MOTUS A.D.: All the President’s Men

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

All the President’s Men

“Benghazi coverup? What Benghazi coverup!?? We no longer cover phony scandals”

In hindsight that trip to the Amazon distribution center in Chattanooga to talk about (small case) jobs, jobs jobs makes more sense.

Now that we can officially announce that Jeff Bezos bought the Washington Post, you see the perfect symmetry, right?

Coming soon: all the news that’s fit to read

Even some of our most loyal supporters wondered why Big Guy would pick Amazon - king of the crappy, minimum wage job that makes Walmart look like a worker’s paradise - to discuss his "better bargain for the middle class." (note to self: we should look into having Anna Wintour buy the New Republic, it looks like they could use a reboot too.)

Enthusiastic minimum wage workers outnumbered by photographers and SS.

Technically, Bezos is just the bag man as it might still be illegal for the administrative branch of the U.S. government to buy a newspaper outright. Butt I do know that we made all the arrangements, just ahead of our visit last week to the Amazon center in Tennessee.

BO meets with Amazon workers on their unpaid lunch break

This all started at our last strategy session (for OFA – we don’t do economic strategy sessions any more) where we identified some weak results in our “effectiveness” metric in the “major U.S. print newspaper” category. Although I think that’s partially due to people just not reading newspapers any more, Big Guy decided to buy another one anyway, and turn it around like he did GM. [related story: GM to drop the price on their popular electric powered car, the Volt, by $5000 next year (plus $7000 tax credit), in order to ~~clear out the inventory~~ put more electric vehicles on the street. Another successful green energy initiative.] So we pulled out our rolodex of crony capitalists and found one who hadn’t done anything for us lately and signed Jeff up to handle the paper work.

I think we can take our WaPo coverage to the bank from now on. And thanks to all the fine work we’ve done with the banking sector over the past 5 years, I’m pleased to announce that it no longer matters which bank, as we’ve pretty much occupied Wall Street.

All the President’s men of Wall Street come calling when summoned.

Or as LBJ famously said when asked which plane on the tarmac was his, “Son, they’re all my planes.”

So if you don’t already have one, go buy yourself a Kindle today (through Amazon and get a special one day only discount) and prepare yourself for some great late summer reading.