We Are All Terrorists Now

It’s the Fourth of July in Washington D.C.. Do you know where your President and First Lady are?

That’s right! Enjoying themselves at the traditional picnic for military heroes and their families on the lawn of the Big White.

Just one look at their faces and you can tell just how much they’re enjoying it too.

For this year’s traditional ceremony Lady M ditched her previous 4th of July themes of black and white and funky batik prints and went more traditional in red, white and blue stripes and pleats. No sacrifice is too great for our reelection effort.

Black and white marked our first historic Big White 4th of July: it also sparked our first “preggers” rumor.

A red, white, black and turquoise apron top marked our 2nd historic 4th. More “preggers” rumors ensued.

A lovely cornflower blue and red frock, reminiscent of a Marimekko shower curtain from the 70’s, marked our 3rd historic 4th.

Butt now that it’s the reelection season:

We are all over the preppy red, white and blue stripes. This ensemble stars double-double belts. I’m referring to the ones with buckles in the proximity of MO’s “waist;” I’ll leave the alcoholic drinks coverage to Obama Foodorama (from which I’ve currently been banned for some reason. I HOPE it didn’t have anything to do with my coverage of O-Food fave Big White chef, Sammy Kass, last week).

Any hoo, fireworks followed the picnic and a good time was had by all as we celebrated the Nation’s Independence Day. Or, as some of Big Guy’s big supporters would say, “Happy effing Birthday America, you sucky, racist, violent slaver-nation!” (h/t: Juno)

Meanwhile, over at Bruno’s Homeland Security agency, we’ve finally discovered where to direct our anti-terrorist forces: at you.  Despite the worldwide Jihadist war declared against all infidels (I hope you’re paying attention Hollywood – they’re talking about you), HS has determined through in-depth research and studies that their pre-conclusions were correct: the real threat to America comes from home grown terrorists like Susan Daniels. She’s a 70 year old mother of 7 and private investigator challenging Big Guy’s Social Security credentials, so you know she’s dangerous.

That’s right. It seems we have just received the official and incontrovertible results of a report funded by Homeland Security that classifies

Americans who are “suspicious of centralized federal authority,” and “reverent of individual liberty” as “extreme right-wing” terrorists.

So, I guess that’s that, it’s now official:

Note: To be sure, the report “Hot Spots of Terrorism in the United States 1776 1970 –2008”  includes this disclaimer:

This material is based upon work supported under Grant Award Number 2008ST061ST0003 from the U.S. Department of Homeland Security made to the National Consortium for the Study of Terrorism and Responses to Terrorism (START, www.start.umd.edu) at the University of Maryland. The views and
conclusions contained in this document are those of the authors and should not be interpreted as necessarily representing the official policies, either expressed or implied, of the U.S. Department of Homeland Security or START.

In other words, if this causes too big of a stir, Homeland Security will disavow it. Even though they agreed with it before they funded it.

The Tea Party: Terrorizing America Since 1776

Linked By: BlogsLucianneLoves, and Moonbattery, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, Cross Posted at Flopping Aces, Thanks!

Happy Birthday America! July 4, 2012

 

 

 

“That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it…”

 

 

IN CONGRESS, JULY 4, 1776

The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America

When in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, — That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security. — Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

This is followed by a long list of grievances against the tyranny of the King before continuing with the redress: our Declaration of Independence.

Please read the entire Declaration of Independence. Read it to your children, your grandchildren, the neighbor’s children. They need to know. God knows, they will not learn about it in school any more - probably because His name is invoked with such reckless abandon therein, with no concern whatsoever for the separation of church and state.

For our part, let us remain forever vigilant against those who would impinge on our inalienable rights by throwing open the very gates designed to hold tyranny at bay.

Dewey has some additional thoughts on Independence Day you might enjoy also.

 

annotated portraits courtesy of Cripes Suzette

“The shepherd drives the wolf from the sheep’s throat, for which the sheep thanks the shepherd as a liberator, while the wolf denounces him for the same act as the destroyer of liberty, especially as the sheep was a black one.  Plainly the sheep and the wolf are not agreed upon a definition of the word liberty” Abraham Lincoln

Now get out there and enjoy yourselves! Hot dogs, burgers, potato salad, watermelon ( is that racist?) cherry and apple pie a la mode! If you don’t feel like cooking yourself, scamper on over to Adrienne’s; she’s putting out quite a spread that you can enjoy vicariously!

Happy Birthday America!

Linked By: BlogsLucianneLoves, and Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, and MRM on twitter, Thanks!

The Molsterman Report #2: Checkmate

 

NOTE:  This is the second in a continuing series of exclusive, clandestine, interviews that I’ve been able to arrange with my mole over at the Department of Justice (“Deep Quote,” aka, “Molsterman,” aka “Little Mo” to the MOTUS community).

Deep Quote is a longtime D.C. political operative who has given us insights into the pathological workings of the President’s mind that have time and again been disproved by previous generations.

PART ONE AVAILABLE HERE: DOJ’s Fast and Furiously Expanding Scandal

(as always, h/t and apologies to the Ulsterman Report)

Today “Deep Quote” weighs in on some weighty legislative issues:

MOTUS: Have you dug up anything else for me over at Justice on Fast and Furious?

MOLSTERMAN: I told you – it’s getting too hot over here for you to be snooping around.  I don’t want to scare you, but I ran a  “MOTUS” filter while screening routine F&F documents, and I got several hits: are you sure you can trust Raj? And what about Little Bo?

MOTUS: I would trust them with my life.

MOLSTERMAN: Well, just keep your eyes and ears open. I think you’ll be okay, but you should get down in the mole hole with respect to  the Holder-molder for awhile. Why don’t you ask me about Obamacare?

MOTUS: Are you working the Halls of Justice now? Inside the Supreme Court!?

MOLSTERMAN: Never mind, let’s just say I have my Supremes sources, and it ain’t Diana Ross. I know a guy, who knows a guy. I’ll just call him “Tony.”

Like I told you before, these guys are all amateurs. “It’s a tax – oh noooo! It’s not a tax. It’s a penalty, no; it’s a tax, not a penalty. Or maybe it’s a tax penalty.” Judas A. Frickin’ Priest! These a**holes don’t know a tax from a hole in the ground.

This could be a good place to hold the deficit

Hell, nobody around here even pays taxes! What do you expect from a gaggle of amateurs like that?

Taxes? Not my department. Oh wait! Yes it is. I just let Turbo-Tax handle that.

Now I see there are dozens of theories floating around about why Roberts flipped, and make no mistake – he flipped – but it’s stupid for the opposition to waste their time on that now. There will be plenty of time after the election to prosecute the thugs that got to Roberts.

Until then, they’re Untouchable

For now the Republicans should just stay focused and execute their strategy.

MOTUS: They have a strategy?

MOLSTERMAN: No! The A**holes! That’s why I’m talking to you. I’m trying to help them buy a clue. I understand they read your blog.

So here’s their plan, make sure they get it:

First, they have to lose Boehner. Replace him with someone who doesn’t cry every time someone takes his marbles. Someone like Allan West, who plays exclusively with steelies. And when someone tries to snatch them they’re caught in a head lock, not a stream of tears.

Does this look like a man who even owns a handkerchief?

Then the 'Pubs have to launch a 3 tier attack on Obamacare.

MOTUS: Three tiers? What is that? Dimensional chess?

MOLSTERMAN: Yeah, it’s called strategy and it requires you to, like, plan more than one sound bite ahead of yourself. Now shut up and listen, this is important: step 1) the House moves a bill repealing the whole of Obamacare.

MOTUS: That will never pass the Senate’s filibuster.

MOLSTERMAN: Do you think I’m an amateur! Of course it dies in the Senate. Would you just listen? Time is crucial here, we’ve got to get this all done before the election. We’re up to step 2: immediately following the Senate defeat of the repeal, they move a bill to repeal just the individual mandate. This will breeze through the House, most likely pass in the Senate because there are too many Dems from districts that hate O-care. Besides, it only takes 51 votes in the Senate now because the individual mandate was passed under “budget reconciliation.” That’s why the 'Pubs couldn’t filibuster then and the Dems won’t be able to now. So that plops it directly in the middle of the O-man’s desk. He’ll veto it of course.

No, sorry, not today. I’ve got too much work in front of me right now.

MOTUS: So we’re back to square one?

MOLSTERMAN: Are you listening or talking? Because if you’re talking you don’t need me.

MOTUS: Sorry.

MOLSTERMAN: Step 3: now the 'Pubs go back and put a bill on the floor stating clearly that the “Individual Mandate is NOT a tax” it’s a penalty on free loaders – just like all the president’s men have been spouting since last Thursday. Now it gets tricky for the Dems in both chambers. The Preezy says it’s not a tax, so how can they vote against something he agrees with? But if they vote for it, they’re on record saying it’s not a tax: which the Supreme Court Chief Justice said makes the mandate unconstitutional. Checkmate!

The black king falls

MOTUS: That’s brilliant Molsterman!

MOLSTERMAN: That’s why I’m here. And never refer to me by name again, got it?

A. Yes, sir.

Linked By: BlogsLucianneLoves, and Adrienne’s Corner, and no2liberals on Free Republic, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, and Cross-Posted at Flopping Aces, Thanks!

A Monday Composite: Ticks, Tax, MO

Oh oh!  Lady M just read What Really Makes Us Fat in the NYT:

From this perspective, the trial suggests that among the bad decisions we can make to maintain our weight is exactly what the government and medical organizations like the American Heart Association have been telling us to do: eat low-fat, carbohydrate-rich diets, even if those diets include whole grains and fruits and vegetables.

Wow! This is huge: if it’s right it means that Lady M’s signature No Child’s Fat Behind program is on the wrong side of medical history. It looks like we’re just going to have to defund that “Dr. David Ludwig of Boston Children’s Hospital and his collaborators” who concluded that it’s not fat that’s making us fat. It’s the carbs: and not JUST the refined ones, butt those found naturally in fruits and vegetables too! It’s not fat, not red meat, not whole milk (far fewer carbs than skim), not delicious full fat cheeses. It’s…fruits! And vegetables!  As you may imagine, this has Lady M’s head spinning:

h/t Gerard                                           Picture from Hemispheres MagazineWelcome to Lady M’s food desert: A world of fruits and veggies…making you fat.   

What a nightmare! Now she wants to leave Camp David early and head back to D. C. because she’s worried about getting bit by one of those ticks that turn you into an instant vegan.

A bite from the lone star tick, so-called for the white spot on its back, looks innocent enough. But University of Virginia researchers say saliva that sneaks into the tiny wound may trigger an allergic reaction to meat — agonizing enough to convert lifelong carnivores into wary vegetarians.

Big Guy on night patrol at Camp David; checking the grounds for vegan ticks

Frankly I think you’re likely to find more vegan ticks back in D.C.. Although I’m not sure why anyone is afraid of them, they don’t look like they could win a boxing match with a flea.

 

Famous Washington Vegans: America’s first black president decides to spend more time with his family; ditto, Dennis Kucinich (h/t Vanderleun, aka Gerard)

When Gwyneth is “punching above your weight” you might want to consider ordering a steak once in a while Bubba.

 

Anyway, on another front, have you heard our final solution on the Obamacare dilemma? We don’t care what the Justices call it, we’re calling the Obamacare tax a “penalty” for “free-loaders.”

In the wake of the Supreme Court decision to uphold the ‘Obamacare’ mandate under Congress’s taxing power, Democrats are unifying behind a message to refute the GOP contention that they raised taxes on the middle class.

The Dems’ response: No, we didn’t. We simply punished freeloaders. Just as Mitt Romney did. (snip)

“The massive so-called tax increase they’re talking about is the freeloader penalty,” Maryland Gov. Martin O’Malley (D) said on CBS’ “Face The Nation, “which would affect at most 1-2 percent of people that could afford health care and instead want to be freeloaders on the rest of us with uncompensated care.”

Actually, the big brains at the Big White prefer the term “free-rider” (because they can pin that one on Romney, which makes it a perfect talking point) butt the distinction between free rider and freeloader is really just semantics, right? Just like the distinction between ‘penalty” and “tax,” right? I’ll tweet the question to Justice Roberts.

Still, it is confusing as heck, even Nancy got things a little mixed up on Meet the Press:

 "It's a ta—; it’s a penalty for free riders," Pelosi said, nearly uttering the dreaded T-word before cutting herself off.

What I’m more concerned with though is the ever growing size of Nan’s eyeballs:

If those pupils get any bigger she’ll turn into an anime; just like Lady Gaga

So semantics-shamantics: whether you call it a tax on the middle class, a penalty for freeloaders or a service fee for, uh…getting “serviced,” the cost to “freeloaders” is the same. And if you fail to pay your tax/penalty/processing and handling fee, it’s still going to be collected by one of our 16,000 new IRS agents.

h/t Lucianne

Butt with all these people going on record saying that it ISN’T a TAX, doesn’t that put us right back where we started from? Because I thought the Supreme Court said it’s unconstitutional if it’s NOT a tax?

This is all making my head hurt, and since it is a holiday week I decided to just have a little fun with mosaic art myself. While the Hemisphere “composite” Lady M is made up of fruits, veggies and bees, I thought, why not do a composite of MO made up of things she actually likes to eat? So with a little help from Raj, here it is; I call it “the 31 flavors of MO” since it’s comprised of picture tiles of 31 of her favorite things:

 

Use your scroll wheel, touchpad or the zoom buttons to Embiggen and MOve around!

I’m using this mosaic to help Big Guy’s reelection bid by running my own special fund raising effort! Here’s how it works: see how many of the 31 flavors of MO you can find (click here if you want to cheat, it’s ok, everybody does it) then just submit your answers (along with a generous donation to Obama 2012) and you’ll be automatically enrolled to win lunch with Lady M! Not only that, you get to pick any three foods from her list of favorites to enjoy at your luncheon (4, if you make a really generous contribution). Sorry, we can’t include airfare in this very special, limited time offer to contribute to our reelection. I’m sure you’ll understand, because, heck, you probably can’t afford airfare either!

So good luck!

NOTE: A Big Thanks to Lucianne.com for making MOTUS one of the BlogsLucianneLoves! thereby ensuring that we’re now too big to fail. And thanks to everyone for filling my mailbag today with congrats!

Linked By: BlogsLucianneLoves, and @AgentInfidel on twitter, Thanks!

Pay for Play

As part of our Friday night doc-dump, the Big White released its annual salary report.

On this year's report, there were 68 special assistants to the president, 22 assistants to the president and 24 deputy assistants.

What’s significant about this? I’ll tell you what’s significant: every stinkin’ one of them makes more than I do! Once again I find myself at the bottom of the totem pole.

I don’t know about you, butt I’m outraged. Even the Chief Calligrapher makes more than I do:

Can you believe it? All he has to do is make letters look good:

I’m not saying making fancy letters is child’s play, butt compared to what I’m tasked with making look good day-in and day-out?

And as if that weren’t bad enough…then I find out that even the non-chief calligrapher makes more than I do!

And all he does is dinner menus!

While I have to clean up the whole hot dinner mess!

Forget about that “equal pay for equal work” crap; I do twice the work for way less than half the pay.

Maybe I wouldn’t be so ticked off if I hadn’t found this entry in the Big White salary log showing that even Big Guy’s “Ethics Advisor” makes more than moi:

Ethics, shmethics! All he does is issue waivers for the Big White Ethics Pledge;

David “Ax-man” Axelrod was #1 on the ethics waivers list only because it’s alphabetical

Although, while I'll grant you that the “Ethics Advisor” does have to work a lot of overtime around here, it’s hardly as if I don’t.

Maybe it’s because of this one time I slipped up and failed to catch this booty shot before it went viral:

Do you think I could get a waiver from the resident “ethics advisor” for this? No way.

Even so, I might have let the whole thing roll off my silver back butt for one thing: the salaries of people considered “residence staff” who DON’T have to appear on the official list of Big White employees. That loophole is compliments  of an “ethics waivers” issued by Mr. Ethics Advisor. So until further notice, the salary list of “resident staff” will  not be released by “the most transparent administration” in the history of the world.

Never-the-less, I got a copy through my sources (okay it was from Little Mo - currently on undercover assignment at the DOJ). And surprise, surprise! Everybody on that list except me makes more than the top paid person on the “official” list of Big White employees.

For example, do you think “residence staff” member and world famous chef Sam Kass – the genius behind Lady M’s No Child’s Fat Behind program – is going to work for a measly $172,000?

Hardly. Not when you’re one of the world’s top 100 beautiful, sexy chefs.

Hot bald steaming hunka-hunka

I’m trying to be fair here, so I will note that Sammy, the Wons’ former “personal chef” who followed them from Chicago to Washington, does have other official duties around here as well.

This constant gardener’s other responsibilities are illustrated below, left to right and clockwise, 1. helping MO eat right, 2. showing her the way, 3. singing for his supper, 4.delivering the sweets, 5.sitting by her left side, 6.leading the annual Gaia dance and 6.posing with pumpkins.

 

And here, perhaps Sammy’s most important extracurricular job responsibility of all:

Helping Big Guy work the kinks out – on the golf course I mean

So okay, he does seems to be busy servicing the Wons day and night, so maybe he earns his money. Butt again, what about me? I don’t get much down time either and I still haven’t even gotten the paltry raise to my paltry salary that I was first promised by Rahmbo way back in 2009.

So here I am, still the lowest paid staff member around here. I wouldn’t complain except I really am beginning to think that it’s because I’m a girl. Even though both Lady M and Big Guy are like 1000% behind equal pay for equal work, right?

Maybe I should just change my name to Julia.

And get a job as a web designer.

Or maybe as an “ethics advisor.”

Click to Embiggen

Linked By: BlogsLucianneLoves, and Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and UPI.com on Fark, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, Thanks!