The Mating Dance: BO’s UAW Speech, Deconstructed

Even USA Today has noticed that Big Guy’s public appearances are morphing into campaign speeches.

The Shadow Speech Speaker

In his remarks yesterday to the United Auto Workers, Obama discussed the rescue of the car industry while taking more than a few shots at Republican opponent Mitt Romney -- though aides later insisted it was not a campaign speech.

So that’s that, it was not a campaign speech. Just a little “I loves me some UAW” kind of speech. Allow me to deconstruct:

It is always an honor to spend time with folks who represent the working men and women of America.

Let’s HOPE they don’t:  Union workers busted for drinking and toking on break

 

It’s unions like yours that fought for jobs and opportunity for generations of American workers… It's unions like yours that forged the American middle class -- that great engine of prosperity, the greatest that the world has ever known.

How’s that Union representation working out for you, Detroit?

So you guys helped to write the American story.  And today, you’re busy writing a proud new chapter.

Abandoned auto factory in Detroit: end of the assembly line

 

Take a minute and think about what you and the workers and the families that you represent have fought through.  A few years ago, nearly one in five autoworkers were handed a pink slip -- one in five.  Four hundred thousand jobs across this industry vanished the year before I took office. [ed. 1.7 million net jobs lost in America since then, butt we’re no longer counting]  And then as the financial crisis hit with its full force, America faced a hard and once unimaginable reality, that two of the Big 3 automakers  -- GM and Chrysler -- were on the brink of liquidation.

So instead of letting them go into regular bankruptcy where everyone is forced to play by the same rules, Big Guy arranged a bailout in exchange for a structured bankruptcy, where the UAW got a fair shake (bond holders, not so much, butt then they’re the fat cats, right?)  And it only cost taxpayers $23.6 billion, so far.

So we could have kept giving billions of dollars of taxpayer dollars to automakers without demanding the real changes or accountability in return that were needed

Autographed Chevy Volt: “This isn’t the car we wanted to build, it’s the car America had to build …” Big Guy said so.

But that wouldn’t have solved anything in the long term.  Sooner or later we would have run out of money.[ed. Didn’t Lady Thatcher make that same observation once?] We could have just kicked the problem down the road.  The other option was to do absolutely nothing and let these companies fail.  And you will recall there were some politicians who said we should do that.

You remember that?  (Applause.)  You know.  (Laughter.)  Think about what that choice would have meant for this country, if we had turned our backs on you, if America had thrown in the towel, if GM and Chrysler had gone under.  The suppliers, the distributors that get their business from these companies, they would have died off.

Then even Ford could have gone down as well.  Production shut down.  Factories shuttered.  Once-proud companies chopped up and sold off for scraps. 

I’m sure glad that didn’t happen

More than one million Americans across the country would have lost their jobs in the middle of the worst economic crisis since the Great Depression.

Like I said, I’m sure glad that didn’t happen

Their livelihoods were at stake as well.

These jobs are worth more than just a paycheck.  They’re a source of pride.  They’re a ticket to a middle-class life that make it possible for you to own a home and raise kids and maybe send them -- yes -- to college.  (Applause.)  Give you a chance to retire with some dignity and some respect.  These companies are worth more than just the cars they build.  They’re a symbol of American innovation and know-how.

They're the source of our manufacturing might.  If that’s not worth fighting for, what's worth fighting for?  [ed. The Constitution?]

So, no, we were not going to take a knee and do nothing.  We were not going to give up on your jobs and your families and your communities.  So in exchange for help, we demanded responsibility.  We said to the auto industry, you're going to have to truly change, not just pretend like you're changing.

Big Guy squeezes into the car that “America had to build”

We got the industry to retool and restructure, and everybody involved made sacrifices.[ed. butt some made bigger sacrifices than others]  Everybody had some skin in the game.  And it wasn’t popular.  And it wasn’t what I ran for President to do.  That wasn’t originally what I thought I was going to be doing as President.  (Laughter.)  But you know what, I did run to make the tough calls and do the right things --

Yeah, give me the Giants in the Super Bowl, even up

And I want you to know, you know why I knew this rescue would succeed?

AUDIENCE MEMBER:  How did you do it?  (Laughter.)

THE PRESIDENT:  You want to know?  It wasn’t because of anything the government did.[ed. It never is]  It wasn’t just because of anything management did.[ed. especially after we changed all the management.]  It was because I believed in you.  I placed my bet on the American worker.  (Applause.)  And I’ll make that bet any day of the week.  (Applause.)

Yeah, Nancy, put me in for $89 billion on the UAW

And now, three years later -- three years later, that bet is paying off -- not just paying off for you, it’s paying off for America.  Three years later, the American auto industry is back. (Applause.)  GM is back on top as the number-one automaker in the world  --

Apparently that’s “#1” using Government math:

GM! Yay! We’re number… uh…12?

All told, the entire industry has added more than 200,000 new jobs over the past two and a half years -- 200,000 new jobs. And here’s the best part -- you’re not just building cars again; you’re building better cars. [ed. Again, using government standards.] (Applause.)

 

Thanks to the bipartisan trade agreement I signed into law  -- with you in mind, working with you -- there will soon be new cars in the streets of South Korea imported from Detroit and from Toledo and from Chicago. [ed. Since they won’t buy them in Detroit, Toledo or Chicago.] (Applause.)

And today -- I talked about this at the State of the Union, we are doing it today -- I am creating a Trade Enforcement Unit that will bring the full resources of the federal government to bear on investigations,[ed. Yay! Another Federal Agency! And Czar!] and we're going to counter any unfair trading practices around the world, including by countries like China.  (Applause.)  America has the best workers in the world.  When the playing field is level, nobody will beat us.  And we're going to make sure that playing field is level.  (Applause.)

I’ll just bow over until we’re level

Because America always wins when the playing field is level. And because everyone came together and worked together, the most high-tech, fuel-efficient, good-looking cars in the world are once again designed and engineered and forged and built -- not in Europe, not in Asia -- right here in the United States of America.  (Applause.)

Consumer’s Report #1 car: Subaru Impreza

 

I’ve seen it at GM’s Lordstown plant in Ohio -- (applause)  -- where workers got their jobs back to build the Chevy Cobalt, and at GM’s Hamtramck plant in Detroit -- (applause) -- where I got to get inside a brand-new Chevy Volt fresh off the line -- even though Secret Service wouldn’t let me drive it.  (Laughter.) But I liked sitting in it.  (Laughter.)  It was nice.  I'll bet it drives real good.  (Laughter.)  And five years from now when I’m not President anymore, I’ll buy one and drive it myself. [ed. we’ll probably still have that one you autographed] (Applause.)  Yes, that's right

And then there was room for a little bit of class warfare:

Or you've got folks saying, well, the real problem is -- what we really disagreed with was the workers, they all made out like bandits -- that saving the auto industry was just about paying back the unions.  Really?  (Laughter.)  I mean, even by the standards of this town, that’s a load of you know what.  (Laughter.)

And we all know it takes a big pile of you know what to produce these apples

…before we got around to talking about “values.”

Let me tell you, I keep on hearing these same folks talk about values all the time.  You want to talk about values?  Hard work -- that’s a value. 

Bo, workin’ it – hard. It’s a value.

 Looking out for one another -- that’s a value. 

 

Bibe Netanyahu, friendless in Washington 

The idea that we're all in it together, and I'm my brother's keeper and sister's keeper -- that’s a value. 

George Obama, homeless in Kenya; that’s a value

Butt let’s stick with class warfare:

They think the best way to help families afford health care is to roll back the reforms we passed that’s already lowering costs for millions of Americans.  (Applause.) 

Oh oh! How’s that lower premium stuff working out for you?

They want to go back to the days when insurance companies could deny your coverage or jack up your rates whenever and however they pleased.

Oh oh, again! Big Guy isn’t cutting healthcare benefits for active duty and retired US military is he? While leaving unionized civilian defense workers untouched. Is he?

 

They think we should keep cutting taxes for those at the very top, for people like me, even though we don’t need it, just so they can keep paying lower tax rates than their secretaries.

Big Guy’s secretary just finds out she’s paying more in taxes than her boss

So here’s a question for you: How does GM’s tax rate today compare to Warren Buffet’s secretary? I think Big Guy should look into that. Right Away! Because we can’t wait!

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, Thanks!

America Built to be Last: the NEA Edition

Hee, hee! No, silly. Lady M and Dr. Jilly aren’t at the  local Laundromat. They’re getting ready to make their entrance to the State Dining Room to address the National Governors Association.

As part of their “Joining Forces” program (second only to No Child’s Fat Behind) Lady M told the NGA that their states have way too much red tape that’s preventing many credentialed, qualified military spouses from getting licenses and hence jobs when they relocate. Imagine that: too much government red tape! Who knew?

She implored them (and their First Ladies) to find a way to get around all that darn red tape! Something business owners everywhere have been trying to do for years. 

Some people have been imploring Big Guy too, asking him to find a way around all the red tape that someone put in place (his Energy Department and EPA, I think) and open up oil drilling in the Gulf of Mexico, ANWR and on Federal lands in the western states. And to order his secretary, Hillary, to approve construction of the Keystone pipeline. Butt apparently cutting red tape isn’t as easy as it sounds.

Say, I’ve got an idea! Even though that Mad Hatter thing didn’t work out, maybe there’s a role in Big Guy’s Administration for Johnny Depp after all:

The New Red Tape Cutting Czar

Other news from the NGA meeting: Big Guy talked to the Govs too. He told them they aren’t spending enough money on education. (translation: “you’re not spending enough money on teachers and Pell grants)

So in order to achieve our new America Built to be Last, we need to spend more money. That should be easy enough. For the record, the NEA (national education association, if you’re still into irony) is behind this 100%.

Trust me, I know something about trying to deal with tight budgets.[ed. we’ll have to take that on trust.] We’ve all faced some stark choices over the past several years.  But that is no excuse to lose sight of what matters most.  And the fact is that too many states are making cuts to education that I believe are simply too big.

Nothing more clearly signals what you value as a state than the decisions you make about where to invest.  Budgets are about choices.  So today I’m calling on all of you:  Invest more in education.  Invest more in our children and in our future.  That does not mean you’ve got to invest in things that aren’t working.  That doesn’t mean that it doesn’t make sense to break some china and move aggressively on reform. But the fact of the matter is we don’t have to choose between resources and reform; we need resources and reform.

Now, there are two areas in education that demand our immediate focus.  First, we’ve just got to get more teachers into our classrooms.

Ah yes, reform away; as long as it doesn’t require replacing classroom teachers with on-line instruction - or anything revolutionary like that.

And despite telling the Govs that education is the responsibility of their States:

I believe education is an issue that is best addressed at the state level.

he then tells them that he’s from the federal government, and he’s there to help (with our money):

Now, we want to help you everyplace that we can.  At the federal level, we’ve already provided billions of dollars in funding to help keep hundreds of thousands of teachers in the classroom.[ed. this is an important point]  And a cornerstone of the jobs plan that I put forward in September -- a chunk of which has gotten done, but a chunk of which remains undone -- was to provide even more funding, so that you could prevent further layoffs and rehire teachers that had lost their jobs. [because that’s really important]

And then he went on to explain why we need more money to give stew-dents more grants to go to college, in order to give them a fair shot at paying their fair share. (No mention that more grants and easy access to loans is exactly what’s keeping college tuition so ridiculously high that it’s “outside of most people’s reach.” Although high tuition does allow colleges to continue to employ - with really good wages and benefits – all those professors and administrators who keep these liberal diploma mills running: a key factor in ensuring an America Built to be Last.)

Bill Ayers: father of Teaching for Social Justice

Anyway, Lady M is so totally on board with Big Guy’s education agenda. Earlier, she told stew-dents that Buh-rock had spent more money on them then anyone in the entire history of the universe; doubling Pell grants so they don’t have to work while working hard on their Gender Studies degrees. And she reminded them that both she and Big Guy stay up night, worrying about them. Just like their parents.

According to the First Lady, the President constantly stays up late thinking about “folks who desperately want to attend college but can’t afford it.”  He and the First Lady both respond the same way: “We gotta fix that.”

The Pell Grant and college affordability story seems to have become a favorite tale of the President, the First Lady, and the President’s reelection team.  It came up at a recent speech in Michigan, at the State of the Union, in a speech in Virginia, and in the President’s budget.

According to our polling, Pell Grants are a clear winner, so expect to hear a lot more about them as we fan out to raise more money keep the HOPE alive. A lot.

Below, Lady M is auditioning for the Scissorhands Czarina position: apparently we’ve heard back from Johnny Depp and he has previous commitments in France for the next 5 years.

Michelle Scissorhands: Slicing, dicing and redistributing the wealth one Pell Grant at a time.

Don’t tell anyone, but the inside is still blank. Architects with any ideas can forward them to our WTF 2012 headquarters.

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and Sue on JustOneMinute, Thanks!

If Governors Govern, what do Dictators do?

I know, I know. I expected Miss Piggy at our Governor’s Ball last night too. Butt as it turned out there was a competing Governor’s Ball being held in Hollywood at the same time, and like many of our other Big White frequent glitterati guests from the past, she opted to attend their party instead of ours.

 Miss Piggy – with Kermit – in her box at the Oscars last night.

So that does it: as I told you yesterday, we are sooo rescheduling next year’s Governor’s Ball. And yes, we do plan on Occupying the Big White next February so let’s not even go there. Butt I tell you what: here are a few of our former BHFF (Best Hollywood Friends Forever) who are no longer welcome here.

       

Chris Rock, Brangelina, George Clooney (who brought along his own golden statuette) Meryl(who is her own golden statue), Jaylo (“whoops! my hooter popped out”), Gwyneth (anorexia anyone?) and Tom Hanks. See if any of you ever get invited to the Big White again!)

Although we might make an exception for the lovely Angelina, as she did demonstrate a  homage to Lady M’s style last night:

  

Glam gams: if you’ve got 'em, flaunt 'em ladies.

Butt getting back to our fickle FBHFF: I can’t really blame them for blowing us off. Wolfgang’s menu was actually far more appealing: especially the chocolate statuettes.

While Wolfie was serving up tasty treats :

“guests dined on offerings by Governors Ball veteran chef Wolfgang Puck, including crab cakes, pork belly dumplings, lobster tacos, potato latkes, slow-braised short ribs with polenta, macaroni and cheese, and golden candy apples,”

Lady M and Chef Comfy served our Governors a rather austere dinner, by Big White standards: 

First
South Lawn Kitchen Garden Salad
Entree
Rib Eye Steak
Creamed spinach
Maryland crab Macaroni & cheese
Dessert
Pear tart
with Ice Cream

Yikes! What’s going on here? No appetizer? Weeds from the organic garden of good and evil as a first course? No lobster?!?  Sure the steak was nice, albeit small, butt I have it on good authority that our “creamed spinach” didn’t even have any real cream in it! And the crab mac and cheese – not enough to feed a church mouse. And the “ice cream” with the dessert? Not even a full tablespoon per guest – and it was made with yogurt.

What’s going on here?

I’m sorry to report that the vast Right-wing conspiracy is finally getting to us. And it’s not just the “why doesn’t Lady M practice what she preaches about eating” thing.

Other than for photo ops

It’s the whole Right-wing blogger meme about  “Big White excess in the middle of an economic ‘recession’” thing. Although honestly, I don’t know where they get this.

The handlers have finally insisted that we start paying a little attention to the optics.  Although this seems an odd time to start pretending that we’re cutting back: now that Big Guy’s telling everyone how great the economy’s doing since he managed to get that payroll tax cut passed. Nevertheless word is, until further notice, all publically released information regarding our official dinners will be more, uh, MiPlato friendly.

Fortunately, the economy has improved enough for Lady M to get a new bedazzled frock for the Governor’s ball that she’ll only wear once.

This stunning gown would have been equally at home at the Oscars: a lovely one-shouldered tulle and silk bisque-colored gown covered in beadwork. And very special ear jewels – unclear on whether we have to give them back or not. Those ethic rules are really confusing.

 

“And the Oscar for “best actress in a supporting role as the “angriest black woman in America” goes to…”

Oh - and for our after dinner entertainment? Dianne Reeves. Don’t get me wrong: she’s got some great jazz pipes, butt let’s face it, she’s not exactly an A-lister any more either. And her stylin’ was not exactly conducive to the Conga line that Lady M and Big Guy led at the 3 previous Governor’s Ball. Wolfie had Tony Bennett at his ball. So scratch him from any future invitation list too.

Just like in Hollywood, Big Guy used a recycled  speech last night, delivering the exact same line he’s used at all 3 previous Balls: “But you're also in a position to make real and lasting change every single day. You're where the rubber hits the road.” (Click here If you’d rather see where the Rubber Meets the Load – warning, possible spew alert)

Meanwhile, post Oscar reviews on the left coast Governor’s Ball seem to indicate that their party sort of stunk too: a bunch of old recycled hosts handing out statuettes to a bunch of old recycled movies (The Artist? Are you kidding me? They haven’t given an Oscar to a silent movie since 1929 – the beginning of the last Great Depression.). Well, what to you expect after 85 years? It’s sort of like the Constitution, you know? Sometimes you just have to reinvent yourself.

Maybe as a dictator:

Admiral General Aladeen from the film "The Dictator" arrives on the Red Carpet: hijinks ensue

Other than that the left-coast event was populated mostly by comedians who used to be funny(Billy Crystal, Robert Downey Jr., Ben Stiller, Chris Rock, Will Farrell), actresses who used to be hot ( Meryl, Gwyneth, Sandra, Cameron) and sluts who used to be ...well, ok, I guess they’re still slutty:

“Bridesmaids” co-stars, keeping things classy on the stage

I’m not sure how helpful it would be, butt I think it would be interesting if Rasmussen or Gallup would do a poll to determine who has a higher favorability rating: Washington or Hollywood? I guess it would be more of a “who do you loath least” poll. If it turns out that Washington is the biggest loser, I think the Republicans should consider running George Clooney as their candidate. He’s got good hair, can learn his lines so he won’t sound like a moron if TOTUS suddenly goes AWOL, can switch roles as the situation requires and will say anything if you pay him enough.

Perfect.

ASSumptions and the Irony of TRUTH

I’m really busy getting ready for our big party later today. No, silly, not the NASCAR Daytona 500. Lady M had enough of the Ricky Bobby crowd to last a lifetime last summer.

Yes. You’re seeing right. A human American Flag! Made up of fans!

Get me the %#@# out of here Buh-rock! Now! I mean it!!

And no, I’m not talking about our Oscar party either. We have to defer that to Monday night when we watch Joan Rivers’ Fashion Police review of the Red Carpet hit’s and misses. Tonight we’ll be doing more sacrificin’ – we’re throwing our annual Governor’s Ball.

                 

Past Governor’s Balls: we always go glam

I’ll do my best, butt there’s usually a photo embargo at this event. This is to prevent any images of Big Guy and Lady M schmoozing with unacceptable R-word Governors being released to our base.

Q: When is it appropriate to point your finger? A: When you are the Won. And you’re PO’d

And did you see what that snotty Governor Brewer did? She snubbed us before we could snub her - again. That’s going to cost her: it’s her third strike.

" “A firm hand on the shoulder indicates to the touchee that you are in charge. This is a good way to deliver the message that ‘you are a subordinate: a little person’ and will encourage them to fall in line.”

Anyway, ASSuming we’re still here next year this time - and everyone around here is making that ASSumption – we’ll need to reschedule the Governor’s Ball so it doesn’t conflict with the Oscars. We have it on good authority that the new movie (currently being made) about the wondrous Won will be a winner next year. Lady M and Big Guy will have to attend, of course, to pick up their Oscars. It’s a shoo-in since we tapped Davis Guggenheim, the director of AlGore’s enormously popular An Inconvenient Truth. The working title for the sequel is An Inconvenient Polling Booth which we’re hoping will be enormously popular too.

The campaign paid more than $160,000 for the film, which is less than 30 minutes long and set to be released in the coming weeks, Goldman reports.

Guggenheim has worked for Obama before, directing a 30-minute ad than ran just before his 2008 election and a biographical clip for the Democratic National Convention that year.

Boy, I would think that with an additional 3 1/2 years of facts to work with, we could at least produce a feature length film. I know money’s no object so I can’t imagine what the problem is.

Anyway, like Guggie’s previous 2 winners, the Algorical  and the WON’s 2008 campaign film, this one will be a fantasy documentary too.

Now, one last exciting bit of news before I have to run to polish the silverware for dinner: yesterday’s discussion about our new Irony Czar got my creative juices flowing, and I revised my MOTUS Truth Team badge to get onboard with our newest sub-text: “isn’t it ironic.” What do you think?

(any similarity between MOTUS’ emblem and Hitler’s SchutzStaffel is purely ironic)

The new badge incorporates our official “SS” theme (See Something, Say Something), only in a much more ironic way.

A few of the currently proposed “irony symbols” for international use

Butt wait, there’s more! Because PortiaElizabeth asked, Little Mo & Little Bo have restocked the shelves of my little boutique with tons of new merchandise sporting the new emblem. Don’t tell Big Guy because my products are not manufactured by any of his bundlers.

Oh, and if you don’t “See Something” you want, “Say Something” and Little Mo will see if my elves can make it for you!

Here’s a sample:

The totebag would be a nice addition to your “save-the-earth by not using plastic bags at the grocery store collection”, or you can simply use it to irritate people at Whole Foods. Pull it over your head when you’ve managed to really honk them off (h/t NBK), butt remember to cut eyeholes: safety first!

Also, please remember: when you See Something (“SS”), report to the MOTUS Truth Team HQ and Say Something (“SS”). Here at the Won and only official WTF Truther site, we’re still taking names and kicking ASSets. I ASSume you’re all onboard.