If you like your illegal status you can keep it. And vote, too.

Butt first, let’s review the “major” economic speech from Wednesday. As you can see, Big Guy is staying on message. In fact, on close review, it was pretty much identical to previous speeches. How’s that for message discipline?

So the pundits who thought this was going to be a “reset” of our economic policy mis-misunderstood the message. It was just a do-over of the same old tried and true policies of the past 42 months.

Listening again, it sounds more like a prayer than a speech.

Actually, he had to recycle because all the speechifiers were already busy writing yesterday’s Catch and Release speech.

And it was tougher to write than usual because, for the most part, they didn’t have much to work with. No court ruling, no new law, no proposed law, not even an executive order! They had to use a version of Big Guy’s patented mathemagicals ® to invent the rationale for securing 800,000 additional votes to WTF. By the way, now you understand why Ricky’s DOJ is adamant about not letting Florida remove those “illegal” voters from their rolls, right? We knew that when Big Guy waved his Homeland Security magic wand that most of them would be legal! Why go through all the trouble of having to re-register.

So, in case you think this is an overstep, allow Bruno to set you straight.

"A grant of deferred action is not immunity, it is not amnesty," Napolitano told reporters. "It is an exercise of discretion."

And we all know discretion is the better part of valor

And here’s why we had to do this through discretion: because even Big Guy agrees that he can’t do what he just did through an executive order:

'The fact of the matter is there are laws on the books I have to enforce,' Big Guy said.

THE PRESIDENT: I just have to continue to say this notion that somehow I can just change the laws unilaterally is just not true. We are doing everything we can administratively. But the fact of the matter is there are laws on the books that I have to enforce…

Now, what we can do is to prioritize enforcement, since there are limited enforcement resources, and say we're not going to go chasing after this young man…

Butt, butt…I thought selective enforcement was, uh…er…racial profiling?

Like in Arizona, where if you had a kid who looked like George Zimmerman you might get stopped just going out for ice cream.

 

            Although I guess it depends on the selection process – and who gets to select

I’ll tell you when it’s  intimidation

But we live in a democracy. You have to pass bills through the legislature, and then I can sign it.[ed. and THEN you can find out what’s in it] And if all the attention is focused away from the legislative process, then that is going to lead to a constant dead-end…

We have to recognize how the system works, and then apply pressure to those places where votes can be gotten and,

ultimately, we can get this thing solved. And nobody will be a stronger advocate for making that happen than me.

Gosh! It nearly takes your breath away, doesn’t it? Big Guy bravely stepped up to the plate and just did the right thing. Politics be damned. In fact, he felt so strongly that he mentioned it was the “right thing” to do not once, but 10 times in his Rose Garden announcement of the new interpretation of the old law!

All I could think was  “Spike Lee would be so proud:”

Those are some really, really big shoes to fill little man. Both of you.

Because in the ‘hood, doin’ the “right thing” always trumps American jurisprudence. Which, as we all know, is, well…

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, and retweeted by SkymomInMass, and MRM on twitter, Thanks!

We’ve got something even better than the real thing!

Oh oh! Somebody call our tailor! Pronto! The Emperor’s New Clothes are starting to disappear before our eyes.

How embarrassing

President Obama has no greater fan base than the mainstream media. They gleefully carried his water through Bill Ayers, the BP oil spill, and Fast & Furious. But because they have no more soul to sell, the one thing the media can't do is make the economy better for him. This, of course, puts the media in the awful position (at least for them) of having to pile on Their Precious One's increasing pile of failures, including a speech today that was supposed to reboot the President's flailing campaign:

Prior to President Barack Obama’s marathon 54 minute speech in Ohio today, the Obama campaign sent our (sic) several statements promising the speech would be a major address framing the campaign going forward. Despite the hype, the speech was mainly a rehash of themes and ideas from the president’s recent stump speeches and his remarks were widely panned as overly long by the political press corps. ...

Before the speech was over, Politico’s Mike O’Brien begged the president to stop.

On the air, MSNBC’s Jonathan Alter said it was “one of the worst speeches I’ve ever heard Barack Obama make.” He refused to back down.

What on earth could possibly be wrong here? TOTUS was all loaded up, the audience was all fired up:

In fact, the only one not fired up seemed to be…Big Guy.

More like 4 million words; and the same old 4 million at that

And despite having loaded all those words carefully onto TOTUS’ sparkly clean screen, people remain stubbornly unimpressed. Even those with a predisposition to be so:

I had high hopes for President Obama’s speech on the economy. But instead of going to Ohio on Thursday with a compelling plan for the future, the president gave Americans a falsehood wrapped in a fallacy.

The falsehood is that he has been serious about cutting government spending. The fallacy is that this election will be some sort of referendum that will break the logjam in Washington.                                                              (h/t Lucianne)

So, we just pretended it didn’t happen and went about our daily business: Photo Ops and fundraisers.

Counseling a young girl on a future of community organizing

Viewing the city that Obama rebuilt

My, our signature’s getting a little sloppier these days isn’t it?

What’s up with that?

If you’re concerned about the yellow shoes, look closely and you’ll note that the Mexican jumping bean dress has yellow it it.

Lady M doing her Mexican jumping bean impersonation in Mexico City, April 2010

It’s just that Lady M just doesn’t understand how the brain blends colors, because no one ever showed her that trap door. So instead of being able to study fine art she was forced to study sociology at Princeton and get a law degree from Harvard (which she subsequently found to be so unfulfilling that she abandoned her law license, voluntarily). So just remember that the next time you see one of MO’s “color pops” and perhaps you can be a bit more forgiving.

I don’t, however, know how to explain the lavender mini-me sweater, nor are there any words to explain this security leak:

Heads will roll, I assure you. This goes well beyond a breach of our rear-end photo embargo. Our super secret containment systems are considered top security and a violation of this magnitude will result in swift and unequivocal action.

It’s not as if this is a simple case of someone leaking national security secrets to the New York Times.

Or maybe it was just a loose lip that sunk this slip.

Anyway, back to our lagging campaign. As you may have heard, the original Obama Girl’s crush has chilled and she won’t be utilizing her internationally famous 54-Double Ds to help us WTF.

The worst campaign news yet is that Amber, OG’s real name, is being coy about her decision to leave our campaign saying it was fun, butt just a paying job. It sounds like she’s sending up an “I could be the Romney Girl for the right price” trial balloon. Maybe it would be a good idea for the Mittster to see what he’s got in the budget. Girlfriend is persuasive and loaded with charms:

Personally, I think she knows she doesn’t fit our 2012 campaign theme, which is far more inclusive than it has been in the past. Butt good news!  We’ve found a replacement that’s even better than the real thing! Obama Boy. See what you think:

Linked By: American Digest, and sb on Weasel Zippers, and BadBlue, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, Thanks!

Impossible. Just Impossible.

Big Guy can’t do anything about the deficit because he can’t get the do-nothing Congress to work with him. He can’t do anything about the terrible economy (which he isn’t responsible for anyway…that honor goes to George W and his do-too-much Congress) because the do-nothing Congress won’t let him spend any more money.

This has some of our Dems rattled. They’re starting to ask “What is Big Guy responsible for?” And “what is the Big White really competent at?” So we’ve been tasked with coming up with a list. Here’s what we’ve got so far:

• drone attacks
• picking Green Energy winners
• stonewalling
• parties for Presidential Medal of Freedom winners

Shimon Peres finally showed up last night, 3 weeks late, to collect his Presidential Medal; BO threw him a special party so Lady M could get a new frock.

• more parties

• and last, butt not least, using mass media to promulgate our pogroms.

The latest entry in this category is another Food TV show, Restaurant Impossible:

“Another reality program has descended upon Washington, hoping to make-over one more of our struggling businesses/institutions for the amusement of a television audience. The only difference this time is that the crews were invited by Michelle Obama.”

Lady M shows up at Horton’s Who? wearing her middle-American grown Tarjay blouse.

Host of the Restaurant Impossible series is iron-pumper and former member of the British Royal Navy, Robert Irvine. The rest of his qualifications, like many others around here, remain a little shady hazy. Butt that hasn’t prevented him from becoming a huge star either.

      

Oh oh! Look at those guns! It looks like we’ve got a competition, not an exhibition.

On Restaurant Impossible Robert usually redoes a failing family restaurant from dining room décor to menu, butt per Lady M’s request (delivered via a personal, professionally taped, message on a brand new iPad! Email  and tweets are so little people-ish) this time he did a makeover of Horton's Kids, a Washington, DC non-profit community center and after school mess hall. Robert built them a new community space, dining room, kitchen and sustainable Victory Garden. Like Lady M, Robert has a buzzy staff of little people that do all the actual work so he was able to do it all in just 48 hours! At the rate we’re going Big Guy won’t have that much to show for his 48 months of “work.” 

So, when everything is miraculously done, sparkly clean and new, Lady M shows up to hug and high-five everybody!

And to eat!

Just like we learned on Chicago’s South Side. Continental style. With plastic forks.

‘Regardless, you have to hand it to the first lady for finding ways to use pop-culture TV to promote her various agendas, whether childhood obesity on NBC’s “The Biggest Loser,” support for military families on Nickelodeon’s “iCarly” or healthful eating on Food Network’s “Iron Chef America.”’

You probably remember them, as I was there to cover all of those historical events:

 Biggest Losers to the Left, Ignoramuses to the Right:

NBC was first to step up to the plate, showcasing Lady M’s good wishes and best intents for the health of the little people. They found a way to also display her amazing athletic abilities in a “Biggest Losers” two-part special, part one of which debuted this week. It’s been hyped for over 3 weeks now, so we’re really getting our “money’s worth" out of this in-kind campaign contribution.

 

 iCarly. uRacist:

iCarly! iDance!

She received kudos for her dancing, as well as her acting skills:

Her acting skills also drew praise. The cast was impressed with Obama's ability to deliver her lines in the compressed time they had to shoot the scenes.

"She has good comic timing in real life, too," Cosgrove said

                                            H/T iOTW

And of course the  historic first, First Lady TV appearance on Iron Chef America way back in January of 2010, Battle Croc-Pot:

 

Since this is one battle that we do not intend to lose, Big Guy called together the joint chiefs of staff, Secretary of Defense Robert Gates, Bruno and Rahmbo to provide an assessment of our war plan before deploying our troops to the battle ground in Kitchen Stadium. He called a press conference to announce that he will accept the team’s recommendations without question and deploy without delay. Apparently there are some big endorsements riding on a win.

He wrapped up the presser by reading the following statement: “Let me be clear: our response will be targeted and robust. We will defeat our adversaries with extraordinary dispatch and secure a historic victory for the American people.”

For the record: our team WON! Of course.

Lately people are beginning to wonder just how long the current reality show will be running in Washington. The Extreme Makeover America crew showed up 3 1/2 years ago and has  pretty much been occupying the Big White and Senate ever since. Rumors of it being cancelled come November are flying around, butt so far there’s been no confirmation.

Stay tuned.

Is that a moving van!?!

In the meantime, just follow the rules and nobody will get hurt.

h/t: Full-Metal Spanx

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, Thanks!

The Contexterator-in-Chief explains all the trouble in the world.

I see that Big Guy was busy giving autographs to his adoring fans yesterday while Lady M was busy raising money for the campaign…

No wait! I’ve got that backwards. It was the other way around.

It’s really getting hard to keep their schedules straight, since they’re nearly identical these days.

So, while Big Guy was out drumming up support for WINNING and moving the hope ’n change FORWARD,

Romney’s a vampire capitalist. Now repeat after me: ‘I hope he fails’

by blaming the stinkin’ economy on Bush for stickin’ him with the bill for that big old steak  and martini dinner:

Read my lips: George. W. Bush. Ate. Your. Lunch. Got it?

and pointing at Berlin as the source of all those headwinds from Europe for being selfish and not spreading their wealth around to all the other have-not countries, like Greece.

It’s the Krauts’ fault, greedy vulture 1 percenters. Just like in WWII.

Greece agrees: it’s Germany’s fault

Fortunately that gave everybody a reason to look the other way after cub-reporter and press secretary, Mr. Claire Shipman, stepped in it. After lecturing the press corpse on Monday for taking Big Guy’s comment on “the private sector doing just fine, thank you,” out of context, he proceeded to advise them that they weren’t doing their jobs correctly. And he should know, since he is Mr. Claire Shipman. I believe that Jay-Jay’s exact words were: “You all ought to do your jobs and report on context, of course.”    

Of course, heeding that advice would eliminate nearly all mainstream reporting, so I will assume he was being hyperbolic. Besides, bringing context to Big Guy’s statements on the economy requires math. And that’s something neither Big Guy nor his band of sycophants are very fond of or good at.

Bloomberg.com tried to help out by explaining simply that the math proves that public sector jobs in the current environment are unsustainable. You would think that would be something Big Guy should understand because he’s been preaching about the power of sustainability since forever. Butt sure enough, they lost him and the rest of the big brains around here once they threw in the rocket science equation:

No, really, it’s nowhere near that complicated.

Shrinking tax revenues MINUS increasing wages, benefits, pensions EQUALS deficits

And that’s before it gets really complicated: There’s even more rocket science behind the shrinking public pension funds  (just like your 401k!) due to the stock market collapse – despite the fact the private sector is doing fine. Then there’s the rocket science involved in the shrinking tax revenues available for paying public union wages, benefits and pensions, again, due to the fact that the private sector is doing just fine. No wait…that doesn’t make sense, does it? See how complicated this gets? No wonder the big brains are having such a hard time.

So let me make it perfectly clear:

There’s not enough money in the Public Unions Pension Piggy Bank.

And nobody is making enough money (in the private sector that’s doing just fine) to put any more in.

Please feed me

Butt none of the pigs want to move away from the government trough.

Just like in Greece:

 

I dunno, butt I’m thinking that if I were David Axe-man Axelrod, I’d be questioning the wisdom of using the campaign’s favorite 2008 carryover optic anymore:

Those columns don’t look quite as classic as they once did. At least I think it’s the columns.

Linked By: NOBO2012 on Free Republic, Thanks!

Fifty Shades of Grey: BDSM all day, every day.

What is it going to take to WIN around here?

It was bad enough that the Republicans declared War On Women, butt now it seems they’ve launched several new offensives, are advancing from behind the lines and have even established an underground of resistance fighters comprised primarily of former allies.(h/t Jayne)

And the Clinton wing of the Democrat Party continues to lob grenades at Obama, undermining his bleak message of scapegoating and diversion with shiny objects ("Look over there -- it's a woman who can't get free contraceptives!").

Isn’t it bad enough that we have to contend with this new Mitt Romney creature who came from out of nowhere to harass us nearly every day:

Now it looks like apostates have even infiltrated some of our most reliable strongholds: 

It has been a Junius Horribilis for President Obama.

Job growth has stalled, the Democrats have been humiliated in Wisconsin, the attorney general is facing a contempt-of-Congress citation, talks with Pakistan have broken down, Bill Clinton is contradicting Obama, Mitt Romney is outraising him, Democrats and Republicans alike are complaining about a “cascade” of national-security leaks from his administration, and he is now on record as saying that the “private sector is doing fine.”

snip

The AP asked about the president’s unfortunate private-sector-is-fine remark. The Reuters correspondent asked about the economic “head winds” from Europe. Ed Henry of Fox News Channel asked about the looming contempt-of-Congress vote against Attorney General Eric Holder. Margaret Talev of Bloomberg News asked about the Supreme Court striking down Obamacare. Norah O’Donnell of CBS News asked about calls for a special prosecutor to probe leaks. Victoria Jones of Talk Radio News asked about the stalled talks with Pakistan.

I mean really, if we’ve lost Joan Rivers, maybe we’ve already lost the war on women.

This is no laughing matter

Rivers agreed with the notion that the president’s policies were unfairly harsh to the rich, saying, “I think if I work very hard, I should be able to gather the fruits of my labor. And I think if you’re not about to work, you should get minimal and leave me alone.

She went on to explain that she doesn’t do political comedy herself because she hates politics and

“because every moron is doing it.” Every moron, that is, except Bill Maher, Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert, whom she cites as exceptions to the rule.

Agreed: while they are morons, they’re definitely not doing comedy.

Anyway, here’s how serious this is; Snarky Basterd came out of self-imposed exile just to get in on the feeding frenzy (you’ll find him over there in my sidebar under Feed Your ADHD). Just this morning he opines that Big Guy is doomed without our lapdogs in the MSM. How is that going to cheer anyone up here in the Big White? Especially Mr. Claire Shipman, who I found curled up in a little ball last night behind his podium whimpering “yes we can” over and over again. Not pretty.

If there are any more questions I’ll be happy to not answer them too.

Now that all out war has been declared, it seems nothing is sacred anymore. Not even Lady M as Gerard kindly brought to my attention and referred for my handling.

Remember the dress we saw Lady M in for the debut of her NYT best selling gardening thriller by a political wife?

Well here’s why you didn’t see the full length shot:

Lady M’s Fifty Shades of Grey

Sometimes you wear the dress and sometimes the dress wears you. And sometimes, you overpay by $1400 to have the distinct honor of looking ridiculous.

…there’s a big difference between a flattering, gradual color shift, which, on hourglass figures can flatter by accentuating the a-line on a dress like this, and looking like the dog threw up on your hem and you had to wash it out in a pool that had been winterized in 1975.

The “author” of this smear piece then speculated that this was a customized version of one of these two designer versions:

                          

They are reasonably priced at just $800 (short) or $1600 (long) so she assumed MO’s version cost somewhere in that range. I assure you, customizing for Lady M at least doubles the cost of the original due to the extra fabric required for Lady M’s statuesque physique; so let’s just say the actual cost was somewhere between $1600 and $3200, plus shipping and handling. Not that we have to pay for them though.

Butt you can imagine the trouble Little Bo found himself in when he ate a little something from the organic garden of good & evil that didn’t agree with him and he had an unfortunate accident in the proximity of the lovely new frock. Lady M had selected the dress for the American Grown debut specifically because it perfectly reflects her well cultivated earth-mother image. And she wasn’t about to change her plans.

So, even with a little laundering we wound up having to have our customized long version shortened after all due to, well, those pesky stubborn stains along the hemline. Butt don’t worry, Granny R did the job herself for no additional charge (other than what we already pay her for babysitting). She just zipped it up on her Singer, and I think the final version turned out swell.

Not only does this in-between length show off Lady M’s historic gams to full effect, butt you hardly even noticed the staining effect of Little Bo’s allergic reaction to black kale as it blends right in with the pattern.

Little Bo serving time as a garden gnome for his transgression

 Black Kale: very dangerous if you’re allergic

Actually the final version of the dress looks pretty much the way the designer envisioned it. I think her inspiration had something to do with that new racy bestseller that everyone’s talking about: Fifty Shades of Grey. It’s giving Lady M’s book a run for her money on the bestseller list.

It’s not a fair contest though, as I understand “Grey” is very, very hot! As in sexy hot. In fact a lot of people are referring to it as “Mommy porn.” The book that is, not the dress.

So anyway, if you want some BDSM porn for your summer reading list – and who doesn’t – I guess Fifty Shades of Grey is your book. Or you can just stick with me while I follow the continuing saga of Washington life with BO and MO. Same concept: all BDSM all the time.

Linked By: Orenthal Simpson on Business Insider, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, Thanks!