Mad Cow Alert in Omaha: MOO

First, let me thank Portia Elizabeth for remembering Hub’s Anniversary yesterday! He’s still out there, keeping an eye on you.

The “Eye of Sauron” created by dust rings around the star Fomalhaut; captured by Hub

Our actual birthday (as Portia pointed out, Hub and I are fraternal twins) is April 1st (April Fools Day, butt that’s just a coincidence) so we had 23 days of childhood to bond as sibs before Hub was launched to keep an eye on the universe and I was sent to the Smithsonian (because I was a girl - an early volley in the Republican War on Women).

Butt as is our habit, we always celebrate (telepathically) on his launch date. Yesterday was no exception: I told him what was going on around here, he pretended he didn’t already know. (Hub’s spent his years in isolation perfecting that whole Einstein time/space continuum thingy; so he knows how to see forward, backward and inward) And he once again encouraged me to remain hopeful, with a small “h”. I take that as a good sign. 

Perhaps you remember my post from last year, when Hub’s anniversary fell on Easter, A Joyous Message of HOPE:

And oh the places Hub’s been; the sights he’s seen! Twenty-one years bearing witness to the magnitude and magnificence of God’s universe has imbued him with wisdom beyond his years, and abilities beyond our earthbound souls. Unlike us, he is not constrained by linear continuums of time and four dimensions of space;  therefore he can see our future from his berth. He dare not speak it, and I dare not ask.

Hub’s transmissions are always the highlight of my year. You probably remember the rest of them too:  Solar Tsunami Tonight (which coincided with Lady M’s trip to Spain: awesome aurora footage!), Does This Black Hole Make My Butt Look Small? (Hub’s Christmas/New Year/Holiday card from 2010, 2010: A Space Odyssey, and this one from the way back machine of 2009: Nice Pictures, Bro, when he sent his now famous Butterfly nebula shot.

Before moving on to more mundane issues, I just want to repost Hub’s musical transmission from 2010. It will  help you put everything in perspective:

Now then, as you already know both BO and MO spent yesterday wooing the youth vote as they are the last best HOPE for victory, not having experienced the economic realities of HOPE and CHANGE yet (student loans don’t count, because they also haven’t figured out that their conflict resolution jobs aren’t going to cover the monthly repayments).

For her appearances MO once again wore recycled; this time her Balenciaga Good and Plenty dress from 2009,

MO, talking to “the girls” in Omaha

This frock was one of the originals in the Balenciaga candy collection, seen below: Skittles with built in sparkly boob belt on the right, and the 2009 showing of the Good ‘N Plenty frock (which now seems vaguely ironic), left.

    

Launching a country-wide campaign yesterday, Lady M appeared alongside the Oracle of Omaha, touting the implementation of the Buffet rule - which could make those steaks that Omaha is so famous for a lot less affordable for a lot more people. Later, in Iowa where they grow the corn that those Nebraska cows eat, she told a group of supporters:

"In the end when you're making those impossible choices, it all boils down to who you are and what your stand for. And we all know who my husband is."

Do we even have a speech editor anymore?

Beware the cowboy wearing a black hat

Oh, and that reminds me, bad news for the day: Mad Cow Disease discovered in a California cow at the rendering plant.

Butt don’t worry, I’ve got good news too! The War on Terror: it’s OVER! So there’s another promise kept.

Now can we get rid of the TSA?

Hey I’ve got a good idea! Instead of just laying off all those TSA agents that we won’t need  to screen for terrorists anymore,

Isabella: 4 years old. Fit’s gun-toting terrorist profile

we can reassign them to take the place of the 50,000 cattle guards in Colorado that Big Guy fired. Butt do we really want to get started on cow jokes?

Stop me if I’ve already told you this one…

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in

a remote Pasco pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?"

Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg,Germany.              

Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer, turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."         

"That's right.. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"

"You're an aide in the Obama Administration", says Bud.

"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars' worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about how working people make a living - or about cows, for that matter.  This is a herd of sheep. ...

“Now give me back my dog.”

I don’t know about you, butt that whole set up sounds like another dinner ruse to me.

Sirius: the Dog Star. Compliments of Hub, that jokester.

Linked By: Temple of Mutt, and Henrysheretoo on twitter, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, and bg on The Gateway Pundit, and anyonebutbarry2012 on GrettaWire, Thanks!

The Atrocities Prevention Board: Keeping the Horse We Rode in On.

Oh my!

Apparently Big Guy does not ascribe to the old Will Roger’s axiom: “when you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.”

Or perhaps he just doesn’t realize that his current vantage point is from a crater not the foot of the mountain.

Wow! That does look like a mountain from down here!

If he did – subscribe to Mr. Roger’s axiom that is – he probably would not have made this, uh, questionable, appointment: “Samantha Power to chair Obama’s Atrocities Prevention Board.”

First off: “Obama’s Atrocities Prevention Board?” Really? I thought it was going to called the “I Hate Israel” Board, since it’s principle function is going to be preventing Israel from defending itself attacking Iran. I guess the new guy hired to allocate names and acronyms didn’t get the memo. And furthermore, if we were going to assign somebody to handle all of Big Guy’s atrocities, shouldn’t we have thought about staffing this position a whole lot sooner?

Secondly, Samantha Power? Really? Samantha Power!!? It’s not that she isn’t brilliant. Or at least brilliantly well educated (Yale AND Harvard). And it’s not that she isn’t a Pulitzer Prize winner (she is). No, it’s that she hates Israel – you know, our former greatest ally in the Mideast? And she thinks they might well be the perpetrators of said atrocities. Which I guess is why she suggested invading Israel in order to “enforce a peace accord.”  Or something. It’s hard to tell with these people for whom words no longer mean anything.

Samantha the Red

You might recall my previously filed report, “Sam I am,” re-posted here in part as it seems somehow relevant again. Also, I’ve invented a brand new twitter hashtag for Sam to help her sniff out Atrocities: #PreventAutrocities. (file under “Know Your Enemies”):

(Originally posted April 4, 2011)

                                   Well, brunettes are fine, man 
                                   Blondes are fun
                                   But, when it comes to getting the dirty job done, 
                                   I'll take a red-headed woman, a red-headed woman.
                                   It takes a red-headed woman to get a dirty job done.

Bruce Springsteen

Samantha Powers our new Secretary of State? I can neither confirm nor deny this rumor of course, butt just in case it’s true, let me give you a little background.

Samantha is Irish, as you probably know. Born in Dublin. Red (headed) as the day is long.

Butt let’s talk other qualifications for taking over the second most powerful position in the world:

Graduate of Yale and Harvard, which is almost as good as Columbia and Harvard, or Princeton and Harvard. So that makes her like, what, the 3rd smartest person on earth? 

She began her career as a journalist (200 bonus points), wrote a book about genocide (150 points), is anti-Israel (500 points) worked on Big Guy’s campaign (250 points) where she met and married one of Big Guy’s favorite fellow radicals, Cass Sunstein (250 points),

and currently works as special assistant to Big Guy’s National Security Council and head of the Office of Multilateral Affairs and Human Rights; aka the office of pro-Palestinian/anti-Israeli affairs.

Men’s Vogue (and they would certainly know) called her a "Harvard brainiac who can boast both a Pulitzer Prize and a mean jump shot.”  Replace “Pulitzer” with “Nobel” and we’ve got ourselves a female Big Guy! Except with a paper trail.

And I’ve heard many people commenting on how historic it would be if Big Guy does appoint Sam to take Hil’s job, (who may be leaving to spend more time with her campaign): it will mark the first time that both the the President and the Secretary of State are graduates of Harvard Law School, and, neither of them were born in the USA. (although I heard that last part from Donald Trump)

Sam is credited with being one of Big Guy’s Hen Hawks who talked him into intervening in Libya on humanitarian grounds (based on Sam’s book, which basically says that every act of genocide in the 20th century was America’s fault, due to our failure to intervene in a timely fashion). It’s probably  a bit too soon to say for sure how that Libyan humanitarian KMA thing is working out. Although technically, it’s no longer our concern. We did what we could.

So no more talk about our red queen, we’ve already covered that.

Rice, Clinton, Power: Hen Hawk troika

If you’re a gambler, Sam might be a better bet than Big Guy’s brackets.

Ah, that little red-headed minsk minx!

I’m not sure Lady M is going to like having another woman around here who wears their underwear as outerwear.

Butt that was then, this is now and there’s other big news today!  Did you see this? Lady M is now officially the most televised FLOTUS in history  – which makes her historical in her own right!

All I can tell you is that with all that experience under her (boob) belt, she had her heart set on playing Elizabeth Taylor in the upcoming flick “Liz and Dick.” Butt now that it’s been announced that the role has gone to Lindsay Lohan, Lady M is having Ricky’s DOJ investigate this suspicious appointment.

                                

It surely isn’t merit based, as Lady M’s acting skills are far superior to Lindsay Ho-han’s. So it appears to be an open and shut case of racism from where I’m sitting. 

And speaking of wearing underwear in public: it’s not as if Lady M hasn’t already channeled Liz Taylor in one of her most famous roles:

                        

Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, take 2

And I think we all know how Lady M identifies with that all-American theme of a girl and her horse:

                  

National Velvet: every young girl’s dream

Oh yeah, I forgot: that’s one of those secret trap doors that wasn’t opened for us.            

                       

So I’m going to have to go along with Lady M on this one: the only reason she didn’t land the Liz role was racism. That and the fact she doesn’t have violet eyes.

Green, maybe. Violet, never.

So I guess the moral of all this could be summed up thusly:

Always stick with the horse you rode in on. (h/t for the reminder to UpNorthLurkin)

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and Zilla of the Resistance on twitter, and Lady Liberty 1885 on twitter, and Henrysheretoo on twitter, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, Thanks!

Smoke ‘em If You Got ‘em

“Mr. Obama has held more than a hundred joint fund-raisers since last spring, far more than President George W. Bush during his 2004 re-election, and has tucked fund-raising stops into many of his official presidential trips.”

Heh. Try saying that three times with a straight face: “Mr. Obama has held more than a hundred joint fund-raisers”

Even with this promise of additional fundraiser looty, it looks like it’s still “hard out here for a pimp” Plouffee is still having a hard time luring in the really big sugar daddies. Boy, this economy sucks doesn’t it?

Oh well, I guess we’ll just have to do what every other business in America has had to do if we want to make money: go offshore!

Apparently all you have to do is turn off that standard little gizmo called “Address Verification System” that screens credit-card charges for matching names and addresses and checks for cards issued by foreign banks. I don’t personally think that accepting a generous contribution from Bashar al-Assad, location: Damascus, Syria is illegal – butt apparently some people do.

“Look Mahmoud, if you want me to get you the Gaza Strip, I’m going to need a little walking around money.”

One of our latest foreign trips combined business with fund raising too:

Whoops, no; not this

This:

“Yo, Venezuela: are you in? Panama, Grenada? You in? I know you’re in Brazil!”

There was no doubt that Colombia was in, since President Santos invited Big Guy for a cup of Joe – served by none other than Juan Valdez!

Juan was definitely in too, as he’s accustomed to the company of donkeys:

             

Juan is sort of the Billy Mays of Colombian products. He hawks for both of Colombia’s 2 most famous exports:

        

Columbian java and Colombian gold

Anyway, we’re investing our campaign gear budget in something that will generate the biggest returns in terms of donations: technology (so don’t tell me that BO’s anti-capitalism; we’re all about ROI).

To remain competitive, the Obama campaign has spent millions of dollars on high-tech, small-dollar prospecting. They have used sophisticated data mining techniques and low-dollar promotions — like $3-a-head raffles for dinner with the president — to reassemble the network of millions of supporters whose contributions helped propel him into the White House.

So no need to worry about our team losing your information once we have it – we’re using all the latest gizmos to keep an eye on you, thanks to our friends at Google.

And speaking of Google, I’ll be danged! It looks like my “I write like” program is more accurate than I initially gave it credit for. Thomas Lifson reports that Google has correctly - although possibly inadvertently - identified the actual author of Big Guy’s first NYT best seller:

So the company that supposedly knows more about us than we know ourselves also knows who wrote Dreams from My Father.

Turns out it was just some guy in the neighborhood; from Google search:

And boy, do things ever move fast in the blogosphere these days. No sooner did Mr. Lifson break the great Google smoke out story and this shows up:

Ann Barnhart via American Digest

The R-words are wasting no time capitalizing on their newest meme  “Big Guy is a Fraud!” (as if that’s news).

Let’s just hope this one doesn’t have as many legs as that OED thing, which has clearly gotten out of hand now.

Ordering in: 3 large pupperonis

So let’s just stay focused okay? It’s not like there aren’t a lot of other issues out there that we should be talking about or anything.

Big Guy: if he had a ‘fro, and smoked Columbian gold, he’d look like this.

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and BadBlue, and anyonebutbarry2012 on GrettaWire, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, and bettyann on twitter, and Lynn II on Newsbird’s Views, and Zilla of the Resistance on twitter, Thanks

Pit bulls, we buy ‘em - walking, standing or down.

Don’t say I didn’t try to steer you in the right direction regarding Lady M’s fingerprints being all over the “War Against Republican Women named Ann”

Well anyway, don’t worry Hil, you won’t be alone under the bus for long. Whoever came up with that stupid talking point: “what could stay at home moms who’ve never worked a day in their lives know about the economy?” will be right there along side you pretty soon.

Unless of course it was someone who is bulletproof.

Bulletproof, armed and dangerous.

Hoo-weee! And sure enough, the National Enquirer, using old fashioned journalistic tricks (careful sourcing) traces evidence of this conspiracy right back to the Big White!

“Michelle had her claws out to get Ann, but it quickly backfired and Barack was livid when he heard she had secretly directed the attack,” said the source.

“What Michelle didn’t remember was that when Barack was running for president, he told ABC’s ‘Good Morning America’ that it was unfair to attack Michelle, saying his wife was off limits. Here they were, however, doing the same thing to Romney’s wife four years later. (snip)

“Behind the scenes, Michelle has vented that she worked hard as a lawyer in addition to being a mom.

She also made jokes about Ann Romney ‘working at leading a rich lifestyle,’ includ­ing the fact that Ann competes in horse shows.

“Michelle is determined to do whatever it takes to keep her husband in the White House. She’s learned politics is a dirty business. It’s only a matter of time before she comes up with another plan to go after Ann.”

Did I not tell you that Hilary Rosen really didn’t appreciate being thrown under that bus? Generally in this town – especially if you’re in charge - you can get away with dissing a lot of people. Butt a menopausal lesbian militant feminist? Good luck with that, I don’t care who you are.

Lesbian menopausal militant feminist robot

So in case you feel the need to track down the “inside source” that dished this story about the person who came up with the “I’ve got a good idea: let’s attack Ann Romney like we did Sarah Palin!”  feel free to hire your own hound dog. I however have already followed the scent directly to Hilary’s lair, and I’m satisfied with that.

The more interesting question is “how did we come to this tactic in the first place?” What on earth made Lady M think this was a good idea? Aside from the fact that she believed herself to be bulletproof.

To answer this question we must step back and take a deep breath, as there’s a lot of history here. First, remember MO is a charter member of the “I hate America” club, and their charter contains the entire text of  Alinsky’s Rules for Radicals.

Big Guy’s team has become so enamored with Alinsky’s rules (especially # 5 and # 13), that they’ve employed them almost exclusively in their WTF campaign. And sometimes they’re so wrapped up in applying the rules of community organizing that they lose sight of the main objective: WINNING! Having your fun is fine, as long as it doesn’t jeopardize your chances of WINNING!

I daresay the scales had already tipped a bit towards the “fun” vs. WINNING! side when we  launched the original “Republican’s War on Women.”

 h/t NiceDeb     Conservative women: not “authentic” enough for NOW. In the same way conservatives “of color” are not authentic enough for Race Baiters United

And frankly, when the war front shifted to a direct attack on Ann Romney - mother, cancer survivor, MS sufferer - even Hilary was a little skeptical. Butt then Lady M reminded her that  every woman in America despises heterosexual attractive blonde haired, blue eyed one percenters who ride horses.

That’s all it took: Hilary was IN! (She always wanted a pony or a unicorn as a young girl.)

In their defense MO and Hil weren’t the only ones in the chain of fools command who miscalled this one. Rule #13 is not appropriate if you don’t choose the right target. And let’s face it - in retrospect picking Ann as the “face” to “freeze, polarize and personalize” as the poster child of repressed, unliberated (i.e., stupid) conservative women who are ruining the Liberal Dream for America might not have been exactly inspired.

People could understand the team going after the likes of Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachman because after all, being politicians; they were asking for it. Ditto the conservative commentators like the other, other Michelle (Malkin), Laura Ingraham, Megyn Kelly, etc.  -working mothers, all, I might point out – butt still not authentically liberated. (that reminds me, I have to check on the status of my Supremacy Clause case)

And in their commitment to pursuing the directives of the “Coach,” everyone, including Lady M, forgot that it was Big Guy himself back in 2008 who went on network TV and demanded that people stop picking on Lady M for only recently being proud of her country; saying that it was unfair to attack a candidate’s family.

So naturally BO was ticked off when he discovered that his own life mate had revealed him to be a hypocrite. Needless to say, Lady M is in his dog house for the time being.

AKA: the Meat Locker

And believe me, Lady M isn’t taking this well. After all, their marriage pact listed in detail the division of labor in employing the Chicago Rules for future political and financial gain. Lady M was clearly in charge of all pit bull responsibilities including butt not limited to hand selecting other pit bosses and launching jugular attacks herself as required.

 

              

Oh sure, they’re cute when they’re little; butt they always grow up.

So MO thinks Big Guy violated the terms of their contract by blaming her for the fallout. She’s so mad she’s even looking into buying her law license back in order to prosecute should we ever have to leave office for any reason.

Yeah – I’ve got a license. You want to see it? Do you feel lucky? Well do you punk?

After all, wasn’t it Lady M who came up with the “Let’s trash Sarah Palin for being a bubble-headed bimbo” meme? Butt as is often the case after getting a big hit like that under her (boob) belt, she felt invincible:

Under that steel reinforced boob belt lurks a heart of, er, steel.

What MO forgot was that in D.C.- where your only real friend is going to be a dog - you’re only as good as your last trick. Big Guy still hasn’t even figured out that his only real friend here was going to be a dog. Now he’s pretty much queered that deal too.

I really wouldn’t strike this pose again if I were Big BO. Little Bo is onto him now.

Anyway, given the amount of pushback on the words that Hilary misspoke, there’s no denying that the War on Ann was a misguided application of the much revered Rule # 13.

Butt it was sort of sweet to see the way that Ann’s boys sprung to their mother’s defense.

Mama Grizzlies just seem to elicit that response in their cubs.

One might even conclude that being raised by a woman who has never worked a day in her life seemed to have resulted in a rather normal, loving, supportive, intact family unit that reacted as you might expect. I wonder how that happened? Probably the exception that makes the rule that you can only raise a well balanced family by being a “working” mom.

In the same way that “working mom” Courtney Love’s less than supportive young cub is an exception to the “quality vs.quantity time” rule of child rearing. Although in fairness to other working mothers, most of Courtney’s child-rearing MIA time was only nominally due to her “working outside the home.” 

Frances Bean Cobain and mom, Courtney Love

On the other hand, she must have done something right, as Frances seems to have a good deal more sense than her mom.

While I'm generally silent on the affairs of my biological mother, her recent tirade has taken a gross turn.

Twitter should ban my mother.

They should probably ban a whole lot of other people too. Butt until they do, we’ll continue to have a lot of fun.

 

R.I.P. Breitbart, we’ll take it from here

Linked By: Blonde on NewsBusters, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, and MMR on twitter, DeniseVB on Stealth Magnolia, and BASIL99 on Hillary Is 44, Thanks!