Crouching Tigers, Hidden Dragons

The excitement was palpable:

Lady M arrives in the Garden of Good and Evil

As is our practice, we imported kids for the annual planting party and since this is our last year to plant the seeds to WTF, this time we imported most of them from key swing states.

And no, before you ask, the Wee Wons were not in attendance; they have their own school field trips – to Brazil, I think, to observe the annual sugar cane harvest being converted into alternate fuel.

It’s a science project

Or maybe they’re going to Turkey, to get a few pointers from President Erdogan’s daughters on proper dress (that they don’t seem to be getting from their own Mom).

 Sumeyye Erdogan demonstrates how to properly greet Bono, covered head to foot

When Big Guy met with his BTFF a few days ago to discuss Syria and Iran they also discussed the Wee Wons.

“The bottom line is that we find ourselves in frequent agreement upon a wide range of issues… [and] because he has two daughters that are a little older [ed. 17 and 19 years older, to be exact] than mine — they’ve turned out very well, so I’m always interested in his perspective on raising girls.”

Barry Rubin, an expert on Turkish politics, was a bit more circumspect about the conversation: 

By openly acknowledging Erdogan’s advice on child-rearing, Obama “didn’t realize what he’s saying,” said Barry Rubin.

Obama likely made the error, Rubin said, “because he is so unselfconscious and is not used to having to think through his remarks.”

A wink and a player

Still, “it is shocking that [Obama suggests] he takes child-raising advice from a radical Islamist,” whose wife dresses in black cloaks or tight headscarves when traveling in the West, said Rubin.

Overall, the White House statement about the meeting “goes beyond polite praise and good manners and practically slobbers over a repressive, pro-Iran leader whose hatred for Israel is literally hysterical,” said Rubin.

Sheeze, who’s being hysterical now?

Besides, Erodogon’s eldest daughter is a great role model for the Wee Won’s, she’s already graduated college:

Sumeyye and her proud Mom

and is planning a political career with the help and coaching of her father, and any future husband, who will have help guiding her career with the help of this essential book:

Finally, a book on the proper keeping and beating of your wife

Butt I digress: back to the garden party: our imported props students helped Lady M plant potatoes, spinach, broccoli, carrots, radishes, onions and mustard. Mmm, mmm, mmm!

Oh good! This year we got enough mustard greens!

For the occasion we chose casual stretchy (because of all the crouching and bending) capris, a J Crew paisley tone on tone tee, one of our signature mini-me-cardis and our blue suede sneakers.

If it’s Keds, you know it must be the election season. Previous garden events featured Jimmy Choos:

           

…and Tory Burches:

Lady M kicked off the planting party with a few inspirational words:

MRS. OBAMA: Well, I don’t know if you know, one of the reasons why we plant the garden is that it's an important way to have a good conversation about your health. [ed. why else would you plant a garden?] Because one of the things that I've been trying to do as First Lady is work on an initiative that I call Let’s Move.  Have you guys heard about Let’s Move?

AUDIENCE: Yes!

MRS. OBAMA:  And what’s it all about, Let’s Move?  All right just yell it out -- exercise, good eating, getting healthy.  That’s right, because we guys want you to grow up healthy.  And the garden is a good way to start the conversation, because vegetables and fruits are a big part of a healthy diet.

And by “we guys” she means the US government.

Sadly, though, no “rhubarb dance” for this year’s Rites of Spring.

Chef Sammy and Lady M lead the children in the “Rhubarb Dance” during the Rites of Spring in the 2010 planting

Some voters wrote to Lady M, complaining about it being a pagan ritual and, as I mentioned, it’s an election year so we nixed the dance this year in favor of something a little less controversial:

We switched back to a tree worship ceremony, a more mainstream practice in the secular church of Global Warming.

We get down and dirty with our signature “crouching tiger, hidden dragon” gardening move

Here Lady M demonstrates how to plant tiny seed potatoes now, in HOPE of a big harvest in the future:

Anyway, as with most of these events, it seemed like it was over before it even got started, and Lady M was off to tend to her next sacrifice for America.

Lady M, Leavin’ Eden. You all carry on, you hear?

She needs to help Big Guy figure out how to wiggle out his latest gaffe about “flexibility” which apparently the R-words – being the rigid iconoclasts that they are – have their panties in a bundle over.

Or maybe they’re just upset about the creepy hand holding with Demitri

You know, Big Guy’s off-hand remark to Demitri about staying flexible until after he wins his last election in November?

Well, maybe we’ll all have more flexibility after November 6, 2012. Let’s HOPE so.

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, Thanks!

Bag Men and Mad Men: UPDATED

How is this news?

More than 60 of Obama's biggest campaign donors have visited the White House more than once for meetings with top advisers, holiday parties or state dinners, a review by The Associated Press has found.

 

The money bags boys arrive for State dinners

What’s the big deal? It’s legal (in D.C. morality has always been severable from legality) and a time honored precedent. Why, Big Dog actually held lotteries for the Lincoln bedroom suite during highly desirable holiday bookings.

So the fact that people are now criticizing Big Guy and Lady M for entertaining their largest and most reliable benefactors is just another example of rampant racism in this politically charged environment.

Just because Big Guy criticized these  “pay-for-access privileges” - especially the Clinton’s – it never meant that he didn’t intend to do the same thing. Of course, early in our term, we did attempt to give the impression that we weren’t going to allow access just for giving Big Guy a ton of cash. Butt then our high rollers started complaining, and we realized they’d pay even more for invites, so that didn’t last long.

Of course, our Hollywood benefactors were exempted from day one, because they’re “just entertainers.”

Beyonce and Jay Z, commandeer the Situation Room

So anyway, after we opened the schmooze gates again, we just loosened up our requirements for tracking all those Big White visitors as we promised back during our campaign. You know, in order to provide information for “the most transparent Presidency” ever? To date, “timestamps showing arrivals and departures on the government's logs are incomplete for more than 1.7 million records.” It’s just an administrative detail.

Big Guy with Big Unions

And that doesn’t even include all the meetings held conveniently offsite at all the Starbucks surrounding the Big White, where records aren’t even required. Or any of our unofficial beer summits in the garden.

Or Big Guy’s big (photo-embargoed) 50th birthday BBQ at the Big White: where Tom Hanks, Whoopi Goldberg, Chris Rock, Jay-Z and Stevie Wonder had a rockin’ good time.

              

In fact, Chris Rock had such a good time, he did a whole stand up act about the party:

You may recall that when Desiree Rogers (Desi) was Big Guy’s Social Secretary, before Smootie (Julianna Smoot) took over.

You probably think she got canned because of the gate crasher incident, butt actually it was because we got so many complaints from our our big donors and Super Packers: not only was there not enough smoozing after they had paid to play, butt some complained that they hadn’t even received the obligatory Christmas Winter Holiday card from the First Family. When Smootie arrived on the scene, being an experienced fund raiser (her primary qualification for the job) she reinstituted all the requisite butt kissing and schmoozing generous “contributors” expect for their money. (For the record, Smootie has since moved on too, in order to continue her important WTF work.)

I’ve really got to run: our fourth big historical planting of the Garden of Good and Evil is about to get underway, and I still haven’t located my gardening gloves. I’ll have the full story tomorrow.

In the meantime, here’s something I thought you wouldn’t want to miss; apparently everybody feels free to criticize Big Guy while he’s out of the country. Did you see what the  Instapundit published by Victor Davis Hanson?

Our Modern Lynch Mob. “We went from the beer summit to Trayvon Martin’s resemblance to the boy the president never had. In each case, facts did not matter. . . . The role of a president is to rein in the mob, not to unleash it. The latter is what community organizers do; the former is what makes statesmen. Yet on issue after issue — anti-terrorism, global warming, government ethics, and racial relations — a frenzied mob, egged on by the media and demagogues like Barack Obama, have almost stormed the jail, only to dissipate when met by either evidence, or the knowledge that the incarcerated was one of their own — as if they had never screamed and threatened in the first place.”

Well I never!!

Community Organizers at work: New Black Panther’s offer $10,000 bounty on George Zimmerman.

Isn’t this kind of like a Fatwa? Or is that racist?

BREAKING NEWS UPDATE:

White House Dossier reporter (butt never won of our loyal lapdogs), Keith Koffler, got his mitts on won of our embargoed photos of Lady M sweatin’ in the East Wing with TeeVee’s Biggest Losers. Worse yet, he posted it on his website!

(H/T: BR)

I don’t know if the black Suburbans have pulled up in front of his office yet, or if Lady M’s SS Swat Team has him frog-walkin’ to the van as I type, butt I think he crossed a line here. Even if Granny Jan did find it on the intertoobs where Sonya, acting stupidly, posted it.

Although, the more I look at the photo, the more I think it’s ok. I mean, the losers are really fat. So fat, that they make Lady M look svelte. I’m going to tweet COS Pete “Grousie” Rouse and recommend that he let Sonya off with a warning this time, if she promises to consult with me in the future on proper cropping and “touch up” techniques before any photo of Lady M is released.

That only took me, like 2 minutes, because that’s all I’ve got: I’m still looking for my gardening gloves. Have any of you seen them?

Seoul Searching for World Peas

Big Guy is busy in South Korea,

Big Guy’s apparently a big fan of Greg Gutfeld

coordinating international nuclear disarmament (with the exception of Iran and North Korea who get to build a few (more) because they’re underdogs, or something).

He forgot to tape his Saturday Weekly Address before he left, so I think someone on staff just spliced some old tape together and issued the “weekly address” for him from old recycled speeches:

• restating his alleged energy position as “all of the above”

I traveled across the country to talk about my all-of-the-above energy strategy for America – a strategy where we produce more oil and gas here at home, but also more biofuels and fuel-efficient cars; more solar power and wind power and other sources of clean, renewable energy.

Big Guy’s green energy powered oil rig

• repeating the oft repeated myth of America’s oil dependence:

But as I’ve been saying all week, even though America uses around 20 percent of the world’s oil, we only have around 2 percent of the world’s known oil reserves.

• reiterating our need to spend more money to rebuilt our roads and bridges, and more importantly, getting some of our construction workers back to work, in order to keep this  “recovery” “going.”

We’ve got crumbling roads and bridges.  A power grid that wastes too much energy.  An incomplete high-speed broadband network.  And we’ve got thousands of unemployed construction workers who’ve been looking for a job ever since the housing market collapsed. 

We can always use a few more bridges to nowhere

• blaming the do-nothing (Republican) Congress:

But once again, we’re waiting on Congress.  You see, in a matter of days, funding will stop for all sorts of transportation projects.  Construction sites will go idle.  Workers will have to go home.  And our economy will take a hit.

• and then, the standard wrap up:

So tell Congress that if we invest in new technology and new energy; in new roads and bridges and construction projects, we can keep growing our economy, put our people back to work, and remind the world why the United States is the greatest nation on Earth.

Maybe we’ve lowered the bar, butt we’re still #1!

So while Big Guy continues his soul-searching in Seoul:

and demonstrating his recommended replacement for nuclear arms:

Activating the deadly marshmallow launcher: part of the new age of civility “scorched earth” policy.

Lady M will be in Washington, planting our Victory Garden (historical aside: it’s the first Big White Victory Garden since Eleanor Roosevelt’s during WWII).

    

Of course the real question is “who will we wear this year?” Jimmy Choo is always popular:

Butt we’ll just have to wait and see if it’s boot weather or more of a purple Converse sort of day.

Anyway, it’s one of the most anticipated events of the year around the Big White, bringing together many of the things closest to M’s heart: Let’s Move! Let’s Eat Healthy! Let’s Get Some New Clothes! (that last one’s not part of our official roster of Lady M causes) So we surely didn’t see this cheap shot from the home team coming:

First Lady Michelle Obama plants her spring White House garden on Monday, and in this election year is inviting guests from crucial battleground states President Barack Obama needs to win in November.

This is the fourth year of the wildly popular garden; the first time it has been turned into a blatant political tool...By inviting children to the telegenic garden planting from crucial states, the Obama re-election team increases the chance of local media coverage of an upbeat event with the popular Mrs. Obama.

Just because we’re sewing the seeds of our historic reelection in the Organic Garden of Good and Evil, that doesn’t give Ms. Sweet the right to make partisan, racist comments like that.

So I guess that just makes it official: the silly season of Presidential politics has commenced. That’s okay though: we came here to play.

So we’ll be blocking and running interference from here to Chicago and back.

Get Your Game On!

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