Dirty Harry: In Obama’s Kitchen, Punk!

It looks like R² has gotten into Big Guy’s kitchen again. And this time they’re eating his Twinkies.

Hey, aren’t those Twinkies a little…racist?

You can tell R² raided the Twinkie supply in Big Guy’s pantry because everybody’s still talking about Clint Eastwood’s empty chair this morning, 2 days after the fact. (I know “kitchen cabinet” is racial code, butt I think “pantry” is still okay. Just to be safe though, I checked my Condensed Liberal Handbook of Racial Code Words.)

                                                                              h/t Iowa Hawk

Anyway, the empty chair threw Big Guy’s teamsters into overdrive. They’ve pulled out all the stops to employ RULE 12: “Pick the target, freeze it, personalize it, and polarize it.” Unfortunately Dirty Harry doesn’t seem to give a rat’s patoot about them or their opinions. In fact it may well have made his day, which always diminishes the effect of RULE 12.

Anyway, about those Twinkies: they may not be around much longer for the R-words to eat.  It seems that between Lady M’s War on Childhood Obesity and Big Guy’s War on Success, Twinkies has filed bankruptcy. Just between you and me, I suspect there’s  more involved here than meets the eye. Twinkies’ parent company, Hostess, is a major rival of McKee Foods, maker of, wait for it…Little Debbie Snack Cakes!

And we all know how much Big Guy enjoys his Little Debbie, along with an occasional Cosmic Brownie after a big night day:

Anyway, proof that Clint’s routine - which will forevermore be known as “Eastwooding” - got in Big Guy’s kitchen is captured by this WaPo blog:

Rattled and bitter that they could not knock the Romney-Ryan ticket off-message, the Obama team and its allies in the blogosphere fixated on Clint Eastwood. Listen, I was there and it was darn weird. But at times it was funny and devastating in its dismissal of the president’s excuses. And in clips and sound bites the day after the live performance, the oddness is diminished and the punch lines seem more biting. In simple terms, the movie icon encapsulated the message of the convention: If someone is doing a bad job, you have to fire him.

Even more to the point: (h/t Fausta via Gerard)

Representing President Obama by an empty chair is salient, high concept, and very much to the point.

Which is exactly why Clint’s chair landed in Big Guy’s kitchen, prompting an immediate response from his cabinet:

Trust me, we KNOW it’s OCCUPIED

It was actually a quick Photoshop of the original, below. We were holding it for next week’s DNC for a little humor of our own: to demonstrate how BO has gotten over his reputation for being thin skinned about people making fun of his ears:

I guess we won’t be able to use it now:

Eastwood apparently so annoyed the egomaniacal president that the leader of the Free World felt compelled to hit back via Twitter (“this seat is taken”) at the movie star. Talk about losing your presidential aura. Empty chair = Obama is now a powerful association. Will the chair be in ads?

(aside: “Empty Chair” now leading the list of #ThingsIWouldVoteForBeforeObama)

Butt back to those Twinkies; I’m really going to be sorry to see them go the way of Chicago’s coal plants:

After all, the iconic Twinkie seems so perfect for these times: a spongy cake surrounding a fluffy, air filled sweet nothing consisting of no real ingredients. Mmmm, mmm, mmm!

An American Icon

Oh and one last thing: did you catch the blue moon last night? I don’t know who’s been messing with the gravitational pull on the oceans now, butt this blue moon was certainly Won for the record books, don’t you think?

I said get out of my kitchen!

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RNC Day 3: “Well, do ya’, punk?”

I’ll get to Clint in a minute.

First, an important announcement: The R² Team has officially embraced Alinsky’s Rules as their own!  Who knew they had it in them?

yea! BKeyser! h/t Blonde Gator

It seemed as though everyone spent an inordinate amount of time last night practicing Rule #5: “Ridicule is man’s most potent weapon.” Take Marco for example:

These are tired and old big government ideas. Ideas that people come to America to get away from. Ideas that threaten to make America more like the rest of the world, instead of helping the world become more like America. (snip)

Under Barack Obama, the only “Change” is that “Hope” has been hard to find.
Now millions of Americans are insecure about their future. But instead of inspiring us by reminding us of what makes us special, he divides us against each other.

He tells Americans they’re worse off because others are better off. That people got rich by making others poor.

Hope and Change has become Divide and Conquer. (snip)

…the essence of the American miracle -- that we’re exceptional not because we have more rich people here.

We’re special because dreams that are impossible anywhere else, come true here.

Just who does that little whippersnapper think he is, ridiculing HOPE and CHANGE like that?

As for Mitt himself, after hitting all the designated humanizing topics (Family, Women, Bain/Business, and Religion) required to make Independents comfortable he spent the second half of the speech throwing some red meat. And ridiculing Big Guy. Who knew he had it in him?

President Obama promised to begin to slow the rise of the oceans. (MUFFLED LAUGHTER) And heal the planet. (MORE LAUGHTER) MY promise...is to help you and your family.(snip)

Is it any wonder that someone who attacks success has led the worst economic recovery since the Great Depression? In America, we celebrate success, we don't apologize for it.

That is why every president since the Great Depression who came before the American people asking for a second term could look back at the last four years and say with satisfaction: "you are better off today than you were four years ago."

Except Jimmy Carter. And except this president.(snip)

To the majority of Americans who now believe that the future will not be better than the past, I can guarantee you this: if Barack Obama is re-elected, you will be right.(snip)

I will begin my presidency with a jobs tour. President Obama began with an apology tour.

I ask you: is pointing out Big Guy’s inadequacies really necessary?

Okay then, we’re up to Clint Eastwood, clearly the most unconventional speaker at the convention. His appearance incorporated many of Alinsky Rules including parts of Rule #3 (Wherever possible go outside the experience of the enemy) and #6 (A good tactic is one that your people enjoy) butt relied primarily on good old #5 (Ridicule is man’s most potent weapon).

For those ridiculing Clint today, I have only this to say: they missed the point. Which often happens when you start using someone’s own game against them. For them, allow me to pass on this explanation (h/t Madame deFarge): “his delivery combined Columbo, Will Rogers with a little Bob Newhart thrown in to reduce Barry to the twit he is.”

Could he have been a little more rehearsed and polished? Sure, he’s an actor, butt again that’s missing the point. Big Guy is the one known for his polish and rhetoric, not his critics.

Big Guy’s critics are know for being addle-brained, right? Clint was there to represent the rest of us; the not-so-young butt oh-so-wise generation who HOPE the following generations will be able to experience and enjoy the American experience they have. And they know that’s only possible by preserving and restoring the freedoms and liberties guaranteed by the Constitution.

He was also representing those who might not be as media savvy as the shiny young things running the Won’s campaign, butt who’ve been around the block enough times to recognize a scam when they see one. Those who aren’t obsessed with the hollowness of rock star personalities,

because they know it’s one’s inner life that is the true measure of a man.

For them, Clint demonstrated the value of going off-script sometimes and speaking your mind, no matter what people think about it. Don’t think for a minute that a guy who spent his life reading, writing and directing scripts didn’t know what he was doing. He was speaking for the rest of us.

As for Big Guy; he was too busy to watch the RNC coverage butt one of his aides “briefed him” on what was going on.

Don’t get too comfortable, punk

His official response – issued through one of his aides too – was “there’s no big idea here.” Butt then, you have to remember, Big Guy’s standard for “Big Ideas” is pretty high; after all, the Big Brains on his team invented HOPE and CHANGE.

No matter how you feel about President Obama, this election is about your future, not his.   Marco Rubio

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Wow! Just Wow!

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the next President of the United States of America!

And Big Guy, I’m just giving you fair warning:  Apparently Alinsky works for R² now.

Back in the morning with my official report.

Words? Just words?

Once again, an evening of words.  And in an unusual twist for this type of thing, they were nicely combined with ideas for a CHANGE.

Our lapdogs had to provide a lot of fill-in again because the R-words spent a good portion of the evening again showcasing their so-called diversity. And apparently this added pressure to provide filler content is getting to Ms.NBC, where some kind of an implosion is beginning to look inevitable.

Let’s start with the R-words white Hispanic governor from New Mexico, Susana Martinez. Susana told about how she first discovered that she was an  R-word after a discussion on several critical ideas related to governing:

“We talked about many issues, like welfare, is it the way of life or hand up? Talked about size of government, how much should it tax families and small businesses?  And when we left that lunch, we got in the car and I looked over at Chuck and said,   "I'll be damned. we're Republicans.''

She should have known she was a Republican though, since she’s been packin’ a 357 magnum (something she shares in common with tonight’s “surprise” guest) since she was 18. Don’t mess with Susana, people!

The take-away from Susana’s speech: words matter. For instance, she took the time to explain why we shouldn’t confuse politicians with leaders:

“I fear some of our leaders today have lost the courage to stand up. What we have now are politicians. They won't offer real plans, and only stand up when they want to blame someone else.”

Ouch again! This RNC is starting to feel like a b***h slapping fest.

Condoleezza was up next. Not only was she in the house, she owned it. Imagine:  a “woman of color” who speaks truth to power – and it’s not Lady M! Condi was able to lay out her critical issues clearly, intelligently and substantively. Wow! A speech based on ideas rather than emotions! And without TOTUS anywhere in sight! How does she do that!?!

She dazzeled us with something the left abandoned years ago: ideas

“After all, when the world looks to America, they look to us because we are the most successful economic and political experiment in human history.  That is the true basis of American exceptionalism. You see, the essence of America, what really unites us, is not nationality or ethnicity or religion. It is an idea. And what an idea it is.”

Butt let’s be honest here people, she still can’t hold a candle to the women of color on the left side of the aisle. Women such as Shelia “where can I park my moon rover on Mars?” Jackson-Lee and Maxine “Guess what this liberal would be all about?  This liberal would be about socializing … uh, umm.  … Would be about, basically, taking over, and the government running all of your companies.” Waters. (For the record Maxi, the word you were groping for is “nationalizing.” They do it in South America everywhere dictatorial regimes reign supreme.) Or even the lesser known butt equally talented Frederika Wilson.

          

Who the left choses to showcase their diversity: I think this might be racist

Unfortunately Fox didn’t have Juan Williams on hand last night to provide his insight on Susana and Condi. I think I can say on Juan’s behalf though that neither of them look like a “corporate wife.” Although I’m a little uncomfortable saying that, as I suspect that “corporate wife” is code for something.

Finally, the night’s keynote speaker: Paul Ryan.  

Smells like vision

We have responsibilities, one to another— we do not each face the world alone. And the greatest of all responsibilities, is that of the strong to protect the weak. The truest measure of any society is how it treats those who cannot defend or care for themselves.

Each of these great moral ideas is essential to democratic government— to the rule of law, to life in a humane and decent society. They are the moral creed of our country, as powerful in our time, as on the day of America's founding. They are self-evident and unchanging, and sometimes, even presidents need reminding, that our rights come from nature and God, not from government.

Honestly, what is with all these people and their fascination with ideas?  They’re always going on about the “big ideas” thing:

Ryan has the simple charisma of sincerity.It helps that he is adept at explaining complicated subjects in clear, concise language. But there is something more there, a skill that I’m not sure can be taught or rehearsed. It’s a way of relating to the world, to other human beings--even family and intimate friends--through ideas. Through reason.

It’s a form of leadership we rarely see. In 2008, Barack Obama impressed pundits with his intellect and rhetoric, but beyond his high-flown hyperbole, much of what he offered was mere sophistry. Obama is a man of words, not ideas--of letters but not leadership, as Ryan pointed out tonight. Ryan’s own ideas are not only substantively better but also seem more deeply felt, more passionate and authentic--without trying too hard to be so. (read the whole thing)

Don’t they get it? This is just a show.

Butt it’s a really big show

Of course it’s all about words. That’s why TOTUS  is there. And Big Guy believes that, just like ideas, words are completely malleable.

And as for ideas: who needs them when we have sophistry?

Sophist-in-Chief

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RNC Day One: “What’s Love Got To Do With It?”

With Ann Romney and Chris Christie as the headliners, who would’ve thought that Love would steal the show. No, I don’t mean Ann’s speech, although she did announce right upfront that it was about love. And I don’t mean the Governator’s speech either which was about the relationship between love and respect. I’m talking about MIA LOVE, the mayor of Saratoga Springs, Utah of all places!

Mia Love “Love Bomb”

This feisty little lady took Big Guy on by name and said his policies had “failed” and that “no rhetoric, bumper sticker, or Hollywood campaign ad can change that.” Ouch!

It’s good enough to watch the whole 4 minutes:

“Our last, best hope on earth!”

Then former Dem-turned R-word Artur Davis picked up on the theme, albeit in a rather dismissive, even derisive tone:

"we should have known that night in Denver that things that begin with styrofoam Greek columns and artificial smoke typically don't end well." He continued: "Maybe the Hollywood stars and the glamor blinded us a little: You thought it was the glare, some of us thought it was a halo."

It might be fun watching Artur remove Big Guy’s halo

Ouch, again.

And as long as we’re speaking about being derisive, I would be negligent if I didn’t point out that Nikki “if you have to show a picture ID to buy Sudafed and you have to show a picture ID to set foot on an airplane, then you should have to show a picture ID to protect one of the most valuable, most central, most sacred rights we are blessed with in America - the right to vote” Haley also took Big Guy on. Although she didn’t mention him by name, I think we all know who she was talking about when she said “We deserve a president who will fight for American companies, not against them.”

Who does she think she is? The daughter of Indian immigrants who built their own business or something?

 What’s with all these “ouchies” anyway? Butt finally, we get to the headliners.

Ann "he BUILT It” Romney:

    

I don't think there is a woman in America who really expects her life to be easy. In our own ways, we all know better.  You know what, and that's fine. We don't want easy. 

But the last few years have been harder than they needed to be.  It is all the little things, the price of the pump you could not believe and the grocery bills that just get bigger, all those things that used to be free, like school sports are now one more bill to pay.  

It's all the little things become the big things.  And the big things, the good jobs, the chance at college and the home you want to buy just get harder.  Everything has become harder.

We're too smart and know that there are no easy answers, but we're not dumb enough to accept that there are not better answers.

WOW! That wasn’t too bad for a “corporate wife.” I think even Juan would have to admit that much; that is, if he wasn’t so concerned with rehabbing himself with the party that trashed him in much the same manner.

And then we had the inimitable Chris Christie. Slayer of wussies and - it looks like here -teleprompters!

“Here he comes to save the day” Duck, TOTUS!

The Washington Post declared his speech a bomb, the NYT called it a lie, and Howard “I killed Newsweek” Fineman said it was just “nasty” and “mean”  - all of which indicates that it must have been fairly effective.

First The Governator declared that even love is subordinate to the respect upon which it is built:

The greatest lesson Mom ever taught me, though, was this one: she told me there would be times in your life when you have to choose between being loved and being respected. She said to always pick being respected, that love without respect was always fleeting -- but that respect could grow into real, lasting love.

Gee, Big Guy (the titular head of the free world, not the Governator) still believes if they love you they will automatically respect you too.

…at least enough to carry your baggage.

In fact, he’s counting on it, come November.

It was after that remark that Howie felt Christie got all mean and nasty, yelling at everybody for surrendering to the forces that have determined that America should now step back and let somebody else be number one for awhile:

What will our children and grandchildren say of us? Will they say we buried our heads in the sand, we assuaged ourselves with the creature comforts we've acquired, that our problems were too big and we were too small, that someone else should make a difference because we can't?

Or will they say we stood up and made the tough choices needed to preserve our way of life?

I don't know about you, but I don't want my children and grandchildren to have to read in a history book what it was like to live in an American Century.

I don't want their only inheritance to be an enormous government that has overtaxed, overspent and over-borrowed a great people into second-class citizenship.

I want them to live in a second American Century.

I don’t know how well that message will fly in Big Guy’s Post Racial, Post Partisan, Post American world. After all, it’s really not our “turn” any more. Right? It’s only fair to let somebody else be the leader for awhile, right?

Anyway, while the Republicans gathered in Tampa, ignoring the misery of the people in the path of Isaac, Big Guy was campaigning in Iowa and Colorado, feeling people’s pain and coordinating official Presidential responses with Axe-man and Gibbsy in ChicagO World Headquarters.

This just in: FORWARD PERIOD is now pointing south.

The ChicagO-team is busily taking hourly polls to see how best to use Isaac to their advantage with the American public. They’re keeping an open line to both Big Guy and our MSM lapdogs in order to issue focus group tested responses to the crisis as it continues to develop. So far two responses tested favorably with undecided people who aren’t likely to vote:

a) “New Orleans was spared because Big Guy dispatched FEMA aid well in advance of the storm surge,” or b) “New Orleans destroyed by heartless Republicans who redirected Hurricane Isaac their way in order to spare their convention in Tampa.”

Stay tuned. Big Guy will continue to consult TOTUS for word from the O-Team on which message to deliver.

All I can say is that we should remember one important aspect of Liberty: in her shadow, all men seem small.

“Real leaders don’t follow polls, real leaders change polls.”

Butt some always seem smaller than others.

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Obama: “A Head” in All of the Best Polls.

As Isaac gathers steam in the Gulf and the elephants gather steam in Tampa I thought I’d take this opportunity to give you an update on how our campaign is coming along. (Hint: Please send more money! Lots more money!)

Apparently we’re continuing to rely on Lady M to humanize Big Guy. 3 1/2 years in and we’re still trying to “humanize” Big Guy? Seriously? Is that really necessary at this point?

 h/t Legal Insurrection via creeperThe human President TOTUS-head is “a head” in all of the polls

Although I guess some people still find Big Guy to be a little stiff:

Smile! You’re getting your picture taken with an icon.

Jose proudly displays his certification of illegal citizen status

Frankly, my fear is that BO may be all too human.

CBS, ABC, NBC, CNN and Ms.NBC report Obama is firmly “a head” of the pack after this performance

As for Lady M, I’m a little worried about her too. This has been a grueling campaign so far and she’s starting to exhibit the early signs of burn out:

“It is just so wonderful to be here and to see all of you this afternoon, evening – what time of day is it? I’ve lost track of time.” Who am I? Why am I here?

- losing track of time, and dependence on various “sleeping aids.”

Anyway, sure enough no sooner do I start fretting about Lady M’s over-exposure than (then?) it happens - in spades: (is that racist?)

h/t Chickaboomer and pwitter

The picture has place(d) Mrs Obama's face in a 1800 portrait of a slave with an exposed breast, and Magazine de Fuera de Serie likely knew the image was going to stir up controversy.

The editors may have had a different message in mind given the historical context of the particular painting, but that sentiment was overlooked by online viewers who found the composite offensive and racist.

Good grief! When was the last time this happened? Joey was right: they are planning to “put y’all back in chains!”  

And it looks like the magazine was very cognizant of the controversy this Photoshop would create:

Artist Karine Percheron-Daniels defends the artistic choice, saying that it shows an 'alternative unexpected reality' by allowing the viewer to see 'famous individuals in a different way'

I guess that’s what Glamour Magazine had in mind too when they decided to interview Big Guy for their soft-porn piece:

Watch for another 'alternative unexpected reality' expected to hit the newsstands on November 6. You’re not going to want to miss it.

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If He loses He didn’t do it on his own, somebody else made that happen

There’s only one news item more important than the Big Blow deciding to skip Tampa:

Maybe I’ll just go campaign in New Orleans instead

And that’s the latest racist charge against Romney. Controversy raged all weekend about Mitt’s comment that they’re “gonna put y’all back in chains!”  No wait - that was our crazy uncle Joey wasn’t it?

Yeah I said it! Butt I don’t know what it means.

Different team so definitely NOT racist. Boy, it’s like those rightwing nutz just make this stuff up, isn’t it?

What Mitt said: "No one's ever asked to see my birth certificate" can only be taken to be racist because…well, because Ms.NBC said so.  And they would know. Anyway, Mitt’s hateful, racist remark led to this backlash by Team Obama at the R² Powell, OH (that’s O-H-I-O) appearance:

Grammarians across the English speaking world (which still currently includes most of the USA) are debating over what the actual message is here. Moe Lane suggests the following interpretation:

Or maybe it has nothing to do with Mitt’s joke at all. Possibly it’s about the Republican’s war on women; a statement in support of Team Obama’s anti-“birtherism”: 

Planned Parenthood’s Action Fund plans to spend more than $3 million in Ohio and Virginia against Mitt Romney in the wake of his pledge to “get rid” of the women’s health advocacy group.

The group is one of several liberal-leaning women’s organizations planning to spend millions of dollars in crucial election states to swing undecided female voters toward President Obama.

Joining them are NARAL Pro-Choice America and EMILY’s List, two abortion-rights groups who are also planning aggressive campaigns.

Butt we’re not going to dwell on this when we have other issues to deal with, like not raising enough money. In which case losing the reelection will not be Big Guy’s fault – it will be your fault:

 

Motus -- When I'm out there talking to voters, we talk about what we've done, what we plan to do over the next four years, and why the other guys have dangerous plans to go back to the policies that failed America for almost a decade. But there is another question that keeps coming up, and you need to know about it: "Why do I see so many more ads for the other guys?" You don't need me to tell you that the Romney campaign is outraising us -- that billionaire ideologues and corporate interests are piling on tens of millions more in negative ads trashing us, and that all of it means that undecided voters in battleground states like Iowa could be seeing false, misleading, negative attacks at a rate almost twice as often as they hear from us. Last week, when I was in Iowa, voters told me they were feeling it. The numbers back it up: Our side is getting outspent 2-to-1 on the air there. But the folks asking me about this don't want an explanation -- they want to know what I'm going to do about it. And the fact is that solving this problem is up to you. Close the gap on the air by making a donation of $5 or more now. You're getting this email because you know what the stakes are in this election. You know the facts about what we've done to prevent a deeper crisis and to start building an economy that works for the middle class. But for someone who's not as engaged, these ads may be an important and possibly even primary source of information about the choice in this election. So it's a bad situation if 90 percent of them are false, negative attacks on us. We're losing this air war right now. I don't have as much time to campaign this time as I did in 2008, so this whole thing is riding on you making it happen. Donate now to close the gap on the air: https://www.mittromney.com/donate Thank you, Barack Contributions or gifts to Obama for America are not tax deductible This email was sent to: motus@whitehouse.gov.

I don’t know, is it just me, or does this email strike you as just a little, uh, un-presidential?

I mean, really:

But the folks asking me about this don't want an explanation -- they want to know what I'm going to do about it.

If Big Guy was talking about the economy I could see it, butt when you’re just talking about raising cash it just seems a little more “community-organizer” and a little less “leader-of-the-free-world” to me.

And the fact is that solving this problem is up to you ….

I don't have as much time to campaign this time as I did in 2008, so this whole thing is riding on you making it happen.

Big Guy doesn’t have time to campaign!? Seriously? That’s more or less ALL we’ve done since January!

Still, when “billionaire ideologues

Big Guy money man and leftist ideologue, Georgie Boy

and corporate interests”

Big Guy’s Big Corporate Donor and Tax Policy Advisor

are contributing to your opponent because they’re worried about your trillionaire deficit habit, you’ve got trouble, my friend.

Butt here’s the real take away from this email blast: the most powerful man in the world is not responsible for anything. And he can’t control anything either. Somebody else has to do that.

Man that stinks! I don’t know why anyone would even want such a sucky job.

Remember: if he loses his halo it’s your fault.

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