MOTUS A.D.: We’re all Bozos on this Bus

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

We’re all Bozos on this Bus

Catastrophic droughts and winter snow storms caused by Global Warming, childhood obesity, school bullying, nuclear Iran, gay marriage, phony scandals up the wazoo, and an impending doctor shortage due to the vagaries of Obamacare - and now this? - “National clown shortage may be approaching, trade organizations fear.” What kind of a cruel joke is this? Just as we need circuses more than ever to distract the plebes, we have a clown shortage?

Membership at the country’s largest trade organizations for the jokesters has plunged over the past decade as declining interest, old age and higher standards among employers align against Krusty, Bozo and their crimson-nosed colleagues.

I would suspect this was another manufactured Republican scare story designed to destroy Big Guy’s policies if it weren’t such a perfect argument for letting more illegal aliens in to do the work Americans won’t do.

“What’s happening is attrition,” said Clowns of America International President Glen Kohlberger…. “The older clowns are passing away.”

Don’t let those little ones out of your sight, they might decide to be engineers or accountants instead, and apparently we need more clowns.

With the imposition of higher standards for clowns these days; even those with a college degree in clowning can’t seem to meet private employers employers’ expectations.

“No longer is it good enough to just drop your pants and focus on boxer shorts.”

Yeah, that used to guarantee you’d get a rise out of the audience..

And while it never seemed to get old,

I guess it’s only good enough for government work now days. And believe it or not, there are no more openings for government clowns; the shortage appears to be strictly a private sector problem.

Kohlberger said that it’s difficult getting younger people who develop an early interest in the many facets of clowning to stick with it on the professional level.

Oh come on, how many “facets of clowning” can there be? Drop trou, show us your boxers; put on your funny red nose and big floppy shoes, everybody has a good laugh, the end. Right?

Besides we still have a few youngsters who are willing to beclown themselves for the greater good, Anthony Weiner for example. He seems a natural: he’s got that rubber face thing going for him.

And he’s sure got the parade drill down pat:

And everyone knows about his “drop trou, show the boxers” routine.

Eeeuuu! No wonder this doesn’t work as well as it used to

Joining Anthony in the women’s division of the younger clown set is ex-Michigan governor Jennifer Granholm, who outdid herself in the 2012 beclowning competition at the DNC:

Butt then, she’s been an understudy for a major government clown since the 80’s when she made her professional clown debut as a contestant on “The Dating Game.”

Because what says “I want to be considered a serious female Democratic politician” like appearing as a bimbo on a tasteless game show?

She could maybe give Debbie Wasserman Schultz a few pointers, although DWS is doing a pretty good job on her own; she already seems like a game show host to me.

All I can say is until such time as we have a plan in place to ward off this potentially disastrous private sector clown shortage, maybe we should stop firing the perfectly good ones we’ve got.

Hey, I’ve got an idea! How about we re-write Obamacare to include a free scholarship to clown college for every young invincible who signs up for Obamacare! Talk about finding your bliss.

Two birds, one stone, Bam! I think just hanging around Big Guy is beginning to wear off on me. Maybe I can convince him to give me some executive powers too. That way, whenever I think I have a good idea I can just execute an Executive Order and see if it works out.

I really don’t mind helping out around here; in fact, I think I would rather enjoy the power of the pen, just like Bozo does.