MOTUS A.D.: Putting the Tea Party Anarchist Shutdown of 2013 “behind” us!

Saturday, October 19, 2013

Putting the Tea Party Anarchist Shutdown of 2013 “behind” us!

Looks like I’m going to have to get to the spa for a fresh Glass Wax; we’re having our grand re-opening next month! That’s right, Big White tours will resume in November so it looks like I’ll finally be getting back to work for the American people. And I want to be in top form so I can put forth only my very best reflections. I need to ensure that all of our official WH.GOV shots look more like this:

(without photoshopping I mean)

…than this:

Unauthorized rear view that somehow slipped through the NSA screening

So, to make sure we get off on the right foot (so to speak), I hit the newly reopened gym with Lady M for a little tune/tone-up before going live next month.

Oh yeah, we’re gonna’ put that TPA shutdown “behind” us.. (h/t Gerard)

If you want to come to visit the people’s house though, just make sure you call ahead because we can only resume our tours for 3 days a week. Even though the Great Tea Party Anarchist Shutdown of 2013 is over, we’re still suffering from previous sequester cuts. And we had to assigned all available staff to clean up in aisles 1, 4, 5, 7 and 10 of the Organic Garden of Good and Evil:

Arriving with racks and shovels, the NPS will have this place turned into a pile of compost in no time.

The squirrels need help with the tomato and okra harvest.

Unfortunately (thanks to the TPA) the garden remains dangerously ripe and overgrown and as such hasn’t received the necessary EPA clearance and USDA safety certification for photo-ops,so we won’t be able to hold our annual harvest with school children this year. I know. I’m disappointed too!

There’s nothing quite like a good sweet potato or turnip shot. Butt since we’re unable to hold the No Child’s Fat Behind® harvest this year, the NPS will be composting most of the rotten fruit around here and piling all the pumpkins and squashes that had already been hauled in from local farms for the harvest in front of the North portico. All of our lucky visitors will be asked to grab one on their way out.

So don’t tell me we don’t know how to run an efficient government.

"Last year's sequestration came midway through the fiscal year, and we were unable to adjust or re-allocate remaining funding to continue tours while still ensuring enough funding remained to meet all operational needs and avoid furloughing our employees," said Secret Service spokesman Brian Leary. "In light of the new fiscal year, the Secret Service is confident that through the continuing resolution tours can operate at a reduced level while still meeting operational requirements. "

Unless, of course, it requires us to re-allocate funds midway through the fiscal year. That part of governing flummoxes us every time.