Butt Kickers

After our triumphant Jackie O moment at the high school graduation Friday morning, for some inexplicable reason we changed our clothes to head over to the Big Labor Department. We just stopped by to mark the 90th anniversary of the establishment of the Women’s bureau, what ever that is.  MO seemed to have a better handle on it, commenting that “even after 90 years of hard work, we’ve still got a long way to go.”

Not that we haven’t come a long way, baby, but after checking out this tangerine dream, you’ll probably agree with her remarks.

For a refreshing change of pace all of our accessories matched.

squirting flower pin

OJ flats

  orange-aid adorable child-prop

How did this innocent little pawn know about the secret color code? Some one must have tweeted it out. When we locate the source of the leak, you better believe we’re gonna plug it.

Lady M also shared this earth shattering news with the Big Labor crowd:

Still, she said women who choose to both work and have families still face a “daily juggling act” in the struggle to balance their obligations.

“They feel like they’re burning the candle at both ends and at the middle,”

Which was helpful information for all the women in the audience, who’ve been wondering why they were so tired all the time.

Later in her remarks, she quoted an early bulletin from the Women’s Bureau which read in part “America will be as strong as her women.”

We can only hope so.

Maybe Big Guy should call a meeting with this group of ladies. I’m betting they could tell him whose butt to kick. And show him a thing or two about how to go about it.

MO Jackie, Less Gaga

So I think you will all be pleased with my new software upgrade the “Jackie O-Pack”. I didn’t think Toes would approve my requisition, so I fudged a little. I left off the “Jackie” part.

Anyway, I got the Jackie O-Pack and voila, baby blue sheath dress, covering 94% of the knee, a nice bob wig, double strand pearls, discreet earrings pumps and wedding ring. That’s it. Really.

We rolled out our new software for Lady M’s Commencement speech at Anacostia Senior High today. In addition to my new software, Lady M also got to use TOTUS.

Don’t worry, MO isn’t saying the Pledge of Allegiance. We’ve been looking at recent polls and she’s not that proud of her country right now. She’s actually teaching the kids how to pat themselves on the back, just like she taught Big Guy. But that’s not the story here.

The Jackie O-Pack works like a charm, don’t you think?

Mostly. . .

Aside from needing to get to the salad bar and gym, I think this is a complete success.

We even have relatively lady-like knees while seated!

I’m not going to try and fool anyone that this is the answer to all my problems. It is a MAJOR improvement over my last software, butt it still has some bugs:

Raj will be installing some tweeks tonight including a “shadow compensation driver”, an experimental “tummy-tuckerator” and a “pantie-line eraser.” I’m excited and anxious to see how things go tomorrow.

Mamas, Please Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Cowboys

Day 53: Big Guy’s still not resting.

Lady M is still recuperating from her cold, which she’s been bravely fighting since Tuesday when she helped pack healthy lifestyle snack bags for the DC kids with fat behinds.  (Don’t worry, she used hand sanitizer.)

Lady M packin’ healthy snacks in her Pippi Longstockings

Then later that same day, and still suffering from the sniffles, she managed to put in a brief appearance at the Congressional Picnic to enjoy some smoked salmon and Chicago style dogs before taking to her bed again. She said it was just a rebound of her cold, but I think it was those Chicago style dogs she enjoyed so much at the picnic.

 

Here are the official requirements for a Chicago style hot dog: 1) yellow mustard, 2) hot peppers, 3) neon green sweet relish, 4) dill pickle, 5) tomatoes, 6) onions, 7) celery seed. Oh, and a hot dog – Vienna beef. On a poppy seed bun. Mmm, mmm, mmm.

The Chicago Hot Dogs were a big hit at first, but later on they began to give everyone indigestion.

The Chicago hot dog posse:

 Rhambo “Silver Balls”

Valarie and Desi

   The undertakers

   The Cerebral Wons   Does this help  explain “Chicago style” a little better?

Meanwhile Big Guy will be busy not resting until the damn hole is plugged. Right now he’s just waiting for someone to request a waiver of the Jones Act so he can allow the foreign ships that have volunteered to help with the cleanup and recovery into the region. But so far: no one has asked. Can you believe it?  Maybe I should give George W. Bush a call. During his Hurricane Katrina, he just went ahead and waived the Jones Act all by himself, without waiting for anyone to ask. What a cowboy. Maybe he can ask Big Guy for a waiver.

R Prez: ‘Sum Fresh Tracks Been Layin’ Down

Have you heard about Big Guy’s Rap video? Everyone around here has been told to deny it, because it certainly isn’t true. And all we need is plausible deniability that the MSM will run with. So Big Guy produced a receipt proving that he was in Chicago registering voters for the upcoming election on the date the video was being shot Atlanta.

Isn’t this totally amazing? That Big Guy keeps 1993 receipts from Domino’s but can’t seem to locate his birth certificate?

Anyway, as you can see here, this whopper has now been whacked.

And that pile of snow didn’t belong to him either.

 

I don’t think the guy in the video looks that much like Big Guy anyway –  at least not since his nose job. And I’m not talking smack.

“Just a little off the top and sides”

 

And I already know what your next question is: “ So, did Lady M get  a nose job too, on the 2-for-1 special?

Official answer: absolutely not.

 

She went for the full machine-grooming.

But you didn’t hear that from me.

Cripes! Someone Didn’t Take Their Meds

Suzette!  What a helpful visual of how the Won is handling the Big Spill!

In case any of you haven’t visited Cripes Suzette! today, and I can’t believe you haven’t been there already, go over and see what happens when Suz forgets to take her morning meds.

 (click pic to enlarge)

Don’t worry, Sweetie, I’ll make sure Lady M’s computer blocks this. No prob with Big Guy: our historic high-tech President only uses his Blackberry for texting Rahmbo and still thinks that to turn his computer on he has to turn it upside down and shake it. Which is really to much trouble when you are constantly busy finding someone’s ass to kick.

When Snarks Attack 7: The Winner

The polls are closed, the results are in and it was “Ladies Night”! Here, in the biggest, most important contest of this first “Super Tuesday” of 2010 the winner is :

PortiaElizabeth

Joining PortiaElizabeth in the winner’s circle, but without the coveted Golden FLOTUS, are: Republican winners Carly Fiorina, Meg Whitman, Sharron Angle, Nikki Haley and Democrat Blanche Lincoln, Congratulations ladies!

Congratulations PortiaElizabeth!!! You have won the fame and ovation of millions of MOLs and FOMs around the world and a permanent place in my Snark Hall of Fame.

PortiaElizabeth’s winning snark: “I don't know about the rest of you, but I sit up and take notice when Al Franken and Jeanene Garafolo shake their fingers at me. And then I return the favor with a helpful hand gesture of my own.” carried the day and achieved snark immortality.

The cherished Golden FLOTUS is now yours forever, to use and display as you wish.

It was a tight race with over 3 million votes cast. PortiaElizabeth Took the lead early Tuesday and held it to the end, beating back a possible runoff with Suzette. Congratulations to srdem on her decision to withdraw from the election and accept a generous “unpaid advisory” position. Toes will be in touch. Finally, congratulations to all the “runners up” and all my loyal, snarky MOLs and MODs. You are all winners in my book, even if you don’t all get a statue.

For the record, the final vote count was certified by Toes after review of the audited results by the accounting firm of Dewey, Cheatum & Howe. The results (rounded to the nearest thousand) were as follows:

1. PortiaElizabeth – 540,000
2. Suzette – 500,000
3. MJ – 480,000
4. Moright – 280,000
5. Madame De Farge – 220,000
6. Labwriter / Sine Qua Non – 190,000 / 190,000
7. Florida Girl – 180,000
8. bettyann – 140,000
9. Don Rodrigo – 130,000
10. Janice / srdem65 – 120,000 / 120,000
11. Cinderella – 90,000

Wag the Dog

UPDATE: LINKED BY RADIO PATRIOT! AND SHE THINKS I SHOULD GET A RAISE! THANKS ANDREA SHEA KING, AND WELCOME TO ALL RADIO PATRIOTS.

Day 50 of the Gulf Oil Disaster (GOD) and still, we didn’t rest. A party! 

What? Another party? Aren’t we supposed to be kicking ass and plugging the damn hole? Well, maybe we’ll let the people take care of that at the polls on Super Tuesday. Meantime, we’ve got the Congressional Picnic to attend. And little Bo had to take big BO for a walk.

I’m in charge here!

I’ve got the reins, don’t worry !

 

 

 

 

 

 I said heel, Big Guy

Lady M had adequately recuperated from her post-traumatic compression disorder so she was able to attend too. And we finally found an appropriate occasion for one of our million sundresses.

 

Bracelet representing all of the major races: black, white, brown and silver. All multi-culti pearls.

 

 

 

 

 

 Look! Lady M is light as air! We’re trying water next.

Exec chef Jason Stoller Smith – how many chef’s do you know with 3 names? – prepared smoked salmon to serve the Congressional delegation. There were some rumblings about hot dogs being easier, cheaper and more appropriate, but no one around here takes Glenn Beck seriously.

 Chef prepares the 21-salmon salute

Party-On! Next scheduled event is a Tea Party.

Express Your Bad Self

"I don't sit around just talking to experts because this is a college seminar, we talk to these folks because they potentially have the best answers, so I know whose ass to kick."         Barack Obama to Matt Lauer, Today Show, June 7

  Lookin’ for ass to kick since May 2, 2010

Because that’s more important than plugging the damn hole.

While Lady M spent yesterday recuperating from hyper-compression disorder, Big Guy was busy talking to Morning News talk show host and PBS game show participant, Matt Lauer.

Later Big Guy went to Kalamazoo for the K-zoo Central High School graduation. That’s about 200 miles from Motown. There was no ass-kicking there. There’s no one’s ass left in Michigan that hasn’t already been kicked by Big Guy.

Don’t even think about it, she’s just another innocent little pawn

You might think Kalamazoo is a funny place for Big Guy to go for a graduation, but in fact many famous people have passed through K-zoo, as the locals call it. Even Johnny Cash, although to be fair, he’s been everywhere:

I've been everywhere, man.
I've been everywhere, man.
Crossed the deserts bare, man.
I've breathed the mountain air, man.
Of travel I've had my share, man.
I've been everywhere.
I've been to:
Pittsburgh, Parkersburg, Gravelbourg, Colorado,
Ellisburg, Rexburg, Vicksburg, Eldorado,
Larimore, Admore, Haverstraw, Chatanika,
Chaska, Nebraska, Alaska, Opelika,
Baraboo, Waterloo, Kalamazoo, Kansas City,
Sioux City, Cedar City, Dodge City, what a pity.

Butt seriously, if it would make BO feel better just to kick someone’s ass, I could make some suggestions.

 

This last one would require special anatomical dexterity, butt if he can pull it off, I’ll bet he’d feel better.