“Obama is completely under water on the immigration issue – white voters disapprove of his job on the issue by 60-32, Independents disapprove by 59-32, and non-college educated disapprove by 56-36.”
That’s ridiculous; under water? Everyone knows that Big Guy practically walks on water.
And just who did they get there their numbers from any way – Sarah Palin? And speaking of Sarah, I hear she’s a little fired up over the direction the R-word leaders are taking. Did you read what she said?
And that’s not all:
Folks like me are barely hanging on to our enlistment papers in any political party – and it’s precisely because flip-flopping political actions like amnesty force us to ask how much more bull from both the elephants in the Republican Party and the jackasses in the Democrat Party we have to swallow before these political machines totally abandon the average commonsense hardworking American. Now we turn to watch the House. If they bless this new “bi-partisan” hyper-partisan devastating plan for amnesty, we’ll know that both private political parties have finally turned their backs on us. It will then be time to show our parties’ hierarchies what we think of being members of either one of these out-of-touch, arrogant, and dysfunctional political machines.
Boom! We may not be going on safari here in deepest Africa, butt it sounds like Sarah is going after some big game back on the home front.
I really do feel like I missed something. It’s like I dropped into the middle of Animal Farm and missed the part about the democratic uprising of the animals to overthrow the dictator and went right to the part about the pigs being in charge of everything.
No wonder Sarah’s torqued off. It sounds like she feels as if she’s been sold out by the wolves in the fold.
And as you know, wolves are a big problem in Alaska and need to be culled out in order to protect the innocents from their ravenous behavior.
So it’s always open season where Sarah lives.
I don’t think it’s a good idea to get in her crosshairs. Metaphorically speaking, of course. It might just be my vantage point, far, far from home, butt it seems like sentiment against the pigs is growing, regardless of their colors or stripes. Murmurs' are spreading among the flock about voting the pigs out altogether and electing an entirely different animal to rule the animals.
I don’t know about you, butt if it were up to me I’d probably go with the bears next time around. Grizzlies I think.
Sure, they can be cute:
butt when they get their hair up -
and decide to get in your kitchen (h/t: Dennis Miller) -
you might want to pack up and get out of town.
If I were the pigs, I think I’d watch my back because those Mama Bears seem to be coming out of the woodwork lately: it’s all those hormones, you know.
“All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others.”
And again, only in America, could a POTUS and FLOTUS with such genealogies employ the benefits of white guilt to their political advantage so successfully.
Do not think for one minute that the irony privilege is lost on them.
BO, MO at the slave house “door of no return” on Goree Island
Indeed, only in America could the descendent of Muslim slave traders be elected by a majority of white voters (none of whom ever owned slaves and most of whom didn’t even have ancestors who owned slaves) and continue in ways both large and small to accuse them of harboring racism in their hearts.
“We’ve got no time for excuses. Not because the bitter legacy of slavery and segregation have vanished entirely; they have not. Not because racism and discrimination no longer exist; we know those are still out there.” President Obama, Morehouse College commencement, May 2013
And hey, America! You earned it! Your white guilt, I mean:
The visit will be a somber reminder of a shameful period in U.S. and world history and provide a powerful contrast between Obama's stature as leader of the world's most powerful nation and the historical status of Africans, once treated as property in the country he governs.
"We have moved from a society in which African Americans were not viewed as citizens, in which social, economic equality was not provided, to one in which we could elect an African American president," said Junius Rodriguez, a historian at Eureka College in Peoria, Illinois.
"It's a remarkable transformation that we've made."
Why yes, yes it is.
“Obama has repeatedly returned to the well of racial divisiveness to serve his political ends. His 2008 presidential campaign managed to revive the white guilt that had long since dissipated and then hinted that the one path to racial reconciliation was to make him president. Only then could we stop talking about race – a conversation he had initiated in the first place.
“Alas, since he’s been president, that’s all we talk about.” –Ann Coulter, Mugged
Odd, isn’t it, that progressives, as virulently anti-religion as they are, seem so fixated on original sin?
History, if it’s kind, will call this America’s “coming out” week. Should it choose to be unkind, it may say “coming apart.” Either way, we’re on vacation.
Before we left, we let another squirrel out of the Supreme Court’s cage to join the circus:
Gay Squirrel Alert! And that’s all I’m going to say about that.
Then Big Guy en famiglia boarded Air Force Won and Too for a week long visit to deepest Africa.
Air kisses for the President of Senegal, just like at home
He left strict orders with Harry to make sure the kids get their homework done while he’s gone.
Yessir, Harry; legal by 2014. Got it.
So our undocumented voters can finally come out of the shadows while they’re voting twice or thrice.
So with everything in good hands at home, and because we don’t have enough problems right here to warrant all of Big Guy’s attention, he is off to Africa to solve all the troubles in the world. Because, as you may know, he has a gift.
Some consider it a gift.
He’s visiting all of the political hot spots in Africa: Egypt, Sudan, Somalia, the Ivory Coast, the Democratic Republic of the Congo and Zimbabwe. No, wait – here’s are new updated itinerary: Senegal, South Africa and Tanzania.
Apparently we didn’t have enough money, thanks to the Sequester, to transport and properly arm our entourage for those dangerous locations. So we’re just going to have to settle for a little sightseeing in our armored vehicles with bullet proof glass. We began the trip at the “infamous embarkation point for those destined for lives in chains.”
In his first - and, many Africans say, long-overdue - extended tour of the continent, President Barack Obama will focus on political and economic issues, but is also paying homage to a painful chapter in American history.
On the first leg of his eight-day visit he is taking his family to the House of Slaves, a fort built in the late 18th century on Goree Island, off the coast of Senegal, as a transit point for the human traffic and now a museum.
Because symbolism is important.
I know this airbrushed black and white frock is symbolic, I’m just not sure of what.
To quote Victor Davis Hansen: “It’s bad to be seen as unethical and its bad to be seen as impotent butt it’s really bad to be seen as impotently incompetent.”
So, while Edward Snowden remains holed up in the transit zone at the Moscow airport, and Pooty taunts us, Big Guy released this hour’s squirrel to hunt for a nut.
OMG! GLOBAL WARMING! WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE!
So - in order to avert your eyes from Russia and China’s humiliating behavior towards America, the NSA spy ring/citizen/reporter snooping program, the pending amnesty bill in the Senate, the travesty of the IRS harassment program and the distortion of Benghazigate – BHO once again took to the campaign trail to rail against global warming. The science is settled, you know.
Wow, not to pat myself on the back, butt did I not call this one? BHO referenced JFK’s bold plan to go to the moon by opening with a little story about the astronauts orbiting around the moon on Christmas Eve of 1968. Allusion of grandeur.
So in his much anticipated Georgetown read on “Climate Change” Barack Hussein Obama boldly went where no man has gone before; calling global warming deniers members of the Flat Earth Society and vowing to end global warming in his lifetime.
“President Obama is still parading his ignorance on climate science, linking bad weather to “global warming”, claiming a mythical 97% consensus, and implying that his executive actions can alter the globe’s temperature and lessen extreme weather events. The President has descended into the realm of medieval witchcraft by claiming he can combat global temperature rises and weather patterns through administrative action. Let the battle begin.” - Marc Morano Climate Depot
The 12 warmest years in recorded history have all come in the last 15 years. Last year, temperatures in some areas of the ocean reached record highs, and ice in the Arctic shrank to its smallest size on record -- faster than most models had predicted it would. These are facts.
Except for the fact that, um, they aren’t…facts, that is.
Farmers see crops wilted one year, washed away the next; and the higher food prices get passed on to you, the American consumer.
Because droughts and floods never happened before, in the entire history of agronomy; until global warming started, right after Algore invented the internet.
Further references of the non-occurrence of famine, floods and droughts may be found in the Great Book.
So the question is not whether we need to act. The overwhelming judgment of science -- of chemistry and physics [ed. two subjects Barry Hussein Obama was never taken] and millions of measurements -- has put all that to rest. Ninety-seven percent of scientists, including, by the way, some who originally disputed the data, have now put that to rest. [ed. see Mr. Morano’s comment, above] They've acknowledged the planet is warming and human activity is contributing to it. [ed. ditto]
Further excerpts of note:
I'm announcing a new national climate action plan, and I'm here to enlist your generation's help in keeping the United States of America a leader -- a global leader -- in the fight against climate change. [ed. the stu-dents would be better served to insist that he keep the USA a leader in freedom, liberty and industry.]
So today, for the sake of our children, and the health and safety of all Americans, I’m directing the Environmental Protection Agency to put an end to the limitless dumping of carbon pollution from our power plants, and complete new pollution standards for both new and existing power plants. [ed. - Audience applauses the announcement of their own demise.]
The fuel standards we set over the past few years mean that by the middle of the next decade, the cars and trucks we buy will go twice as far on a gallon of gas.
Barry Hussein Obama, having never taken a physics class in his life, remains unfettered by it’s laws (or ours) and therefore is free to think completely outside the box and come up with solutions nobody else has ever thought of. Shazam! Order his little people to set higher standards! If you set them, they will come. Why didn’t I think of that?
Anyway, I’m sure that if anyone can do it, it’s BHO: after all, he is the Lightbringer:
The good news is simple upgrades don’t just cut that pollution; they put people to work -- manufacturing and installing smarter lights and windows and sensors and appliances.
Ah! We’ve broken out the old “Broken Window” economic plan again! That always turns out well. Perhaps you remember our previous discussion of this phenomenon, where we evaluated it’s economic effect through the Firesign Theatre’s “Shoes for Industry” parable:
Here’s the concept: the only way to improve the economy in George Leroy Tirebiter’s surreal post-war world is to remove your shoes and turn them in to the government. In turn, this creates jobs for people to make new shoes to replace the shoes you’ve patriotically turned in. Sort of like daylight savings time – another government invention. Firesign Theatre is so underrated.
“But we can do even better than that. So today, I’m setting a new goal: Your federal government will consume 20 percent of its electricity from renewable sources within the next seven years. We are going to set that goal.”
Goals are important.
Big White Renewable electricity sources
“We’ll also encourage private capital to get off the sidelines and get into these energy-saving investments.”
I don’t see how that will be a problem; what right thinking company would turn down the opportunity to make energy-saving investments funded by taxpayers?
Let the record reflect that BHO’s 50 minute, historic speech on “Climate Change” included 61 self-references - 44 “I”s and 17 “my”s. What less would you expect from the Oracle of Smart?
"Cold hearted orb that rules the night, removes the colours from our sight. Red is grey, and yellow, white, but we decide which is right, and which is an illusion.”
Maria Cristina González Noguera, who goes by MC for short, was announced as the new communications director for the East Wing on Monday, with her official title including the acknowledgement as a special assistant to the President as well.
MC’s going to have some big shoes to fill - Kristina Schake’s. Kristina, our current “communications director” is the creative force behind Lady M’s image. She practically made us who we are today. For example, “Let’s Move!” – that was all Kristina’s idea!
You might say it was her idea to put the “moovement” into “Let’s Move!”
Wow! Who would want to compete with that?
Now, I need to point out that just because MC comes to us from the House of Estee Lauder, she will not be our new makeup artist. That job is already being handled by a staff of 12, headed up by official Makeup Artist to the FLOTUS #3, Carl Raywho succeeded makeup artist #2, Derrick Rutledge, the makeup artist to the stars who took over from makeup artist #1, Ingrid Grimes-Myles, when it became clear that we had outgrown her talents.
So while we will be happy to accept MC’s advice on Lady M’s odors fragrances:
Pleasures, Youth Dew and Beautiful: perfect!
As well as any free samples she can supply us with:
Except that she doesn’t have a law degree from Harvard that she voluntarily surrendered.
Although we’re thrilled to welcome MC onboard, Lady M personally expressed her regrets over Kristina’s departure:
In a statement, Michelle Obama says, “Kristina has been an essential and valued advisor to me over the past two and a half years. Her expertise in strategic planning and her creativity have been invaluable not just to me but to the entire Administration and I am truly grateful for her leadership and counsel. While she will be greatly missed at the White House, the impact of her work will be lasting.”
Translation: don’t let the door hit you in the arse on the way out.
Butt for the record, here are a few of the creative, strategic initiatives that Kristina is responsible for and we will all remember long after Kristina moves on to a more highly compensated job on K Street in the private sector, due to her invaluable electronic Rolodex:
Our Military Families campaign:
Watch out! Incoming!!
Our multiple TV gigs, from Potato Sack racing with Jimmy Fallon in the East Room
to the “Evolution of Mom Dancing.”
And who can ever forget Kristina’s major contribution to creating Lady M’s fashionista image by landing her a gig at last year’s Nickelodeon Award Show!
Now that’s a lot of creative strategizing, right there. I sure hope MC’s able to fill her shoes.
All I can say is “good luck, Maria Cristina.”
So, to recap: MC is NOT here as Lady M’s makeup artist, that would be Carl.
MC is actually a PR person specializing in communications and fragrances and she’s here to help us with strategic planning and creativity. I get the help with smells, butt I’ve no idea why Lady M would need a strategist, unless she’s planning to run for president in 2016.
And if that’s the case, she’ll need a new makeup artist.
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