Your Lying Ears: And Don’t Talk About My Ears!

Is it official? Have we all collectively fallen down Alice’s rabbit hole?

Caution: you are about to enter the spin zone

And here I thought that was just one of the Tea Party’s histrionic metaphors.

“Go ahead, it’s safe; see, there’s an American flag at the bottom.”

Butt how else do you explain the alternate universe we appear to have fallen into?

For example, yesterday Big Guy said that “under him people now have a new attitude toward America: And more confidence"?”

Really? because aside from the rest of the Big White minions who were already living in an alternate universe when they got here, I haven’t really noticed that – more confidence in America I mean.

And I couldn’t help butt notice the continued outbreak of jabberwocky surrounding Big Guy’s off-prompter “You didn’t do that” comment:

“Frankly, the other side can’t sell their ideas so what they’re going to do is distort my vision. Earlier today, Gov. Romney was at it again,” Obama said, according to the pool report. “Knowingly twisting my words to suggest I don’t value small business.”

“In politics, we all tolerate a certain amount of spin,” he added. “I understand those are the games that get played in political campaigns. Although, when folks like omit entire sentences of what you said, they start kind of splicing and dicing, you may have gone a little over the edge there.”

Allow me to translate that for you:

“I didn’t say what you say I said, unless you acknowledge that I said it, butt didn’t mean it. So let me make this perfectly clear. I’m all in with small business owners. As long as they agree to give back what they got – unfairly - from their government in the first place. And don’t even get me started on BIG business! We all know what SOB’s they are.”

Maybe I should just let BO explain this to you himself in Jabberwocky: in case you mis-misunderstood what you think you heard:

OBAMA: What I said was, we need to stand behind them, as America always has, by investing in education and training, roads and bridges.

Stop the tape. That’s not what he said in Roanoke. Here is what he said in Roanoke:

There are a lot of wealthy, successful Americans who agree with me — because they want to give something back. They know they didn’t — look, if you’ve been successful, you didn’t get there on your own.

Boy, I think I know something that a lot of (formerly) successful Americans would like to “give back” just about now…

Still, it doesn’t end there. The alternate universe where reality is replaced with Obama-bonics seems to have settled in around some of our other leaders as well. It looks like Diane Feinstein has been sucked into the vortex too; yesterday she said:

“I think the White House has to understand that some of this is coming from its ranks … I think they have to understand that and do something about it.”

After which she clarified that she did not mean what it sounded like she said…and in fact she didn’t really say:

I stated that I did not believe the president leaked classified information. I shouldn’t have speculated beyond that, because the fact of the matter is I don’t know the source of the leaks.

So there you go; those slithy toves did gyre and gimble in the wabe!

Oh, and for those of you still interested in following along, Lady M was in Dayton yesterday, thrilling the local O-bots with her tales from the crypt:

 

“Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!…”

And she addressed the crowd from her heart (the red one) explaining that she knew they shared her and BO’s vision for America:

What I remind people when I travel around, everywhere I go, we’re doing this because of the values we believe in -- our values.  We’re doing this because of the vision for this country that we all share.  We're doing this because we believe that everyone in this country should have a fair shot.

Sharing our values as we sacrifice across the country

So farewell for now from the land of the Jabberwock, where failed economic theories repackaged as “social justice” are served up with a soupçon of insouciance so as to disguise the thin gruel that it is.

I think Alice herself summed the Jabberwocks up pretty well:

It seems very pretty but it’s rather hard to understand!  Somehow it seems to fill my head with ideas—only I don’t exactly know what they are!  However, somebody killed something: that’s clear, at any rate.”

Brillig, I tell you, absolutely brillig!

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and MRM on twitter, and Lalaa Land on facebook, and Mireille Buser on facebook, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, Thanks!

Top 10 Reasons to Donate to WTF 2012. Warning: it’s adorable

Thank goodness we have something to talk about today besides this ad in the Washington Times:

Click to embiggen & see entire ad                (h/t: Charlie)

Don’t worry, it’s just another in an endless list of “Obama lies” so we can just ignore it too.

Instead, let’s talk about something Big Guy is totally comfortable with: fundraising (since that’s what he’ll be doing for the rest of the term week). Last night BO was forced to pull out the long knives and go after Romney. (I know, I know “if they bring a knife, you bring a gun” (h/t Rhambo the Magnificent), butt we’re just a little “gun shy” these days, given the current outrage. I mean the Dark Knight thing, not Fast and Furious.) He was just defending himself against Romney’s unfair attacks. Imagine someone using your own words against you, that is so…so, un-American. And probably racist. Here’s Big Guy’s re-direct:

"Frankly, the other side can't sell their ideas so what they're going to do is distort my vision. Earlier today, Gov. Romney was at it again," Obama said as the crowd booed. "Knowingly twisting my words to suggest I don’t value small business. In politics, we all tolerate a certain amount of spin. I understand those are the games that get played in political campaigns. Although, when folks like omit entire sentences of what you said, they start kind of splicing and dicing, you may have gone a little over the edge there. But there’s actually a real choice there."

 

So Choose Wisely, Weedhopper.         

(h/t:Krista)

Anyway, here’s Team Obama’s latest in a long list of reasons why you should give BO some (more) of your money:

Friend -- Want to celebrate President Obama's birthday with him -- at the Obamas' house in Chicago? Donate $5 or whatever you can to be automatically entered today. https://donate.barackobama.com/Birthday Thanks, Obama for America

Contributions or gifts to Obama for America are not tax deductible

This email was sent to: motus@whitehouse.gov Update address | Unsubscribe

And thank you, Obama for America, for such an adorable snapshot!

 

I think this latest beggin’ blast shows that our very expensive big brains have finally earned their keep.

 

Not cheap, butt they have really big brains

 

As Naked D.C. noted, this solicitation presents the best reason yet for spreading your wealth around; donate to Big Guy because “this picture is adorable.” (h/t: MOD, Gerard) Are you in?

 

Apparently Big Guy and Lady M find the Wee Wons so adorable  in this “typical American family” portrait that they decided to exploit use the innocent little pawns in their latest begging fund raising campaign. That is adorable!

 

And so what if this adorable picture was taken 8 years ago when the girls were, well, adorable, and they’ve now  reached that awkward “why-do-I-have-to-be-here-anyway-they’re-your-friends-not-mine”  stage.

 

 

 

 

A sentiment, BTW, that Mom can relate to:

As I reflect on it I’m thinking that the “adorable” pitch is actually a much better reason to donate than some of the others that the staff has been kicking around lately. See what you think; here are their top 10 reasons to  “Donate today:”

• he saved the American economy,
• he put everybody back to work,
• he’s a surprisingly good bowler golfer pool player,
• he let you keep your health care plan if you like it,
• he kept a tight lid on our national security secrets,
• he will have “more flexibility after the election,”
• he personally capped Bin Laden,
• he closed Guantanamo
• he closed the borders
• you want 4 more years of his crap benevolence

So, since I know you’re in, what’s your numero uno reason? Feel free to come up with new ones – we still need a lot of money!

 

BHO 2012: Because he’s so adorable

 

Linked By: BlogsLucianneLoves, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, and Car in on The Hostages, Thanks!

It Takes Won to know One: we take our Wonsies on the Road

It’s official: Lady M is going to serve as the public face of Team Obama’s our new grass-roots mobilizing effort “It Takes One.”

(Also available in our Spanish sub-titled version)

Did she just call “you people” toads !?

Maybe I’m reading too much into this urgent plea, butt it sounds to me like Lady M is suggesting that young couples - in addition to having their friends and family donate their wedding present to Team Obama – 

now spend their honeymoon soliciting votes for Big Guy too: 

Anxious to get started, prior to the impending Virginia crusade, Michelle taped and released an inspirational "It Takes One" video message.  Hoping to goad Obama supporters into action, Mrs. Obama opened the video reminiscing about her husband's first campaign for the Illinois legislature when, as mere newlyweds, Shelley and Barry "would take friends along" on romantic outings, where they would all "collect petition signatures to get Obama on the ballot."

I’m not so sure that will work as well for typical newlyweds as it did BO and MO. After all, not everyone is cut out to sacrifice the way the Wons have.

This new emphasis on the individual is an interesting twist in our campaign philosophy which, up till now, was more like Hillary’s “It takes a Village”storybook. And frankly it seems a bit counter-productive given Big Guy’s recent position that “you didn’t do that yourself.” Butt who am I to question our big brained campaign staff?

Who is that icon with the chart? A Doctor handing out the blue pills? “Just take one?”

Not exactly inspired signage, if you ask me. It reminds me way too much of those slippery floor warning signs:

 

(Also available in Spanish)

 

No piso-ing allowed

MO is just asking that everyone recruit one new volunteer, or one new voter to vote for BO in November:

“That one conversation you have, that one new volunteer you recruit, that could be the difference between waking up on Nov. 7 and feeling the promise of four more years or asking yourself, ‘Could I have done more?’”

That’s definitely a thought worth reflecting on.

Anyway, I guess this is just an extension of some of our previous “onesies” campaigns:

Onesies for baby (also available in Spanish)

Onesies for Baracky

Butt since were talking about the WONsies, I should mention that there’s been another disturbing security leak: someone leaked information on Lady M’s up-till-now super-secret onesie containment system:

Life, time and gravity change your body...sometimes no matter how much you exercise or watch what you eat, it's hard to reverse the effects. Playtex have come up with the perfect solution to body blips with their new generation of active shapewear, which immediately shapes the figure and creates a visible reduction around the thighs, hips and waist.

It’s a miracle, for sure:

“The underwear works using Acti-Mineral ceramic crystals that are woven into the fibers of the fabric.”

And they work great. When applied correctly.

The worst part of this latest, huge security leak is that I’m afraid it means we’ve lost all moral authority with respect to the temple underwear controversy.

                                   

And now that August is right around the corner; you know - the month when everyone in Washington gets all wee-weed up -

I’m just going to go out on a limb and predict that we’re going to have to change our WONsies. Soon.

Now let’s get out there and win WON for the Gipper!

When I was WON I had just begun

Butt there’s no point wandering around the forest, or beating around the “Bush” – let’s just get right to the point:

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, Thanks!

WTF 2012 Update: The New “Inflation”

I knew the lack of business experience in Big Guy’s administration would eventually get us in trouble. So here it is: we’re running a deficit. No – not THE deficit:

H/T Jim Hoft

No, we’re talking about Big Guy’s personal campaign deficit.

Amid a heavy barrage of advertising by opposing “super” political groups, President Barack Obama’s re-election campaign spent more than it collected in June.

I don’t know if they realize it yet or not, butt this type of spending can’t go on forever. Obama 2012 is not like the government, they can’t just have the Bernanke perform a little “quantitative easing”

What do you say we ease those seams out a little for you? Give us a little more wiggle room.

So this just can’t go on. Somebody in Campaign Central -

No, it says right here: two “o” s

is just going to have to learn how to use that calculator ap.

“Learn more about this ap”

We can’t continue to rent space we aren’t going to use. Not only is it expensive, butt it looks bad when you pay to rent a 20 thousand seat arena for your campaign kickoff and half the people you hired to attend are no-shows.

Guarding all the empty seats at Ohio State’s Jerome Schottenstein Center

It's a campaign faux pas to hold an event in a room that isn't full; to promise the media a more-than-capacity crowd then fall this far short of that promise is utter incompetence.

May 5, Campaign Kickoff at Ohio State: Sure looks lonely up in the balcony

Butt being the trooper she is, Lady M doesn’t let the incompetence effect her performance

Butt make no mistake, she wasn’t happy with the incompetent

Still, it’s not too late to WTF. We still have a cool $97 million in the bank. Of course, at our current burn rate, that’s only 2 and half months worth of expenses - and that’s before we have to buy votes for the actual election. So, we’re looking for ways to be more frugal. The first thing we did was start charging Lady M’s expenses to “administrative fees” instead of the campaign, although she’ll continue to pick up the charges for personal items such as gum, mints and pocket tissue herself.

So although our 2012  WTF: FORWARD kickoff got off to a rocky start at Ohio State by spending $93 thousand dollars to rent a stadium that held twice as many people as showed up, the Big Brains have a plan. The Old-School way of “If you rent it, they will come” doesn’t work, so they’ve developed a New-School way. It’s a much more cost effective and reliable way to fill our seats. Instead of relying on fickle Democrats humans, we’re going with the all new, virtual composite crowd butts (VCCB). That’s right! It’s the Amazing Inflatable Crowd! Used in over 80 movies and TV shows, they are now making their realistic inflatables available to Big Guy to WTF. As explained in their promo materials:

“We provide an unparalleled level of detail customized to match the look of your crowd including everything necessary to blend the inflatables in seamlessly among the real, non-inflatable extras.”  (H/T Charlie)

Wow! “They’ll even match the look of your crowd!”

Can you tell which ones are real, and which ones are inflatable? Me either!

And you’ll be happy to know that Inflatable Crowd has successfully defended themselves against a patent lawsuit filed against them in 2007 by Crowd in a Box as documented in the Hollywood Reporter article: Judge Dismisses Crowd Dummy Case.

So based on the verdict in the Dummy case, Team Obama has gone ahead and generated their own “Inflatable Barry.”  Since we all know you can’t be in two places at once even if you have super powers, and we’ve got a lot of money to raise, we’ve created a cost effective solution with nothing more than a thin-skinned facsimile that’s filled with air.

This allows Team Obama 2012 to conduct multiple, synchronized fundraisers (because time’s a fleetin’). You can Rent-a-Barry inflatable for a fraction of the cost of the real thing to address your group or organization and help us raise money for Big Guy’s reelection. We’ll even throw in a TOTUS 2 model to ensure a realistic presentation.

So don’t delay, contact our Team Obama Inflated HOPE and CHANGE Dream Team today to line up the Barry of your choice for a very reasonable rate, before all the good dates are gone:

                 

Select a Barry-Inflatable that blends in best with your group 

                

(NOTE: price does not include the reasonable and customary processing, shipping and handling fees)

So let’s get going out there: less than 4 months left! And we still need what ever money you’ve got left. Don’t let the Republicans stop what we’ve already got planned for your great-grandchildren’s future.

And don’t forget: you could still win a dinner with Lady M and Big Guy: the real thing or the inflatable facsimiles – your choice.

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