We Have No Scud Missiles and I Do Not Know Why They Were Fired Into Kuwait

It is with great pleasure I report that Baghdad Bob – yes, that Baghdad Bob -

“They're not even [within] 100 miles [of Baghdad]. They are not in any place… this is an illusion ... they are trying to sell to the others an illusion.”

is alive and well and reporting for CNN. Here he is reporting from Kenosha, shortly before Governor Tony Evers agreed to accept Federal reinforcements to support police after initially refusing White House help.

“Fiery But Mostly Peaceful Protests After Police Shooting,” the news network’s television headline blared while its reporter, Omar Jimenez, stood in front of several burning cars. – The Federalist

This follows on the heels of his excellent coverage for Ms.NBC earlier this summer of the Minneapolis riots :

Because as we all know from previous experience, fires and looting are generally ruly.

We should probably all watch more CNN and Ms.NBC. I’ll bet we’d all feel more optimistic and sleep better if we heard the news exclusively from their vantage point.

Like how about this: “Animated But Mostly Quiet Crowd Calmly Advises Diners That ‘Silence Is Compliance’”

This is insane.

This is mob violence.

This is fascism and tyranny. https://t.co/ci9nxxL6Lf

— Ted Cruz (@tedcruz) August 26, 2020

I’m already feeling better. Way to go CNN! Do COVID in New York next!

“Isolated But Mostly Thriving Nursing Home Residents Cope With COVID in New York”

And how about Hurricane Laura!

“Noisy But Mostly Calm Hurricane Makes Landfall Near Lake Charles”

Keep pumping out that 1984-dystopian-Newspeak-propaganda! The Democrats are depending on you.

“It has been rumored that we have fired Scud missiles into Kuwait. I am here now to tell you, we do not have any scud missiles and I don't know why they were fired into Kuwait.” - Baghdad Bob