Every Designer Tells a Story: Every Story has a Designer

Yesterday Lady M took a break from the rigors of campaigning and story telling to host the Smithsonian’s Cooper-Hewitt National Design Awards – the Museum’s annual event honoring lasting achievement in American design.

Is it just me, or do those mics look a little, uh, racist to you?

At a luncheon held in the East Room, the ceremony honored representatives in every category of design from architecture to technology, butt the fashion design is always the most anticipated announcement. This year the honor went to Thom Browne, an outstanding American designer who reinvented the men’s shrunken suit,

Who needs sleeves, when we turn the air conditioning off to save the planet anyway?

“Every day, these visionary designers are pushing boundaries, creating and revealing beauty where we least expect it,” Lady M told the audience.

Here’s somewhere I didn’t expect:

in a guy’s bare midriff

And here’s somewhere else where it’s unexpected: skirt pants (for men)

The surprises just keep coming: how about comic book art as fashion-wear? Who would’ve expected that?

I know what you’re thinking, butt no, he’s real.

Thom also does women’s fashion, although it’s not as boundary pushing; in fact it’s rather derivative.

Thom Browne’s burka inspired women’s fashion

Come to think of it, it might even be a little derisive.

Thom’s reflections on a women’s proper place. Yes, those are coffins

After all the brew-ha-ha over the Ralph Lauren Olympic wear being manufactured in China, I wonder if Lady M was aware that Thom Browne moved his menswear, uh, “fashion” shows from New York to Paris two years ago? At least he chose an appropriate location: France’s Communist Party headquarters. Perfect for the debut of his “perfectly calculated, spare gray suiting.”

Mid-High fives for the little designer guy

Clothing designer Thom Browne: like Lady M, he doesn’t believe in wearing socks either: Wait! Are those Sansabelts!?

As you may imagine, Thom is a huge fan of Lady M’s: “Browne said Obama ‘really understands that she is on a huge platform.’”

I’ll say

He even sounds a little like MO, when he talks about things he’s passionate about:

“She is so conscious about using where she is in a really good way, in a very helpful way, by the clothing she wears and supporting younger and newer designers …I think she is very generous in being very conscious in that way.”

I think she is too.

And Lady M concurs with Thom’s thought that “Fashion is more interesting when the references aren’t specifically fashion.”

Below, left to right clockwise, some of MO’s specifically non-fashion references include: yachting flags, Silicon Valley, toilet tissue, beach umbrellas, dominoes, spa robes, smurfs, salt water taffy and test patterns.

So, in case Ralph Lauren get’s booted as the designer of U.S. Olympic gear, I think Thom’s a shoo-in:

Unisex, summer, winter, interplanetary: I think he’s got the Olympic gig covered

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The Grim Barry Tales

“But the nature of this office is also to tell a story to the American people that gives them a sense of unity and purpose and optimism, especially during tough times.”

So let me tell you a story; in fact, let me tell you 1001 stories.

 Scheherazade spins her stories and saves her job

“A little traveling music, please”  (h/t: Jackie Gleason)

BO would like to tell you one story a day, just like Scheherazade. If he spins his tales well enough you’ll be distracted and forget that you were planning to send him packin’ in the morning.

So, I guess we have our next campaign strategy locked down: “Let Me Tell You a Story, America” because clearly our only failing has been not getting our story out.

We’ll be deploying all our yarn spinners for this fantasy marathon

 

Lady Scheherazade is a natural at telling stories that captivate and amaze

I do find BO’s admission of failure to communicate a little surprising though; after all, Democrats have had many, many years of practice at captivating spin:

        

And Big Guy himself is such an “awesomely phenomenal” communicator:

And together BO and MO are natural story tellers, especially good at zombie tales:

Butt STILL - Democrats just can’t seem to get their message out!

Our friends try to give Big Guy’s message a little boost, butt I guess they need a little more “message” to work with

That is a shame. Especially since BO got an “A” in everything on his last report card, including communication skills. Of course, we were marking on a curve.

  Butt let’s focus on the current issue:

“the mistake of my first term…was thinking this job was just about getting the policy right” [ed. which is why he handed that responsibility to a pro like Nancy Pelosi]

“but(t) the nature of this office is also to tell a story to the American people that gives them a sense of unity and purpose and optimism.” [ed. I think we’ve nailed everything except the unity and optimism; our purpose should be – in Big Guy’s words “perfectly clear” if anybody’s been paying attention]

So, having assessed the situation and determining that all we need are a few more good stories, we’ve contacted Bill Ayers to see if he’s available for a little composite story “editing.” I sure HOPE so, because Team-Obama is having a little trouble creating even a composite story on that unity thing.

So, those of you who are “In” will be getting an email blast from Plouffe-Daddy soon, asking you to share your stories about unity, optimism and purpose. We’ll be compositing them into little vignettes to be included in Barry’s Grim Tales of fighting to save America from the evil Republicans. They’ll also be used to raise money to continue the fight.

Meanwhile Team-O is working on a script for “Our Economic Optimism” and  “Our Composite Purpose”

Here’s all we’ve got so far: a story board for what we’re calling our  composite “why we’re optimistic about Obamacare” – see what you think:

Our Story and we’re sticking with it: It’s a fee – no, no - it’s a tax! No it’s a fee – butt only for freeloaders!  Plus,“Our Story” about how those other 21 taxes created or increased by Obamacare will actually create or save thousands of jobs in the IRS. While simultaneously provide Julia - and you - with all the free contraceptives you want. And medical marijuana too! Are you on board?

I think we’ll get some traction with that one, don’t you?

Oh, and how’s this sound for “Our Story” about economic unity in America? This one practically wrote itself: 81% of Americans now concur that the economy sucks! I know there’s a negative side to that unity butt that’s where our personal spin comes in: Nobody really cares! That’s right, because our administration stepped up and provided everyone with 90 weeks of unemployment followed by Social Security disability: all augmented by our SNAPpy Food Stamp program and EBT cards that provide struggling families with cash for booze, gambling and manicures. Gambling, people! You’ve got to be optimistic to gamble, right?

Now accepted everywhere!

BTW, here’s the rest of the story: the Republicans are trying to take everything away from you – so be sure to remember that when you vote in November.

Okay then, I think we’re getting our Mojo back!

Thank you!  I’ll be here all week!

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Warning: you are about to enter the Obamacare Tax/Penalty Matrix

I saw this headline on Drudge this morning: Algorithms now 'writing' articles for newspapers and websites... and I thought: “Wow - Global Warming must really be over if Al Gore is back to working as a hack.”  Then I read the story and realized that algorithms involved math, which automatically eliminated Al Gore from the equation.

Al Gore dancing with his Rhythms: “Is it just me, or is it hot in here?”

The Drudge story is actually about how media companies are outsourcing their news writing to  computer programs - comprised of a series of algorithms - to process masses of raw data and spit out a story:

While computers cannot parse the subtleties of each story, they can take vast amounts of raw data and turn it into what passes for news, analysts say.

"This can work for anything that is basic and formulaic,"

Wow! This is HUGE! Journalists everywhere writing what “passes for news” could be endangered. That means that all of the human reporters at The New York Times, The Washington Post, Politico, The Atlantic, Slate, The Nation, Harpers…along with every Blog in the Democratic Underground blogroll, can be replaced with an algorithm.They’re about to be “off-shored!” How can this happen on Big Guy’s watch!? How is this going to help the unemployment numbers?

Worse yet, this  could hit even closer to home. What could be more “basic” than one of Lady M’s campaign speeches? Or more “formulaic” than one of Big Guy’s? Do you realize what this means!? We could soon be replacing our loyal human political cyphers…

with real ciphers!

     

Encryption machines that move faster than a politician’s lips!! I cannot over-emphasize how huge this is! Can you imagine: you just speak into a microphone and the algorithms encrypt your words into political-Newspeak. Say, for example, we need to transmogrify this: 

“I can make a firm pledge.  Under my plan, no family making less than $250,000 a year will see any form of tax increase.  Not your income tax, not your payroll tax, not your capital gains taxes, not any of your taxes,” (Big Guy, Sept. 12, 2008)

…into something more like  “I’m going to have to raise everybody’s taxes on everything by 150% or more to pay for this healthcare monstrosity”  without getting the people who will actually be paying for it upset.That’s where we currently employ our human cyphers; they translate this “irrefutable fact” into something a little…uh, “softer” – starting with Big Guy himself:

“If your family earns less than $250,000 a year, you will not see your taxes increased a single dime.  I repeat: not one single dime.” (Feb. 24, 2009)

Did you see how he did that? How he parsed it into “Not one single “dime” – hee! That’s why we call him the Won!

Our go-to cypher used to be Gibbsy: first, and still the best!

Human cypher #1’s attempt - dissimulate: “The statement didn’t come with caveats.”  (Robert Gibbs April 15, 2009, when asked if the pledge applies to healthcare)

Cypher #2 is no slouch either:

Human cypher #2’s attempt - obfuscate: “We have to pass the bill so that you can find out what’s in it” (Nancy Pelosi March 9, 2010)

Human cypher #1’s second attempt - impersonate:  “individual responsibility portion in the law” (Robert Gibbs December 2010 – explaining that the “individual mandate” is now an individual “responsibility”)

Human cypher #2’s  second  attempt: – free-associate “It’s a ta—; it’s a penalty for free riders.” (Nancy Pelosi July 1, 2012, nearly uttering the dreaded T-word before cutting herself off. An algorithm never would have done that.)

Human cypher #3  weighs in by confounding and equivocating:

Look, it's a penalty.  It affects 1 percent, and perhaps less, of the population.  It is a -- I don't know about you, but you don't get to choose whether you pay your income taxes -- most people don't.  I certainly don't.  This is not a tax in that sense at all.  It is a penalty you pay if you fail to buy health insurance but can afford it. - (Jay Carney July 7, 2012 – and for the record Jay, I’d check my contract if I were you: some of Big Guy’s cyphers, like Toxic Timmy, don’t have to pay their income taxes; or at least they get to choose whether they do or not.)

So you can see where a ciphering machine might come in pretty handy around here, especially if you could program it to obfuscate, dissimulate, impersonate and triangulate all at once. Hey wait! We’ve already got one of those ciphers!

Butt we’re going to have to make sure we classify all of our documents, emails, phone calls and text messages relating to the existence of these super-secret cipher machines. We don’t want this falling in the wrong hands. As it is, it looks like some of our most valued foreign allies are catching on to our cyber antics:

H/T Ellen K

 

Disregarding Cipher’s warnings, Morpheus still believed that Neo was THE WON

The Matrix

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