Bunker Post-1: The Big Chill-Hil

If you can read this post, you are a FOM and/or MOL. Everyone else will see this.

I apologize for all the secrecy, but all hell is breaking loose back in Big White over the no-longer-supportive L.A.Times article reporting the results of the latest no-longer-supportive CNN (aka Clinton News Network) poll showing America likes Hillary more than Big Guy. We expect this kind of Hate-Journalism from FOX News, but CNN?

Pa-lease.

 Lady M selecting “Poster Children” as “good examples” for her historic “No Child’s Fat Behind” program – None here

 

 

 

 

 

 How did that fat behind get in this shot? No, not hers, the guy in the blue shirt. Sheesh

 

 

 

 

“Hi ... Come on in ... Come on in”

 Lady M de-planing Air Force WON-2 as we arrive in Mexico City wearing our, “floral frock” as described in HuffPo  IMPORTANT NOTE:Yes, that’s right, HuffPo trolls clearly visit and steal from my MOLs as demonstrated here in the use, without attribution, of srdems “frock”. Come back little trolls and leave your thoughts, pretty please. (Sorry, I got carried away with this subtitle).

 Big Butt hunting in Mexico City: better pickin’s than in Haiti

So anyway, Raj and Bo are in lock-down back in my secret bunker in the corner of Lady M’s closet doing a multiple-proxy, IP masked, encrypted post for me. I’m glad I restocked the hotel fridge with curry and snausages before MO and I started our historic first solo diplomatic mission. More on that in a minute.

You have to get “inside the data” to find the stuff about Hillary (Now you can see how important, and fun, my little tutorial on getting inside the data was). It shows public opinion has shifted dramatically since we bussed all those folks in from Chicago to enable our first historic win of the Iowa caucuses:

... 61% now think favorably of the former senator and only 35% unfavorably, both numbers improved from the 56% and 40% she had during the Democratic National Convention in late August of 2008 ...

... By comparison, in the same CNN poll, 57% of Americans now think favorably of Obama, down from 78% just before his inauguration; and 41% now think unfavorably of him, more than twice his unfavorable rating of early 2009.

Clinton's numbers also beat all other both Democrats and Republicans in the new poll.

Are they trying to cause trouble? What is the point of publishing this sort of racist “news”? All it’s going to do is get people thinking that Hillary might mount a primary challenge against Big Guy for the 2012 nomination.

Big Guy warming up to his future Secretary Hillary

Sure, like she is going to want to be the entry in the history books titled “The Racist Bitch Who Spoiled Barack Obama’s First, Second Historic Term As Glorious Leader Of The World”. Not to mention retiring our FLOTUS to pursue her modeling career. How will that be good for our children’s fat behinds?

Well, we’re not taking this lying down. Toes mobilized the Chicago  O-Team strike force and put in a call to Andy Stern.

Axe-man started a rumor that Hillary was on the short list of possible nominees for the upcoming Supreme Court vacancy, then sent Gibbsy out to announce that she is not on Big Guy’s list.

The O-Team strike force, already in action, sent a bunch of cheerleaders from the University of Chicago to interview for “internship positions” at the Harlem office of the “William J. Clinton Foundation”.

Finally, for now, Toes, Axe-man and Pluff-Po (aka David Plouff) are loading TOTUS’ hard drive with an historic and articulate weekend read announcing a major transformation of our State Department. They aren’t done yet, so I don’t have all of the details, but according to what TOTUS has sent me so far, it will start with re-titling the position “Secretary of State” to “Secretary to the President.”

It also creates the first historic “Diplomacy Czar”  who shall be empowered (I don’t think we use that great word enough anymore) to advise the President on all matters of foreign policy, and to oversee all State Department operations.

Do you see how important our first solo diplomatic mission is now? It’s not just about the fat behinds.

80% of Success is Just Showing Up. The rest is Mental

Lady M was very happy to leave on her solo Mexico trip. We can all use a holiday from Big Guy’s ego. He even started getting on my nerves lately with his latest game: “mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s made the world safer for all?” He never seems to get tired of it. It’s just creepy. Not to mention dumb. It’s like having Joey B around all the time.

So, we made a quick photo op stop in Haiti before flying on to Mexico City. The devastation was horrible, but Lady M made everyone feel better just by showing up.

Adorable kids singing and dancing.

Whoa! Is that Botox wearing off already?

I don’t know why, but I just have a good feeling about Mexico City: Don’t we look positively radiant with Mexican counselor Deputy Director of Protocol, Maria Teresa Mercato? Mexico really gets this whole protocol thing; they even named a special deputy director who makes Lady M look svelte by comparison. Wow! that’s impressive hospitality.

So we’re going to have a strawberry Margarita and call it a night. Tomorrow’s a big day.

Oh, one last thing. Lady M did call Big Guy before we turned in. She congratulated him on whatever it is he think he accomplished at his Nuclear Security Council, but she told him that next time he should probably invite North Korea, Iran and Israel. And she read him the riot act for bowing to China again. She said she doesn’t care how much money we owe Hu Jintao, Big Guy’s got to stop with the liberal ‘ethnic restaurant owner bow.’

We like the Ken and Barbie pose with Dmitry much better:

Don’t they make a cute couple?

Hola! Adelante!

Lady M and I are still busy packin’ for our trip south of the border later today. Margarita Zavala de Calderone is not exactly another Carla, but she does seem to love to hog the fashion highlight, so we have to take special care with our wardrobe selections.

Margarita emulating Lady M, the hussy (Margarita, not Lady M)

Lady M’s solo trip to a foreign country isn’t a FLOTUS first. Hil went to China in 1995 to deliver a major address on women’s rights to the U.N. World Conference on Women, and when Laura went to Prague she gave an address on Radio Free Europe speaking about the Taliban’s egregious treatment of women in Afghanistan. And now, Lady M’s going to Mexico to indoctrinate talk to the children about how we can all work together for one world order harmony. I’m not positive, but I think this means open borders,and free health care. She was going to lecture them about their fat behinds too, but apparently that’s not a big problem there. Which explains why they all want to come to the U.S.: Big Macs.

So we’re loading up our iPod with our English/Spanish translation app (note to self: learn to speak Spanish), our suitcases with sundresses, sombreros and our favorite Mexican themed tops,

and looking forward to having nachos and Margaritas with Margarita. I hope Lady M remembers we can’t drink the water. Just in case, I’m brushing up on my Spanish. “Me siento mal.”

Beauty is in the Eye of the Traveler

I’ll let you in on a little secret. Lady M never really wanted to be FLOTUS. Despite her Ivy League credentials and off-the-charts smarts, she secretly always wanted to be a super model. So of course it hurt a little when Iman told Parade magazine that “Mrs. Obama is not a great beauty. But she is so interesting looking and so bright.”

Swell, Iman. We think you’re “interesting looking” too. For a skinny  b***h.   “When you’re a great beauty, it’s always downhill for you.”

Don’t expect a lot of sympathy from Lady M when you reach the bottom, honey.

Although, after reading what Lady M said in the May Conde Nast Traveler’s  issue, I don’t think she would have been very happy with all the fame and paparazzi that surrounds supermodels:

I would love, and so would the President, to be able to walk up and down the Mall … when there are millions of people there … She adds conspiratorially, “I want to get on the Metro.” (I  don’t dare tell her that there are a whole lot of people who’d like to put her on the Metro, too.)

She continues that being the President’s wife can be a pain – especially when you’re hungry. “It’s like ‘Okay, we’re going to that restaurant, and everyone’s going to get mad, ‘cause I’m there eating my hamburger,”  (again, I don’t want to be the one to tell her that’s not what they’re mad about)

But seriously, I think MO could have been one of the great black supermodels - if she hadn’t decided to sacrifice herself for the American people instead. Just look at all the things she has in common with them:

Like Iman, she’s married to a rock star.

 

While she’s never been arrested like Naomi Campbell for throwing her cell phone at one of her assistants, or spitting at a police officer,

Mo does know how to show disdain for the little people when necessary (like when she doesn’t get enough Crème fraiche with her beluga, or her foie gras hasn’t been seared correctly,) and she has had “her days.”

Plus, both she and Naomi are known for their community service:

And like Tyra Banks, she sometimes needs a little industrial strength Spanx to “stay on the runway.”

Aside from that, I think she looks quite at home with the rest of these fabulous black super models:

 

       

      

Am I wrong? What - you don’t think they get help too? Oh sure, they don’t have a NASA designed high tech image refracting mirror at their service 24/7, but it’s amazing what you can do with just Photoshop and a little airbrushing.

So congratulations, Lady M, on being selected for the cover of this month’s copy of Conde Nast Traveler!

Just one more homage to you and Big Guy as the world class travelers you are. Or as they used to refer to them in the Village, fellow travelers.