Thursday, July 9, 2009

Innocent Pawns

I just want to go on the record to make something perfectly clear: (that’s an old mirror joke). I had nothing to do with Malia’s choice of the Peacenik t-shirt in Rome and whatever inadvertent message it sent.

For starters, MOTUS never messes with the kids. Remember, my conception took place under the auspices of the Department of Defense and NASA. I have a strict code of ethics embedded between the polished glass and the silver/magnesium backing.

No one, and I mean no one, is allowed to trans, hyper or quantum image the kids. It’s strictly hands off. They’re just innocent little pawns.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Shopping the Appian Way

I can’t tell you how exciting it is to be a part of the Obama team. Ever since BO took office, I’ve been a part of Team Obama Entourage. I don’t flatter myself that it’s just because of my awesome powers of trans-imaging, although that’s why MO wants me aboard Air Force One every time she embarks.

No, I know that if it weren’t for the fact that BO has established a very special bond with TOTUS and needs to provide for his safe transit everywhere he goes, I would be left behind at the White House just like I always used to be.

But since they already have special luggage cases designed to transport delicate imaging equipment (TOTUS and I call them “RV’s”), I get to go along for the ride too.

Obviously there are a few glitches to be worked out. MO isn’t used to having me around while she’s on the road, so we’ve had a few slip ups. Like that little confusion about the purses last week while we were in Moscow: Drudge linked to a story at the stupid Daily Mirror about Madam O carrying a $6000 VBH designer handbag.

Silly me. I forgot to turn off my trans-imaging projector, and we even fooled the bag's creator! It really wasn’t their $6000 black lizard version. It was just the $900 black patent model! Wow, I’m beginning to feel the power.

Anyway, we had a similar slip up when we went shoe shopping in Rome. This one wasn’t really my fault though. MO really has to try to remember that even if I make her feet look like a size 8 slim, she really wears a size 13 wide.

Maybe from now on she’ll stop arguing with the shoe clerks and just try the damn things on.

Monday, July 6, 2009

Can We Please Not Say “Preggers”?

Oh dear! Those nasty rumors of MO being preggers just won’t go away.

They started back in January but I thought between MO’s plausible denial, via Oprah’s Blog, and my slimming reflections we pretty much squashed them.Just like we did with those silly birth certificate stories that keep raising their ugly head.

Now some snoopy reporters are saying that FLOTUS looked tired and nauseous in Russia. And they’re asking again about a baby bump.

First of all, she was in RUSSIA people! Did you see what the women wear there – even in the middle of summer? Not an Armani, Prada or even Narcisco in sight! And still with the Bubushkas everywhere. Who wouldn’t be nauseous?

And tired? BO, Vladi and Demitri kept her awake all night playing poker, yelling "Na Zdorov'ye!" every time they tossed back a Stoly. Then they all had to show off their abs, and run through their routines. Apparently the Ruskies' routines involved nubile young girls with special Pilate equipment and gypsy music. Who wouldn’t be tired?

As for that baby bump: all I can say is she enjoys a steak and a little lobster dipped in butter to go with that organic crap she’s growing all over the damn yard.

I’m doing my best here, but some days MO just won’t work with my refractors. When she gets all hormone-y like that, even my trans-imaging won't do the trick.

Monday, June 1, 2009

Getting A Cool Name is a Breeze

LOL Breeze, do you see my humor?

OK, let’s get to work now.

If you have gotten to the page asking you to input a “url”, then you probably have a cool new name already. If you were trying to put a “url” in on this page, than you have a cool new name, but not a “blog”.

2

Go to post a comment and click on the “comment as” dropdown box and select “google account”

12

Type a comment and when you click “post comment” you will be taken to a blogger sign-in page

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Enter the email address and password you used on the google signup page just before the page that asked for the “url”.

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After you enter you email address and password and click the “Sign in” button

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you should go back to the comment form with your COOL NEW NAME displayed in the “Comment as” box like this:

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Now you are done. Just log-in the same way whenever you are commenting. most of the time, google will keep you logged-in, but sometimes it will make you log in again.

Now, if this did not work, and you could not log in, you did not get a name yet. This is what you will have to do:

Go to blogger.com here where you will get this page:

1Fill in the form with:

  • your email twice
  • the password you want to use (at least 8 characters)
  • the COOL NEW NAME (probably Breeze huh?)
  • check or uncheck the newsletter box
  • enter the squiggly letters
  • accept the legal mumbo-jumbo
  • and click “CONTINUE”

Now you will be on a page like this:

2

You only need to complete this form if you want a blog … If you only want your COOL NEW NAME for commenting, or if you just don't want to set up a blog now, click on the blue:

3

That will take you to a “dashboard” page like this:

7Now you are logged in with your COOL NEW NAME.

If you are still having trouble, SEND MOTUS AN EMAIL

and I will try to be of further help.

My Inner Geek Got Out: How To Get A Cool ID

I love to get comments here on my little blog, and I love to respond to them; you know, “girl talk”. I also understand that a lot of people like to remain anonymous; after all, Toes does use the powers of the Patriot Act to see who’s not with the program. But a few brave souls, who think they might be able to get a security clearance, have asked how they can get a really cool comment ID of their very own.

Now, if you know anything at all about me, you know that I have a geeky, high-tech side which I share with brother Hub. And I do love those NASA and MIT nerds with their adorable little pocket protectors and slide-rule tie clips. And because I am here to serve you, I’ve rounded up a few of them to help me provide this little tutorial on how to get your own ID.

So, hold onto your accessories and let’s get going.

The easiest, and unlike Obamacare, totally free way is to sign up for a Blogger/Google Account with or without your own blog.

 

Go to the Blogger Google account setup page here:

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Click on the big orange CREATE A BLOG button

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Now the work begins:

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Fill in the form with:

  • Your Email Address
    • If you don’t have one, or you don’t want Toes to know your email address, you can get a new GMAIL address here, also for free. The steps are almost identical to these. Just be sure to have an email address to use before you start the Blogger sign up.
  • The Password You Want To Use
  • This is the Best part - The cool name you want to use as your ID
  • Check the box if you want to get newsletters, etc from the little Googlebots (probably not)
  • Put on your glasses and try to figure out what those squiggly letters are (full disclosure, I had cousin Earl un-distort them for me)
  • Agree to all the legal mumbo-jumbo
  • Then click the little blue “ Skip this and create a blog later “ if you just want your new personal ID, or Click the big orange CONTINUE arrow if you want to be an official blogger (remember, international blogging rules require that you have a bathrobe, slippers (preferably  bunny or other cute animal slippers) and your parent’s basement to blog in)
  • SPECIAL WARNING: THE PICTURES DON’T WORK AS LINKS FROM HERE ON BECAUSE YOU CAN ONLY GET TO THEM  CLICKING THE BUTTONS ON THE FORM PAGES

3B

If you go Full Monte and get a blog, you’ll get a couple more forms to fill in:

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Now you get to pick:

  • The Title of your new blog
  • The sub-domain of your new blog – this must be unique so use the “ Check Availability “ until you get one you like.

Almost done now, you get to pick the “Template” for your blog which determines the basic layout. You can always change templates later when you are more familiar with them.:

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One more step and you’re done. Just click the big orange START BLOGGING arrow, put on your bathrobe and slippers, pour yourself a lovely beverage (optional) then go downstairs and start blogging.

Either way, when we “girl talk” you won’t be “anon”, you’ll be somebody !!! Like me !!!

Just remember my nerds and I are here for you.

Next time, my nerds and I will tell you how to have a really cool avatar picture to go with your new name.

Ps, If you want a GMAIL address, the form looks like this and is here :

gmail sign up form And I repeat: this is all FREE! Isn’t America a great place.

For now.

Does anybody know if the Senate voted yet?

Consider this my little contribution to geek-ifying America. Now get out there and blog for freedom my pretties!

BREAKING NEWS: MOTUS Upgrades Commenting

Ok, so I am really excited! Today, after months of grueling testing, I am officially switching my comment system from the clunky old Google Blogger system, to a shiny new, feature packed Echo system!!!

I think I told you Raj and I have been testing this system and another, less feature rich system (Disqus) for the past few months. Switching comment systems is, in the words of JoeyB, a big “F-ing” deal!” It can crash your “nest” and lose all your posts and comments for good. That’s why Raj has been diligently testing away in his little cubicle for so long - and because like me he has a very important day job. Anyway, Raj tells me all the important tests have been successful and we are ready to launch. A few little details remain to be fixed, I’ll talk about those in a bit, but all the things on the MOL and MOD side check out. So let’s get right into it shall we?

Mmm, mmm, mmm!!!

Here’s a quick overview of the new, Echo commenting system. This is the new comment entry form.

NEW ECHO COMMENT BOX

If you don’t already have an account profile somewhere, and have had to post “Anonymously”, you can quickly and easily set one up with Echo’s parent, JS-Kit (more on that in a minute). It will give you log in ability at any site that accepts JS-Kit, or Echo. If you don’t want to set up an account profile and want to simply post as a guest, just enter your commenting name of choice in the “your name” box next to the “Login” button (you don’t have to be Anonymous anymore), type your comment and post it. Oh yeah, I almost forgot; if you post as a “guest” and you have a website of your own, you can choose the “My Site” at the bottom of the Login list, enter your URL and it will display in your comment when you hover your mouse over your name. Too cool! I’ll tell you about using your own personal avatar in a minute too!

If you already have an account profile set up, or want to set one up with JS-Kit, start by clicking on the “Login” button.

login options

You can now choose to login with your account profile on any of the listed services. I’m going to login with my Google profile first:

goggle login-1So, I check “My Google Profile” and get this:g-2So, then I click “Log in with Google Friend Connect” and I get:

g3It will let me log in with a bunch of services, but I’m going to click on Google, then I get the Google account login page:

g4So, I enter my Google account Email address and Password, click “Sign in” and in a couple of seconds, Voila, I’m good to go!

g5It’s pretty much the same with all the other account services.

If your profile account service is not in the list, then you can quickly and easily setup a JS-Kit account or post as a “guest”.

To set up a JS-Kit account,

  1. Check the box next to the “My JS-Kit Account” and you will get an “Authentication” box like the one below.JS-KIT AUTHENTICATION
  2. Click on “register a new account” and fill in the “Username” you wish to use, your email and the password you want to use to log into your JS-Kit account. Don’t worry if the name you plan to use as your commenter name is not available as a “Username”. The “Username” is just your JS-Kit login name. When you finish logging in, you can choose any commenter name you like.js-kit register new Raj, for example, could not use “Raj” as his “Username” because it’s too short. But after logging in he chose “Raj” as his commenter name and entered it into the “Your name (required)” box.js-kit new filled in Ginormous H/T to Raj who is helping me with this post, and has agreed to re-post it on his helpful web site. Isn’t he too cute? And smart? I wish you all had a Raj, but I’ll share.JS-KIT ADMIN Now, do you see the teensy tiny “Admin” below the comment box on the right? This is where you can administer your new JS-Kit profile account. Go ahead, click on it. It’s yours.admin-2Click on Edit My Profile” and you can do a whole bunch of things. You can change you commenting name, your “Nickname”, your email address on your profile, add or change the website or blog associated with your profile, add or change your avatar, allow or disallow others to view the comments you have made via your JS-Kit profile and administer all the comments you’ve made via your JS-Kit profile in one place. admin-3 Click the “Comments” tab in the upper left corner.admin-5 Well, lookie there. All the comments you have ever made through your JS-Kit profile, all in one place. Here you can delete any comment you’ve made, no matter where the comment was posted, as long as it was posted on a site that accepts your JS-Kit’s profile login or use Echo. It’s a growing list, including Me, NOQUARTER, WaPo, Technorati, Slate, Newsweek, cnet, Forbes, DowJones, HEARST digital media, AMC, TIME and more and more every day. And no, I am NOT a paid spokes-mirror for Echo or it’s parent company JS-Kit. Although if they want me to be, and they are reading this, Tweet me. I’m available!
  3. You can even upload and use an avatar if you are “guest” posting! Click on the grey, ghost-like default avatar and choose the location where your avatar is hanging out. You can use one you have already uploaded to one of the listed accounts, or upload a new one from your computer. avatar selectorAnd now here’s the coolest part: no matter how you logged in, and no matter what avatar choice you made, you can change it any time, and as many times as you want, simply by clicking on your avatar and picking, or uploading a new one! You can even change your avatar as often as MO changes clothes. How Fashion Forward is that?

Ok, so now we’re logged in with the avatar of our choice, we’re ready to snark and the fun begins! Echo is just jam-packed with fun features to enhance our snarking! We can effortlessly add cool clickable links (no nerd magic knowledge required- Raj is a little bummed out about that), pictures and even videos right smack dab in the middle of our snarks! We can reply directly to a snark and we can show we liked someone’s snark by clicking “Like.” We can make our text BOLD or italicized or underlined or any combination of the three.

Bold, italics and underlined are enabled or disabled with buttons on the comment box (B, I, U), just like your email. There is a helpful “undo” and “redo” squiggly arrow for people like me without thumbs, or klutzes who are all thumbs (although I understand this is an advantage with your Blackberry).

We can turn any word or phrase into a magic clickable link by highlighting the chosen words, clicking the little “chain link” icon,

link icon and entering the Link URL in the box that appears.

link urlVoila, a magic clickable link without secret nerd magic HTML: just like most emails.

link completePictures can be added to your snarks by clicking on “Add images” in the lower left of the comment box.

images

just browse to the picture on your computer,

Raj image

and when you post, it will be there in your comment!

raj image postAfter you post a comment, you can go back and delete your comment, as long as you are logged in as the same “person” you posted as (important since many have different posting profiles for different sites/circumstances). To delete, you just click on the appropriate button to the right of the “date-time” stamp. Anyone can also reply to or ‘like’ your comment by clicking “Reply” or “Like” in the same area. This however, brings up one of the bugs Raj is still battling. (I hate bugs!) The string of options “Like-Reply-Delete” is nearly invisible against my Fashion Forward background color. It will appear when your mouse is over the comment. We are waiting for a reply from Echo tech support on how to fix. So far, unlike Raj, they are less than “prompt” and “reliable.”

replyWhen you reply to a comment by clicking on its “Reply” button, your reply appears indented below the original comment. No more retyping the comment you are responding to or trying to figure out what the reply is based on. You can even reply to a reply.

reply to replyWell, I think that’s pretty much the way it works. Raj is in TechSupport Central keeping an eye on everything, so I had to write this almost by myself although we have been Tweeting back and forth. So, I think it should help. Raj has cross-posted it on his website and has generously offered to provide technical assistance there or by email ( raj.rajaroni@gmail.com ) if anyone still has trouble with the new system.

I know nobody likes CHANGE, especially the kind we’ve been getting since 1-20-2009. Butt, I think this will make snarking easier and a lot more fun: if that’s even possible. I hope you think so too, because my MOLs and MODs are the only reason for doing this. My blog that is, not my day job. Which I love. Of course.