Keel Hauled, Stem to Stern

Whew! I got the good news this afternoon: JoeyB is heading to Alabama to manage Big Guy’s oil spill and attend a couple of low yield fund raisers in North Carolina on the way home. That means Lady M kiboshed his plan to go to Mississippi with us tomorrow, for the celebration of the laying of the keel for our new Coast Guard cutter. He loves to go to Navy and Coast Guard events and talk like a pirate. He really gets on my nerves.

 JoeyB posing in his favorite “talk like a pirate” garb. Which, when you think about it, is an appropriate conceit for the O’s Administration

Butt thank goodness that worry is behind us, we have a really big day planned. We’re going to Pascagoula, Mississippi (Lady M’s been practicing saying that without an “h”) and it’s really going to be hot and humid. I’m not sure if we’ll go looking for tar balls while we’re here, butt I think we packed the tar ball splotchy outfits just in case.

                

Strangely, the actual ceremony was on Tuesday, sans MO, when the keel was laid. The keel laying technically marks the official “beginning” of construction even though at that point the ship is more than 20% done. That may seem confusing if you’re not a government bureaucrat or a member of Congress. Think of it this way: it’s like calculating the cost of Obamacare  by using 10 years of increased tax revenues, but only 4 years of paid benefits (plus counting the savings from reduced Medicare payments to doctors twice - even though no Congress in the past 10 years has had the cajones to actually implement this habitual little budget ruse of theirs).

Anyhoo, Lady M got her initials welded onto the keel, even though she wasn’t actually there for the ceremony. I’m sure she’s going to feel honored. According to our Coast Guard Acquisitions Directorate (that’s what we call the people who build our boats) this is the first time a FLOTUS has sponsored a Coast Guard Cutter: another historic first!

And what an appropriate cutter for MO sponsor. It will be our 3rd National Security Cutter and will be named the Stratton in honor of Dorothy C. Stratton (1899-2006), the U.S. Coast Guard’s  first female commissioned officer.

  Capt. Dorothy Stratton directed the Coast Guard’s Women’s Reserve, or SPARs (?), during World War II. I think someone in the Coast Guard has dyslexia, or something.

Lady M’s Initials Being Welded Onto Stratton’s Keel. The Boat, Not Dorothy

The Stratton is a 418-foot long, 4,700-ton Legend class cutter. Wow! If standing stern-to-stern with that puppy doesn’t make our butt look small, I’m going to quit.

USCGC Bertholf – Dotty’s Will Be Just Like It

The Dotty’s a more right-sized yacht for the lifestyle to which we’ve become accustomed. But this was nice too.

Butt, speaking of fat behinds, there is another reason why tomorrow’s trip is of vital national importance: Mississippi officially has the fattest behinds in the nation. They desperately require the benefit of Lady M’s  wisdom and coaching. 

I’ll bet they never even thought to get up off their fat behinds and move.

Oh, and did you hear the other good news? We’re taking another vay-cay! To the Florida Gulf coast – just like we’ve been telling everyone else to do! Gosh, what a coincidence: just last week people were saying we should be vacationing on the Gulf coast instead of some snobby East Coast enclave.

You can tell we’ve been working really, really hard for the transformation of America this year: we’re totally exhausted. That’s why, for the first time in presidential history (historical!) we need to take not one, but two pre-vacation vacations. Just for the record: our real vacation will be at some snobby East Coast  enclave.

Transformers 2: Coming 11 – 2 - 10 to a polling place near you

Ball Park Wieners and Other Design Giants

The Baltimore gig was great. The Baltimore Oreos have a lot of hunky baseball players. Everybody reported that Lady M was going to throw the first pitch, butt in reality she let the kids from the Boys and Girls Club share that honor. She just did what she does best: coached. Besides, it wouldn’t have gone over very well back at the Big White if MO showed Big Guy up, with that sissy pitch of his. Best not to compare (especially with the new polls out showing Lady M is much more popular now than Big Guy: ouch! Not a good result in such a competitive home.)

We did change clothes between the “Let’s Move those Fat Behinds” photo ops and the photo op with the Baltimore Oreo’s mascot.  I’ve no idea why he’s dressed up like a bird, but he does make us appear petite.

 Lady M with boys and girls club props who actually threw out the ceremonial first pitch

Since we were in Baltimore anyway, we swung by Duff’s Charm City Cakes to pick up a little snack. Their cakes are awesome! Here’s the one we settled on:

 Ace of Cakes Purple Sneaker Cake: reminded Lady M of her favorite purple Converses. See?

 

Seriously, how can you not love a guy who makes cakes with power tools? And knows the guy who drives the wiener-mobile. Although we try to keep the wiener wagon away from the Big White.

 Duff in front of Charm City Cakes with the Oscar Mayer wiener wagon

Then yesterday was one of Lady M’s favorite events of the whole year: the luncheon for the National Design Award winners.

Mrs. Obama got a big laugh when she told the luncheon guests: "All of you have spent your lives pushing boundaries — we know a little bit about pushing boundaries — or just outright ignoring them altogether."

Boundaries, conventions, laws, the Constitution: they’re just guidelines really.

And she got a special kick out of being seated for lunch next to Tim Gunn from "Project Runway."

"How cool!" she declared.

Much cooler than having lunch with boring political figures like Bibi Netanyahu. Or the Dali Lama. They didn’t even get coffee. But Tim Gunn – he’s so cool! And, uh, all about fashion.

Compared to last year’s exciting luncheon though, this one was pretty tame.

We wore Pepto pink: top with ruffly things dangling from the hem and matching slacks. With a very special design thingy on our lapel. And we’re practicing with a new hair design that’s also boundary pushing: sort of  a deconstructed burka.

 

 

 

 

 

Before the luncheon, Lady M had all the award winners meet with 400 squealing teenagers for a “Teen Design Fair," where the young people could find out how the design superstars got their start.

"Far too few young people in this country have access to programs and opportunities like the one we did today," she said.

And it’s important to teach children how to become superstars - because we’ve already got too many engineers, scientists and accountants in this country who insist on asking pesky questions about things.

It was nice having the kids here and all, but you know what might be even nicer? An all-adult event around here for a change. But with Lady M being all about the children and their fat behinds and Big Guy being all about Democratic Congressional leaders and their fat entitlements, that’s probably not going to happen any time soon.

Life Is A Cabaret, Old Chum

Big Guy was ecstatic when he found out that Monday night’s White House Music Series was a Salute to Broadway: there is nothing Big Guy enjoys more than show tunes. He was really looking forward to seeing Liza Minnelli in person, so he threw a bit of a tantrum when he found out that Elaine Stritch would be performing instead. He doesn’t like to be surprised, or disappointed. Toes had to give him 100 free Show Tune downloads at i-Tunes to calm him down.

Another disappointment: although he was on stage with Nathan Lane for a couple of minutes, but he didn’t get to sing a duet with him as he’s always dreamed of. That honor went to some Broadway stud.

 Nate with some Broadway stud, cheezing in on Big Guy’s dream

All in all it was a big, big night.  GrannyR got all dressed up in turquoise and the Wee Wons got to stay up late. There’s not much to show you because PBS, currently our only Tee Vee network, has the broadcast rights. So, as is customary when broadcast rights are purchased, or, in this case, gifted, there is an embargo on images. I, however, do have a few captured on my new “Mole-Cam”.

Let’s start with GrannyR, looking rather elegant. Too bad she was too busy back in the day to teach her daughter how to dress appropriately.

And here are the people who, together with your generous IRS donations, made this evening  possible.

 George C. Wolfe and Margo Lion who brought Broadway to the Big White

Hilda Solis snagged a second row seat, and no smarty pants comments/rumors about Lady M being preggers, just because our Secretary of Labor is on deck.

Secretary of Labor, Hilda Solis (in purple)

 

    

Some of the entertainers, Kerry Washington and Elaine Stritch

Elaine got a little confused and forgot some of her lyrics. Probably just stage jitters. I’m sure she’s never performed for anyone quite as historic as BO and MO. After the show, Elaine said she’d really like to go out and “Get drunk” with the Wons. Who wouldn’t?

Lady M was resplendent in white on black, with some sparkly stuff in just the right place. I can’t show you the whole shebang yet because of or deal with PBS, butt you can get a glimpse if it in this picture:

 Lady M checks on the girls

MO and GrannyR seem to grow more alike every day. Here they are both seen grabbing a snack out of thin air, first MO then GrannyR. Watch closely:

The Catchers of the Flies

Nathan Lane stole the show right out of the box, telling everybody how he was stopped by security who mistakenly thought he was Elena Kagan (who wasn’t on our guest list because she’s keeping a low profile until confirmed as a member of the Supremes).

I don’t see it. Do you?

But since Desi’s no longer working the door, I knew he was just kidding around.

Nate really stole the show though, and he complimented Big Guy on his unambiguous and fearless love of show tunes. He said most men avoid Broadway musicals fearing that their “... y-chromosome is going to fall off”  but that the leader of the free world  “ain't afraid”  of show tunes.

    

Big Guy, unafraid, left. Practicing his high kickin’, right

 

“Not that I’m trying to boost the economy or anything but go to a show! Buy some tickets!” The work never stops.

So we had one night of fun before we were back to Tuesday’s unrelenting schedule of baseball pitches, minding America’s kids’ fat behinds and transforming America. 

Happy to be Back at Work for the American People

The Smiles Return to Their Faces

By Tuesday we were all back to earth, and ready to talk inside baseball.

It’s easier to catch flies than fly balls.

Gumby Wore Shoes: On the Moon

I was backing up my hard drive when I noticed these pics scroll by. I didn't even see them last night, butt I just had to post them as confirmation that Lady M does, repeat does, still have feet. And shoes.

Lady M’s Feets: Still On Duty

It’s Those Olive Puppies Again

I still say she’s shrinking, because even with those 4 inch-ers she’s still channeling a Swiffer. I may have to check up on her calcium supplements. I don’t think she’s drinking enough milk.

 

After the Broadway review and snacks, Lady M dazzled the crowd with her Tribute to MJ’s Moonwalk. No, not our MOL MJ, Michael Jackson. I wish I could show you the footage, but it’s been classified, along with all of the not-yet-photoshopped photographs from last night. Butt I can show you the original MJ routine MO performed. Please enjoy:

Walking backwards but looking like you’re moving forward: It’s an O-Team specialty.

Feets Don’t Fail Me Now

I had totally intended to tell you about something a lot more fun today, but now I guess I’m going to have to cover(up) this fashion misstep.

 Could Lady M, like Big Guy, be shrinking? Maybe we should check the water at the Big White.

OK, let’s start from the top: looking good, portable hair in place and under control.

Pale yellow-green slinky fabric, check. Shoulders fitted correctly, lapels laying flat, check and check.

Erickson Beamon techno deco belt positioned somewhere near the equator, check. Sure, it’s Blue on  yellow-green, but it could have been purple. Or blue-green, like the toenails Lady M sported on Bar Harbor, so we’ll give the Beamon a pass.

 Lady M’s personal green initiative

Let’s move on. Cleavage, tasteful (thank goodness), check.

Jacket: well fitted, longer hip and crotch concealing profile - check! check!!

Slash pockets laying relatively flat, check.

Conspicuous absence of big, gnarly, ugly brooches, necklaces and wrist bangles,check! We’re on a roll!

Shoes. Shoes? Shoes!!!! OMG! Where are Lady M’s shoes!? Who stole her shoes????!

Do I have to do everything around here? I mean, Lady M graduated from 2 Ivy League schools for crying out loud! Who needs to put ‘shoes’ on their dressing check list?

Oh, I’m never going to hear the end of this. I might as well book my annual maintenance exam at NASA right now because I’m sure I’m going to have some hairline fractures caused by flying objects that will need filling, polishing and buffing. And now that NASA has fine-tuned their mission and reshuffled their priorities it’s not as easy to get in for routine maintenance as it used to be, even if you are a DOD/NASA digital reimaging system. I hear unconfirmed rumors that you non-mirror units might experience this same problem with your routine healthcare maintenance too.

I’m just hoping that NASA can squeeze me in between all their new programs: “How to Halal,”  Burka Appreciation Week, Muslim Scientific Odyssey month, the Muslim Math Olympiad and the al-Jeezera Sensitivity Training classes.  

A Broadway Celebration of the O’s

It’s a good thing we had a vacation, because this is shaping up as a very busy week. But first, some pictures of our return. Here’s little Bo arriving with other “staff” – that would be Reggie and me on Air Force Won Jr.

Little Bo, prancing across the tarmac after our flight from Maine via Grand Rapids 

Here are some shots of the returning happy family. Wait, I’m sure I can find a happy picture. Well, maybe not. I guess they all wanted to stay in Bar Harbor a bit longer.

Here’s an upbeat note though: In a show of solidarity with the American people Lady M recycled her Maison Martin Margelia shoes from last summer! It’s our nod to the country’s deep and unremitting  Bush’s recession. And the tar baby blotched dress is our nod to BP’s ongoing oil leak.

 

Same designer shoes: Bar Harbor, 2010, Martha’s Vineyard, 2009: that’s good value

  Not happy yetStill not happy 

Butt we must move on.

Today we’re continuing the Big White’s tremendously popular music series. It’s all about celebrating the arts, and the importance of arts education - because we’ve already got too many engineers, scientists and accountants in this country who insist on asking pesky questions about things. Anyway, dancers from the Duke Ellington School of Arts (where we took Sveltlana to enjoy American dance steps) and the Joy of Motion Dance Center (honest! that’s its real name) are coming to the Big White for an educational workshop in which they’ll rehearse a segment from the big Broadway show Hairspray – a preachy play set in the 1960’s about how America mistreated blacks (that’s what we called African-Americans then) and fat people: two of Lady M’s main interests.

  Broadway cast of Hairspray

Then tonight, both Big Guy and Lady M will be entertained by real Broadway performers for a night of musical magic called "A Broadway Celebration: In Performance at the White House."

In other Broadway news – and this is huge – Andrew Loyd Webber is teaming up with Tim Rice for the first time in 34 years to do a Broadway musical about Big Guy’s presidency! That’s right, they’re  doing the Broadway re-make of the Wizard of Oz! And these two musical giants are uniquely qualified for the assignment: their other joint creations include Joseph And The Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, Jesus Christ Superstar and Evita. Need I say more?

Also coming up today, Big Guy will be not resting (because it looks like Daddy didn’t plug the damn leak after all) as he meets and greets the WNBA Champion Phoenix Mercury at the White House to honor the team's 2009 championship season. Lady M can’t attend with him, because one of us must boycott Arizona due to their racist immigration law – which we’re going to have Ricky just deem illegal if we can’t get the court to throw it out on its racist face.

A Honeymoon Begins, A Honeymoon Ends

What a wedding! Celia looked stellar, of course. She’s from the “light gatherer” arm of the family so I wasn’t sure if it was going to be a Jewish wedding or a Christian one. As it turns out, it was a big Catholic Wedding.  I was relieved, because Jewish weddings always make me nervous. Not that I have anything against Jews, or Jewish weddings which are always tons of fun,

but that tradition they have -where the groom steps on the glass and breaks the stem – well, let’s just say that the sound of shattering glass is always cause for alarm in my family.

Anyway, since Celia is a light gatherer, she was able to beam my brother Hub’s likeness right into the wedding reception to personally thank him for his very special wedding gift: a lunar eclipse early Saturday morning out over Easter Island!

But alas, all good things must come to an end. So late last night, after all the festivities, Little Air Force Won-Jr. flew in from Maine with little Bo in tow to pick me up at the Grand Rapids airport.  I know a lot of you were wondering why Bo got his own jet (along with Reggie) to fly to and from Bar Harbor. I don’t know why Reggie is in the dog house, but with Bo it’s because of those Bo-nuts he likes to leave on Air Force Won. So we had to get him his own official Air Force Jet. The Republicans, who are a lot more concerned with fiscal responsibility than the Democrats, would have just leased him a NetJet. But this works out much better. Now that he has his own jet, little Bo always leaves his Bo-nuts on the tarmac before boarding. It’s really not that hard to train the O’s. Little Bo learned that from Fancy Nancy.

 

 Scenic view of lighthouse on Big BAss Bay

I can’t tell you how great this weekend’s been. It was nice to see the whole family again, and it was my first real vacation in over a year from reflecting on Lady M’s fashion forward profile and all of the comings and goings at the Big White. Like Newsbird, who recently celebrated her first anniversary of moving to Wordpress from the Communist News Network, July marks my official first anniversary of blogging on the world-wide InterWeb. Congratulations Birdie! Isn’t it good to spread your wings and fly away?

After I recuperate from all the festivities, I plan to post a special ‘happy anniversary’ to myself: you know, just so we have my small role in this most historic presidency captured for the National Archives and the eventual establishment of the Barack Hussein Obama International Library, expected to be located in Mecca. That’s Mecca, Hawaii; Big Guy’s alleged birth state.

The O’s will be back at the Big White any minute now, refreshed and ready to continue doing all the hard work of transforming the country through their ongoing sacrificing and tireless Organizing For America efforts.

Here are a couple of shots from the O’s idyllic island get-away that I managed to download from Raj’s remote transmitters once we cleared air space over Grand Rapids. Since I wasn’t there, I’m not sure what to make of them.

 Apparently part of National Park security precautions now  include a Sniff test

Yeah! Clamdiggers are back in style!

I’ll bet this flashlight will make my butt look small

So little Celia is off on her magical honeymoon, and it looks like Big Guy’s might finally be winding down. I guess eventually the magic  stops; we return to terra firma and start dealing with reality. Don’t we?

H/T on little Bo’s private jet:  Fausta