MOTUS A.D.: Watch Out: Michelle’s Got Her LaVaughn On

Sunday, January 5, 2014

Watch Out: Michelle’s Got Her LaVaughn On

President Barack Obama and daughters Sasha and Malia have departed Hawaii after a 15-day family vacation for the holidays.(snip)

Michelle Obama is staying behind on the islands as a birthday present from her husband.

Just because you haven’t actually seen Lady M since Christmas day does not mean that she’s had any cosmetic procedures performed and is recuperating in the balmy Hawaiian weather.

After all, when you are already cover girl perfect, what more is there to do?

From April in Vogue, to December at Home

So perfect in fact that you no longer even need the camouflage of last year’s bangs!

Unless, of course, you’re much, much older:

Bill and Hill, at the de Grazio seizure of New York

Even then, it won’t work for you as well as it once did:

Butt speaking of hairdos and de Blasio’s inauguration; did you see Mayor de Blasio’s son, Dante? I swear, if Barack Obama had a son, he would look like just like Dante!

On the left, Big Guy as a young man. Right, Dante de Blasio

BO, rockin’ his ‘fro in High School – Sweet!

Butt back to Lady M. All I can tell you is that she’s in one of her, uh, “moods.” She just found out about the FDA’s reversal of her healthy, restricted calorie/grain/protein school lunch program to fight obesity. And she’s taking it as a personal, racially charged slights. The truth is, the kids just wouldn’t swallow the new guidelines the way the more compliant adults do:

Today’s special: grow-and-make-your-own salad bar

So Lady M’s just going to stay in Hawaii and pout for awhile. Since she wants to look her absolute best at her Fab Fifty party, she’s taking some me-time to detox after all of the BO “together time” she had to put up with over the holidays: and I’m sure you know what “together-time” I’m referring to.

“One of these things is not like the other things” – what do you have to say to that Melissa?

I realize that this “birthday present from her husband” will require us to dispatch Air Force Won Too to pick Lady M up and fly her back to Washington – so you’ve all pitched in to pay for the gift as well! So thanks!

And trust me, it will be worth it; you have no idea how much it costs to have the White House china replaced every time Lady M get’s in “one of her moods.” We call it “getting her LaVaughn on” and in case you’ve forgotten, this is what it sounds like when that happens:

“One of the things I don’t do well is this, do you understand? Listen to me, or you can take the mic, but I’m leaving. You all decide. You have one choice.”

“Getting her LaVaughn on” colloquialism; definition: an incomprehensible non sequitur followed by an illogical syllogism. Generally performed when people are very upset, and usually only by people who have an Ivy League ~~education~~ diploma.

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