Twittering Our Credit Limits Away: Special Director’s Cut (MOTUS Exclusive)

I’m not talkin’ out of school by telling you that Big Guy’s first TTH (Twitter Town Hall) didn’t go as smoothly as we would have HOPEd. Big Guy seemed to forget that he was answering ADHD questions with “I’m a professor of constitutional law at the University of Chicago” answers. To say we lost control of the agenda is not the point; we lost the point.

Twittering while the ship of state goes down

Knowing we have to get right back in the Twitter saddle - so to speak - Plouffee thought it would be a good idea to use yesterday’s presser as a practice tweet session. 

Giddy-up, Cowboy

He and his staff coached Big Guy on the Public Relations Q&A code, which happens to work really well for Twitter too. Here are the basics; no matter how long, complex or emotion packed the question, your response must be a one-liner: short, concise, direct. Big Guy, because his brain is like a steel trap (I still think that’s a bad analogy, butt Lady M seems to like it) indicated he was locked and loaded. Butt either he knows nothing about guns, or he got his “lock” and his “load” reversed. Either way, somewhere out on the shooting range he completely lost sight of the target. As a result, our trial run for the next big TTH ran off the rails a bit.

Some twits at our Twitter Townie

We assigned our in-house video crew to scan the video from the press conference and cut Big Guy off when he reached the Twitter-max 140 character response. Unfortunately, someone forgot to tell the Won that, on Twitter, unlike the scrubbed clean transcripts  and multimedia files provided by our Ministry of Propaganda (aka the MSM) every sound he utters, including non-fluencies would be counted. So that’s a mitigating factor, to be taken into consideration.

When using his opposable thumbs to tap out a real tweet, those non-fluencies won’t be there (I HOPE), taking up unnecessary characters. In fairness then, we didn’t count the commas inserted around the non-fluencies. They’ve just been added to assist with copy readability, and like I said, Big Guy won’t be inserting them with his thumbs anyway.

Butt, rules are rules, and the videographers were just following instructions. So here, first, is the truncated transcript, followed by the video clip of the truncated, 140 character, one-liner answers. As you’ll see brevity is the soul of wit, and there’s not much wit here to work with. If you actually care what Big Guy said, you’ll have to read the whole thing whole thing, butt be sure to carve out an hour or so.

It looks like we’re probably going to have to create a new position of Social Media/Twitter Czar, possibly at Cabinet level, for a bit of additional coaching before tackling another TTH.

The White House

Office of the Press Secretary

Mr. Claire Shipman

For Immediate Release

July 11, 2011

Press Conference by the President

James S. Brady Press Briefing Room

Big Guy’s Briefing:

Good morning everybody. Uhhh I want to give a quick update on what's happening with the debt negotiations, provide my perspective, and then

Big Guy’s Close-Questions & Answers:

All right with that I’m going to uhh take some questions starting with Ben Feller

Ben Feller Question:

Thank you very much, Mr. President.  Two quick topics. Given that you’re running out of time, can you explain what is your plan for where these talks go if Republicans continue to oppose any tax increases, as they’ve adamantly said that they will?  And secondly, on your point about no short-term stopgap measure, if it came down to that and Congress went that route, I know you’re opposed to it but would you veto it?

Big Guy Answer:

I will not sign a 30 day or a 60 day or a 90 day extension Tha that is just not an acceptable approach And if we think it’s gonna to be hard

Ben Feller Follow-up:

Do you see any path to a deal if they don't budge on taxes?

Big Guy Answer:

I do not see a path to drill uhh to a deal if they don't budge, period. I mean, it it if the basic proposition is, "it's my way

Chip Reid Question:

Thank you, Mr. President.  You said that everybody in the room is willing to do what they have to do, wants to get something done by August 2nd.  But isn’t the problem the people who aren’t in the room, and in particular Republican presidential candidates and Republican Tea Partiers on the Hill, and the American public?  The latest CBS News poll showed that only 24 percent of Americans said you should raise the debt limit to avoid an economic catastrophe.  There are still 69 percent who oppose raising the debt limit.  So isn’t the problem that you and others have failed to convince the American people that we have a crisis here, and how are you going to change that?

Big Guy Answer:

Well luh luh let me distinguish between professional politicians and uhh the public at large Uh tha the public is not paying close attention

Chip Reid Follow-up:

Do you think he’ll come back to the $4 trillion deal?

Big Guy Answer:

Uh a I think Speaker Boehner has been very sincere about tryin to uhh do somethin big Uh I think he’d like to do something big

Rich Wolf Question:

Thank you, Mr. President.  You keep talking about balance, shared sacrifice, but in the $4 trillion deal that you’re talking about roughly, it seems to be now at about four-to-one spending to taxes; we’re talking about $800 billion in taxes, roughly.  That doesn’t seem very fair to some Democrats.  I’m wondering if you could clarify why we’re at that level.  And also, if you could clarify your Social Security position -- would any of the money from Social Security, even from just Chained CPI, go toward the deficit as opposed to back into the trust fund?

Big Guy Answer:

With respect to Social Security, Social Security is not the source of our deficit problems. Social Security uh if it if it is part

Sam Stein Question:

Thank you, Mr. President.  With unemployment now at 9.2 percent and a large chunk of those lost jobs coming from the private sector, is now a really good time to cut trillions of dollars in spending?  How will we still create jobs?  And then to piggyback on the Social Security question -- what do you say to members of your own party who say it doesn’t contribute to the deficit, let’s consider it but not in the context of this deal?

Big Guy Answer:

Uh, our biggest priority as an administration is getting the economy back on track and puttin people back to work. Uhh, now ya know without

Sam Stein Follow-up:

Are there things with respect to Social Security, like raising the retirement age, means testing -- are those too big a chunk for -

Big Guy Answer:

I, I’m probably not gonna to get into the details, Sam, right now of negotiations. Uh I might uhh enjoy negotiating with you but uhh I don’t

Leslie Clark Question:

Thank you, Mr. President

Big Guy Answer:

Thank you.

Leslie Clark Follow-up:

Have you -- you’ve talked with economists, you said that economists have agreed that a deal needs to be made.  Have you worked with new U.S. business leaders at all to lobby Congress to raise the debt ceiling?  And if so, who are you talking to?

Big Guy Answer:

Uhh, uhh I have spoken extensively to business leaders. Uhhm a a and and I’ll be honest with ya I think that business leaders leaders in the

Leslie Clark Follow-up Follow-up:

And can you say, as the clock ticks down, whether or not the administration is –

Big Guy Answer:

I’m sorry I, I

Leslie Clark Follow-up Follow-up Follow-up:

Can you say, as the clock ticks down, whether or not the administration is working on any sort of contingency plans if things don’t happen by August?

Big Guy Answer:

Uhh, we are going to get this done by August 2nd

George Condon Question:

Mr. President, to follow on Chip’s question, you said that the Speaker faces tough politics in his caucus.  Do you have complete confidence that he can deliver the votes on anything that he agrees to?  Is he in control of his caucus?

Big Guy Answer:

Uh you know that’s a question for the Speaker uhhh not a question for me. Um a my uh experience with John Boehners uhh has has been good. Uh

George Condon Follow-up:

So your confidence in him wasn’t shaken by him walking away from the big deal he said he wanted?

Big Guy Answer:

Ha ee ee ya know these things rr rr are a tough process. And and, look, in in in fairness, uhh uh a big deal would require uhh a lot of

Big Guy Answer:

April Ryan Question:

Mr. President, hi.  I want to revisit the issue of sacrifice.  In 2009, you said that -- expect the worst to come; we have not seen the worst yet.  And now with these budget cuts looming, you have minorities, the poor, the elderly, as well as people who are scared of losing jobs fearful.  And also, what say you about Congressman Chaka Fattah’s bill, the Debt Free America Act?  Do you support that bill?  Are you supporting the Republican bill that is similar to his, modeled after Congressman Fattah’s bill?

Big Guy Answer:

Well, uhm uh I I’m not going to comment on a paticalar bill right now. Le' me le' me speak to tha tha broader point that that you’re asking

Big Guy Closer:

Awright?  Thank you very much, everybody.

And here’s the video with Big Guy’s answers cut at the 140 character mark. We also cut out all of the press corpse questions, but you can read them in the transcript if you think it will help clarify the answers. We couldn’t truncate their questions as required by Twitter protocol because the First Amendment protects their right to say and write just about anything. Even Big Guy - so far - doesn’t have the authority to edit their questions. Censoring isn’t as much of an issue, as they pretty much take care of that on their own.

On second thought, maybe Twitter doesn’t really suit our needs after all. Although the good news is it did cut a 40 minute presser filled with no new information down to a nice compact 3 minutes of no new information.

And isn’t that what Twitter is all about any way?

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on DougRoss@Journal, Thanks!

Give Peas a Chance

Here’s the take-away from yesterday’s presser: you can take the petulant child out of the teleprompter’s speech, butt you can’t take the petulant child out of the reader speaker.

Things got off to a good start, thanks to TOTUS’ carefully crafted remarks, butt then Big Guy took questions from 6 reporters for the remaining 36 minutes of our press conference. That’s an average of 6 minutes per question; too long to keep our unscripted petulant child completely at bay.

Case in point #1

"the debt ceiling should not be … used as a gun against the heads of the American people to extract tax breaks for corporate jet owners, for oil and gas companies that are making billions of dollars because the price of gasoline has gone up so high."

Plus, I see that later on we added a new villain to our “fat cat” category: “best selling authors,” right there next to jet owners and oil barons. Oh, oh! Watch out Tom Friedman!

Back on message:

…if we think it’s hard now, imagine how these guys are going to be thinking six months from now in the middle of election season where they’re all up.  It’s not going to get easier.  It’s going to get harder.  So we might as well do it now -- pull off the Band-Aid; eat our peas. Now is the time to do it.  If not now, when? 

Here Big Guy manages to get his point across while simultaneously channeling Popeye, Hillel the Elder, and Mitt Romney’s dad – all in one partial answer!  Butt while everyone focused on the “eat our peas” part of this answer, they missed the really fun part: “imagine how these guys are going to be thinking six months from now in the middle of election season where they’re all up.” When they’re all up? Hee hee. Let’s see, who else is up for re-election in another six months? Assuming we get re-nominated that is.

I'd rather be talking about stuff that everybody welcomes -- like new programs or the NFL season getting resolved.  Unfortunately, this is what's on our plate.

Anything butt peas!

It’s starting to look like a plateful of peas. And we all know Big Guy doesn’t like to eat his peas.

Then we move on to a concise summary of Big Guy’s economic philosophy:

And I do not want, and I will not accept, a deal in which I am asked to do nothing, in fact, I’m able to keep hundreds of thousands of dollars in additional income that I don’t need, while a parent out there who is struggling to figure out how to send their kid to college suddenly finds that they’ve got a couple thousand dollars less in grants or student loans.

“Spread the wealth around.” It’s not like he didn’t tell us about his collectivist feelings before the election. That’s how JTP (Joe the Plumber) became Joe the Plumber.

And Tom Friedman will be relieved to know that the “best selling author” Big Guy was talking about was – himself!  Although, since Bill Ayers wrote Big Guy’s best seller, I suspect we’ll be expecting him to pay the additional taxes as well. And Tom, you’re going to be called on to spread your wealth around too. It’s for a good cause: in order to keep that hot, crowded earth of yours flat.

I understand that an overnight poll has indicated that most Americans feel as though they’ve been eating way too many peas for the past 2 1/2 years and they don’t want any more. In fact, a lot of them are starting to ask “Where’s the beef?”

Not to worry. Lady M’s located it. At the Shake Shack:

Along with the fries:

And the shakes:

Throw in a zero-calorie diet Pepsi to bring the “occasional splurge” to a nice, round 1700 calorie “treat.”

“It’s about moderation!”

I know we’re going to catch flak over this very public burger spree. I told her she should do takeout. That way she could have had a Guinness chaser instead of a diet Pepsi.

That would add only 170 calories so we could round up the total calorie count to 1900 and call it a day.

Butt no need to panic. I think our PR people have come up with a solution to the “hypocrite” charge that racist tea party zealots are starting to lob around the intertubes. Knowing Lady M’s self-confessed weakness for French fries, we’re going to have our Food Police force incent the Jolly Green Giant to reintroduce a short-lived, ahead-of-its-time vegetable product: the “I hate vegetables” line:

I even located a copy of one of the original boxes on my hard drive from the 1972 Smithsonian file. It’s pure genius: take your freeze-dried powdered vegetables (peas, carrots, spinach, beets or corn) mix them up with dried potato flakes, rehydrate, press the mixture through a French fry die-cut extruder, deep fry and Voila! Vegetable French Fries! Everybody wins! It’s like the deficit reduction-debt ceiling deal Big Guy and John Boehner are working on: it’s going to look like a deficit reduction in return for an increase in the debt ceiling, butt it’s really going to be… peas! (in the form of a tax increase – pure genius)

“These make great French fries too!”

Problem solved. We present the illusion of wholesome goodness while continuing to enjoy the greasy crunchiness of fried food: win, win! Sounds like passive aggression to me.

Burger and fry snack, before our photo ban on burgers and fries went into effect

Yes, definitely passive aggression.

Is it possible that all of America’s worst problems result from … Obama’s passive-aggressive desire to punish us into economic submission?

That’s certainly within the realm of possibility. 

I reflect, you decide.

“Eat Your Vegetables” H/T Mrs. P

BE SURE TO CHECK IN LATER TODAY FOR A SPECIAL CUT FROM YESTERDAY’S PRESSER. A MOTUS EXCLUSIVE!

Linked By: Gerard @ American Digest, Thanks!

MOTUS Gets Mail: Special Big White Edition

Remarks of President Barack Obama
Weekly Address
July 9, 2011
Washington, DC

President Obama calls on both parties to come together to find a balanced approach to deficit reduction that lets us live within our means without hurting investments our economy needs to grow and create jobs.

Is it just me, or does this sound like a summer re-run to you too? I could have sworn Big Guy delivered this exact same weekly radio address a few months ago. And then again, a few weeks back. I think in politics that’s what’s known as staying on message.

And that’s why we “cancelled” our vacay to Montana - in order to “stay of message” regarding fiscal responsibility. And to meet with Congressional  leaders for 75 minutes on Sunday night. For some photo ops.

5 people meet to discuss serious issues.

No one wants to be on the wrong side of the table (the one without a camera lens pointing their way)

Butt I don’t think we’re making much progress. Big Guy says he won’t take “no” for an answer, and Harry says the R-words won’t take “yes” for an answer. Sounds like ‘heads I win and tails, you lose’ situation. For both sides. What fun!

Taxes seem to be a sticking point. Big Guy wants more of them from the filthy rich, and will explain why, yet again to you numbskulls, in a presser at 11:00.  Don’t worry this is still just the courtship. The wedding isn’t until July 22, or August 2. Or some future date mutually agreed on. And since neither the bride or groom is the least bit interested in sending their gifts back, expect to see a sham of a wedding ceremony.

Oh wait! We invited more people! There’s Tiny Tim!

I’m just glad everyone went home last night because I was afraid Big Guy was going to pull an all-nighter like he used to in college (sans the doobies of course). But apparently there weren’t enough munchies stocked in the Big White’s healthy, organic, locally grown food pantry. Lady M beat him to the strategic reserve of sugary, salty snacks. That may be the real reason everyone went home early... for dinner.

Anyway, since Lady M is squirrelled away in her burrow, I decided to catch up on my email.

As you know, I haven’t had a chance to break out the MOTUS mailbag for quite awhile.  Butt today my pal Abby (you may know her: she writes advice columns for Liberals who can’t figure out what to do?) forwarded an email she received last week that she thought my readers might enjoy. And she thought even Big Guy may be able to learn something from it.

Dear Abby,

 
My husband has a long record of money problems. He runs up huge credit-card bills and at the end of the month, if I try to pay them off, he shouts at me, saying I am stealing his money. He says pay the minimum and lets our kids worry about the rest, but already we can hardly keep up with the interest.

Also he has been so arrogant and abusive toward our neighbors that most of them no longer speak to us. The few that do are an odd bunch, to whom he has been giving a lot of expensive gifts, running up our bills even more.

Also, he has gotten religious. One week he hangs out with Catholics and the next with people who say the Pope is the Anti-Christ, and the next he's hanging with Muslims.

Finally, the last straw. He's demanding that before anyone can be in the same room with him, they must sign a loyalty oath.

 
It's just so horribly creepy! Can you help?

 
Signed, Lost in DC 

  To which Abby responded:

Dear Lost:

 
Stop whining, Michelle. You get to live in the White House for free, eat like a Queen, run your vanity/fantasy “No Child’s Fat Behind” program and travel the world on our dime.

You can divorce the jerk any time you want. The rest of us are stuck with the son of a bitch for the next year and a half! 

Signed, Abby

Well, if your husband had saved “about a billion jobs” and created a couple dozen, you could afford to live large too.

Just too bad all billion of those jobs are in China.

H/T GABPANTHER

Larwyn’s Linx on DougRoss@Journal, Thanks!

The Duchess of Cambridge vs the Queen of Tarts: it’s a Throwdown

So, here we are stuck at Camp David again. For the optics, you understand. We’ll be back in plenty of time to make Big Guy’s no-longer big meeting with the boys and girls of Congress at 6:00 pm.

Speaker Boehner found out that the deal he cut with Big Guy on taxes just wasn’t playing in Peoria, so I guess we’re back to Joey B's plan. Let’s hear it for Joey! Stand-up Joey, God love ya! Let’s all stand up for Joey’s plan! WTF.

So I’ll just bring you up to speed on what little-miss-perfect, Catherine, the Duchess of Cambridge, has been up to on her North American, “Look at me, I’m as refreshing as a breath of fresh air” tour.

“As Oscar winners gushed, the couple was compared several times to the late American President John F. Kennedy and his glamorous wife, Jackie O.”

Lady M says she’s just a little publicity hound. And she should know.

Kate certainly has been getting 100% glowing coverage from the worldwide media: until now the exclusive purview of Lady M. The closest thing to criticism I’ve seen anywhere was this, from the Daily Mail:

“The 29-year-old has not set a foot wrong when it comes to designer frocks, but in almost every single picture, there is the same telltale satin sheen of sheer hosiery.”

As if that’s a bad thing:

Personally, I rather like the subtle sheen of a pair of hose, and believe me, there are worse options. Too many to count, really:

Aside from the hosiery issue, Kate and Lady M have a lot in common, given that they’re both fashion icons. That means they are both  market drivers:

“It has been well documented that Kate Middleton's marketing power - known as the Kate effect -  ensures anything she is seen wearing is sold-out within hours...

But what continues to come (as) a surprise is how Kate can turn the notably 'un-fashionable' into an instant hit.”

 

“The simple nude Vanessa dress by Joseph she wore on Sunday in Quebec City has unsurprisingly now sold out.”

 

As did this lovely frock that Lady M wore on the Today show, sans stockings:

A few pair of the mustard shoes are still, surprisingly, available in the bargain bin though.

The Mail continues:

“… low-heeled court shoes and longer-hems, though once labeled as old-fashioned or 'mumsy', have become instant hits among young shoppers.

This would come as little surprise to industry experts who know an icon becomes so by playing against type…”

For young, hip Kate who could easily have been a latter day “Sloane Ranger” like Princess Diana, that means dressing conservatively. For Lady M, well, I haven’t quite figured out what “against type” might be. She’s never met a “type” she doesn’t like:

“While some labeled her outfit choices over the weekend 'boring', Kate's samey style is what will ultimately ensure her iconic status.”

Still searching for our anti-type, butt definitely NOT ‘samey’

“But as she has been increasingly thrust into the limelight, her style has continued to mature and develop.”

Just like Lady M’s

Developing. Maturing.

Note in the last frame how Lady M’s cardi and boob belt style has matured and developed into a sleeveless cardi vest-belt:

“Gone are the 'Sloaney' flat knee-high suede boots and frosty pink lipstick and she is paying more attention to her accessories…”

Knee high suede: Hot, Flat and Crowded. Check.

                  Frosty pink lips, check

“Her taste in jewelery has also changed. Whereas it was always rather understated, Kate is now sporting sophisticated brooches, carefully selected earrings and of course, the stunning sapphire engagement ring.”

Close-up of the tasteful diamond Canadian maple leaf brooch borrowed from the Queen specially for Kate’s trip:

…and a tasteful bracelet, of course:

 

Just like Lady M’s jewelry; sophisticated, understated.

 

Rings on your index finger: why not?

As long as they are tasteful. And sophisticated:

Lady M’s carefully selected earrings:

 

Oh, and by the way; Lady M has her own royal bonnet too:

“H/T” - in more ways than one - to AnnieLaurie

“The demure outfits – skirts never too short, heels never too high - are telling details.”

Lady M: Demur…and a little bit dangerous:

 

Kate knows who she is and isn't easily swayed by passing trends.

Nor is Lady M.

If we like it, we wear it

“Her wardrobe choices indicate qualities in her character: stability, loyalty and self-assurance.”

 

Yes, clothing choices do indicate qualities in our character:

 

Kate, MO; knowing who they are in their classic trench coats.

Now I know there’s been quite a to-do about the Canadian breezes which were kicking up during Kate and Wills visit. You’ll recall the first incident on PEI back east that initiated all the discussion and

speculation on what, exactly, that undergarment was. Was it an old fashioned slip? Bloomers, pettipants or spanx? I checked with the British Consulate and now have it on good authority that the correct term for the Duchess’ inner lining is…“kittenpants!” And I understand they come in a special bootcut too. Who knew our very own Noelle came from royalty!?!

Bootcut Kittenpants

Anyway, it’s obviously not an undergarment required by the queen, because when the prairie winds kicked up out west Kate had pretty much abandoned them. You’ll see the sensationalist sites claiming she was wearing a thong, butt don’t forget the stocking rule: she was wearing nude-to-the-waist panty hose.

Whoo! I guess we know what those white hats are really for now.

Thankfully, we’ve never had a full moon-viewing moment with Lady M. And now you know why I’m really here.

Actually, Buh-rock has a lot in common with HRH, Prince William too. Butt that royal review will have to wait for another slow news cycle.

Linked By: Red Square on The People’s Cube, and Ynaught on TheConnection.Lucianne.com, and Uncoverage, and Cody1991 on Hotair, and The War Planner, and Noelegy on Weasel Zippers, and Left Coast Rebel, and Proof Positive, Thanks!