Confession: since I dropped Fox News from my “favorites” channel guide on Dish I haven’t watched any news on the television platform other than one local morning broadcast, when I had to go somewhere, in order to catch the traffic and weather. It was so dreadful I haven’t returned to it since.
But this morning for some reason when I returned to bed with my first cup of coffee at 5:07 I flipped through the channel selection and saw CBS Overnight News. I was curious as to how the other half lives so I tuned in.
So here’s an exact rundown of every story reported during the 60 minute segment between 5:07 AM to 6:07 AM. I backed up frequently to ensure that I didn’t miss any of the stories and that I accurately reported the gist of them. So here is a synopsis, in order, of the first hour “news” coverage. Ready?
People place wreaths on the graves of veterans in cemeteries across America in a long standing ‘holiday’ tradition. Note: all wreath layers are wearing face masks and maintaining proper social distancing.
Anthony, a (black) UPS delivery
manperson honored with signs, balloons and cheers in a suburban (white) neighborhood in VA for delivering stuff with a smile throughout “these troubled times” “With a smile?” What?! He wasn’t wearing a mask?COMMERCIAL BREAK
A New Strain of the COVID Coronovirus identified in the UK! All non-essential businesses shutdown as of Saturday night. People scramble to catch trains to visit loved ones for “the holiday” before transportation restrictions put in place as of Sunday.
Sidenote added by intrepid on-scene reporter: although the new strain spreads faster it doesn’t make people any sicker and it does respond to the vaccine – so I guess it’s not a new, new strain, just a new strain. Whatever, be afraid, be very afraid.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Back on US soil:
SURGE AND SIEGE! Someone is dying every 30 minutes in LA. A doctor warns: if you get into a car accident, fall off a ladder, have a heart attack we may not have a bed for you. How can this be good? It’s not, but be very afraid.
California food banks are overwhelmed. *ahem* That’s because your governor has shutdown most of the state’s businesses and everyone’s out of work.
California epicenter right now. More people dying now than at any other point in the pandemic. ed. In the 2nd hour they identified Tennessee as the epicenter so again, words like ‘epicenter’ don’t mean what they used to.
Record hospitalizations across the country! (map)
COMMERCIAL BREAK
The season typically defined by joy is increasingly defined by grief. Here’s our correspondent in Washington: The bells at the National Cathedral toll 300 times once for every 1000 Americans who have died of this horrible disease.
Insert heart rending human interest story here about a woman (black) whose husband died of Covid in May.
“Vaccines offer distant hope as the pandemic rages.”
A grief counselor explains how we’re all suffering during this siege. As if we need a grief counselor to tell us?
Let’s see how foreigners are handling this mess: How are teachers in Rome educating children during the pandemic? They’re taking them out into the streets for tours and lectures. (insert what looks like file footage from late summer/early fall of kids traipsing around behind teachers throughout Rome). They interview one child (behind a mask) who speaks perfect American English, which seems odd to me but nobody else seems to notice.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Sports Segment, yay! “Tiger cub” Tiger Woods son playing golf with his dad. He seems to be pretty good. And cute.
Buffalo Bills arrive in hometown after clinching AFC East championship. Is the NFL actually playing professional football out there? Who knew?
Culture Segment: Nutcracker not being performed for “packed audiences” this year due to, you guessed it, the pandemic. We’ll show you what they are doing instead, when we return.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
People are watching the Nutcracker performances outside, socially distanced. Also from behind plexiglass and virtually, online. Creative!
And that’s the overnight news, reporting from New York City. Some of you will be continuing with us when we get back from break for the rest of you, have a good day! But don’t forget to be very afraid.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Second Hour:
Breaking news: Congress says it’s close to finalizing a deal for a new $900 billion Covid economic relief package. I believe this has been “breaking” since October.
The President seems to be on the peripheral of these negotiations as he’s still fixated on overturning the results of this election. You mean correcting the voter fraud?
CDC identifies who they think should be prioritized next for receiving the vaccine: first responders, teachers and grocery store workers.
That was an entire hour’s worth of “news” – nearly non-stop COVID porn. So if you’re wondering why the country has been so fixated on COVID, COVID, COVID ever since RUSSIA, RUSSIA, RUSSIA fell into the dustbin of history, look no further than our irresponsible “news” outlets who seem less concerned that the CCP has set about destroying the economy and spirit of the Western world than they are with getting rid of President Trump and maintaining their pathetic ratings. I won’t be repeating this investigative exercise into “news” reporting for quite some time. It was enervating enough for a lifetime.
I’m going to stay home today, as instructed by our betters, and make cookies. Gotta do what you gotta do to keep those bugs away.
Humbugs are the worst kind of bugs
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