The Most Powerful Woman in the World Stumps for a Pack of Loser Pretty Boys

What a day! I ask you, does Lady M know how to play to her base, or what? We started with  a phone chat interview with Tom Joyner, a popular radio host with a country wide audience of Black “voters.” She encouraged the listeners to vote for Big Guy’s guys, and told his audience:

We put this man in office; we're all proud of Barack and his accomplishments," …Everybody I know in our communities are praying for us. Every day we feel that and let me just tell your listeners it means the world to us to know that there are prayer circles and people who want to keep the spirits clean around us."

Apparently they’ve heard the rumors about Granny R., which, by the way, are NOT true.

Then we were off to Sausage Town, to apply our platinum touch to Russ Feingold’s flagging candidacy. He was the first beneficiary of our FLOTUS, largesse, so he hadn’t better blow it.

For the flapping arms appearance we choose an “I’m just a regular American like you” fuchsia Jackie dress from Talbots, with one of our favorite St. Erasmus necklaces that cost way more than the dress.

 

 Big White Correspondence Dinner, 2009, back when the guns were battle ready

We probably could’ve used a couple more weeks in the gym before pointing those guns, but, to paraphrase Don Rumsfeld: you go to war with the guns you have… not the guns you might wish you have.

Whoa! Back in your damn seats! Nobody leaves!

From LA Times

When my husband was here in Wisconsin a couple of weeks ago, he talked about how independent and outspoken Russ is, and how Russ doesn't always agree with him. So Russ, you and I have a little something in common," the first lady joked.

Ha, ha. But let’s be clear: I’m the only one allowed to disagree with the Won, Rusty.

  Russ, Butt, MO & TOTUS jr.

Then it was off to our home town of the un-dead to put our pitch in for boy-toy Alexi Giannoulias, also lagging a bit in the polls right now. While most tickets were reasonably priced under $10,000,  some tickets to see the first lady were reportedly priced above $30,000. For that kind of juice, we changed our dress for something a little tighter, a little more formal and much more “persuasive.” And of course we wore our world famous Alaia boob belt: Out of the park. It’s always brought us good luck. We’re still kicking our self for not wearing it to Copenhagen.

 

Alexi’s Admiration

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Although Alexi is a long-time, uhh, “hoop buddy” of Big Guy’s, he wasn’t expecting Lady M to do all the heavy lifting alone. Ahead of the big fundraiser, Giannoulias was out greeting morning commuters as his campaign aides urged people to vote early. In Chicago, the “often” portion of that appeal is implied and need not be stated; just in case someone is taping your campaign message.

I understand that if Alexi loses (heavens forbid), he plans on opening a Coney stand. Apparently there’s always opportunities for another wiener in Chicago.

I’m On RIGHTNETWORK! Live!

Welcome RIGHTNETWORKers!  This is where I humbly reflect my daily Big White observations.

For my regulars, if you haven’t yet, please go check out my first Official report and all the other cool stuff over at RN. Today’s report, “Michelle Obama’s Hidden Persuaders” was picked up and featured in “VOICES” at this planet’s hottest new network, which is also the hottest new site on the interweb, RIGHTNETWORK!

If you’re new to my site, you might enjoy a few of my soon-to-be Pulitzer Prize winning reports. Plus, you’ll be able to tell your grandkids you were there before MOTUS won all those awards:

• Michelle Obama’s Fashion Notebook Featuring Our Fall of Fabrication; my world famous videofile:
• Once In a Life Time: With God’s Will and Your Votes; and my first big scoop:
• Deadlines Datelines and Dead-Ends

From Big White, this is your cub reporter, MOTUS reporting. Join me on the campaign trail all this week.

 ALL THAT’S RIGHT WITH THE WORLD

Off on Our Excellent Adventure

Well, we’re off to slay some Republican dragons and ensure that all of our dead constituents are ready to rock the vote.  All I can tell you is we are cleansed, toned and ready to let rip the dogs of war.

We’re starting with a fundraiser for Russ Feingold in Milwaukee – you might recall the last time we were stumping in the land of Cheeseheads: this is where MO announced that “for the first time in her adult life,” she was proud of her country.

February 18, 2008

That’s a tough speech to top! But don’t worry, we can do it.

After our Cheesehead remarks, it’s on to Chicago to do some hometown cheerleading for Giannoulias, Havorson and Foster and Seals. From there, we’re on to Colorado, Connecticut, New York, Washington state and California before hooking up with BO for the weekend in Ohio. It’s going to be just like the good old daze.

I’m feeling well enough to accompany Lady M, so I’ll  be reporting on all the details from the road. And I can tell you this much: you’re going to luv the campaign gear we’ve lined up.

Meantime, there’s been a lot of things going on in Obamaville right here in D.C.. Starting with this piece of good news for anyone out there still lucky enough to have a job with healthcare benefits.

Big Guy doing his Sinatra impression; “Yeah, you can keep your employer provided healthcare. I said so.”

Here’s a Big announcement from our Big White Blog:

Today, the Internal Revenue Service issued a sample W-2 form for 2011. The form looks just like the W-2 you have received in years past, with one important new piece of information. Beginning in 2011, employers will have the option of including the value of the health care benefits that you have received on your W-2 so you can know more about your benefits and you are an empowered consumer. In 2012, all employers who provide insurance will be required to include this information on their workers’ W-2 forms.

But lest there be any confusion:

And because this has been the subject of rumors, let’s be clear: you will absolutely not pay taxes on these benefits.

Read my lips, no new taxes… this year. 

So forget all those stupid rumors. Absolutely. No. Taxes. On. Benefits. Not this year any way. And by next year, you probably won’t have a job anymore any way, so you’ll be grateful for what you get. And if you do - still have a job, that is – you’re employer will probably not be offering healthcare benefits anymore anyway. So you see? This is really good news.

In other news: Big Guy had a little competition yesterday in the ‘pretty face and deep thoughts department’: George Clooney was in the building.

George came to the Big White to lecture Big Guy about the state of affairs in Sudan, and why they need some of our money to prevent a tragedy following the next election. It’s cute how these Hollywood geniuses find a way to be relevant on your dime isn’t it? I’m not sure how well BO took it. After all sounding smart and Saving the World is really his job. And frankly, he’s a little more concerned with his own tragedy, scheduled to open in a polling place near you in November, than the one in Sudan.

He also wasn’t real pleased that Lady M was making googly-eyes at George either. Not that Georgie seemed to pay any attention to her. He seemed more more taken with Big Guy.

Probably just as well we’re hitting the road for a few days. I’ll be seeing you from the land of Cheeseheads and the land of Perpetuity.

 … and I always will

SPECIAL POST: Michelle Obama’s Fashion Notebook Featuring Our Fall of Fabrication

After her very busy summer of sacrifice and hard work, you’d think Lady M would be exhausted, and in need of a rest. Especially since we have another hectic season coming up: stumping for all the dead-Dems-walking, a jam-packed holiday season, and a “rumored” Vogue cover shoot. But you’d be wrong. MO has had the Big White literally sizzling with runway electricity. 

It’s our quarterly wardrobe transformation, and because it ushers in the holiday season, our Fall Fashion collection is always the most anticipated. So grab a bag of Cheetos, strike a pose, and prepare yourselves for our fall fashion tour of fabulosity: we’re about to open Lady M’s Fall Fashion Notebook.

Our head stylist, Ikram, along with our dozens of  style-icon assistants, have been helping us sort and select from literally hundreds of gowns, frocks, slacks and mini-me sweaters that have been arriving at the Big White by the truckload.

Winnowing down the selection of belts, pins, brooches, bangles, earrings and doo-dads alone took 3 whole days! We probably could have managed in 2 if we hadn’t scheduled regular martini and snack breaks.

 

Ikram, Lady M’s fashion guru. Now you know.

We’re working it extra hard this year because things have been a little grim in the news. We’ve got the recession raging, confidence flagging, Dems betraying, and Ms.NBC hatin’ (on us). I’m sure you can see, our finally crafted image is on the line, so we’ve got to get the optics right.

We can’t afford another fashion faux pas like we had last year at the Veteran’s Day ceremony at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. Lady M wore something many considered, well, unusual. It was a “one thing is not like the others” moment, and not in a good way. 

But in Lady M’s defense, Veteran’s Day was not a holiday that she and Big Guy ever celebrated before she was proud of her country. So she wasn’t familiar with the protocol.

This year we’re playing it safe and have selected something from the Max Mara Fall 2010 military-look collection that I think will work much better:

   

Trending: military chic

 

 

Note that we’re keeping our signature boob belt, but toning down the “ammunition belt” silhouette. We’ve also ruled out the matching suit (left): we’re still not that comfortable with the whole “military” thing.

And since the coat buttons up to the neck, MO can discretely recycle an old favorite that she’s worn to many military Medal of Honor ceremonies.

That way, as soon as the Arlington wreath ceremony is over, we can just lose the coat and we’re ready for cocktails and snacks!

 

But back to our fall wardrobe choices: We need selections that can stand up to an entire season of multi-cultural celebrations.

The season kicked off with Eid Al-fitr - the end of Ramadan - on September 11; which was inconvenient, for sure, since Lady M had to go to Pennsylvania with Laura Bush on the same, exact day for a 9/11 memorial.

Then we jumped right into Mexican Independence Day...

Lady M, wearing her “Rubber meets the Load” frock in the season’s newest neutral: graphite, at this year’s Mexican Independence Day festivities 

… which is celebrated by a growing number of “Americans” every year. This was followed yesterday by Fall Holiday (formerly known as Columbus Day).

Curiously, the holiday-formerly-known-as-Columbus-Day is celebrated as Día de la Raza in Mexico. My language pack translates that as “Day of the Race,” which doesn’t sound anything like “Columbus Day” or “Fall Holiday,” although I’ve been assured it marks the same event.

But I digress. Putting our Summer of Recovery behind us, we’re launching into our robust Fall of Fabrication. Lady M has selected an extraordinary color scheme of camouflaging neutrals, and 3 fashion motifs for the First Family’s wardrobe.

First, lets talk color specifics: if, unlike Maureen Dowd, you liked the Oval re-do, you’re going to love our new fall camouflage palette:

All beige, brown, black, khaki and gray; the entire fashion world is dialing down the color saturation. Our BFF Arianna calls it  “The Audacity of Taupe.” It’s a bit drab, muted and subdued – dull even - but in a totally post-partisan way.

Some say the intent of this palate of neutrality is to inject a sense of calm into  the kaleidoscopic tumbling of fragmented vectors...???...I don’t know what that means. But it does remind me of something...what is it again?...oh yes: the Carter years.

So, here, in a nutshell is our First Family fall fashion plan: 3 of the hottest trends emerging from the most influential design houses (the ones that send us free stuff).

1) Military chic: as the Daily Mirror (the other one) put it: “… what better way to achieve world domination and project yourself as a force to be reckoned with than following in the footsteps of history's most feared men?” Enough said.

2)) Cossack couture: technically a subset of military chic, but with an emphasis on warmth, in case you can’t afford to turn up the thermostat this winter. It’s uber-stylish, mainly because everything from Soviet era USSR is cool again.

3) Caftans: this is a nod to our North African Arab-Muslims. It’s likewise a great look for those American women who aren’t, and probably never will be, as as slim, toned and smart as Lady M.

Caftan inspired fashions are designed to hide those burger bumps, ice cream handlebars, muffin tops and “beer” bellies so prevalent in fly-over, while still stylin’ like vixens. Of course, if you’re proud of those burger bumps, this could be a good choice too:

 

Jean Paul Gaultier. Who else?

Our caftan collection, on the other hand offers approachable fashions that provide camouflage for butts and thighs in need of liposuction, and  pre-tucked tummies on hold until George W. Bush’s recession of 2009-12 is over.

First up, our military look.  Despite our misgivings about the military, we really like this motif, especially since Big Guy is acting commander-in-chief.  You’ve already seen Lady M’s selection from this genre.

Here are a few things MO picked out for BO from the Max Mara line:

The coat, not the boy.

 

And my favorite: this is sort of a “Patton meets Little Lord Fauntleroy”  look. I know it doesn’t fit our color scheme, but, as always, Chicago rules apply here.

 

On the runway,

              and on Big Guy’s bad self.

MO thought this look was evocative of Winston Churchill, although I don’t know how she would know, since they sent his statue back to England. I’m a big Winnie fan, but truthfully, I’m thinking this is more “Stanley Kubrick meets Super Fly.”

                          

.

 

 

For more casual outings, we’re trading BO’s Verizon-guy “can you hear me now?” jacket for something a little more macho; a little more  “I visited a South American dictator.” 

 

MO selected this next look for BO from Calvin Klein’s velvet and satin formal wear collection. This is obviously intended for very special occasions – for example, if Big Guy needs to accept another prestigious international medal from the Norwegians, Frogs, or Belgians.

Look for Big Guy to wear this when he convinces Bebe to “submit” to his Middle East “Peace” Plan, and announces that the Jews have all agreed to go home to Germany, Poland and Boca Raton.

And don’t think we’ve left out the Wee Wons. Here’s a little something for them to get their para-military vibe going:

  Stella McCartney for Gap Kids! Adorable.

This brings us to our Cossack collection, another look that’s “of the moment” this fall. Here it is for kids, from Jean Paul Gaultier’s “little brown shirts” collection:

Kinder Ruskie Wear

It’s roots are an ironic blend of Cossack and royalty.  You see the royal influences from the robe worn by Czarina Alexandria, below, the last of Russia’s Romanovs. Don’t ask. It didn’t end well.

  

 Czarina Alexandria, left; Regal red for the “Winter Holiday.” Again, an exception to the color palette for the royals.

Inspired by this collection, Ikram tracked down these great costumes for Lady M and Big Guy to wear for the annual Big White Halloween party. This year’s costume theme: “Come as you really are.”

 The Red Queen, and the Mad Hatter: they’re costumes

Wrapping up our Cossack line is this little number, also from Max Mara. It comes in a muted but elegant khaki and combines 2 of our fall motifs:  military reference and a Cossack bloomer thingy with matching boots. Plus, those to-die-for black fur mittens – a deconstructed muff!

How postmodern.

  

Added value: it comes with a belt that holds our Blackberry and snacks. 

Moving on to the Caftans: while they are unisex, these don’t work so well for Big Guy. As you may surmise from this picture of fellow fashion-icon, Andre Leon Tally, it doesn’t fit well with Big Guy’s new man-up look.

 Andre, keeping it real in his satin caftan

Besides, caftans aren’t really designed for manorexic poseurs anyway.

   sample manorexic poseur

Our caftan collection is ideal for people who are just looking to lose that last 50 pounds, and don’t have the benefit of a high-tech, “emperor’s” mirror like moi. Not that anyone around here needs to lose weight, butt still, we do want to model something for everyone.

If you missed yesterday’s post - Happy Thanksgiving Canadians, Eh! – then you also missed our choice for this year’s non-public “Fall Holiday” party. Lady M  selected a sleeveless, caftan-inspired gown reflecting Native American sensibilities. Fall Holiday, as you may recall from history class if you’re under 30, is the day we commemorate the Europeans arrival in the New World to kill Native Americans with small pox and steal their land.

From one of our faves, Jean Paul Gaultier: shower curtains, bangles and wonder bras. He so gets Lady M. 

For everyday wear we’ve selected this Marc Jacobs creation: it covers all our bases.

• lace (feminine),
• boob-belt (fashion forward),
• caftan-inspired swing jacket (extra room for burger bumps)
• double-wide coattail (keister concealing).

I haven’t quite figured out the leg warmers yet, but anything that covers up those shiny gams meets with my approval.

What really throws this look over the top is the perfectly matched, insulated, roomy snack bucket. As Chrissy Matthews would say, this one’s “pluperfect.”

Artist’s rendering, MO’s rendering

Did I mention that the Cossack line uses a lot of real fur? The animals have been raised on a 100% organic vegan diet, so I don’t think PETA will object. I’m not sure this look is quite right for MO, but she does love fur, and ordered one of each.

J.P. Gaultier burqa

 Amanda Wakeley chador

I think it’s supposed to be some kind of a cross-cultural statement, but it comes across more cross-species. All I’m getting is “Yeti in Burqa,” but I doubt that’s what the designers had in mind.

And for our last entry in Lady M’s fall fashion notebook, Ikram really hit this one out of the park. She found the perfect look for Big Guy’s new civilian national security force from – are you sitting down?  Armani! 

 

 Artist Emporio Armani’s rendition, above

  Team Obama modeling the new uniform:

  BO, flanked by Axe-man, Turbo-Tax Tim, Harry the Reid and Rhambo.

And remember Big Guy wants his National Security Force to be “just as strong, just as powerful … as our military.” With these new uniforms, I don’t think we’ll have any trouble finding recruits. We’re pretty sure they’ll all be packin’, butt we’ll probably have to teach them to shoot straight.

Looks like another successful season of fashion fabulosity.

Happy Fall Holiday & Thanksgiving Day, Eh!

Hello to all my MOLs, MODs and FOMs. MOTUS is feeling much better today, although I still have a few stubborn diodes and circuits that are not firing quite properly, but  I’m back! I want to thank you all for the hugs, prayers and good wishes sent my way – they are much appreciated and helped in my recovery.

Thanks, too, for making Little Mo feel at home and for keeping the conversation going in my absence.

Ok, so you all know that today is “Fall Holiday” in the good ole’ US of A (more on that in a minute), butt how many of you know (other than Kate) that it’s Thanksgiving Day north of the bear line?

Our cute and cuddly friends from the Great White North celebrate Thanksgiving on the 2nd Monday in October. While I’ll admit, it’s not the “real” Thanksgiving Day, it is today!

So, Happy Thanksgiving Day Canada, eh!

You have a lot to be thankful for too. For one, your PMOC and FLOC,  Stephen & Laureen Harper, are an easy reflection.

You invented hockey, Molson, Labatts, Mounties and, I think, flannel.

I won’t go through all the things you can be thankful for that you don’t have, “butt” I think you know what I’m talking about.

Now, back to America. We’ll be celebrating the real Thanksgiving Day on the third Thursday in November, and, man-o-man, do we ever think we’re going to have something to celebrate and be thankful for this year! (assuming you all get your butts out to the polls)

Butt today is “Fall Holiday”: the holiday which Americans used to celebrate as “Columbus Day” back before the O’s Won and we were all a bunch of insensitive racist ignoramuses.

For this year’s “Fall Holiday” party Lady M has selected a sleeveless, caftan-inspired gown reflecting Native American sensibilities. Fall Holiday, as you may recall from history class if you’re under 30, is the day we commemorate the Europeans arrival in the New World to kill Native Americans with small pox and steal their land. I remind you of this hateful incident so you will be able to fully appreciate the symbolism of Lady M’s choice:

 From one of our faves: Jean Paul Gaultier. He so gets Lady M. 

Lady M hits the campaign trail on Wednesday. I think if I lay low till then, I’ll be ready to hit it with her.

Alarma Roja!

“Red Alert!”

Today’s Open Thread Question:

Is “GloRed” the new “JerryBrown”?

Filed on behalf of MOTUS by Little Mo from the sanctuary bunker.

I don’t know about you, butt I’m going to guess that you feel the same about Gloria Allred (GloRed) as I do (MOTUS too). Well, GloRed has been all over the TeeVee, apparently campaigning to screw-up Meg Whitman's gubernatorial campaign AND loose her law license as a bonus.

So now, Larwyn (of the world famous Larwyn’s Links hosted by Doug Ross), tipped me off to an “appearance” on yesterday’s Saturday Night Live (which I don’t watch much since Dennis Miller left). My psychic “8-Ball” predicts that GloRed will get a new gig on SNL, “Ask Gloria Allred”. She’s going to need something to do because even if she keeps her law license, I don’t think there are that many illegal aliens who need a lawyer to help them get deported. Here’s last night’s segment: