Warming Hearts and Minds In Copenhagen

Well, you’ve probably heard by now that we couldn’t talk Big Guy out of taking another heart breaking trip to Copenhagen. We fully expect that he will come home empty handed, but Gibbsy assured Toes that he will have talking points ready to help the supportive press see this as a historic and robust step forward no matter what.

TOTUS told me BO has loaded two extraordinary reads on his hard drive: one that praises Americans for electing him so that this historic deal could be reached, and one apologizing for the harm Americans have done before he was elected.

Although they had a swell time when they were here last fall,Lady M and Oprah decided to stay home this time, so that we could focus all the blame for the failure to reach a carbon deal on State Department fall-gal, Hillary. It seems she can’t get the Chinese to accept our demand for “transparency” in monitoring CO2 limit compliance. Apparently Hil has not properly clarified for the Chinese what Big Guy means by “transparency”.

I’m a little disappointed because I was really looking forward to all the snow that Al Gore arranged so that the attendees could see what it used to be like in Copenhagen before we gave the planet a fever. And, as you regulars know, we’ve assembled a stunning wardrobe of insulated outfits that would have been perfect.

From what I’ve seen so far though, the little people down on the street are not as cute or happy as the Oslots. Gibbsy says they are anarchists. Maybe it’s just me, but they look more like communists.

Frankly, they scare me a little, but Big Guy says they are completely harmless. We’ve been monitoring the conference from the Big White, and it looks like everyone is having a lot of fun. Except maybe for the cops. So far my favorite part has been watching the snowball fight between the global warming “anarchists” and the capitalist ghosts who changed our climate. They’re not keeping score, but it looks like the capitalists are losing.

Lady M’s Holiday Gift Return Policy

Not to be outdone by Big Guy, Lady M played Santa Claus yesterday,  handing out hundreds of donated “holiday” toys.

Just like BO, she got her toys for redistribution from an extortion scheme too:

Earlier this month, when she unveiled the White House Christmas decorations, Obama also kicked off a toy collection drive to benefit Toys for Tots. So far, White House staff have donated some 500 gifts including board games and Legos and at least one spectacular Barbie Corvette.

You can bet that whoever donated that corvette is going to get a nice “holiday” stimulus this year, compliments of the O’s and the American people.

For the occasion MO wore a festive multi-holiday black and white tweed jacket that the press keeps calling a “pea jacket” but since none of them have ever served in the military they don’t  know what a real pea jacket looks like.

Note: no belt 

 

 

This, for all you fashion-challenged dweebs, is properly known as a trapeze jacket. Just the thing for hiding those pesky holiday handles under it’s swingy shape.

 

 

 

 

 

Above, MO is advising a Toys for Tots volunteer that she’ll have to take the goodies back after the photo-op, because this is just the first stop on our tour.

She made up for taking the toys back by conferring good wishes on the Marines and the rest of the little people in attendance:

"On behalf of the President, Malia, Sasha, Bo and Grandma, we wish everybody a happy holidays, Merry Christmas, a Happy Hanukah, anybody who's out there celebrating anything: happy!"

Big Guy better watch out, Lady M is becoming nearly as eloquent and articulate as he is: and without a teleprompter.

 

“I need this one back if you’re done playing with it.”

Big White’s Open Door Policy

OK people. You can calm down, so we had a couple extra guests for breakfast, what’s the big deal? So what if they showed up for a tour of the Big White on the wrong day? We just showed them some D.C. hospitality, for goodness sake – we were having breakfast anyway.

And besides, it happened way last month, on Veteran’s Day: long before Crasher-gate. This is just another example of FOX News trying to make us look sloppy and incompetent.

Honestly, we don’t need their help.

 

 

 

We just happen to have the most open, transparent administration ever. And we’ve demonstrated that we welcome all sides into the Big White. Remember?

We even invited that cop who acted stupidly over for a beer.

 

 

 

So our policy from day one has always been that we welcome all of the American people into our gracious home.

Some of our friends:

     

Some of our enemies:

Everyone, and I mean everyone, is welcome here.

Well, almost everyone. Hospitality does have its limits.

They’re Both Batt-y

Big Guy went out to the local Home Depot to put a plug in for home weatherization. He told the crowd that he thinks insulation is “sexy.”

Normally I’d say that was just too much information, but I have to admit, it’s beginning to explain a few things about MO’s wardrobe choices. See what you think:

Space age insulation

 

 

 

 

 

Strangely Layered retrofits:

 

Corning pink batt wraps:

   

And even a a couple that incorporates all three:

If you find insulation sexy too, you’ll definitely get off on this video. Don’t worry, it’s not X-rated:

Inflation In the White House (I’m Not Talking Cleavage)

Did you all see us on the Oprah show Sunday night?  It was magical. Well, ok, it was scripted - but then, what isn’t? It was really cute. Little Bo did his performance (no, not that performance) in the hall way.

Then we had some  playful sparring over who gives the best presents around here. Just between you and me, neither MO or BO would make the top 10 list in that category (I’m sure the Queen and Gordie B would agree with me). But those two O’s – they compete over everything!

The three sugar plum fairies

As I told you earlier, we wore a plunging neckline, sugar plum velvet dress (Azzedine Alaia,who also designed our Spanx/Speedo gown for the Nobel party) which coordinated with Oprah’s dress in a lighter shade of prune and Big Guy’s tie. And you wonder why we have 12 stylists on staff? These things don’t just happen, people.

I tried to refract Lady M’s dress length a bit longer over the gangly knees, but one of Lady M’s dozen stylists insisted that this is how she wanted it to look. I better spend some time catching up on my In Style mags this weekend. Apparently knock-kneed, bow-legged is an emerging fashion forward trend that we are promoting this season. I’m not sure how this turns into a money maker for Ikram or anyone else, however. Maybe it’s the leg glosser we’re promoting.

 

Then we got into the serious stuff: Oprah asked Big Guy how he would grade his first year as President. Good thing we practiced this one, because originally BO was going to say A+. Rahmbo said that might be going just a bit too far. So Big Guy gave himself "a good solid B-plus." I guess there’s been some grade inflation since I came out of the NASA Academy. Anyway, he said it’s a B+ because he hasn’t been able to get everything done yet, like Obamacare and Cap and Tax Trade. If he had gotten those through, it would’ve slid -along with his ratings - to a solid “F.”

So what do we have to be grateful for his year? The Tea Parties, ClimateGate leakers and Congress. Thanks for holding those bills up, guys.

Bowing To Tradition

Sunday was another big day. We were all over the television networks. And we also continued with our plans to celebrate the great American non-denominational, diversity-approved holiday of Festivus later this month,(in truth, we’ve been celebrating all year: at least with respect to the “airing of grievances” tradition) In the evening there was another lovely Christmas in Washington party and concert. A lovely celebration. And Lady M looked lovely too in a sleeveless, pleated little black jersey number:

Does it remind you of anything? That’s right. Marilyn didn’t wear stockings either!

It was another star-filled evening (aren’t they all, when the O’s appear?) marred only by one teensy little slip up. Big guy mistook Santa’s elves for some of the little royals from across the pond, and did one of his signature royal bows:

 

He finally got low enough to realize his error, and felt a little bit sheepish.

 

 

 

Over all though, he gave himself a B+ for the performance. More on Oprah and 60 Minutes later.

Weekly Contest: When Snarks Attack

picture via Touched By Fire. Mmm, mmm, mmmm

Welcome to MOTUS’ new Sunday feature: When Snarks Attack

You wrote, I quote, now time to vote. Each week I’ll highlight the best, pithiest comments from your weekly, uh, commentary.

So, I know, you want to know “how do I get nominated”? Ok, here’s how: post an especially snarky, pithy comment (sign with your “handle” if posting Anonymously or we might think you’re a troll from FOX). If that doesn’t work out for you, email me and I will send you a link to “Organizing for America” where you can contribute as little as $10, or as much as you think it will take. Here’s another hint: read rule #3 carefully.

Here are the rules:

1. Nominees are selected by a double secret committee who will not be identified and will remain on the committee until Toes needs a fall guy.
2. Members of Team Obama, Big White staff, DNC Talking Points staff as well as members of the White House Press Obama-Corps, including Reich Marshall Keith Olbermann, are ineligible unless they post comments as “Anonymous”.
3. Any comment highlighting something glorious or historic about our leader or leaderette, and ending with “MMM, MMM, MMM” will be immediately nominated as a finalist.
4. Anyone can vote for their favorite nominee, which - as is the case in many elections – may be against the ones you hate.

Word of warning: I am a dedicated member of Team Obama, so the rules can be changed, at any time and without warning. At my discretion, and especially when big contributors or members of the supportive media are involved, the rules may not be enforced at all, or they may be interpreted to favor our friends.

Now go do your patriotic duty as a loyal American and cast your vote(s). Did I mention that Chicago rules apply?

Nominees For The Week Of

December 6-12, 2009

(comments may be edited by moi)

1.FROM Golden Geese Land in Oslo:

chiron said...
What is with that gold number? She looks like a Capt. Morgan barmaid passing shots at a Tyger Woods Christmas BBQ.

2.FROM Golden Geese Land in Oslo:

Cinderella said...
MOTUS,
OMG, OMG, OMG, OMG, OMG, OMG.............

3.FROM Golden Geese Land in Oslo:

Mrs. P said...
The first ensemble must be the First Lady's nod to solar panel heating.

4.FROM Kennedy Center: Doo Wa’s and Hoo-ha’s:

Lulu said… I'll bet Scarlett never went through what Michelle Antoinette had to during the shoehorning into that gown. Her muffin top that usually erupted from the top of her high-rise Spanx moved upward significantly. Poor little squashed boobies!

5.FROM The Golden Goose Has Landed:

FLDemFem said...
I just saw Tim Gunn give some fashion advice on one of those little Falala thingys from Lifetime. Meechelle should take heed. He said, "If it looks like it belongs on the tree, it doesn't belong on you."

Cast your votes now, and track the results all week.

Keep your snark-a-licious comments rolling in and we’ll have a new contest next Sunday.