Welcome JWF readers! And thanks to JWF for the link.
OMG! OMG!
I’m really going to be too busy to live-blog, but I just had to send you this! Suzette – you got your wish! Pinned on hair – and poodle curly! And a gorgeous blue gown! But it’s not from Louis, Peter Soronen instead. He’s known in the trade as “Iron Man,” I think you’ll see why.
We look like a fairy princess! I’m pulling yeoman’s duty tonight - well, me and the Spanx.
The guest list for our Mexican Taco Night was just released to the press. Dr. Stephen Chu is coming, which explains why we had to quickly drop Jonathan Katz, the astrophysicist, from the Energy Department’s task force to fix the oil leak in the Gulf. Big Guy didn’t want the conversation preoccupied with Dr.Chu explaining why we have a homophobe working on the oil slick.
And here’s your star gazer alert: watch for George Lopez, Eva Longoria-Parker, Whoopi Goldberg, New York Jets Mark Sanchez and D'Brickashaw Ferguson, Olympic gold medal winner Shani Davis and also, Gayle King, a returning guest from the last state dinner. The Oprah’s going to be upset.
Oh, and Hillary isn’t bringing Bill: “previous engagement,” ha, ha, ha!
Gotta run, Smootie has to figure out where best to position me so I can reflect any possible imposters AND make Lady M’s butt look small – without going overboard and making it too obvious.
photo compliments of Gerard’s KA-CHING! Blame him for ruining the cocktail hour.
While we’re busy here at the Big White getting ready for our big State Dinner (putting up the electric fences and the yard tents, taking about 1 trillion calories out of Chef Bayless’ authentic Mexican cuisine and making sure that our guest list doesn’t include Desi) just a quick reflection on last weekend’s commencement address at George Washington University:
“You guys, you should be so proud of yourselves and your incredible accomplishments…”
Actually, most of them haven’t really accomplished much yet, other than graduating from college. Which isn’t as hard as it used to be, it just costs more.
"You have fully joined a generation of activists and doers. And when you think about how your generation has come of age, that's pretty astounding. I mean, you all have seen so much. Just since you were in middle school, you've witnessed terrorism touch our soil, you've seen the cost of war reach into our communities. You've watched unimaginable devastation and suffering in the aftermath of a tsunami; a hurricane; an earthquake. You've felt the wrath of a recession that's changed your towns and even your families."
“Now, that's a whole lot to bear for any generation. So, no one would have blamed you had you chosen to hunker down and turn inward; if you had simply focused on making sure that your own lives were secure.”
War, hurricanes, earthquakes, recession. Yeah, no one’s ever had to live through any of that before. You’re really special!
See, we live in a culture, after all, that tells us that our lives should be easy; that we can have everything we want without a whole lot of effort.
At least that’s how it worked out for Barack and me.
And blah, blah, blah. If you’ve heard one commencement address by the first couple, you’ve pretty much heard them all.
In other morning news, everyone’s speculating on who Lady M will wear tonight for the State Dinner honoring Mexico’s president and first lady. The smart money seems to be on Mexican-American designer Louis Verdad, born in Chicago. This is based on the fact that MO chose Indian-American born designer Naeem Khan for the first state dinner in honor of the Indian Prime Minister.
Louis’ gals in Mexico City, and the models displaying them
It figures doesn’t it? A woman who can’t figure out how to match her shoes with her outfits, finds a way to match her clothes to her cuisine. *sigh* It’s going to be a long day.
The occasion was yesterday’s announcement of how Lady M single handedly got the Healthy Weight Commitment Foundation, a group comprised of Big Food retailers and trade associations, to pledge to remove 1.5 trillion calories from their products by the end of 2015. I know it sounds like I must have made that number up, but no – honest! That’s what they pledged! And the impartial Congressional Budget Office (CBO) did all the calculations based on the data the trade associations gave them, so you know they’re good.
But I should remind everyone: this is Washington.The only place you’ll find more pledging is on college campuses. Big Guy likes to make pledges too: no new middle class taxes, to create or save 4 million jobs, to close Guantanamo, to cut the deficit in half, to not cut NASA funding and to deliver Obamacare to everyone for less than – what? - 500 trillion dollars a year? Pledges around here are more a matter of sound bites, wishful thinking and semi-good intentions. D.C. is not known as the road to Hell for naught.
Anyway, you can tell that this is a serious initiative because the Healthy Weight Commitment Foundation – which didn’t even exist before Lady M invented the “Let’s Move those Children’s Fat Behinds” – has its own official acronym (HWCF). Now it’s status is on par with the CBO.
Am I on drugs or something? Why am I wearing this Moschino bed spread? Why can’t I move my eyebrows?
Is it just me, or is anyone else growing tired of these vintage prints?
Hola! It’s time for our first historic Mexican Fiesta! Our 2 previous Cinco de Mayo parties don’t count, because 1) it’s not a real Mexican holiday, and 2) the only real Mexicans in attendance were serving nachos. I can’t tell you too much about it yet because we’re keeping the details “debajo de nuestros sombreros,” if you know what I’m saying. And let’s face it, by now you should.
We’ll be honoring Mexican President Philipe “Speedy” Calderon and his lovely wife, Margarita Zavala. I am not looking forward to this. The last time we had to share the spotlight with Margi, MO was her usual post-having –to-share-the-spotlight-with-attractive-foreign-first-lady b*%#hy self for weeks. Again, if you know what I’m saying.
And I’m afraid to think of what we will be pulling on over our Spanx this time in order to look young, cool and Mexican:
Lady M Teaching Mexican Children To Fly in case somebody actually builds that fence.
We’ve always prided ourselves around here on our “controlled-leak” skills. I’m sure I don’t have to remind you how hard that was with Desi “The Sieve” in the loop, but with Smooty here, that’s all changed. The Smoot would be a great spy, because you can’t get a thing out of her. Either that, or MO just never tells her anything.
Reinas del Partido: Desi y Smooty
Now we are a tight lipped ship. Even the usual “in the know” media sources like The Hill was in the dark. I bet they miss Desi:
A spokeswoman for the White House social secretary's office (that’s Smooty) had even less to say about the upcoming state dinner, refusing to answer any questions about guests, invitations or entertainment.
What is known so far is that guest chef Rick Bayless will travel to Washington from Chicago in advance to prepare the meal, and that he'll use greens, herbs and radishes from the White House kitchen garden.
New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson's (D) staff announced Saturday that he will attend, but other than that the list is mum thus far.
I don’t know if Guillermo’s dreaming or just doing some wishful thinking, because I have the guest list on my HD and I don’t see his name.
They got the guest celebrity chef right: Chicago’s “Frontera Grill” chef/owner, Rick Bayless. Let’s see: Only famous Mexican chef in America and proprietor of one of the O’s most favorite restaurants in Chi-town - that took a lot of heavy lifting.
What is known so far is that guest chef Rick Bayless will travel to Washington from Chicago in advance to prepare the meal, and that he'll use greens, herbs and radishes from the White House kitchen garden.
Yum-O!!!
Rick, I mean. Isn’t he cute? And he’s got his own show on PBS, so he’s, like, HUGE.
I’ve never been to his Grill, though the WONs “love it”, even though they both add extra “hot sauce,” which drives Ricky mad.
Maybe that’s why he was busy spilling the refried beans, first over at HuffPo :
. . . Bayless will serve a 28-ingredient Oaxacan black mole at the state dinner . . .
Moles? For dinner? And black ones at that!?!
Eeewwww! That brings back horrible hard drive flashbacks of the “Iron Chef” competition, (which we WON!):
Comfy Tossing Mouse Into Skillet: Mouse Escaped
Then, Ricky gets a call from the NYT, where he spills even more black beans:
He said his selection as chef for this dinner showed that he had “contributed something that the public at large wants and respects.” And he said it is significant because “when we are doing something very special it no longer has to be European or gussied-up American but from the heritage of a whole bunch of people in our country who have never been in the spotlight.” (wow! that last part sounds like he’s channeling Lady M!)
He couldn’t resist taking a jab at French cooking, which for generations was the only cuisine appropriate for state dinners. “French chefs come to the kitchen and are amazed at how complex Mexican food is, the layering of flavors,” Mr. Bayless said. “The food speaks for itself. It’s not being whipped into submission like a French chef would do.”
Whoa, big boy! You’re only cooking for Tex-Mex night at the Big White, let’s not lose our perspective here. It’s not like you’ve been asked to do something really important like getting rid of children’s fat behinds. Or sealing the border. (I think that last one’s going to be Guillermo’s job, if he actually gets invited.)
But he did give us all one of the recipes he’ll be preparing for the big fiesta, and it’s not the one with the moles in it. It’s not even black: Green Ceviche With Cucumber.
I thought we were done with smelly raw fish after Denmark and Norway. I hope he doesn’t get upset if we have bottles of hot sauce on the table. It’s the best way to get rid of the fishy smell.
No word yet on the beverage service: I’m guessing Margaritas, Tequila shooters and Mescal. I’ll report back when I have more.
Thanks to DougRoss@Journal and Larwyn for allowing me to sponsor Larwyn’s Links today!!! And thanks too for all the links over the course of my historic coverage of the most historic presidency ever.
You can always find Larwyn’s Links right over there in my sidebar, just below my coveted “Snark Hall of Fame” link. Click on Larwyn’s Links to read the news and BOYCOTT the New York Slimes.
What’s up with all the “celebrity” chefs flapping their jibs about Lady M’s no child’s fat behind program? Jamie Oliver has jumped on board, saying he blamed America's food industry for making unhealthy food so available: “We'll go into any supermarket and there are 160 different kinds of cookies. I don't care how much ground up sea grass you eat or wheat germ - as long as they are selling 160 different types of cookie what hope do you have?”
We’ve already had to watch this adorable little twit tear-up because the lunch ladies “'… don't understand me 'cause they don't know why I'm here.”
Yes they do Jamie. They know you’re here to take the cookies off the shelf. You’re lucky all they did was make you cry.
And now, Rachael Ray - the only lady on all of TV-land perkier than Katie Couric - is a registered lobbyist (or at least I assume her agent was smart enough to register her) railing against Big-Food. Is it too obvious of me to say “don’t bite the hand that feeds you?” RR has more Big-Food endorsement deals than Kellogg’s has sugar coated cereals. Yet she’s yammering at Congress to give the Department of Agriculture another $4.5 billion to “improve the healthy food options at schools.”
You have got to be kidding me. First of all, why does everyone think healthier necessarily means more expensive? Have you seen the price of Oscar Mayers lately? Besides, this is a whole lot simpler than Rache is making it sound. Big Guy likes to tell everyone – banks, insurance companies, auto companies – how to run their businesses. All he has to do is TELL Big-School what to feed the kid’s fat behinds. How much can that cost? I’m guessing (and my guess is as good as anyone’s) that it’s going to be less than a trillion dollars. And since we’re looking for ways to cut the deficit, maybe we could cut out school feedbag programs all together and just issue every mom and dad in America about 365 brown bags per kid and TELL them what they’re allowed to put in their kids lunch bag. (hint: do NOT send Jolly Ranchers, if you know what’s good for you.) Problem solved.
Any-hoo, back to Rache. That little happy faced wench who eats her way around the world is not a real nutritionist, she just plays one on Food TV. Although, I better be careful: Lady M isn’t a real nutritionist either. I wonder if that’s why both she and RR are a little on the *ahem* other side of size 0.
Rache and Lady M have the same stylist and gun trainer!
But little RR really put it to the big guys and gals on Capital Hill, telling them: "Find the money now and get it done or you are going to be part of sinking our ship down the line," Wow! That’s pretty powerful rhetoric. Why does it seem that everyone in D.C. these days is wagging their finger and talkin’ down to us? Oh that’s right – because they are.
Finger Wavers Club:
I guess Congress loves it when celebrities come and tell them what to do. Especially the really smart ones, like Rache and Sean Penn, who mean well.
And around here, good intentions are even better than the real thing. Take, for example, Obamacare good intentions: all the cost, none of the coverage; or Stimulus good intentions: all the expenditures, none of the recovery; now we’ll have Government-Nutrition good intentions: all the subsidies, more fat behinds.
Pass me some of that EVOO – I’ve got a few palms I’d like to grease too.
Oh, and by the way; that OTHER Michelle (the imposter) has written a very un-nice article about Lady M’s “Shed as I say, not as I gain” campaign. I’m not sure what her point is, other than trying to embarrass MO, but I thought you would appreciate a heads-up.
I totally don’t know what “The Costume Institute Ball at the Met” back on may 5th was all about. I just know we weren’t invited. And I must admit, that hurts a little, especially since this year’s theme was "American Woman: Fashioning a National Identity:" I mean, we practically own that theme! But now that I’ve had a chance to review the pictures, I see why our invitation “got lost in the mail.”
For one thing, many of the women showed up in what were clearly ripoffs of Lady M’s own special sense of fashion icon-ary. See for yourself:
Charlotte Gainsbourg in Balenciaga, MO in Moshino
Emma Watson in Burbarry, MO in her Inaugural Icon-ary
Donatella Versace wearing Lady M’s Naeem Khan gown, with ribbons.
And by the way ladies, cosmetic surgery and Botox are not necessarily your friend, ladies. Do not let this raccoon/chipmunk look happen to you:
Prabul Gurung, with Hilary Rhoda in one of his designs, and his number one icon
Rachael Zoe in Marc Jacobs yellow drapery fabric, one of Lady M’s all time faves
Christina Hendricks in L’Wren Scott: one of Lady M’s favorite sweater designers.
L’Wren really knows how to make the most of “the girls,” as do these fashionistas:
Rosaria Dawson Giambattista Valli: how to wear the “girls”
Janet Jackson, with grown up girls
Well, we’re still working on that. Let’s Moove them up!
UPDATE: L’Wren Scott Shoulder Accessory
I’m sure L’Wren had no idea how much controversy would be generated over the “accessory” worn on the shoulder of Christina Hendricks at the gala ball. Everyone is asking what is that?
Rumors and speculation ran rampant: dead animal, tumor, red leaf lettuce, mushroom, and on and on. One “fashion writer” even thought it was a cleverly disguised air pump, there to keep the “girls” full.
Well, I’ve downloaded all the red carpet footage to my hard drive and reviewed every security camera shot to get to the bottom of this for my MOLs and MODs. I for one was surprised when Christi’s little “accessory” woke up!!!
Am I on drugs or something? Why am I wearing this Moschino bed spread? Why can’t I move my eyebrows?
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