MOTUS A.D.: Happy New Year! And a brief review of 2013’s Dark Energy.

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Happy New Year! And a brief review of 2013’s Dark Energy.

Can you believe it? 2014 already!

2013 was difficult to recap. There were so many new beginnings:

Warning: objects may be smaller than they appear to be

Big Bang: New Hairdo!

So many dinner parties:

So many ethnic costumes to rock:

So many memorable trips to Africa:

“See this cell? That’s all I’m going to say. Right?”

So many phony scandals to dismiss;

Butt without a doubt the biggest story of the year took place at the intersection of dark energy and black holes; to wit, the launch of the Obamacare website, which, as you know, is officially implemented today. Unfortunately it hasn’t turned out to be the big bang we were hoping for:

“Not only has no one ever found a void this big, but we never even expected to find one this size,” - Lawrence Rudnick, University of Minnesota.

More of a big bust, to be perfectly honest. Here is the official tally so far:

4.7 million: the number of people who’ve lost the insurance that they liked butt couldn’t keep
2.0 million: signed up for Obamacare coverage (unclear how many of these are new Medicaid enrollees)

By most metrics that would reflect a negative “gain,” so why is Kitty so “thrilled” about these numbers? Because the normal rules of mathematics don’t apply in the vacuum of a dark energy field, which is where Obamacare-mathemagicals™^* reside. Exactly how does that work, you ask?

“The answer may lie in dark energy, which became a dominant force in the Universe very recently, when the Universe was already three-quarters of the size it is today. Dark energy works opposite gravity and is speeding up the expansion of the Universe.”

Unless and until all of that “dark energy” - fed by copious amounts of “quantum easing” – causes an uncontrolled acceleration of inflation which subsequently results in a giant explosion. In that unlikely event, Obamacare would blow right out the rear end of this big black hole.