A late START to our 7 days of Kwanzaa

12 days of Christmas – 17 for Lady M – butt who’s counting? We’ve decided to extend our no-photos-of-Lady M-until-she-feels-like-it vacation. Return date now set for January 4, butt stay tuned for further updates. We are considering the possibility of re-locating the Big White to the Big Island, where the climate is better.

We did go out to dinner last night, butt until someone tracks down the lady with the iPhone, it will be photo free. Except for Big Guy - who loves to have his picture taken to prove he’s still relevant. So here’s BO, coming out of Wongs last night, and here’s a file copy of Lady M, coming out of Wongs last year. With Big Guy, you can’t really tell. He always wears blue/tan/brown. Butt Lady M? She just looks younger every year, and always dons a new frock. Sorry I can’t show you this year’s, it was a doozy.

Anyway, there’s no truth to the rumor we’re staying here longer to have a little additional “work” done. While it’s true we used up all of our cosmetic surgery allowance under our very generous Congressional Health Care benefit plan (Thanks Nancy!), we don’t have anything scheduled to take advantage of our 2011 benefits until we get back to D.C.

The real reason we’re extending our stay is simply because Big Guy got a late START on his vacation due to a very busy year-end schedule. So he wants to stay and thoroughly enjoy all 7 days of the African-American winter holiday known as Kwanzaa.

I apologize for not mentioning this at the time, butt we kicked this special season off on December 26 and will be in high celebration mode right through January 1. It’s the most high holy season of, ah; well, maybe Van Helsing is best qualified to explain it’s significance, via Doug Ross:

Yesterday Comrade Obama and the Bitter Half treated the nation to this uplifting Kwanzaa greeting:

"Michelle and I extend our warmest thoughts and wishes to all those who are celebrating Kwanzaa this holiday season. Today is the first of a joyful seven-day celebration of African-American culture and heritage. The seven principles of Kwanzaa — Unity, Self-Determination, Collective Work and Responsibility, Cooperative Economics, Purpose, Creativity and Faith — are some of the very values that make us Americans." 

Now, had Van Helsing stopped there, without the additional editorializing, everything would have been fine. Butt no-oooo!

“Actually, these are the values that would make you not American, but Symbionese. They are the same concepts symbolized by the seven deadly cobras in the flag of the socialist Symbionese Liberation Army”

I think he’s exaggerating, but consider the 7 principals and decide for yourself:

UNITY:

Beer summits; to bring us together after someone acts stupidly

SELF DETERMINATION: Except when it comes to what to feed your kids,

  

Eat this, not that. Because I said so.

what kind of healthcare to buy for your family, or what kind of light bulb to buy.

 Screw It

COLLECTIVE WORK AND RESPONSIBILITY:

Famous Russian worker and Collective Farm worker statue

Lady M, organizing her own Big White collective farm workers

COOPERATIVE ECONOMICS:

Big Guy discusses trickle up economics with Joe the Plumber

"My attitude is that if the economy's good for folks from the bottom up, it's gonna be good for everybody. I think when you spread the wealth around, it's good for everybody."

 

PURPOSE:

Transforming America via a Fabian socialist agenda, as explained by Friedrich Hayek. And Dr. Michael Savage:

Or even by Glenn Beck  - a bit late to the game, but obviously a student of Dr. Savage.

And don’t get your panties in a bunch, I’m not talking about him:

CREATIVITY: Economic Stimulus via Government Spending,

How’s that stimulus working out for you?

and unemployment payments: "It creates jobs faster than almost any other initiative you can name."

 Miss America? Me too.

and lastly, FAITH:

Bringing America’s chickens home to roost, one sermon at a time.

 

So don’t forget to light your Kinara in the spirit of umoja this festive holiday season. And let’s get this party started!

Breathing Lessons

Thank goodness. We’re finally going to get to the bottom of this dumb birther controversy: our new Hawaiian Governor is calling for the release of Big Guy’s real birth certificate. As opposed to the fake birth certificate that was released previously, and has caused so much controversy regarding the veracity of BO’s existence.

As our own cub-reporter MaryOhSoContrary astutely reported yesterday:

So either the HI Department of Vital Stats (and Tattoo Parlor) found an old IBM Selectric to churn out the 'original' (wink, wink) form OR...some nefarious type (an Assange clone?) is ready to 'drop' the dirt (after three long years).  

There’s really noting to worry about though. If we didn’t have this one nailed 10 ways to Tuesday, there would be no discussion about putting the controversy to rest. So rest easy, the spooks have been busy (and pleeze! that’s as in “Spies and Spooks,” you haters out there).

I know there’s been a pretty close lockdown on photos for this trip, butt I still have to be on guard at all times in case someone smuggles an iPhone into our cloister. So far we’ve done pretty well. Just the usual golf shots and shave ice shots that might as well have been from last year:

   

 

 

 

 

 

 

real men wear saddle shoes;

and eat rainbow colored shave ice

 

I will confess, I was sweating the snorkel outing, especially after the previous year’s disaster with the long lens - for which I’ll never be forgiven.

 

 

Lady M contemplating the nutritional value of a potato chip, and calculating the psi requirements for her new containment system

 

 

 

 

 

The official reason for the embargoing of photos from the snorkel trip was to prevent any more beefcake bare-chested pics of Big Guy. Rumors about BO wasting away and/or growing flabby are just silly  (are you kidding? With all that b-ball?). The real reason is we don’t want to start up any new competition with our little Ruskie friend. Especially not after we just raised detente to a new level with the passage of the Disarm America First act.

Seriously, how do you compete with this anyway?

 

                                                 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Pathetic, really.

I do have one picture of Big Guy practicing his snorkeling back in Washington before we left for our alleged birth state. If ever there was a place where knowing how to breathe when you’re in over your head would be useful, D. C. would be that place.

You’ll Miss Me When I’m Gone

What is this? The Wons leave town for a well deserved vacation, and all of a sudden it’s declared open season?

Check out the following exhibits, and let me know if you don’t smell another vast right-wing conspiracy.

From the NY Post, exhibit 1:

By contrast, Obama is a displaced person adopted by the far cruder Chicago machine, which turned his superficial charm and his palpable animus against the American ideal into a winning combination in the perfect storm 2008 election.

  Bathed in the light of…the cameras, as it turns out 

and exhibit 2:

“More important, it's unclear that Obama has it in him to compromise and pretend to like it. No one could fake sincerity like Clinton, but Obama is a far different sort of political animal. His tax-deal press conference was a remarkable glimpse behind the Wizard of Oz curtain

at a scowling man who believes his political opponents are "hostage-takers" and enemies -- not just of the people, but of him personally.”

 

op.cit exhibit 3:

“Still, unless Obama undergoes a vast personal metamorphosis,

 Get this damn fly off me!

it probably won't work. He's too inexperienced a politician and too starchy a man. He himself has said he'd rather be a good one-term president than a failed two-term president, but the way things are going, he may end up having it both ways, minus the ‘good.’"

Big Guy has left the building

Even Lady M seems to have been caught in the cross hairs. Our very own pollster is piling on. Look how he treated Lady M in his Gallup Poll Most admired Man and Woman: (h/t pwitter)

1. Hillary Clinton
2. Sarah Palin
3. Oprah Winfrey
4. Michelle Obama
5. Condoleeza Rice

Lady M came in 4th!!!! Behind Hillary!!? Sarah!!!? and Oprah!!!!!  Well OK, maybe I can see Hillary and Oprah, butt really: does anyone think that skinny Sarah is big enough for anyone to stand behind, let alone Lady M?

     

and just ahead of Condoleezza? Condoleezza???????? 

 

You can not be serious! Not even the same league!

And even our European fan club seems to be waning a bit.

"Barack Obama was the biggest loser of 2010. He allowed the angry Tea Party movement to grow powerful, he did not pass any decent laws despite his majority in Congress and he was aloof, elitist and indecisive. He had to accept a formidable, yet entirely understandable, defeat in the midterm elections as a result. No one expected much from Obama, at least not during the rest of this year."

I’ve only got this much left

Ditto the Asian chapter of the fan club: (h/t Michelle Independent)

“Even the Bush Administration’s harshest critics could never have credibly claimed that George W. Bush was irrelevant. He might have been hated, pilloried and shouted about– but he couldn’t be ignored. However Obama can be safely ignored. Invited to parties, given the chance to show off his cosmopolitan sophisticated by reciting one or two words in the local lingo, read off a teleprompter, along with some cant about the need for everyone to pull together and make the world a better place, and then dismissed for the rest of the evening.”

 

Just allow me get you posed properly, Mr. President

“As a world leader, he makes a passable party guest. He has a broad smile, brings along his own gifts and is famous in the way that celebrities, rather than prime ministers and presidents are famous. On an invitation list, he is more Bono than Sarkozy, Leonardo DiCaprio not Putin. You don’t invite him to talk turkey, not even on Thanksgiving. He’s just one of those famous people with a passing interest in politics who gets good media attention, but who has nothing worthwhile to say.”

…which is why he’s on The View

HOLY CRAP!  I think they’re on to us now, Batman.

                              

 

 

 

“Worst G** damn investment I ever made!”

 

 

 

 

Mmm, mmm, mmm! 

At least some people still thing we’re the greatest.

Grande Conservative Blogress Diva 2011 Poll

With a HT to centralcal for the reminder, the big GayPatriot, Conservative Blogress Diva 2011 awards are underway. This is a major award, almost as big and coveted as my Golden FLOTUS, given annually to a “strong woman who commands the respect of gay males conservatives.” That is so me!

Anyway, I was not nominated, butt 3 of our own MOLs were:

• Fausta (Fausta's Blog)
• Jill (Pundette & Potluck)
• clarice (Clarice’s Pieces at American Thinker)

According to the rules, you can vote once per day until midnight on December 31, 2010. As I noted in centralcal’s post reminding us of the contest, Chicago Rules are, apparently, not in effect. How totally un-American! Butt you can’t stop a dedicated Chicago voter, and you can vote more than once per day if you drive around to different hot spots to get a new IP address for each vote.

Exit polls show clarice and Robin of Berkley opening up big leads over the the rest of the pack. Butt there’s almost a week to go, and anything can happen. So, mobilize your base and vote early and vote often!

Gazing on Greatness

The Wons have already gone to church six times since taking office in January, 2009. So if it weren’t such a slow news cycle, it wouldn’t exactly be news that they chose to worship with local military families while on vacay.

President Obama made a rare trip to church Sunday, attending a late-morning service with his family at a chapel on a Marine base near his vacation home in Hawaii.

Obama last attended church Sept. 19, a month after the release of a poll showing the number of Americans who believe he’s a Muslim was increasing. Sunday marked his seventh time he’s gone to church since taking office.

The Wons sing “Joy To the World (the Lord has come)”  with the congregation of St Michael’s chapel on the Kaneohe Marine base

I don’t know why people make such an issue over the Wons going to church anyway. It’s as if they forgot that they use to go to church every Sunday, for 20 years, to hear the Reverend Wright’s unique take on Black Liberation Christianity.

Besides, we’ve had presidents before who didn’t attend services regularly. Ronnie didn’t attend public church services all that often while he was in the White House either. And while Bill went to church more often, it was usually to seek forgiveness for some damn thing or another. Even GWB, whose evangelical leanings made Dems very uncomfortable, didn’t go every week.

So you can understand why BO is confused: emulate Ronald Reagan and George Bush who lived and governed by their Christian values but didn’t go to church on Sunday, or emulate Bubba, who went to church often to acknowledge his sins and seek forgiveness?

Boy, this presidential imagery is a lot harder to manage than it looks! Well, we’re going to split the baby (good Biblical imagery) and go several times a year so as not to be criticized for never taking the Wee Wons to a house of worship, butt not so often as to unsettle the secularists in our base.

As long as we stay out of mosques, except when we’re travelling to Muslim countries where it would be rude not to go, I think we’ve pretty much got our bases covered.

The rest of the time, Big Guy will continue to worship privately, as he has for years now:

.   

 

 

By the way, you probably recognized our blue and white frock and were wondering if Lady M wore her fashion forward, security coded leggings with it.

Answer: no. As you may recall, Bruno rejected the leggings color coded system in favor of crop circle symbols. And besides, we scared all the Christmas bombers away with our enhanced TSA pat down procedure. So no smurf legs this trip.

Oh, and before I go to get Lady M ready for her beach shots, here’s a close-up of the camo-apron we wore over our Speedo to greet the Marines at Kaneohe on Christmas. You’re going to see it elsewhere, so I might as well apologize right up front. I thought the new containment system would allow me to blink, but apparently not.

So I’m sorry. I didn’t realize we were going out for a photo shoot before our Winter Holiday steak dinner, and I had already enjoyed my traditional vacay Mai Tai. It won’t happen again.

I think I’ll order something a little easier on the eyes for next year’s beach vacay:

Burqua Beachwear: a practical solution to that last pesky 50 pounds

 

 

2010 Fabulous 50 Blog Award Winner: Moi!

OMG, you will never guess who was named by Doug Ross @ Journal as one of his 2010 Fabulous 50 Blog Award Winners...for the second year in a row...moi !!! Seriously!!!

I WON!!!

The Fabulous 50 Blog Awards began last December and were immediately and universally hailed as the most prestigious new media awards anywhere. I was shocked and honored to win the award last year and never dreamed that I would win again.

This is the most elite group of conservative bloggers in the ether and includes the Good Michelle (Malkin), Ed Morrissey (Hot Air), Gateway Pundit, Professor William Jacobson (of my “Supremacy clause”  suit and Legal Insurrection fame), Instapundit (I’m still waiting for my Instalanche), iOwnTheWorld (hi BFH), Pundit & Pundette (hi Jill), Fausta’s blog (hi Fausta), Ann Coulter and, well, too many to list here. Pop on over to Doug’s Fabulous 50 Blog Awards and check them all out!

I know most of you couldn’t be at the award ceremony, Christmas and all, so here is the transcript and a picture of my awkward, unprepared acceptance speech:

OMG...OMG...I can't believe this...I don't even have an acceptance speech prepared...TOTUS are you in the house?

I can't believe this...OMG...first of all, thank you Doug Ross for honoring my reflections with this “most prestigious new media award anywhere”...Thank You sooooo much...

I'd be remiss if I didn't thank my sponsor, Glass Wax, without whom my reflections would be quite dull...I know I'm forgetting so many people...thank you Larwyn for featuring my reflections in your links...

Butt most of all, THANK YOU LADY M and Big Guy! Without you and all that you do, I could never HOPE to be honored with this award.

In closing I’d like...Yo, MOTUS, I’m really happy for you, and I’m going to let you finish, but Doug Ross has one of the most fabulous blogs of all time!!! All time!!! And he really should have won!

Here I am accepting my award, with Kanye West interrupting me to honor Doug Ross. Do you like my necklace? I borrowed it from Lady M’s jewelry box. I hope she doesn’t mind. Or ever find out.

Thank you Doug Ross for the best Christmas present ever!

Winning Transformations

 

Well thank goodness! No Christmas Day panty bombers in Detroit this year to ruin our Winter Holiday dinner at the Hawaiian Big House. You’ve no idea how disruptive that whole mess was to our idyllic vacation last year.

Even though Big Guy didn’t utter a peep for the first 72 hours after the Undie-Bomber’s nearly successful  attempt to blow up a jet over Detroit, he was busy taking phone calls from his terrorism team. They were mostly explaining how they were on vacation too, and didn’t really think it was a big enough deal for either he or them to breakaway for. When finally our MSM got back to work and made it clear someone had to address the incident, Big Guy had to interrupt his golf and basketball therapy to handle the matter himself. You probably remember his press conference 3 days later, to say that the young Nigerian acted stupidly, and, as Bruno was quick to point out, our TSA plan worked, thanks to our cleverly seated “Dutch tourist.”

Butt like I said: all’s quiet on the Western Front this year. So we did our obligatory Marine base tour of duty for an hour yesterday to show how much we, and especially Lady M, care about our military families. And in return, some of the military family members showed how much they cared about the Wons:

Heh. That’s cute kid, now stick that tongue back in your mouth where it belongs.

Lady M had her hair styled in the same island-holiday carefree style that she wore last year:

            

The bun is a little bigger and wrapped a little tighter this year (2009 arrival, left, 2010 visit to Kaneohe military base, right

The same could be said of her bum:

           

2009 visit, left; 2010 visit right: we added a camo-apron to the containment system this year

In addition to the usual golf and hoops, Big Guy is also catching up on his reading, with Lou Cannon's "President Reagan: Role of a Lifetime" among his selections for the holiday.

Other books on his holiday reading list: The Road to Serfdom, by F.A. Hayek (in case we missed something), and The Ugly Truth: Diary of a Wimpy Kid #5 – part of his ongoing therapy.

Lady M  is doing a little reading herself, having brought a copy of Now Eat This! which explains how to take everyday comfort foods and make them healthy. It’s for her No Child’s Fat Behind program; she never stops sacrificing for the American people.

We couldn’t stay at the Kaneohe base for dinner with the marines though, since Chef Comfy was busy back at the Big House preparing our Winter Holiday feast of steaks, potatoes and holiday pies. After all that lame duck, we earned a nice fatty steak dinner. It’s just too bad we had to pass on the delicious roast pork this year, butt I’m sure we’ll be adding that back to our daily menu soon, too. Just as soon as Big Guy finishes the Reagan book so he knows how to look (and act) like Ronnie, so he can lure the R-words over to his side.

I’m in charge of optics.

I’m gonna’ be busy! Wish me luck!