Yesterday was a gray, drizzly day and my spirits were in need of a serious pick-me-up. Right on cue an unbelievably beautiful arrangement of joyous blooms arrived on my doorstep from the MOTI! I cannot tell you how much they cheered me up.
The bouquet is filled with impossibly large pink roses, burgundy hyacinths and crimson peonies the likes of which I’ve never seen.
And now, I owe you all a brief health update: after 6 months of iron supplements my hemoglobin has finally crept into the lowest level of normal. Unfortunately my energy level remains below zero. I seem to be suffering from cancer-related fatigue (CRF – it has its own acronym!). It’s quite common with cancer patients and beyond the disease process itself and the treatments there’s really no known cause and therefore no specific treatment. It is incapacitating in that it is marked by paralyzing tiredness that no amount of sleep or rest alleviates. I literally can’t do anything and haven’t been able to for months now. Just getting out of bed or taking a shower wipes me out for the rest of the day. Raj has been doing everything – cooking, cleaning, shopping, laundry – without complaint. I am very lucky and grateful but can’t help but feel burdensome and guilty.
So life remains a challenge. The balance and coordination problems are ongoing and my hiatal hernia has introduced some new eating issures beyond not having an appetite. I do force myself to take short walks on nice days with my walker (and my “other walker,” Raj) but the extreme lack of energy makes any real exercise impossible so my muscles have atrophied and skin hangs from my limbs where they once resided. While strength would help both energy and balance issues, it’s a catch-22 for now. Perhaps if I can get my hemoglobin to inch up towards a more normal level the fatigue will lesson.
Despite it all I feel blessed to be here and will do my level best to acclimate to the new normal while waiting for some energy to return. Waiting is one thing that is quite difficult for people living on borrowed time but I guess it’s God’s way of teaching patience to those of us who has never adequately mastered its nuances.
I’m due to begin a new round of scans/MRI over the next 2 weeks so as always your ongoing prayers for another good showing would be humbly appreciated.
And again, my a heartfelt thank you for the gorgeous floral arrangement that has brightened my weekend and reminded me of just how thoughtful and loving this wonderful community of souls is. And thank you Roto, for arranging this super mood lifting surprise. You’re the best.
May you all enjoy the very best weekend.
Posts
