Bitch Stole My Look!®

So, another Golden Globe Awards show is in the can. I haven’t seen any of the movies or most of the TV shows (accept Homeland and Boss) that won, butt I’ve now reviewed all of the fashions. All I can say is if the screen offerings aren’t any more original than the frocks – and since the Best Movie award went to a throwback black and white silent film, The Artist,  I’m guessing they’re not - save your money.

The starlets all borrowed from the Lady M Look Book. To borrow Madonna’s phrase, their gowns were a bit reductive. That’s just the way it is when you’re a fashion icon.

Judge for yourself. I think they’re all rip-off artists.  

       

    Kathleen Robertson: hello! Been there, done that.

   

Viola Davis: trying to outdo us by flashing some leg. We save that look for daytime.

            

Jessica Alba, have you no shame?  

       

           Kate Beckinsale: This is just outrageous, right down to the jewelry.

              

Laura Linney: the pale one in royal blue

 

                      

            Stacy Keibler (aka “George Clooney’s Amazon date”) sports Lady M’s signature tomato tart red: and famous toned arms. 

                    

            Sofia Vegara – who won an award for “Modern Family” and gave her acceptance speech in Spanish. American Modern.      

                 

I don’t really know who this is, butt she had something to do with “The Artist.” Aren’t artists usually a little more creative?

Then of course there’s this: the dress selected – according to Sarah Michelle Gellar- by her 2 year old daughter. I’m afraid this choice proves she carries the DNA of her father, the late “Dark Knight” Heath Leger. (UPDATE: wrong baby daddy. Apologies to the little tyke who picked out Mom’s dress. HL is the BD of Michelle Williams 2 year old. Can we declare a moratorium on Michelle’s for awhile? Thanks for the catch Anonymouse.) Neo-Neocon thought the dress looked like Miss Scarlet was missing a few tie dyed sheets: butt if you look closely, you’ll see that Lady M was way ahead of the curve on this fashion trend too.

Sarah Michelle Gellar: butt let’s not kid ourselves, Lady M practically invented the ink splotch motif:

 

…only she chose classic black India ink.

Other trend stealers spotted on the runway: the weirdly androgynous Tilda Swinton soooo stole this look from Lady M:

not the androgyny, the hair:

               

Here’s a concept that looks equally good in black or white

Although an argument could be made that she actually stole the look from the Donald:

Also, I don’t want to overlook the honorees in some of the less glamorous categories that don’t command as much coverage. Here, for example, are the two finalists in the Premature-Aging category: Kelley Osborne, 27 and Lindsay Lohan, 25. Both would make good poster children for the War Against Drugs.

             

And the award for Best Preventative-aging: formaldehyde-preservation division (see here for proof) went, hands down, to Madonna: still lean, mean, material and self-absorbed. Aside from the lean part, she reminds me a lot of someone else around here.

I won’t repeat what Joan Rivers said about her frock, butt it involved an unnatural act between a disco ball and a bedspread. Madge’s dress is by Reem Acra, constructed out of chain maille and bottle green taffeta: again, two looks that Lady M has previously rocked, albeit not at the same time.

     

Two looks from back in ‘08, when we used to keep our mouth shut occasionally.

And then there’s the perennial worst dressed award.  It was awarded again, as it is perennially, to Meryl Streep who was stunned, as she is, perennially, that she won another Golden Globe. Then there was the Streep bleep: she said some naughty words when she realized she didn’t have her glasses and couldn’t read her speech. Wouldn’t you think an actress could memorize her speech? I mean, isn’t that what they pretty much do for a living?

Meryl takes the Golden Globe for her portrayal of Margaret Thatcher in The Iron Lady, wearing vintage Dale Evans

.

Meryl’s cowboy-inspired frock and Annie Oakley ponytail, combined with the skirt-bustle  appeared to be some kind of homage to a previous Americana fin de siècle. I don’t recall Lady M sporting this exact look butt I think she would like it. Margaret Thatcher on the other hand wouldn’t be caught dead in it.

And finally: the night’s Best Dressed award goes to Angelina Jolie, who you may recall visited the Big White just last week:

That’s Val-Jar she’s swapping campaign notes and fashion tips with

And here she is at the Golden Globes, looking well, FABULOUS!

Holly crap! Do you have any idea how hard it is to look that good in unforgiving white silk charmeuse? A perfect 10 except for the bar code tats and knobby knees.

“Know your Rights”? Right #1: You have the right to act stupidly.

Which explains a lot, if you think about it. So that’s it from Hollywood reporter for another year. Or at least until Sundance.

Kiss-kiss!

P.S.  I don’t want you to think I’m shirking my duties in order to dabble in the faux arts of Hollywood, I know Big Guy and Lady M spent all yesterday sacrificin’ in honor of Martin Luther King day, which has obviously been promoted from just a National Holiday to another National Day of Service. At the rate we’re going, soon Christmas will be a National Day of Service too.

Servicing the American people, one paint-by-number Dream and Scheme at a time. 

Linked By: American Digest, Thanks!

Mayday! Mayday! S.O.S. WTF?

Happy Martin Luther King Day.

I interrupt my regularly scheduled programming to bring you an update on the latest international maritime disaster: the sinking of a huge ship. It has been confirmed that there were American citizens aboard, but we don’t yet know which of the 57 states they are from.

The ship is on the shoals, half submerged and apparently slipping away: that’s entertaining?

In an unprecedented case of gross malfeasance, it appears that the Captain of the giant cruise ship, Costa Concordia, purposely ordered his crew to CHANGE course, in a maritime version of a fly-by for entertainment purposes:

“Questions also swirled about why the ship had navigated so close to the dangerous reefs and rocks that jut out off Giglio's eastern coast, amid suspicions the captain might have ventured too close while carrying out a maneuver to entertain tourists on the island."

As a result of steering the ship off-course, it unexpectedly hit a reef. (Captain Shettino insists these rocks where “uncharted” so most likely the result of sabotage, and additionally accused his helmsman of acting stupidly by getting too close to the uncharted rocks.) When the ship hit the reef it ripped a large, gapping hole in the hull of his ship, breaching its integrity. At this point the giant ocean-faring vessel started taking on ballast, listing dangerously portside (left); which is to say, it was sinking.

There are reports from passengers that during the initial stages of the emergency the Captain received numerous calls from the crew advising of the situation, yet he remained at his table in the state dining room conversing with guests, drinking wine and demanding that his crew maneuver the ship off the reef RIGHT AWAY! They continued to provide him with damage reports, even though it was clear that he just wanted to be left alone to eat his waffle.

An official mayday was not issued until much later, at which time the Captain had given up all HOPE of righting the ship. Due to there being more uncharted rocks in the reef than he knew about, the damage was greater than anticipated.  At that point, the breached hull had simply allowed too much water in and it was clear that all aboard were in imminent danger.

Experts are still analyzing the ship's black box, which has already revealed a one-hour lag between the time of the impact on the rocks at 9:45 p.m. local time Friday and the ship's alarm call to the coast guard at about 10:43 p.m. Investigators suspect Schettino tried to maneuver the ship before alerting coast guard, the Italian news outlet Ansa reported.

Meanwhile, passengers with a vantage point closer to the water line could clearly see the listing to port and some could even see the damage that had been inflicted. They knew that they were in danger and began insisting that the crew help them launch the lifeboats. The crew was confused, they were getting conflicting information and orders through the chain of command. At first they tried to persuade the passengers that they were in no danger despite all evidence to the contrary. But by now the damage was so severe and so obvious that the passengers were clinging, bitterly, to their life vests and religion. By the time the crew was officially enlisted to launch the lifeboats the giant ship was listing so far portside that it was no longer possible to deploy them.

Now there was complete panic amongst the passengers, many of whom seemed helpless as they had never contemplated such a scenario being possible on such a huge, stable ship. They simply couldn’t believe their ship was actually sinking right before their eyes!

As the inevitability of the situation became perfectly clear however, the Captain, who had been entrusted with the safety of his passengers and crew, abandoned ship ahead of many of the survivors. He insisted to the press that was not the case:

Schettino insisted he didn't leave the liner early, telling Mediaset television that he had done everything he could to save lives. "We were the last ones to leave the ship," he said.

The Captain’s veracity is called into question though, as 3 more people were rescued 2 days after he made that comment, and 16 people still unaccounted for. But as they say: “who ya gonna believe – me or your lyin’ eyes?”

When interviewed from the safety of the island that many passengers had managed to swim to, several stated that instead of booking passage on the cruise ship, they wished they had just taken the intercontinental railroad.

Seriously: can you ever imagine such a thing happening to an American ship? That’s simply not the way we act – that’s simply not who we are.

Miracle on the Hudson

“(Captain) Sullenberger walked the unflooded part of the passenger cabin twice to make sure everyone had evacuated before retrieving the plane's maintenance logbook and being the last to evacuate the aircraft.”

Ask yourself this next November: are you voting for someone more like Captain Sully, or someone more like Captain Shettino? The Ship of State is sending an S.O.S.. It requires a better response than “WTF”.

BO, George and Tiny Tim finally send an S.O.S. but it may be too late.Don’t worry, “We are on correct path comrades!”             H/T Vereteno

 

Regularly scheduled programming resumes tomorrow, including complete coverage of the Golden Globes.

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and DeniseVB on The Crawdad Hole, Thanks!

iFLOTUS, uBET’cha!

Wow! Lady M rocked the house last night at the BET Honors where she honored Maya Angelou.

“She lifts us out of our everyday lives, making us feel like we can do anything and go anywhere and be our boldest, realest, most brilliant and fabulous selves.”

Lady M, Miss Fabulosity, 2012

Obama stayed for the three-hour taping during which several acts had to be done over.

It’s possible that one of those “acts”  that needed a do-over was Lady M’s. Because here’s how the original BET post reports Lady M’s remarks:

“Maya Angelou teaches us that it’s not enough merely to seek greatness for ourselves. We must help others discover the greatness within ourselves,” the first lady added. (BET quote)

Butt here’s how the Chicago Tribune reports the same comment:

“It is not enough merely to seek greatness for ourselves, we must help others discover greatness within themselves.” (Chicago Tribune quote)

Thanks ChicaBO Tribune! Ourselves, themselves. Whatever. It’s really not about US anyway.

Miss Fabulosity, 2012; helping us discover “the greatness within ourselves”

Okay, Take 2:

“She lifts us out of our everyday lives, making us feel like we can do anything and go anywhere and be our boldest, realest, most brilliant and fabulous selves.

And at the same time she grounds us, wrapping us in her embrace, reminding us that we belong here, that each of us has a place in this world,” Obama said.

 

Miss Fabulosity, 2012; wrapping us in her embrace. What the “h” happened to the embargo?

“It is not enough merely to seek greatness for ourselves, we must help others discover greatness within themselves.

“We need to reach down and reach out, and give back and lift others.”

 

Looks like Mariah could use a “lift” – butt she’s makin’ you look good, gurl!

Maybe Lady M can help Mariah get a little lift by telling her about our super-secret NASA designed, industrial schtrength containment/ lifting systems. Of course if we told her, we’d have to shoot her, which might offend her dozens of fans. In an election year! WTF?

Anyway, here’s the takeaway from this, along with an invaluable little tip for public speaking: Always make your toast/remarks before cocktails. Three hours can be a long time, if you’re hammering back sipping Stoli.

Being the “realest” you is fine if you are trying to speak Ghetto rap. Butt as FLOTUS it’s probably best to settle for just being your boldest, most real, most brilliant and fabulous self.

  

Whoever that self may be.

And while I’m on the subject: I would also advise everybody to write any important emails before the cocktail hour too. Otherwise you might communicate more than you intend. Take Big Guy’s email about Lady M’s birthday for example:

Friend --
When you become president, one thing that happens overnight is that you and everyone you love get a bunch of new nicknames. (make that a “whole” bunch)

I was already pretty used to this. But "FLOTUS," short for First Lady of the United States, is really something else. (You’re telling ME?)

I'm writing because our FLOTUS, Michelle, turns 48 (you never, ever, ever reveal your wife’s age. I don’t care who you are.) on Tuesday, and I know I'm not her only fan out there. (In fact, in checking my roster, you’re not even an official member of the Lady M Fan Club yet)

Will you join me in wishing her a happy birthday?

…. I know she'd love to hear from you today:

http://my.barackobama.com/For-Michelle (Since this is the same as the link above, I take it Chicago rules apply? Should be use a different name each time we wish Lady M a Happy Birthday?)

Thanks for your support,
Barack

(P.S. For her Birthday, I got Lady M her very own Twitter account. I know she’ll be thrilled, butt nowhere near as thrilled as you all: follow @MichelleObama on Twitter.)

Lady M’s first Tweet ever, last October, as well as her first official MAC endorsement

Although 'This account will be managed by campaign staff, with any tweets from the First Lady herself signed "-mo."'
 

So look for those very special tweets from Lady M herself – they’re sure to be collector’s items.

Linked By: Best Snark Here on Weasel Zippers, Thanks!