!

So there you have it: some brilliant forward thinking strategy on the part of our Democratic Congress back before they became a Do-nothing Congress. Our big brained campaign team just ran with it, and had the speechifiers write Big Guy some great stuff. And when you go to so much effort to invent an anniversary for a reelection year, you certainly can’t blame Big Guy for using the occasion to “get his message out” can you?

"I can promise you I will never do so unless it is absolutely necessary and that when we do, we must give our troops a clear mission and the full support of a grateful nation."

(Although apparently not everyone got the above memo about future wars regarding the “absolutely necessary” part. Unless the saber rattlers are just suggesting another KMA instead of an all out war.)

Butt believe you me, Big Guy, along with that guy that just lived in his neighborhood who helped him write his autobiography, know a thing or two about what constitutes an absolutely necessary war.

Not Vietnam, right Bill Boom-Boom Ayers? And clearly not Iraq, right Big Guy?

Butt here’s how we know for sure it’s our reelection year - Lady M wore not one, butt two recycled frocks for yesterday’s observances: A Tracy Feith from way back to our historic first Inaugural week for the ceremony at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier :

Yesterday, left, Inaugural week, right: we haven’t changed at all in 3 1/2 years!

And then at the Vietnam Wall memorial in our old Moschino that we first wore years ago:

 

Commemorating 58,282 (as of 5-28-2012) Vietnam war dead, left; attending one of the Wee Won’s piano recitals, right.

I think the bow was a nice touch: a floral wreath motif. For Memorial Day. Clever.

Lady M won this year’s Sandra Lee Memorial Day tablescape Award.

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, and anyonebutbarry2012 on GrettaWire, and FairDaizie on twitter, Thanks!