When Snarks Attack 10: The Winner

Another Snark Attack poll is in the books and another coveted Golden FLOTUS is in the hands of a most worthy MOL. The  winner of the coveted Golden FLOTUS in the August Snark Attack contest is:

srdem65

Congratulations srdem65!!!! Who, up until now, has always been the bridesmaid, never the bride. You have now snarked your way into history and won fame and ovation forever. Your Golden Flotus will be enshrined forever in my hallowed Snark Hall of Fame. Your snark,

“The only people who "fell in love" with MO was the fawning MSM...We didn't buy the hype because they can't roll a turd in powdered sugar and make us believe it's a donut.”

carried the day and swept you to a big win.

And so srdem65, the coveted Golden FLOTUS is yours forever, to use proudly and display as you wish, and will always be found here on hallowed cyber-ground in my cherished Snark Hall of Fame.

Snark Attack 10 set a new record in voter turnout with nearly 7 million votes cast! Clearly, a message to our “betters” here in DC about November. Toes certified the vote, offered his congratulations to srdem65, and asked if she was registered to vote for Mayor of Chicago. I told him I didn’t think srdem65 even lived in Illinois. He said “No problem. I’ll get her an absentee ballot.” Then he went back into the war room to help Axe-Man and Gibbsy spin the new Bobby Woodward book. So here (rounded to the nearest thousand) is the final tally:

1. srdem65 – 1,720,000
2. Leslie – 950,000
3. Lynn II – 780,000
4. Sine Qua Non – 680,000
5. The Plague Fairy – 590,000
6. Anonymouse – 400,000
7. forkarrie – 380,000
8. Granny Jan – 270,000
9. Clarice – 260,000
10. Cherie / Moright – 250,000
11. DeniseVB / RPFreeSpeech – 230,000

So congratulations to srdem65 and all the worthy contestants of When Snarks Attack 10.

Long live the snark!

Pink Cinderellas, All in a Row

How hard is this?

When you or I hear “Medal of Honor Ceremony” we don’t automatically think “blue morning glories and pink princess pumps.”

 

Although I must say this is light years better than our first Medal of Honor Ceremony - such a bad memory  that I just can’t bring myself to reflect it one more time, but you all know: cleavage revealing cocktail frock in a most questionable print fabric with green shoes. At least this time we don’t have cleavage. And there’s at least a hint of a sleeve, instead of totally bare guns and pits, like, well, you know - last time. And this time we wore some pearls! A nice touch.

But those pink Cinderella pumps – I just can’t get them out of my memory drive. I don’t know why they keep short-circuiting my fealty circuits, and shutting down my loyalty loop. After all, it’s not that I haven’t seen much (much) worse.

So what is it about these shoes, at this ceremony that causes such cognitive-dissonance, and irritates so, so much?

Oh yes... maybe it’s this:

Of course that doesn’t explain all the other mismatched shoe and gown combinations ... or does it?

Well, you all know.

Bewitched in the Big White?

Let me just begin by saying this story is NOT true: Obama Mom-in-Law Practicing Witchcraft?

Besides, it’s old news, like from way back when we were on one of our August vacations. Furthermore it was reported on exclusively by Rightwing wacko sites. And now most of them have mysteriously disappeared (the stories, not the authors), like this one from Townhall. Editorial discretion? Or… something more diabolical? Something with secret powers from the dark side (and I’m not talking about Toes this time)? You decide.

All I can tell you is that if Granny Robinson was a witch, it would explain a lot.

I’m not saying it’s true. In fact, I’m officially denying it. If you think I’m going to do anything to get on the wrong side of these two, you’re nuts.

Like I said, if it were true – and other critics much braver than me are saying it is – it explains a lot.

Butt remember, I’ve already officially gone on record denying it.

However in the interest of science and technology, I should point out that there is a world of difference between witches who practice the most holy religion of Wiccan, and Santeria, the mystical cult that originated on the island of Haiti and is a blend of Catholicism and African Tribal rituals. That’s right, the most holy religion of Voodoo.

I think just to be on the safe side, I’m going to also deny that Granny Robinson-Obama  practices Voodoo. Nor have I ever seen her collecting up all the chicken bones after the fried chicken feasts that we never have around here. Furthermore, I know nothing about the current where-abouts of Eduardo, the Big White parrot who’s gone missing.

Nor have I ever seen these pictures before on my hard drive, and if called upon to testify I will swear they are both a photoshop.

Trans-imaged reflection

 

Trans-imaged reflection

Likewise, I would never dream of peeking into Granny’s room when she goes out for “tea” with her lady-friends from New Orleans. So I’ve no idea what she keeps in there, or why.

 Trans-imaged reflection

And that’s all I’m going to say about that.

I reflect, you decide, but don’t forget, I denied.

H/T Larwyn

Welcome to our Tea Party

Following the good news that the recession ended in June – of 2009 - Big Guy held a town hall meeting to accept the thanks of the grateful citizens. He may have gotten a bit ahead of himself, as the friendly crowd seemed a bit, shall be say, disillusioned.

So Big Guy turned the discussion instead to someone he could blame. Since GWB isn’t playing so well lately, he chose the Tea Party (whom he hadn’t even heard of as of April). He challenged them to identify programs or budget items they’d be willing to cut if they want to reduce federal spending.

"The challenge, I think, for the Tea Party movement is to identify specifically, what would you do?”

You have got to be kidding me? Even I, a mere Big White reflective device, know how stupid it is to throw that challenge down.

Has he not ever watched Fox News Network? (that’s rhetorical, of course). Since he hasn’t, I’ve prepared a list of a few things the Tea Party people have been tossing around at the hundreds of Tea Parties they’ve been throwing from coast to coast for the past year - just so he doesn’t get caught completely flat footed.

Just off the top, here’s what I’ve heard they would cut or eliminate gladly:

• Obamacare: (hands down the number 1 vote getter)
• Funding for building mosques in the Middle East, as well as State Department sponsored trips for Imans traveling to the Middle East in order to raise money for terrorists who want to kill us
• SEIU backed school food programs
• Lavish vacations and date night trips that require use of official Air Force aircraft

And THEN, when they’re done having a little fun and get serious, they’re going to make Sharon Angle sound like a spendthrift. I’ve seen their demands. They’re specific and include, but are not limited to, the following:

• First, they want a hiring freeze for the entire Federal Government. And an end to all special government retirement and medical plans, including Congress’ and the Administrative branch’s: roll like the rest of us.
• Next, they want to eliminate the Department of Energy, The Department of Education, the Department of Labor, the  Department of Commerce, Department of Consumer Affairs, and all other departments and agencies whose responsibilities and powers are not identified in Article 1, Section 8 of the Constitution. That’s what we have a free enterprise system for.
• Oh yeah, and they want to kill all subsidies and funding for “alternative” energy – that’s one of the other things capitalists have proved themselves to be pretty good at: creating new energy sources.
• And since you asked, they want to cancel our membership in the UN and the World Bank too.

However,they do want to beef up Defense (especially since we now, officially, have no allies left in the entire world) and keep Treasury in tact with the exception of the IRS, which can be reduced by 75% by simplifying the tax code.

But here’s another expenditure the Tea Party would approve of: if you have to pay a little more to get someone who actually knows something about business and economics to run Treasury, go ahead. The Tea Party will support that expenditure.

That little chipmunk, currently making squeaky noises in China’s direction that they will ignore, really isn’t cutting it...

  especially if he’s buying the story about the recession being over.Little guy, emulating Big Guy,  playing “tag” with Elizabeth Warren on their way to the Rose Garden. Oh, and as far as the Tea Party is concerned, you can ax the new Consumer Financial Protection Services agency too.

The Tea Party would also like to pass on this specific piece of information: even Cuba and Russia have figured out that Obamanomics don’t work. Both have announced in the past week the layoff of thousands of government workers.

So, sheesh, if the ex-Commies, and soon-to-be ex-Commies are doing it, how hard can it be?

When Snarks Attack: 10

So it’s a wrap on summer 2010. We’ve all had our vacations, large and small: people, not vacations. Now, it’s only 1 day until fall (not the “big fall”, that’s in November) and, because it’s a Tuesday with no primary going on anywhere, it’s time to cast your votes for summer 2010’s final coveted Golden FLOTUS. August was a big, big month for snark, with nearly 3,000 snarks recorded (that doesn’t even count the bonus post Echo gives some lucky MOLs).

Even after fully recharging our batteries in Spain, the Golf Coast twice, Martha’s Vineyard and Camp David, my super-secret nominating committee was completely drained after working for two weeks into the wee hours winnowing the sack of snarks down to a baker’s dozen.

So, without further adieu, here, presented in alphabetical order with pride are your nominees for the coveted August 2010 Golden FLOTUS:

When Snarks Attack-10 Nominees

August, 2010

Anonymouse: "The Belly Bandit Strikes Again"

“MOO = The Buns of Navarone!”

Cherie: "A Pea In The Pod? Here We Go Again."

“Graceless, mannerless creature probably double dips, too...”

clarice: "A Pea In The Pod? Here We Go Again."

“I've never seen a sideways pregnancy. Have you?”

DeniseVB: "And Now, An Important Message from Our FLOTUS. And..."

“Those are giant yams?  I thought she found Barack's cajones ;)”

forkarrie: "Lady M Ends the Racist Reign in Spain"

“MO did not end racism in Spain. She just forgot to pack it.”

Granny Jan: "I Came For the Waters: I Was Misinformed"

“It looks like he waxed his chest - something that a "happy" man might do.”

Leslie: "Coming Home: a Pictorial: Update"

“Those were oil-splotch capris? I'm from Texas, and anything that looks like that is generally a holstein.”

Lynn II: "Once In a Life Time: With God’s Will and Your Vote..."

“... As for Bo and the magical *this is hard to figure out* umbrella pic, may I suggest we call it his *BARRY POPPINS* moment? LOL ;)”

Moright: "Home From Our An-Delusion Holiday"

“...re: that Kum-bay-ya worship site...Poor thing, she thought she had a cash-cow in Moo. She just got the cow.”

RPFreeSpeech: "Miniature Golf for a Miniature Va-cay"

“Synchronized Pointing"...they learned that at Harvard?”

Sine Qua Non: "Et tu, Brute?"

“...Has any other FLOTUS ever looked like she smelled bad?...”

srdem65: "Performance Reviews: Clowns to the Left of Me"

“The only people who "fell in love" with MO was the fawning MSM...We didn't buy the hype because they can't roll a turd in powdered sugar and make us believe it's a donut.”

The Plague Fairy: "Our Final Day of Vacay with High Societe"

“ **headsmack** That is beyond embarassing.  I never thought I'd send a plea out to Hillary Clinton about anything but..."Help! we need your pantsuits, STAT!!" “

Congratulations to August’s nominees, one and all. You have snarked your way to a shot at snarkdom’s highest honor, my coveted Golden FLOTUS. Polls will remain open until 11:59 PM EST, Wednesday, September 22; which – for “senorita pi” and any other worship-site trollers in my nest – is the last day of summer in Europe and the Middle East. For the rest of us using the Christian calendar, it’s the first day of fall in the United States of America.

As always, Chicago rules apply so vote early, vote often and remember that most elections can be bought for under a hundred bucks. Good luck and may the best snark, or at least the snarker who can mobilize the most facebook friends, win.

Changing the P-U Factor to the Pew Factor

So the Obama’s went to church yesterday. And guess what? No asteroids fell to earth, no giant cracks opened up in the earth’s surface. In fact, turns out it was a nice day. Birds were chirping and folks were strolling down the mall.

I don’t know why there was such a fuss over the O’s going to church in the first place. It’s not like they don’t go twice a year. And the Reverend Jeremiah Wright is just like an uncle to Big Guy - albeit a weird, old, estranged uncle who shouldn’t be left alone with the children.

Besides, we wore recycled: that’s worth a few points in the God-bucket right there.

Thakoon at work for the American people:

 

In fact, we’ve always worn recycled for going to church. All 3 times.

Moschino at Congressional speech and going to church, 2009

Peter Soronen at Inaugural event and Easter service, 2010:

In addition to church attendance, here are a few more things you can expect to see recycled in order to re-invigorate our base this election season, according to the LA Times:

An old cast of characters will appear in President Obama's speeches throughout the rest of the political season and beyond, an array of figures like his war veteran grandfather, his resourceful single mother and his physically disabled yet triumphant father-in-law.

Also appearing will be Barack Obama himself — not just the president intent on explaining his policies and plans, but also the man who introduced himself and his life story to Americans two years ago.

Wow! I mean just wow!

Has it really only been 2 years?

And just look how those girls have grown!

 

Got to run. Busy planning our farm-to-table luncheon.

Our First Post-Partisan, Post-Racial President

Big Guy with his Red Queen at the Black Congressional Caucus Dinner

“The last election was a changing of the guard - now we need to guard the change.”

Isn’t it just like Big Guy? Keeping the Dream alive at the Black Congressional Caucus Awards dinner last night:

Which Dream might that be? Martin Luther King’s Dream?

"I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation were they will not be judge by the color of their skin but by the content of their character ."

Uh, no, not that one. The other one; where women and minorities are  perpetual victims of “rich white people” in America.

"As has been true with other recessions, this one came down with a particular vengeance on African-American communities,"

Feeling your pain…

He reminded his audience last night that keeping control out of the hands of the Republicans (rich white people) is as important as the grassroots efforts that drove the civil rights movement; that making sure rich white people don’t get the keys back is equivalent to integrating schools and doing away with Jim Crow laws.

“Everything we’re for, our opponents have spent two years fighting against...They’ve said no to unemployment insurance. No to middle class tax cuts. No to small business loans. No we can’t. That’s their motto.”

So, hot on the heels of his post-partisan speech to the Hispanic Congressional Caucus ("But don't forget who is standing with you, and who is standing against you. ... ) Big Guy once again exhorted his troops to pull together, because Republicans (rich white people) have "a plan to turn back the clock on all the progress we’ve made."

Curiously, The Christian Science Monitor just released a report which indicates that Big Guy  has actually impaired race relations since he took office! Go figure: we finally elect our first Black, post-racial, post partisan President, and people are still unhappy! Boy, we just can’t win with the hand we’ve been dealt.

So, the O’s have studied the situation and decided to change it up a little. We’re returning to a game plan we’re familiar with: one where we can always play to our strong suit, and we always have our trump card to play. So, signing off from the Big White, where we’ll remain strong, fighting to keep our Dream alive - right through till November.

Here’s Big Guy last night, telling the troops why we have to keep the limo we rode in on:

Take Our Constitution to Work Day

Yesterday, as I’m sure you know, was Constitution Day. In honor of the event, Lady M and Big Guy launched a new initiative: “Take Our Constitution to Work Day.”

It’s patterned after the hugely successful “Take Our Daughters And Sons To Work®” program whose objective, taken right off their official website, is:

...to create an enriching educational experience for our nation’s daughters and sons. For over 16 years, individuals, families, organizations, and workplaces have joined in the Day to expand opportunities and transform the lives of millions of girls and boys both nationally and internationally.

In keeping with this theme, the O’s objective for “Take Our Constitution to Work Day” is “to create an enriching educational experience for our nation’s daughters and sons (no matter where they were born), by expanding the Constitution’s opportunities to everyone – citizen and non-citizen alike, no matter how they got here. And furthermore, to transform the Constitution to be inclusive of all laws - not just those written by our Congress (including, but  not limited to, Sharia law).”

Take Our Daughters And Sons To Work® poster“This is the dark side, son. Welcome to my world.”

 Robert Gibbs and son celebrating last year’s “Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day”

 

In honor of the special day, Big Guy wanted to slip a copy of the Constitution into his props before announcing the special appointment  of his comrade from Harvard, Elizabeth Warren, as special commissar to the newly-minted U.S. Consumer Financial Protection Agency.

Unfortunately, we couldn’t locate a copy of the Constitution anywhere in the Big White so Fancy Nancy’s staff sent over a copy they had, with all of the dangerous parts highlighted in pink.

Announcing Elizabeth’s appointment today was part of BO’s plan to demonstrate his more humorous side that we seldom get to see on display around here anymore – due to the number of situations that require him to speak sternly to the reprobates who just don’t get it yet ( Republicans, bitter clingers and stupid cops). I think this ironic side of Big Guy’s nature will play well to Hollywood - in case he needs to find a new gig in a couple of years.

Anyway, Liz will be reporting, jointly, to Big Guy and little guy -Timmy the Turbo-Taxman. That way we’re guaranteed that the Constitution can take a rest until next year.

Constitution Day contest: find the Constitutional Constructionist in this picture ( hint: it’s a trick question)

In order to celebrate, and give the Commerce Clause a well-deserved day of rest, MO suspended her plans for lecturing Restaurant owners on how much salt, fat and sugar they’re allowed to use in your favorite dishes.

 I said hold the fat!

Lady M’s staff also developed some lesson plans for teachers to use in order to instruct the children on the significance of National Take Our Constitution to Work Day. Intended to create awareness about the Constitution  and Founding Fathers,the lesson plans include a series of  Constitutional games that are both fun and educational:

1. How many human rights violations can you spot in the the constitution?
2. If the constitution was still relevant today, would you friend it on facebook? Explain.
3. What basic human rights did the constitution forget to include? Hint: This video will explain all you need to know.
4. Which clause in the Constitution as originally written is most out of date? Explain.
5. If Thomas Jefferson were alive today, what hip-hop artists would he have on his iPod? Explore.
6. Since we know that the Constitution is a living document, if it could talk, what would it say in support of Obamacare? Hint: look for the answer in the Commerce Clause.

At the end of the workday, MO and BO convened with key staffers for what has become our traditional Big White wrap-up for tough days; cocktails, snacks and adult parlor games. Yesterday’s games included “Name the funniest part of the Constitution” (the 10th Amendment won, after Big Guy eliminated Article 2, section 1, paragraph 5 from contention – he’s thin skinned that way); and “What’s the funniest thing they left out of the Constitution?” This one’s an oldie, but it always gets a good belly laugh from the staff, especially Toes:

cartoon by Dan Collins

Tonight: more wining, dining and dancing. Please, God, don’t let Lady M wear another rubber dress.