Rats Jump Ship; All that Remains is de Brie.

It’s getting hard to keep up with all the rats abandoning ship around here. It looks like we’ll be rearranging a few of the deck chairs ahead of our historic first, second inauguration.

Here, help me move this a little more to the left

Here’s what we know so far regarding the rats bailing on us: Hillary’s leaving State to “pursue other interests” i.e. making money on the lecture circuit with Bill.  More than likely she’ll be replaced by lantern jawed senior statesman Jean Karré, who finds our military reminiscent of Genghis Kahn. Secretary of Defense Leon Panetta is leaving to run his California vineyard and consulting practice, to be replaced by Chuck Hagel who will be responsible for gutting streamlining both the military and Israel. Patraeus has resigned from CIA to write a book; he’ll likely be replaced by John Brennan – if and when Hillary can squeeze her testimony on Benghazi into her lecture schedule. Also departing, Secretary of Labor Hilda “tireless champion for working families” Solis; most likely to cash in lobby for “tirelessly champion” Big Labor.

The Gun Fight continues…What Would Breitbart Do?

BREAKING NEWS: MOTUS’ Friday Gun Poll has been re-opened due to popular demand and a linkie from Moonbattery! Hey, Chicago Rules, you know? Go here to see the formerly final, now, preliminary results.

Here is your Friday Gun Survey: (as always, Chicago Rules apply)

 

I was listening to Geraldo this morning on F&F as he articulated his liberal logic on guns and gun control. Essentially his position is: “I’ve got the guns I want, so you shouldn’t want anything more,” which is a variation of the basic liberal argument for regulating everything which is “I’ve got mine, so now I can regulate yours.”

Butt what really caught my ear was this comment from Geraldo, and I quote: “How could you not trust your own government?”

What Fresh Tyranny is This?

To paraphrase Ms. Parker, “What fresh tyranny is this?”

“With this pen, I thee shred.”

What part of “The right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed” does the professor of Constitutional Law not grasp? Ah! That’s not really the operative question, is it? We should be asking “how, exactly, does the Constitutional Law professor intend to circumvent that pesky amendment?

Joey’s out there floating some trial balloons: how far can we go before the people raise those arms they’ve been given the right to bear?

h/t Doug Ross

Don’t worry though, the Oscar nominations just came out. That means that politics-weary country can turn its attention back to Hollywood as the circuses are about to begin (for the time being you’ll still have to bring your own bread, butt we’re working on that too). That should at least get us all through Kim Kardashian’s first trimester.

Speaking of the Oscars reminds me though; remember when Hillary refused to say she was retiring when asked about her plans yesterday? Well, I think I’ve got a scoop for you: after conquering Washington she’s going to transfer her considerable acting talents to Hollywood to make a little more dough:

Amour received 5 Oscar nominations

In fact, I suspect she’s already been moonlighting:

               

Maybe that’s why she was so sure the Benghazi massacre was caused by a movie.

Linked By: Phyllis J. Hanniver on facebook, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, Thanks!

A Smaller Slice? I Ordered Pizza! Pizza!

You didn’t think that fundamentally transforming America was going to be cheap did you?

Perhaps we should reconsider the prospect of a “Treasury Secretary Krugman.”  Because, frankly, Pauly’s idea about minting a trillion dollar platinum coin is the best idea on the table right now, and it smacks of the sort of creative, out of the box thinking that has made Big Guy’s Amerika great.

And speaking of fundamentally transforming our economy, have you heard what Hasbro is up to? They have plans for fundamentally transforming the game of Monopoly: the last existing format for educating children on how capitalism works.

Here’s the deal: Hasbro has launched an effort to introduce a new token (a robot, helicopter, guitar, diamond ring or cat – your choice) to the perennially popular board game. Butt instead of just adding it, they have decided to get rid of one of the existing iconic game tokens (shoe, battleship, race car, thimble, top hat, wheel barrow, Scottie dog or – my favorite, the iron).

This is the worst “CHANGE” since M&Ms scrapped the delicious caramel colored M&M and replaced it with a blue one. Now do you see what Chuck Hagle was talking about - more handiwork work of the the powerful Jewish lobby. I’m sure you agree that M&M’s haven’t tasted the same since.

Butt back to the Monopoly controversy, yes, it’s true: they’ve bought into the Regime’s zero-sum game theory. Why does it always have to be a fixed-sized pizza with these new economy people? Have they not heard of the best capitalistic invention of the 20th century, Pizza! Pizza!®?

Buy one, get one free! Government special: buy one get 3 free!

Instead of replacing an iconic token why not just add a new one? That way one more person can plan and earn his own slice of the pizza.

In my humble opinion, if they insist on replacing an icon for a postmodern idea, the new token should be a slice of pizza: modern, butt in a rather postmodern, ironic way.

And finally, since we are talking about rich white men – and aren’t we always – I offer up one final point to ponder: with the proceeds from the sale of his Al-TeeVee-ra to Al-Jeezera, Al Gore’s net worth has now exceeded that of one of the most despised wealthy white one percenters of all time: Mitt Romney.

Too rich, too white, too right

Now that is ironic! Mitt made his money the old fashioned way; he earned it. And he didn’t even do it by trading in phantom carbon credits (dangerously close to fraudulent in the strictest sense of the term) or from Arab oil (you know, the root cause of global warming and the stuff that Algore says we have to break our addiction to?).

Algore, our Qatar Hero, or as we refer to him around here: “the Snake Oil Sheik”

Linked By: BlogsLucianneLoves, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, Thanks!

The Bucks Stop Here...All Of Them!

Ouch! Nothing hurts quite as much as kicking yourself in the shin. It looks like low information voters across America are waking up from the personality party they’ve been at for the past few years to discover that not only do their shiny Obama-bucks not go as far as they use to, butt now they’re taking fewer of those bucks home. Man, who could have seen that coming? I mean, shoot(am I still allowed to say that?), read Big Guy’s lips. He promised, remember?

READ MY LIPS: NO MORE TAXES!

And yet people across the country – not just wealthy Republicans – are waking up this month to lower paychecks due to those pesky payroll tax increases. Sometimes, not often in D.C, butt sometimes “temporary” really does mean “temporary.” Looks like maybe the Obots should’ve read the bill before they voted for it. Again.

Nevertheless, it’s always sad when people’s illusions are shattered. Which reminds me, I made sure Lady M was safely ensconced back in the Big White before I hit the road. As you can see, I really do need that upgrade for my imaging systems.

Fashionista Lady M, leaving Hawaii, free and bare-legged; arriving, Washington D.C.,  in bondage.

I’m sure those slacks will fit better after my update.

Meanwhile, more bad news on the money front: Paul Krugman, the best Keynesian economist since, well, Keynes, isn’t interested in being Treasury Secretary. Which I guess is just as well since the job wasn’t offered to him. Heck, who would want that job? Turbo Timmy’s leaving some pretty big shoes along with some pretty empty coffers to fill. Whoever’s up next will need some industrial grade equipment to break through the new debt ceiling.

And since the air gets pretty thin up that high, an oxygen canister might be a good idea too.

Breaking through the ceiling, or falling off the cliff? Strangely, we can’t seem to determine the difference at this height.

Fortunately we’ve found somebody uniquely qualified to “rise” to the challenge: Big White lackey and #1 yes-man, Jack Lew. Kind of predictable. My personal choice for Treasury was George Clooney; not because he’s an economist, butt because I believe he could play one on television quite convincingly, which is what we’re looking for. What do you think?

And if George grew a beard, he would be the spitting image of Pauly.

Well okay, maybe not.

Also, I hear they both love animals, and that’s an important characteristic for a Treasury Secretary: empathy for those not as smart as you.

             

And we know that both George and Pauly are more intelligent than the average low information voter, so I don’t see how we could go wrong with either. Butt you have to admit, George would be a lot more fun to hang with.

I guess Jack Lew is a good choice too. And if Treasury turns out not to be his thing, he seems to possess all the qualifications for a good press secretary.

The Press briefing frown: it’s a talent

Linked By: Mireille Buser on facebook, and BlogsLucianneLoves and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, Thanks!

The Ice Man Cometh

As many of you know, this is the time of year that I, MOTUS, pack up for my annual cross country trek for a complete system checkup and update. Ever since the transformational change of NASA into an Islamic outreach group I’ve had to travel to Hill Air Force Base in Utah for this overhaul. And as fate would have it that always brings me into proximity of Dewey from Detroit’s  winter bunker in Park City right around Sundance time.

So, once again, I’ll be able to provide you local color (black/noir) commentary on the Sundancers and – if I’m lucky enough to score some of those priceless tickets for cutting edge cinema from  Hollywood “independents” -  I’ll stick around a few weeks and do a couple of my famous movie reviews. 

In case you don’t think I really need a systems update, I submit the following evidence: a photo from one of our Big White private holiday parties for friends and large benefactors. It almost went public, and as you can see, my trans-imaging system is completely out of alignment:

Oye! The famous Liz Taylor slip-dress from our South American wine tour in 2011! As you can see, the “camera” has added about 50 pounds, right around the southern hemisphere.

Imagine if this had gone public! I’d have been demoted just like Gen. Carter Ham and Gen. David Rodriquez. Although seriously, I’m not so sure another stint at the Smithsonian would be all that bad after all.

Any hoo, in other important news: have you heard about the special iceberg being built in honor of Big Guy’s first, historic, second inaugural? It’s a very special black iceberg!

Inaugural iceberg donated by the Sub-Zero company, as thanks for all the unpaid advertising for their brand.

I understand the iceberg itself is an exact replica of the one that sank the Titanic. I don’t know why, butt scuttlebutt has it that Sub-Zero hasn’t been selling very many of those high-priced appliances lately, maybe, due to the Won’s completely transformed economy.

Anyway, if you’re lucky enough to be invited to the party where the iceberg is on display, I hear that Big Guy may be making a very special version of Hawaiian shave ice, flavored with Black Sambuca. Yum!

Oh, and in case you think that the iceberg may be historic simply because it’s black I’m sorry to have to disappoint you. It seems that another one was created back in 2000 when it appeared for a short while that Al Gore was the next president of the USA:

The Algore black “love poodle” iceberg.

The Al Gore memorial black “love poodle” iceberg was created in 2000 in anticipation of his presidential inaugural in January 2001. Last seen languishing off the coast of Labrador, waiting to be melted by global warming.

UPDATE: iMOTUS has officially hit the road, so iWILL be checking in sporadically along the way. Keep the conversation going.

Linked By: Henrysheretoo on twitter, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, Thanks!

Beware the Red-headed Woodpecker: They Might be Packin’

I see that Joey “spread-your-legs-you’re-gonna-get-frisked” Biden has been busy again. He’s the hardest working man in government business. Last week he all butt single handedly built the diving platform for us to jump off the fiscal cliff:

And now I see that he’s close to developing awesome legislation that will apparently prevent all future mass murders – something nobody’s been able to accomplish yet!

He did cheat a little on this one though. He’s taken the Affordable Care Act template and plans to use it as a road map for how to ram it down our throats get it approved; i.e. passing it before any of us find out what’s in it. Other successful tactics learned from the successful ramming passing of the Affordable Care Act that Joey expects to employ include getting some of the big special interests on board by promising them stuff (aka, “crony capitalism”), imposing fines (aka, “taxes”) for non-compliance and writing the 900 page House Rule in standard, incomprehensibly convoluted language that will require thousands of new government employees to 1) write regulations, and 2) enforce them. How can this not be a win-win?

I think we’re planning to brand it the “Recordable Gun Care Act.”

Joey just makes this all this stuff look so easy. No wonder everybody wants him to get his own reality show! He’s just a natural. 

I'm thinking “Delaware Dolls and Dudes”

And maybe after her head is better, and Big Guy has found a suitable replacement, Hil would be interested in partnering up for what she does best - being a co-star:

She would make a great sidekick, sort of like Regis’ Kathy Lee, before the younger, prettier Kelly broke them up.

Even after face disfiguring cosmetic surgery, Kathie couldn’t compete with Kelly. Look at the guns she’s packin'!

And if Hil isn’t interested, I don’t think Kathie Lee has been doing much since she broke up with Regis and had herself made-over; maybe she’d be available as Joey’s sidekick!

Oh whoops! I meant Kathie Lee Gifford, not Kathy Griffin. Although, Joey might just click with the little red-headed woodpecker, if you know what I mean .

Joey B and the Red-headed Woodpecker

And now for some really BIG news: you’ve probably all heard by now that Zilla’s Second Annual Zilla Awards for Awesomeness in the Dextrosphere! have been announced. Here are the most relevant, and self-agrandizing results:

• Best Place for Mocking the Obamas: MOTUS
• Most Fun Comments Sections to Hang Out In: MOTUS and iOwnTheWorld
• First Class Snark: iOwnTheWorld, Moonbattery, MOTUS, and, Doug Ross

Of course there are many more who made the list, butt to borrow a phrase from Big Guy, “I won!” And so did all of you! Thanks Zilla!

We’re all winners on this bus.

P.S. Don’t miss Clarice’s Pieces today (The Democrats War on Science Aids Our Enemies), it’s another great one. And I’m not just saying that because she linked to moi, honest. Thanks Clarice!

Linked By: BlogsLucianneLoves, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, Thanks!