Movin’ and Shakin’ with Michelle: BHG edition

Although we’ve already seen leaks, including the excellent photo shoppe cover, the Lady M special collectors edition of the August Better Home and Gardens officially goes on the news stand today.

So be sure to get out early, because they’re bound to be snapped up quickly by collectors.

Plus, then you can read all of Lady M’s “Ideas and Inspiration to Help American Families Eat Right.” Here’s a little preview:

We start with the obvious: "…to eat your vegetables,"

 

Mmmmmmm! Turnips! And

Sweet potatoes!

The leafy greens are especially good for you. If you eat them.

 

Be sure to include some low fat protein in your meals, like fresh fish:

 

That one should make a good dinner. What would you like Sasha?

and shellfish is an excellent source of low fat protein:

 

At least without the butter.

Try to enjoy a relaxing, sit-down dinner with the family every night:

At informal meals like this, feel free to use your fingers

But even if you can’t eat at home, avoid fast food at all costs:

“Uh, no thanks, I’m just inspecting.”

 

If you’re too busy to cook, try hiring a world famous personal chef to over see your intake:

Chef Jacques can just whip you up a little lobster omelet appetizer

Make sure you get plenty of fun exercise to work off any inadvertently consumed excess calories:

 

          

     

Never eat with your mouth full:

 

No wait, that’s not right…butt still, not bad advice.

And here’s Lady M’s most useful tip in these stressful times: like an apple, a glass of wine a day will keep the doctor away:

 

Did I say one?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Well if one is good, 2 bottles must be even better, right?

And did I mention  to “eat ‘shur vegables?”

And no, chocolate chips don’t count as a vegetable.

Anyway, if you follow all of Lady M’s “Ideas and Inspiration to Help American Families Eat Right” you too can enjoy an occasional treat.

The Shake Shack, in a show of good old fashioned American capitalism, is now offering the “Lady M special” a Shake Burger, fries, chocolate shake and diet Pepsi. Boo-yah!

Oh, and the only other noteworthy item in the BHG feature is the shocking news that Lady M gained weight after she moved into the Big White! Who knew? BHG notes "ironically" that life in the Big White is "more constricted" and  "has made it harder to follow her own advice about staying on the move." Boy, you couldn’t prove it by me: Europe (3 times), Africa (twice), 50 of our 57 states; some, like Hawaii and the state of Martha’s Vineyard, multiple times.

Anyway, despite all that movin’ and shakin,’

Lady M  "was surprised that her body had changed."  She told BHG  "I realized that some clothes were getting tighter. I didn't know what was going on." All I can say is, she’s the only one who didn’t. Even after we beefed up her containment systems.

So, we’re movin’ out again today to visit 3 more swing states.Look for our big announcement on “Eliminating Food Deserts.”  Now there’s a problem that maybe Congress can solve.

Obama: TWF. Pitching Fits at Windmills. WTF

I tried to put this as nicely as I could last week when I explained the situation that caused Big Guy to walk out on the debt talks.

“Apparently Eric triggered this outburst when he took Big Guy at his word that these discussions were not going to be about political posturing. He ill-manneredly had the audacity to interrupt Big Guy - 15 minutes into his political posturing - to suggest a short-term solution.

Don’t be fooled. Just because he sounds smart, Eric is not in Big Guy’s intellectual league by a long shot. If you know what I mean.

That impertinence on the part of one of the little people, who clearly doesn’t know his place, triggered that “petulant-child syndrome” we’ve been trying to keep under wraps. I guess we still need to work on it a bit.”

Courtesy of The Looking Spoon

Unfortunately, others who don’t have Big Guy’s interests at heart (I hate to name names, butt people such as Pundette) managed to wrangle the ugly details out of some of the R-words who have been attending the debt talks. Warning: this is graphic!

“McConnell, the Senate minority leader, did not participate in the earlier negotiations, seven weeks of them, guided by Vice President Biden. Senate Republican whip Jon Kyl had taken part in those talks, which were friendlier and far more productive than the meetings run by Obama. Biden, despite his reputation as Washington’s premier windbag, had restrained himself. The president hasn’t. He’s talked incessantly, and for so long that others often gave up trying to get a word in. Obama dominated one session so completely that only one of the four Republicans spoke and then only in short spurts. [. . .]

The president has been less genial away from the prying eyes of the press and the public. In the private talks, he’s dominated the discussion with the eight most senior members of Congress in an overbearing way not likely to lead to compromise. He’s been argumentative. He’s come across as President Blowhard.

After Sperling briefed the group on the deficit cap proposal, House Democratic leader Nancy Pelosi addressed another subject. When a Republican participant criticized the deficit cap, Obama interrupted with a monologue. When the Republican tried to speak a second time, the President quickly cut him off, and delivered another sermon on why the criticism was wrong.

Obama has taken the tack that he must respond to everything that’s said, whether by a Republican, a Democrat, or even Biden. And his responses, like those in his press conferences, are never brief. But who’s going to complain about Obama’s verbosity, at least in his presence? He’s the President.”

In the land of the blind, even a one-eyed man might seem kingly

I just think it’s a little harsh to call BO a narcissist though, as many have. And Monty P goes way over the top, referring to him as Don Quixote:

Obama is doing what he believes right and just.  Sophomoric understanding, however, does not explain why the inequities of the world are assumed to be Obama's responsibility.  How does one go from President of the US to a modern-day Don Quixote for the entire world? (snip)

Obama's narcissistic disorder apparently enables him to see himself as the President of The World, the Great Rectifier and the One We Have Been Waiting For.  Some supporters speak of Obama in messianic terms, as he himself has arrogantly done.  This behavior pattern could be indicative of severe delusion, even megalomania.(snip)

El Presidente of the world

The original Don Quixote's tilting at windmills was charming and harmless.  This knight of old was noble and honorable.  He possessed character and integrity.  While a bit crazed, his motives were pure.  It was difficult not to admire him.

None of that holds true for President Quixote.  The only thing these two delusional people have in common is a fascination with windmills.  The old knight imagined them as dragons to be slain, the modern one as solutions to the world's problems.  Which belief is more rational is left to the reader to decide.

Look! Up in the sky box! It’s the Super Don Quxiote!

Now, I know you’ve all been wondering what Lady M’s been up to, other than her pedicure which we saw on Sunday:

Waiting for paint to dry

She’s been getting the complete buff and polish job for her swing state tour that starts tomorrow. She has to hop on our “corporate jet”  to raise some money because Big Guy’s optics require him to stay here in Washington and sound tough.

So, following a big announcement tomorrow “regarding access to healthy, affordable food” Lady M’s going to be busy. She will be off to  Virginia, South Carolina and New Hampshire to wow the little peeps and flash those famous toned arms.

I can tell you though, she’s a little cheesed about her upcoming Thursday appearance on reality TV. She claims that nobody told her that the Extreme Makeover show she agreed to appear on was the Home Edition. She was looking forward to a wee bit of lipo for those pesky fat pads that keep creeping back no matter how healthy we eat,

nor how hard we work out.

Give me an “O” New Hampshire!

Don’t miss our swing-state tour, coming soon to a DNC bundling station near you.

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on DougRoss@Journal, and anonimalle on Godlike Productions, Thanks!

O-bla-bla-ma’s Weakly Address; Annotated

Wow! WTF (Winning The Future) is turning out to be a lot harder than we ever thought. So Big Guy’s not taking any chances: in one of the most transparent acts yet of this completely transparent presidency, the Wons went to church yesterday. And not just any church. St. John’s Episcopalian Church!

What more could the Republicans possibly want from this man?

Mommy and Me, cool, coifed and well turned out in shades of blue and mauve, although they did get their shoes mixed up.  (H/T SaraB)

Whew! This is turning out to be one long hot summer. Evidenced here, by the gravity of Big Guy’s last weekly radio address. It’s a long one, so listen up, dough boys:

 

Remarks of President Barack Obama
Weekly Address
The White House
July 16, 2011

Today, there’s a debate going on in Washington over the best way to get America’s fiscal house in order and get our economy on a stronger footing going forward.

More like one hand clapping than a debate, butt ok.

For a decade, America has been spending more money than we’ve taken in.  For several decades, our debt has been rising.

It’s Bush’s fault. 

And let’s be honest – neither party in this town is blameless. Both have talked this problem to death without doing enough about it.

Maybe we need a new audience

That’s what drives people nuts about Washington. (Among other things.)  Too often, it’s a place more concerned with playing politics and serving special interests than resolving real problems or focusing on what you’re facing in your own lives.

 

Jeff Immelt, Richard Trumka, Andy Stern, Jesse Jackson, Loyd Blankstein, Ken Chernault and Ken Lewis

No special interests here, just the usual ones:  labor unions, race mongers, corporate welfare recipients and Wall Street

 

They all work for the same guy though.

 

Dr. Evil

 

These fellow travelers do have a special signal: sort of like a secret handshake.

 

 

 

     

Come to think of it, Big Guy has a secret sign for the R-words too:

But right now, we have a responsibility – and an opportunity – to reduce our deficit as much as possible and solve this problem in a real and comprehensive way. 

(Courtesy of Sad Hill News)

Simply put, it will take a balanced approach, shared sacrifice, and a willingness to make unpopular choices on all our parts.

I know it’s not as popular as apple, butt I’ll take the chocolate cream

That means spending less on domestic programs.  It means spending less on defense programs.  It means reforming programs like Medicare to reduce costs and strengthen the program for future generations.

We rationed butter during WWII, why not rationed healthcare?

And it means taking on the tax code, and cutting out certain tax breaks and deductions for the wealthiest Americans.

Like Corporate Jets; they seem extravagant anyway

Now, some of these things don’t make folks in my party too happy. And I wouldn’t agree to some of these cuts if we were in a better fiscal situation, but we’re not.  That’s why I’m willing to compromise.  I’m willing to do what it takes to solve this problem, even if it’s not politically popular. 

“You’ve got me over a barrel. I’m willing to swap you my  old shoes for your new SUV. It’s in the ditch any way.”  (H/T Woz, where ever you are)

I expect leaders in Congress to show that same willingness to compromise. The truth is, you can’t solve our deficit without cutting spending.

“You” can’t? What about “our” shared sacrifice, Tonto?

But you also can’t solve it without asking the wealthiest Americans to pay their fair share – or without taking on loopholes that give special interests and big corporations tax breaks that middle-class Americans don’t get.

This is where it gets a little tricky, tip toeing around our special interests usual suspects’ interests. Thankfully, dirty oil companies aren’t in that group.

It’s pretty simple.  I don’t think oil companies should keep getting special tax breaks when they’re making tens of billions in profits.

Which they won’t be doing for long if they can’t drill anywhere in America any more. I wonder if Brazil gives tax breaks to oil companies?

I don’t think hedge fund managers should pay taxes at a lower rate than their secretaries.

Well they don’t, so we can check that one off our list.

I don’t think it’s fair to ask nothing of someone like me when the average family has seen their income decline We have to ask everyone to play their part. over the past decade – and when many of you are just trying to stretch every dollar as far it it’ll go.

Ok then, let me ask you this: how about you get rid of Obamacare? People hate it, it eliminates choice, will put insurance companies out of business (eliminating thousands of jobs) and it’s unconstitutional. If that still doesn’t feel good enough, you can mail a check for all of that extra money that you don’t need to the U.S. Treasury.

We shouldn’t put the burden of deficit reduction on the backs of folks who’ve already borne the brunt of the recession. 

That would be the 53% of Americans who do pay income taxes.

It’s not reasonable and it’s not right.  If we’re going to ask seniors, or students, or middle-class Americans to sacrifice, then we have to ask corporations and the wealthiest Americans to share in that sacrifice.  We have to ask everyone to play their part.

Does that include Mr.Jeffrey Immelt? And Mr. Immelt’s corporation? Maybe GE could chip in a little something towards our deficit. Because last year they didn’t contribute anything at all, which seems odd since they made $5.1 billion just in the U. S.. You probably know that GE’s corporate slogan is “imagination at work,” butt what you probably don’t know is that it was their tax department that came up with it. And they’ve been using it ever since, apparently to good effect.

Because we are all part of the same country.

Really? Can you prove it? May I see your papers?

We are all in this together.

If by “all” you mean “you.”

So I’ve put things on the table that are important to me and to Democrats,

and I expect Republican leaders to do the same. 

Actually, I believe they have:

After all, we’ve worked together like that before.  Ronald Reagan worked with Tip O’Neill and Democrats to cut spending, raise revenues, and reform Social Security.  Bill Clinton worked with Newt Gingrich and Republicans to balance the budget and create surpluses.  Nobody ever got everything they wanted.  But they worked together.  And they moved this country forward.

Yes, butt Ronald Reagan and Bill Clinton learned how to play with others in kindergarten.

That kind of cooperation should be the least you expect from us – not the most you expect from us.  You work hard, you do what’s right, and you expect leaders who do the same.

No, not really. Not any more.

You sent us to Washington to do the tough things.

 

And they’re all tough

The right things.  Not just for some of us, but for all of us.  Not just what’s enough to get through the next election – but what’s right for the next generation.

You expect us to get this right.  To put America back on firm economic ground.  To forge a healthy, growing economy.  To create new jobs and rebuild the lives of the middle class.  And that’s what I’m committed to doing.

Thank you.

You’re welcome.

Stay tuned for future WTF messaging from your President.

(H/T SandraC)

Linked By: and DeniceVB on The Crawdad Hole, and, anonimalle on Godlike Productions, and sowsear1 on No Quarter, Thanks!