Turd World

We’ve been trying to get our friends to change the subject from the health care revolt, the economic non-turn-around and the plummeting polls so we can relax and enjoy a little bit of family time here on the Rock. But no, someone always has to spoil it.

Get a load of what this Fouad Ajami is writing about us in the Wall Street Journal today! I’m glad I’m only in charge of fashion spin, because there’s no way to polish up this turd:

American democracy has never been democracy by plebiscite, a process by which a leader is anointed, then the populace steps out of the way, and the anointed one puts his political program in place. In the American tradition, the "mandate of heaven" is gained and lost every day and people talk back to their leaders. They are not held in thrall by them. The leaders are not infallible or a breed apart. That way is the Third World way, the way it plays out in Arab and Latin American politics.

Unfortunately BO and MO are both sensitive about that “third world” reference for any number of reasons. So now we have to pack up all of Lady M’s shoes and ship them back to the house in Chicago – you know, the one next to the vacant lot that we’re not allowed to talk about - until this whole thing blows over. I tried to explain to them that the Philippines are not considered a third world country, but they felt it was too close for comfort. No great loss, most of her shoes don’t fit any way.

We’ve also got the CIA investigating  Mr. “Fouad Ajami’s” citizenship status, but so far no word back.

Man, what a buzz kill. I’m afraid there’s not enough Wagyu beef, steamed lobster, beluga caviar and Dom Perignon in the world to lift the funk around here. (And that means I’ll be working overtime for the next month.)

All I know for sure is that “Don’t Cry For Me Argentina”  has been pulled from the Tango night mix.

Technorati Tags: health care reform,Fouad Ajami,economic recovery,presidential approval polls

If The Shoe Fits (or not)

Sheeze! Can you believe all the hoo-ha over Lady M’s tootsies? Haven’t I got enough to worry about from the ankles up – and please, no canckle jokes from you little zumba Everyready bunnies.

I would think the MSM would be following the escapades of Rahm, the only toes in this administration that count. He’s down in Florida this week trying to stem the tide of the AARP revolt. That’s not going so well either, since they’re not apparently quite as acquiescent as old Twinkle Toe’s used to. He’s more of the “convincing through coercion school”. Like the SEIU.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But fine, if the shoe fits, and all that. Those damn sandals in both photos are the Ferragamos that MO picked up on our Roman shopping spree. As you may recall, I tried to deal with the issue at the time. But no, we still came home with the wrong size.

So lighten up out there. It’s summer. I’m supposed to be on vacation too,and frankly, keeping the image refracting going full time on the halter tops and shorts is a stretch (no pun intended).

I’m only going to say this once: Lady M has 5 toes on each foot. I don’t have enough diodes to make those size 13 EEEE’s squeezed into a size 8 AA look anything like normal. Deal with it.

 

Technorati Tags: Obamas,Martha's Vineyards,six toe controversy,zumba

Black Dog Down

Well, Lady M decided to do a little shopping today on our “tony island retreat”. Things were going pretty well. No one asked FLOTUS what size she needed or anything.

We were strolling down South Summer Avenue when the next thing you know, someone behind us is shouting “Hey! Where’s that famous black dog?”

All of a sudden, 20 secret service guys have their Uzis drawn and the locals are diving to the sidewalk like frogs. Thanks goodness I had loaded all of the local fashion stores onto my 2 TB RAID array, and cross linked them with GPS coordinates (sorted by price point, hi to lo end – we’re only here a week).

So, when I heard “Black Dog” and it popped up in the top 5, it triggered an automatic “STAND DOWN” order to the SS agents’ Bluetooth headsets. “It’s just an expensive resort wear boutique!!!”, I radioed.

The SS guys relaxed as the poor shlub, who was just looking for an expensive island logo T-shirt to impress his neighbors, was released from a choke-hold. Lady M, still a little shaken by all the fuss, snarled in my direction, “resort to what, MF?”

I think BFF and I are going to have a little talk tonight. I’m putting in for my own vacation; a trip to the NASA Spa for a wax and polish.

After all, I did prevent a situation that would’ve required the Big Guy to go on television again and explain how the Secret Service agents had acted “stupidly”.

Technorati Tags: Obamas martha vineyard vacation,Black Dog,stupidly

Images of a Pre-Post-Partisan Era

We were really disappointed that the rumor about us going to the big Chelsea wedding over at Ted and Mary’s turned out not to be true.

I was practicing a little on some of the old the trans-images I have stored in my hard drive from those wonderful Clinton years in the White House, and I was going to pull a little trick on Bill and Hill with my time decompressed imaging system:

They both have such a great sense of humor. I was looking forward to making them laugh again, like they used to when they talked about  the “vast rightwing attack machine”; and, later,about the odds of any young upstart beating Hill in the presidential sweeps.

Sometimes I find myself getting a little nostalgic for the good times we had in the ‘90’s. Then I remember all the flying objects in the White House that I had to keep ducking. It was a little nerve racking.

Anyway, I just hope the rumor about Tiger Woods playing golf with the Big Guy is true. I would really love to have him sign my photo album.

Technorati Tags: Chelsea Clinton wedding,obamas martha vineyard vacation,tiger woods

Slumming on the Vineyards

MO and I watched this video in preparation for our Vineyard’s vacation, but it wasn’t all that helpful.

For one thing, these guys and dolls make BO and MO – without my help - look like the cream of the crop. Apparently what they say about old money is true.

I was a little concerned about the accompanying article however. It looks like they might be on to me:

The Obamas? They're under the media equivalent of an electron microscope.

Yikes! That’s too close for comfort. I guess I’ll have to use my self-refracting light shields to prevent the local media from spotting ME.

There’s definitely no way I can let Lady M go out without me. That diet thing isn’t working out all that well.

Technorati Tags: Obama's Vineyard vacation,fashion elite,Martha Vineyard's style

40 Is The New Numero Uno

It’s official! Lady M is one of the most powerful women in the world! Forbes “Top 100 Most Powerful Women in the World” placed her as number 40.

For the second time in her adult life, MO is proud to be an American. Sure, she’s only number 40, but when they find out who’s really running the country, they’ll bump her up a notch or two. At least enough to overtake Number 36, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton– the bitch!

We’re going to have to work real hard to beat out that old sour-puss German Chancellor, Angela Merkel, for the number one spot though. She’s been numero uno for 4 straight years, and we think it’s time for her and her dumb free-market economic ideas to move on. After all, didn’t Germany practically invent Socialism?

But like I said, it’s going to be tough. She’s recently employed my second cousin, Greta, to “polish” up her image a bit, if you get my drift.

Damn! I hate German engineering and efficiency. And those Leica people think they own the entire field of photo-trans-imaging.

Technorati Tags: image transformation,Forbes 100 most powerful wonen,power politics

The Patient Needs Better Universal Coverage

Maybe we should’ve done a little polling or at least a few focus groups before we decided to try short shorts at the Big Dig.

Everybody has been yakking about it since last Saturday: Chicago Trib, InStyle,  HuffPo (of course).

Most come down on the side of MO having every right to bare her “glamorous gams” (thanks,InStyle). I think I will have to take credit for those comments. They undoubtedly saw her when I was refracting her svelte image, using all of my battery back-ups.

The snarky little bitches who said things like “makes her look like a Coleman tent in heat” - what ever that’s supposed to mean - and “big ass, huge thighs, no shorts. Period."  must have been standing at some weird angle where my trans-imaging system didn’t project. We’re still working on that universal coverage issue, please be patient.

Technorati Tags: universal health care,michelle's short shorts

Does the Grand Canyon Make My Butt Look Small?

OMG! The Grand Canyon is so awesome! I barely had to turn on my trans-imaging CGI (computer graphics interface, for you Luddites) to get the effect Lady M was going for on this trip. Nobody, and I mean nobody, needs much help making their butt look tiny in comparison to this mega-saurus canyon.

If you’ve never been here, it’s hard to imagine the sheer magnitude of this miles-wide and nearly bottomless chasm. Let’s just say it’s nearly big enough to contain BO’s ego.

But about those short-shorts: I certainly hope MO doesn’t plan on wearing them any where else.

Technorati Tags: Obama's Grand Canyon trip