MOTUS A.D.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Pretty in Pink. And Blue and Purple.

I really thought Lady M and Big Guy would be a little more excited about this historic event: the ground breaking for the new Smithsonian National Museum of African American History and Culture.

Maybe the Wons were surprised to see Laura Bush, at the ground breaking. After all, she’s not African. Or even Half-rican. And even though she is our last First Lady, she’s not FLOTUS any more, so it’s not really FAIR that Lady M had to share the stage.

On the other hand it was under George W’s watch that Congress finally authorized the creation and funding of the newest Smithsonian museum.

So maybe I’m misreading this body language.

Maybe the Wons were just still singing the Blues, from the night before.

Big Guy was asked to say a few inspirational words, and TOTUS was glad to oblige:

It should stand as proof that the most important things in life rarely come quickly or easily,” [ed. Say what? You don’t think Community Organizer to President of the United States in under a dozen years was quick enough?] Mr. Obama said of the $500 million museum under construction near 14th Street and Constitution Avenue Northwest on the National Mall. “It should remind us that although we have yet to reach the mountaintop, we cannot stop climbing.”

Which is an eloquent thought, of course. Butt I don’t get it: most people would consider becoming “leader of the free (for now)® world” as the proverbial pinnacle. Butt that’s just the way BO is – humble.

Mr. Obama didn’t refer directly to his role as the nation’s first black president, but he personalized the moment by saying he wants his daughters, Sasha and Malia, to understand the lessons that the museum will provide when it opens in 2015.

Although I think they’ve already learned the most important lesson of all: even a community organizer can grow up to be president in this great land of ours.

“If I can do it, you can too!”

I know you’re all curious about the lovely Peter Som frock worn under the ~~house~~ coat:

I know what you’re thinking, and I know she just came back from Asspen, butt it’s not one of those avalanche airbags you’ve been hearing about lately. You might remember it from last February at one of our “I Red heart the Military events hosted by MO and Dr. Jilly:

It’s nice to see Lady M still sportin’ the same look this year. Recycling during this ongoing economic ~~depression~~ ~~recession~~ blip is a good signal to send to the rest of the country:

This isn’t exactly what I had in mind when I said “We all need some skin in the game.”

Butt there’s more big news too: Lady M is going to be the “featured attraction” in house parties organized around the country by Big Guy’s WTF 2012 reelection campaign. We’re trying to boost Big Guy’s support among women voters(?!?). I’m not sure why, women positively luv BO!!!!

Any way, Lady M is serving as honorary chairwoman of “Women who Red heart Obama” and as part of her contractual 3 hours a day of sacrificin’ she’ll be delivering "a message just for us about the progress we're making together and the work ahead in the months to come," according to our latest email blast. So if you want to host a house party and want Lady M to phone it in, just drop us an email and we’ll make sure she makes a call to “get us fired up."

Oh, and did I mention: “The house parties also follow the Obama administration's rule to provide women who work for religious hospitals and universities access to free contraception through their health insurance.” I guess that means you’ll have to provide contraceptive coverage for anyone attending your house party.

And I’ve got another great idea for the house parties that I’m going to pass on to Jimmy Messina. I’m really excited about this: why don’t we just coordinate the “Women Red heart Obama” parties with a Mary Kay cosmetics party? That way we could really slap some lipstick on that pig in order to bring home the bacon! I think I’ve got gold here!!!!

And in the process, someone might even win a brand new pink Cadillac from Big Guy’s personal GM franchise!

The trademark soft pink Mary Kay Caddy: only available to top bundlers

Here’s how the MK Cadillac is described:

The Mary Kay Cadillacs even have a special Mary Kay emblem discretely located on the lower side of the front fender, behind the wheel well. The whole thing has a certain element of understated class.

Even the color.

Sure, it’s pink. But it’s a soft pink. A very feminine pink. Not feminine in the sense of gender. Feminine in the sense of someone who doesn’t feel guilty about liking herself and liking men almost as much.

I’m not sure what that last part means exactly: “Not feminine in the sense of gender. Feminine in the sense of someone who doesn’t feel guilty about liking herself” butt it sounds to me like its got Lady M’s name written all over it.

Butt I digress: back to the house parties. Wouldn’t it be fun to have one of Big Guy’s “Women Red heart Obama” house parties here?

H/T: Attercliffe

It’s the former home of Mary Kay founder herself, and yes! It’s on the market again! And it’s still done up – inside and out - in a very soft feminine pink: “feminine in the sense of someone who doesn’t feel guilty about liking herself.”

Heck! Maybe we could even hold a party right here at the Big “Pink”!

The “Big Pink” as we dressed it up in honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Week:

We know Lady M loves pink. And if she needs a new job when she’s done sacrificin’ for the American people, I think Mary Kay Cosmetics would be a perfect fit.

Linked By: Mommy Life, Thanks!

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

“The Thrill is Gone” - Laissez les bons temps rouler!

The Red White and Blues night in the Big White was totally awesome!

Big Guy explained how the Blues grew out of slavery and segregation, and reminded everybody that we’re celebrating Black History month.

And as we celebrate Black History Month, the blues reminds us that we’ve been through tougher times before -- that’s why I’m proud to have these artists here -- and not just as a fan, but also as the President. Because their music teaches us that when we find ourselves at a crossroads, we don’t shy away from our problems. We own them. We face up to them. We deal with them. We sing about them. We turn them into art.

It’s obvious that Big Guy’s administration has been singing the blues since they got here, and as a result have turned many a situation into “art.” In fact, I’ve heard a lot of people saying that Jay-Jay is a real “piece of work.” I’m sure they mean that in the artistic sense.

Although it does seem to be a bit deriviative

So did you hear who was here, singing the blues? Everybody who’s anybody, that’s who...butt not the Who. B.B.King – he sang “The Thrill is Gone.” I hope there was no subliminal message intended. And Jeff Beck, Keb Mo, “Trombone Shorty,” and Buddy Guy!

And then…the moment everyone had been waiting for: the atmosphere was electric. Light bulb The audience held their breath: waiting to hear the most famous set of pipes in the history of the recording business.

They cheered, they whistled, they cat-called! They held their breath, waiting for the world famous cock to take the stage! Butt before we got to hear Big Guy’s rendition of “Sweet Home Chicago,” we had to sit through Mick Jagger’s performances. He can still do the “Rooster Strut,” butt his singing proved that even a Rolling Stone can gather moss.

Mick rocks "I Can't Turn You Loose." More subliminal messaging?

Hoo-wee! That is one old cock!

Lady M and I gave Big Guy lists of our favorite Stone’s tunes to pass on to Mick ( or sing himself) and Big Guy had his own list too: (click to play any of them)

Lady M’s List:

Big Guy’s List:

MOTUS ’List:

Wow! Prescient song titles! It’s almost as if Mick was a prophet or something. As if he knew way back then about the second coming…of Carter.

And come on! I mean, seriously, the last time Jagger and the Stones were actually relevant was in the seventies, during the halcyon days of the Carter administration. You know -- the last time the misery index was miserably high and the “Voter’s Economic Well Being” index was miserably low -–

Ouch! That last tenth of a point really hurts

Butt let’s not dwell on negatives: let’s be - as Lady M advised the Women of Virginia Who Heart Obama – optimistic! And have a little fun around here. Because what’s more important than having a little fun? That’s right, winning! Butt aside from that, having fun is job number won around here.

So that’s exactly what we did last night, on Fat Tuesday.

Cheering on the Chicken Man

Butt the crowd demanded an encore, they were chanting “Buh-rock! Buh-rock! Buh-rock!” And then the magic moment everyone was HOPING for: BO grabbed the mic, and burst into a little song. Again.

This singing thing is starting to get out of hand. Al Green? OK, a bit of a stretch, butt marginally on key. Butt now this: “Sweet home Chicago?” Give. Me. A. Break. Apparently I’m in a minority on this though. Everyone else has been astounded by Big Guy’s pipes. Just like they’ve always been.

Anyway, yesterday wasn’t all just one big Mardi Gras party. First we had to do a little sacrificin’. Lady M met with Middle School student musicians from around the country who were invited to the Big White for a music clinic with some of the Blues singers and writers. She dedicated 9 minutes out of her very busy day to inspire them.

You can read the the whole transcript in less than 2 minutes if you want, butt I’ve extracted some of the key points for you.

I also checked the full text and counted 14 rhetorical “rights?” in Lady M’s 9 minute, uh, inspirational speech. It’s, like, one of Lady M’s signature motivational verbal tics. Right?

Some other inspirational excerpts.

MRS. OBAMA: Hey! (Applause.) You guys, rest yourselves. Welcome to the White House. (Laughter.) What do you think? (Applause.) Do you like our house?
AUDIENCE: Yes.
MRS. OBAMA: It's the State Dining Room; there's state dining that goes on here.

Which really impressed the kids.

MRS. OBAMA:…Well, we've invited you here at the White House because we want you to know that you all have a place here -- a place here at the White House. Yes, here. This is your spot. We want this house to truly be the people’s house. That's something that we say -- people say, this is the people's house. We just happen to occupy upstairs, but this belongs to everybody.

Then one of the upstairs occupiers wrapped it all up, due to other pressing duties:

So I say all this, it's because I want you all to believe that anything is possible for you all. That's one of the reasons we do this music series. That's why it is so important for me to open up these doors, to have you guys come from all over the country to sit in the same chairs that kings and queens and ambassadors and senators have sat in, right? They sit right in those chairs. And I want you all to hear from people who have struggled, who have worked, who built up careers and art forms for themselves.

…But ask some good questions. And remember that you're grooming to be the next greatest something, right? But it starts with believing that you can be there. And half of it is walking in these doors at the White House and sitting down here, and just being here, right? Just get comfortable here, right? Get comfortable with a little greatness. (Laughter.) See how it feels. Put it on. Wear it a little bit, right? Feels pretty good.

… So don't be afraid of hard work. Don't be afraid to fail a little bit. Don't be afraid to trip, stumble, make a fool out of yourself sometimes. Sometimes that's the best way to get to your goal, all right?
So I am thrilled to have you all here. Have fun. And I have to go to some meetings, okay? (Laughter.)
So with that I will turn it over to Bob. You all have fun. (Applause.)

Because having fun is important, right? Almost as important as winning, right? Right.

So as we find ourselves at the crossroads of “The Thrill is Gone” and “Sweet Home Chicago” I say “Laissez les bons temps rouler!”

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

The Snow Queen Cometh: Home

UPDATE:BLANK SPOTS (NOW OCCUPIED BY “CENSORED” PHOTO) IN THE POSTS ARE DUE TO THREATENING NOTIFICATION THAT I CANNOT DISPLAY ANY OF THE COPYRIGHTED PHOTOS TAKEN BY CHRIS COUNCIL IN THIS POST OR IN THE Getting All Off Piste POST. SO JUST USE YOUR IMAGINATION! THAT’S USUALLY BETTER ANYWAY. OR, CLICK HERE OR ON THE CENSORED PICS TO SEE THEM ON THE AP SITE!

I wake up this morning, and this is the first thing I see:

An InstaPundit reader in Aspen emails: “The Obamas are doing everything they can to be invisible in Aspen. If you didn’t know they were here, you wouldn’t know. It’s clear their press operation fears more of the Michelle Antoinette meme leaking out.” [ed. apparently “everything” now includes censoring bloggers who don’t appear to be on the team]

Well, here’s the thing: being invisible in Aspen is like being invisible at the Oscars. People don’t, as a rule come here to be invisible. And if you travel with an entourage of upwards of 75 people, a fleet of black Suburbans and three menacing black helicopter gunships overhead that makes the task even a bit more difficult. However, if part of that entourage is dedicated to sweeping the crowd for cameras and hand held phone-cams, is does help.

The one photographer who was allowed to take several stills of Lady M - as long as she was perpendicular and the final product was rotated in print to make the bunny hill appear almost treacherous.

Rotated shot, left; correct alignment, right h/t Daizie

You can see from the one shot though, just how good our “sweepers” are: it’s President’s Day weekend – the busiest ski weekend of the year – and Lady M has the terrain to herself. Seriously, even the A-listers don’t get that kind of treatment. Which of course highlights the fact that Lady M’s “press operation” has good reason to be concerned about “more of the Michelle Antoinette meme.” Even though I’ve noticed more of a “Lady M Snowball” meme this time out.

The Snow Queen goes globalThe Snow Queen is on a roll

snowball pics complements of MaryJaneAnklestraps via IOTW

I guess this isn’t as malicious as the “elitist Lady M” or Big Guy’s “angry black woman” meme, butt I don’t get it. And frankly, I think the “Michelle Antoinette” angle is more dignified and maybe, even a bit too lady like for Lady M.

The source told TheDC that the Obamas are there with their young children and two female friends of the first lady.

So what if MO brought along a couple of friends? After all, this is her “Me Time” on your dime.

There are a large number of Secret Service agents with them, and the Crowns have reportedly relocated to Little Nell Hotel until things quiet down.

The Crowns just want Lady M to feel like their house is her house: you know, like, “mi casa, MO casa.” Which she does;feel at home that is.

At lunchtime, the Obamas and their friends eat a private lunch at the Crown’s house and the instructors go to Bumps Restaurant. All meet up after.

Come on: who eats with the help these days?

In 2011, the Wall Street Journal named Aspen the “most expensive town in America.” As the real estate market around the country crashed and burned, Aspen was spared the financial trouble. At the time of publication, WSJ reported that, “The lowest-priced single-family home on the market in Aspen is listed for $559,000. It’s located in a trailer park.”

Certainly gives a whole new meaning to trailer trash.

The median price of homes in the town was $4.6 million — the highest in the country, putting it in front of “the Hamptons, Beverly Hills and Palm Beach.”

Click pic

This place would be perfect for a post-presidential seasonal residence (sleeps 4, currently available to rent for $7000/wk), except for all the white on white around here.

Well, anyway, don’t anyone get their panties in a bundle, we’re back in D.C. now, getting ready to do more sacrificin’ this afternoon and evening. As you know today is Fat Tuesday, Maundy Tuesday, or end of Mardi Gras. Butt since this event has obvious religious overtones, we’re celebrating, instead, Black History Month tonight with a live “Red, White and Blues” concert right here in the Big White! I suggested we call it “Red, White, Black and Blues” butt no one else seemed to like my idea.

So here’s a heads up: live streaming beginning with Lady M pandering to stu-dents this afternoon at 2:30 PM EST and the historic Blues celebration, including Big Guy’s remarks tonight at 7:15 PM EST. Otherwise you’ll just have to wait for it to air on one of our networks, PBS, at a later date.Check local listings.

We are so totally OFF AIR.

AND, AS IT TURNS OUT, NOT JUST OFF THE AIR, BUTT SWEPT OFF THE INNERTUBES. SO JUST PRETEND LADY M DIDN’T REALLY GO TO ASPEN AFTER ALL.

SORRY, I HAVE TO REPORT FOR REPROGRAMMING NOW AND WON’T BE BACK UNTIL THIS EVENING. PLEASE CARRYON WITHOUT ME.

Linked By DeniseVB on Newsbird, Thanks!

Monday, February 20, 2012

Food: For Thought

We didn’t talk about this last week, due to a heavy news overload, butt I’m sure you all saw the story about the confiscated turkey sandwich at West Hoke Elementary. Did you see, or get one of these memos?

h/t MP

You probably recognize the USDA meal guidelines requirements (Isn’t that an oxymoron?) as Lady M’s Food Plate:

Of course we have to update this emblem. To get rid of the “choose” part, as apparently in elementary school it’s now a mandate not a choice. Sort of like contraception I guess. We really don’t want to leave important decisions like this in the hands of, well, ordinary citizens who don’t have access to the kind of unfounded wisdom that Lady M and Super Chef Sam Kass have.

Also, this just in: I’ve been advised that allegations against MyPlate.gov (aka MiPlato.gov) are about to be alleged (PS: THIS IS SATIRE!). This is just a case of another fake controversy drummed up by some crazy new right wing blogger (this time at Occupy White House Videos).

Great, just what we need. Another controversy that’s going to immerse us in a copyright and patent infringement lawsuit right in the middle of our WTF campaign. BTW, this new blog is doing some great video work, so scamper on over and take a gander at Occupy White House Videos world premier!

Butt I digress: you remember Chef Kass don’t you – the Wons’ private chef in Chicago who came to the Big White with them to ensure that the rest of America eats right? He’s been involved in Lady M’s No Child’s Fat Behind right from its start.

Chef and Lady M doing the “rhubarb dance” at our second annual fertility Rite of Spring in the organic garden of good and evil (2010).

Sam and MO: Co-authors of the “eat your peas!” campaign

Inevitably, Sam has become a minor celebrity due to his promotion from personal chef to Senior Policy Advisor for Healthy Food Initiatives and Chief Propagandist (as reported by Dewey).

Such a big title requires a suit

In his official capacity, Chef Sam travels the country, promoting Lady M’s healthy eating and exercise programs:

Chef Sam tries to explain to the audience on Top Chef why Austin has spit out all of the healthy food he tried; mom looks on in embarrassed silence.

Sam was reportedly the key figure in helping Lady M launch her Salad-Bar-A-Rama and may or may not be the principal behind the launching of the new, healthy McDonald’s Unhappy Meal.

The New Mad McMitch Meal h/t Clarice

What I do know for a fact is that - while Lady M provides the brawn behind the No Child’s Fat Behind program, Chef Sam is the brain.

The Brawn speaks for itself; butt how smart do you have to be to get interviewed by elite Atlantic magazine Sr. Editor Corby Kummer?

You can really tell who’s in charge by this exchange last week, as reported in the San Francisco Chronicle:

Kass has traveled the country to promote Michelle Obama's eat-right-and-exercise-more message, demonstrating along the way the pivotal role that he's come to play in helping establish policies that affect what millions of school kids consume each day and in trying to influence the American diet.

When Mrs. Obama was asked during a recent interview what was next for her "Let's Move" initiative, she quickly passed the question to Kass.

"What you got?" she demanded.

"We've got stuff," he promised her. "You're going to be busy."

Oh yeah babe! We’ve got “stuff.”

Lobster, check, champagne, check, caviar,check, sushi, check, rack of lamb, check…

Chef Sam, like Lady M herself, is multi-faceted. he went from being one of People magazine's "most beautiful" People in 2009 to Fast Company's "most creative people in business" list in 2011. So don’t tell me he’s just a Food Icon.

One minute he's demonstrating how to make turkey lasagna with spinach on morning TV or chatting with Elmo about healthy school lunches, and the next he's discussing new standards to improve meals on military bases or working with Wal-Mart to reduce the sodium content in packaged foods.

"We're seeing real changes, both big and small, happening all over the country, and incredible partnerships and people stepping up in ways that we just never could have foreseen,"

New Olive Garden Meal

Tom Colicchio, New York restaurateur and co-host of Bravo's "Top Chef," says Kass' passion for healthy eating and knowledge of the issue make him a natural for his dual role.

"He knows this stuff inside out," Colicchio said. "It's not him latching on to some trend. He's taken the time to learn it and understand it.

Indeed, he’s taken the time to learn and understand how things work around here. And while he’s latched onto something, it’s definitely not the “trend.”

And one last item:

Now that I’m officially Occupying the Truth, I want to put the kibosh on yet another soon to be raging controversy: Lady M’s historic 16th vacation of our Occupation. According to a Glen “Instapundit” Reynolds report, Ann Althouse has opined that “You’d think with her husband’s reelection on the line, Michelle Obama would not go on another vacation.” Not an unreasonable opinion, if our historic reelection wasn’t in the bag, which it is. Just ask Bagdad Bob Gibbs.

Butt the bigger controversy is in Ann’s later statement, “You'd think they'd rein her in... or at least moderate the optics. What's going on? Are they super-confident of victory in November? Counting on our short memories? Or is getting Michelle away from the White House a big priority? ” No need to discuss the silliness of the second part: “or at least moderate the optics” since that’s MY job. Butt let’s deconstruct the rest of the statement and take the questions won by won:

Super-confident of victory? Duh!
Counting on our short memories? Duh again!
Getting Lady M out of Big White a high priority? Bwahahahah...yes.

I’m sure that everybody here knows the real reason Lady M can vacation and spend your money lavishly without restraint. Butt in case there’s any doubt, you can just ask “former” senior White House officials like Rahm Emanuel, David Axelrod and Robert Gibbs

[rahm%2520gibbs%2520axelrod%255B8%255D.jpg]

what happens when you fall out of Lady M’s benevolent graces.

Still not sure? Ok, I know it’s mean, butt Big Guy started it, so let me be blunt: that’s where the brawn trumps the brains. Bring it, sucka!

“But that’s been ... me since, you know, the day Barack announced, that I’m some angry black woman.”

h/t: clarice

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Getting all Off Piste

UPDATE: BLANK SPOTS (NOW OCCUPIED BY “CENSORED” PHOTO) IN THE POSTS ARE DUE TO THREATENING NOTIFICATION THAT I CANNOT DISPLAY ANY OF THE COPYRIGHTED PHOTOS TAKEN BY CHRIS COUNCIL HERE OR IN THE Snow Queen Cometh: Home POST. SO JUST USE YOUR IMAGINATION! THAT’S USUALLY BETTER ANYWAY. OR, CLICK HERE OR ON THE CENSORED PICS TO SEE THEM ON THE AP SITE!

An InstaPundit reader in Aspen emails: “The Obamas are doing everything they can to be invisible in Aspen. If you didn’t know they were here, you wouldn’t know. It’s clear their press operation fears more of the Michelle Antoinette meme leaking out.” [ed. apparently “everything” now includes censoring bloggers who don’t appear to be on the team]

Leave it to the Daily Mail to find a way to sneak around our photo embargo and do the work our own MSM was too busy to do (covering Whitney’s funeral). Here they report on Lady M’s skiing ability:

(CENSORED AP photos can be seen here or click on the former images)

That’s a nice wedgie! Lady M is a natural at keeping her feet apart!

Once we learn how to control that center of gravity, it will be straight downhill!

And our own Granny Jan got ~~an exclusive~~ CENSORED!

We’re starting out on some gentle terrain, and later today will be moving on to the off piste jumping. (However, the photo embargo will be stringently enforced for the rest of the trip, to protect the rest of the skiers. From the photographers.) By then we will have worked up quite an appetite for the post lunch après ski pre dinner snack.

You maybe expected Big Guy to join us yesterday as Air Force Won flew right over Colorado on it’s way back from the California gold rush. Butt alas! Washington calls.

Bo’s new body bag man packs up

Plus, Big Guy thought he might have picked up a cold on his hectic West Coast trip where he managed to jam in about a gazillion fundraisers along with his many official appearances.

Dancin’ with the SS

The last leg of the trip included a visit to the Boeing plant in Seattle where they build the original Dreamliner:

No, I mean the 787:

You’re kidding!? You cram how many seats in here?

He spoke to the troops, praising them and their co-workers in the South Carolina factory his NLRB nearly closed down ( by accident or something) a couple of months ago. He told them that he was there “to sell stuff.” Which I think was pretty obvious.

Don’t get sucked into that big dark hole

Then it was on to Medina, WA. In the rain.

We haven’t seen our Morton Salt President for quite awhile

Butt when it rains, it still pours around here.

Here at an “unscheduled” stop, Big Guy totally knocks Medina Elementary School principal Beth Hamilton off her feet. So don’t tell me America’s not still in love with the Won.