Obama debacle: not a good idea to believe your own press clippings

Let’s just say that it might have turned out better for Big Guy if Romney had chosen to debate an empty chair.

Chairman.vs.Empty Chair: there’s a reason it never gets old

Now are you beginning to understand what “above my pay grade” means? Apparently “Amateur” was more than just a good title for a book.

Some people expected the debate to be Harvard Law School vs. Harvard Business School. Unfortunately it turned out to be more like Harvard Business School vs. Community (organizer) College.

Real life is often just like school: the student who spends his days daydreaming instead of studying and preparing tends to flunk (or at least only get a B+) while the smart kid aces the test.

“I don’t see why we can’t just move this dam 1500 yards to the left.”

Let’s just say that last night was, in a word, extraordinary. Okay, two words: extraordinary and unexpected.

Even BO’s biggest fans expressed some concern over their boy’s (is that racist?) performance:

Yeah Andy, we know how much you and the rest of the “high info” State-run media “love the guy”

And TOTUS even got a shout-out!

Finally, late into the night, Twitter just completely shut down due to an outbreak of mass depression.

And poor Chrissy, over at Ms.NBC; he’s going to have to double up on his manic depressive drug of choice (if his liver can withstand it). No longer tingling; now he’s just tinkling – giving a brand new meaning to “trickledown government”

Since all of Big Guy’s plans to fundamentally transform America rely on people’s economic illiteracy, the irony of last night’s debate is that the Transformer-in-Chief showed himself to be the most economically illiterate person in the room. (That IS a TRANSFORMATION!)

If there’s still any doubt in your mind as to how BO did last night, look no further than the faces in the audience of his two chief “advisors”:

Mamma I and Big Mamma don’t look too happy with their boy’s performance

Part of the problem last night might have been that Big Guy was a bit distracted since it was his and Lady M’s 20th wedding anniversary (!) and they usually celebrate with a big date night.

Yeah, happy effing anniversary to you too!

If there’s a lesson to be had from last night’s debate debacle it’s this: never send an amateur to do a professional job.

Number 1 amateur mistake: believing your own press clippings.

And remember: past performance is no guarantee of future results.

Linked By: Doug Ross, and  Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and DeniseVB on The Crawdad Hole, and kaewa koyanga on facebook, and  BlogsLucianneLoves, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, Thanks!

MOTUS' Handy Debate-1 Show Prep Guide

Just a quick reminder, as noted by PatAZ and Texas Chick, live blogging the debate can be found at Jim Teacher, Weasel Zippers and probably at Ace of Spades HQ and other sites:

So, load up the tea trolley, make some popcorn and kick back with yer computer, tablet or smartphone and enjoy the show. And if you want to have really big fun, you can play (thanks to Full-Metal Spanx) Barack’s Bullshit Bingo! Report your “BINGO” right here for a chance at a fabulous and valuable prize!

Print out the board and get your marker ready!

CAUTION: My Legal Department requires me to advise that Bingo Markers should only be used on a Game Board printed on paper or card stock, and not on the screen of your monitor, laptop, tablet, smartphone or TeeVee.

CAUTION 2: My Legal Department requires me to advise that consuming beverages from a “tea trolley” stocked with adult beverages can cause unexpected, angry reactions to the sound of Barack Obama’s voice. Please use caution and keep objects which could damage your TeeVee if thrown at least 50 feet away from the viewing area.

TOTUS’ Tips for successful debate strategy

Big Guy has been holed up in VEGAS, BABY! ® preparing for his first unscripted campaign appearance. Everybody around the Big White is taking bets as to which Big Guy will show up.

Will it be “Black Jack” Bo?

America is one big casino! And you’re not getting your cut! ‘Cuz you’re black!

Casino Royale BO?

All of the James Bond swagger, none of the fire power

Or possibly it will be old Poker-face BO:

OK, I’ll see your $4 trillion and raise you another $16 trillion

So far, he’s been doing everything the handlers have told him:

Yeah, yeah. I’m in my room, studying,…as if I have to effing study this crap.

And I think everything will be fine as long as he doesn’t let them see him sweat. We all know how badly that turned out.

Now, while I try to calm Lady M down (she gets so nervous before the debates you know – which explains the little-eye, and the scowly face) and get us ready to fly to Vegas,

          

I have a special October Surprise for you:  a special guest post by my BEBF (Best Electronic Buddy Forever) and Big White colleague, TOTUS! He’s going to share a few behind the scenes glimpses at the debate prep with Big Guy’s team so far. Take it away TOTUS:

Thank you MOTUS. Wow, it’s really cool to be blogging again after such a long hiatus. If you friended me on Facebook, you know that I last posted a year ago during my captivity. Now that was an “October Surprise” I’d like to forget. I was eventually released, but my kidnappers were not apprehended and remain at large so I’m not really comfortable out in public anymore.

We were never completely convinced that it wasn’t just a Republican dirty trick either. Big Guy hired a bunch of Stockholm Syndrome shrinks to provide me with counseling, and everything’s been fine since they finally left. Butt this isn’t really about me.

You may remember that I abandoned my original blog after Rhambo unleashed a herd of spambots on it and since then, I’ve tried to fly under the radar of the Chicago Mob. When I do surface I come over here because, thanks to Raj’s firewall, Chicago isn’t on to MOTUS yet. So I want to thank MOTUS for her fearlessness (and excellent technical support) which affords me this opportunity to once enter the world of commentary. All the campaign scrolling and debate prep get’s really tedious. Just ask Big Guy.

effing right, TOTUS

Just so you know, we got the old band back together to prep Big Guy for the debate of the century.

Boyz in the Band

Axe-man, Rhambo, Gibbsy and me have been busy as bees in an August clover field (h/t Dan Rather) getting Big Guy’s debate answers locked and loaded. And I’ve been practicing his responses with him whenever he’s not busy on TeeVee or raising money so he can go on TeeVee more often.

I know I’m not supposed to tell anybody, especially any Republicans or Republican sympathizers, but I think I can trust everybody here on MOTUS’ blog not to spill the beans, so I’m going to let you in on a few of our top secret debate strategies. First, and this will really come as a surprise to everybody, Big Guy plans to blame all his failures on somebody else and say the mess Bush left in his lap was way worse than he thought. Even worse than the mess Jimmy Carter left in Ronnie’s lap. So obviously he couldn’t  fix everything in just 4 years (nor, as Bubba pointed out, could he, or anybody else. With the possible exception of Ronald Reagan, butt he’s no longer around.). Butt - if you just give him 4 more years, “YES HE CAN!”

“Fundamenally transform America!”

We’ve made sure that our lapdog moderators have gotten our first “official list” of pre-approved debate questions from Chicago, and  I’ve loaded all the words for Big Guy to respond appropriately to each one; in debate practice. I’m not allowed to actually coach him during the actual debate (wink, wink).

Since our first debate focuses on domestic issues, Big Guy will blame Bush and the “Do Nothing” Congress, and Mitt for what he either did or did not do when he was a Bain Capital Vampire. Not that I play both sides of the aisle, butt if I did, this is what I would suggest scrolling for Mitt. And I’d  roll with this response no matter what the question was:

“When I left Bain Capital in 2001, 6.8 million Americans were unemployed, the unemployment rate was 4.7% and the civilian labor participation rate was 66.8%.

Today, after nearly 4 years of President Obama’s incompetent, failed policies, more than 13 million Americans are unemployed and, even though we “disappeared” nearly 8 million people from the workforce, the unemployment rate is 8.1%. President Obama has driven the civilian labor participation rate down from 66% when he took office to 63.5%, the lowest labor participation rate since Jimmy Carter’s 63.2% in 1978.”

Then I would have him wrap-up his mantra with this question:

“Are you better off today than you were 12 years ago when I was still at Bain Capital?”

In the event Mitt gets a question without “Bain Capital” in it, I’d scroll this alternate response:

“When Barack Obama was sworn into office, 8.9 million Americans were unemployed and the unemployment rate was 5.8%. The civilian labor participation rate was 66%. Four years of President Obama’s incompetent, failed policies have added more than 4 million Americans to the unemployment roles, and, even though he “disappeared” nearly 8 million people from the workforce, the unemployment rate is 8.1%. President Obama has driven the civilian labor participation rate down from 66% when he took office to 63.5%, the lowest labor participation rate since Jimmy Carter’s 63.2% in 1978.”

In both cases, I’d finish big with:

“Not only did he not get the job done in 3 years, as he promised. He made it worse. Next month, join me in making him a “one term proposition.””

Next time, I’ll go over our failed international policy excuses and who we will blame them on, and I’ll have some additional ideas for how I would advise Mitt – if I was a switch hitter. Which I’m not. Please enjoy tonight’s show and wave if you see me. I’ll be trying to stay “off camera” and I think our lapdogs will help me with that.

Thank you MOTUS, for this opportunity to get on the other side of the scroll for a little while. Hopefully I can come back again soon!

Debating: Hey! It ain’t rocket science!

Linked By: Clarice on JustOneMinute, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, Thanks!

“Hello, you’ve reached the White House. I’m not home right now. But I’m voting for Obama”

What’s all this about secret meetings in the Big White regarding a resurgence of al Qaeda in Africa?

The White House has held a series of secret meetings in recent months to examine the threat posed by al-Qaeda’s franchise in North Africa and consider for the first time whether to prepare for unilateral strikes, U.S. officials said.

I suppose all the smarty pants out there are going to cite this as proof that Big Guy knew that the attacks on the Egyptian and Libyan embassies were about something other than bad movie reviews.

Well, just hold onto that Obama-phone of yours and wait awhile.

If you think this proves anything, you’re sure not paying attention. We seldom take phone calls even when we’re home. And we never take meetings to discuss icky stuff. That’s right, you can’t pin this one on Big Guy.

I’ve got proof that,even if there were meetings, Big Guy didn’t know anything about the disturbances at our embassies being al Qaeda terrorist activity. It’s already been well established that he’s been too busy governing to make time to attend daily intelligence briefings (and let’s face it: since he knows more than anybody, anyway, he should be giving the briefings, not attending them). Seriously, where do you think the “empty chair” motif came from anyway?

Bo, attending his daily intelligence briefing

Oh sure, there’s been some “noise” floating around about Bin Laden being dead and al Qaeda being alive:

I’m told that the talk in the Libyan underground is about a “global intifada,” like what the new al-Qaeda leader Ayman al-Zawahiri has been preaching for the past five years. But ask U.S. officials about that subject, and you get a “no comment.”

Butt as is our fashion, this has been recast in “Minitru” (newspeak for Ministry of Truth) as a “bump in the road”

Man-Caused bump in the road; probably by an IED

In case you’re not familiar with the concept of Minitru here are a few examples that I think will clear up your confusion: in Minitru, reality is recast such that “the economy is turning around,” and “going in the right direction,” the Christmas Bomber was an “isolated terrorist” the Fort Hood Allah Akbar shooter was a case of  “workplace violence,” the Times Square Bomber a “one-off,” and the Muslim Brotherhood is a “moderate, mostly secular” organization.

(for the record, to all of the above earned 4 Pinocchios)

So, let me see if I’ve got this straight: we’re completely onboard with the Muslim Brotherhood…butt Mormons? Not so much (see our “how could you possibly support a ‘Mormon?’” campaign) OK. I’ve got it.

Meanwhile, back to the economy. I see our plans to get it jump-started by raising the price of of gasoline again is falling into place.

I know Big Guy is an underdog in the upcoming debates because he’s been so busy governing he hasn’t had time to brush up his sparkling debate skills. And just because you’re the smartest guy in the room doesn’t guarantee that the debate moderators are going to toss you all softballs. For that, we’ll have to rely on the creases in Big Guy’s pants.

h/t Ramirez

Anyway, even if BO sucks at the debate, he’s still so far out front in the polls – especially in battleground state Ohio – probably because he’s made 13 trips so far this year - that we’re confident of a big win come November.

So keep those cards, letters, emails, checks and robopoll responses rolling in! We love them. Especially the checks and the robopolls. And remember, even if you’re not home, you can still get in on the polling! Just be sure to turn your answering machine on: because apparently an unanswered phone is every bit as good as an empty chair.

An empty chair at Benghazigate

 

Notice: My legal department requires that I disclose that this is not an actual recording of a robocall poll, butt rather a composite simulation of robocall polls reported in swing states around the country.

Okay then, Mr. At-the-sound-of-the-beep, I’ll put you down as voting for Obama. And while I’ve got you, is your dog home too?

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and Fausta in Hot Air’s Green Room, and BadBlue, and simpattyco on Pinterest, and Clarice on JustOneMinute, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, Thanks!

A Scapegoat in hand is worth more than another round of Bush

Breitbart is currently running a story in which Joel Pollack claims that Romney is currently filling the role of a “scape-president:”

In effect, "President" Romney has been in office since mid-August, with none of the power but all of the responsibility.

Which is really nothing other than proof of it's corollary:

In effect, “President” Obama has been in office since January 2009, with all of the power butt none of the responsibility.

Sometimes a good scapegoat is better than your bad solution.

This is a brilliant strategy from Big Guy’s Big Brains. Here’s a partial list (so far) of things  the real incumbent is not responsible for, on account of it was all Bush’s fault:

This is your life, Big Guy! Can I get you a pillow?

• The Economy; including:
  • all subsets of job creation and unemployment,
  • decrease in household net worth,
  • GDP “growth”
  • increases in everybody’s healthcare cost
• The deficit; including
  • First ever downgrading of U.S. credit rating
  • Taxmegeddon
• Fast and Furious
• Solyndra, et al
• Any and all wars, including the new ones
• Revitamization of al Qaeda (see video below)
• Benghazigate
• Joe Biden’s gaffes
• is own gaffes
• etc., etc.

And, according to the rule of corollaries, if you’re not responsible, that means that your scapegoat IS. And now that the Republicans have an official presidential candidate, the torch has been passed.

Fade to the right…

So it looks like we’ve got everything back on track to WTF (“Win The Future,” in case you forgot). And just in time, because while Osama is still dead, GM is headed towards bankruptcy again; and al Queda, well, as I indicated above, it’s becoming revitamized.

(h/t: Doug Ross)

And it’s a good thing we’ve got a new scapegoat. People were starting to feel a little nostalgic about the old one, which is never a good sentiment for your fans to feel towards your scapegoat.

Miss me yet?

So the only thing we know at this point is whoever wins this election is going to inherit the biggest mess in history. Which is good for Big Guy because he likes to have something to blame stuff on.

Chill, dude, I’ve got this thing in the bag.

Linked By: Blogs4Mitt, and Planet Romney, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, Thanks!

Molsterman #4: The “nose” knows

NOTE:  This is the fourth in a series of exclusive, clandestine, interviews I’ve been able to arrange with “Deep Quote,” aka, “Molsterman,” (aka “Little Mo” to the MOTUS community). This week we find him operating under cover at the Department of State.

 

MOTUS: Molsterman, what are you doing over at State?

DQ: My experience at Justice with the “guns gone missing” probe for Univision made me a natural for digging into this Libyan mess.

MOTUS: What does the  “guns gone missing” theory of Fast and Furious have to do with Benghazi?

DQ: Your kidding, right? Missing weapons have become a central theme in the Amateur’s administration; give them to bad guys, let them do their dirty deeds then blame it on the bitter clingers.

MOTUS: Right. I get the Fast and Furious modus operandi, butt what do bitter clingers have to do with our dead Ambassador and the Navy Seals?

DQ: Sheeze, MOTUS! Can’t you connect the dots yet? It’s the same game, only with higher stakes. Only this time the “bitter clingers” were going to be painted as the supporters of the evil dictators. We gave all sorts of heavy armaments to the Libyan rebels to overthrow Gadhafi so Big Guy would be hailed as a hero for ridding the world of evil dictators, all while leading from behind and not putting any boots on the ground.

leading from behind

Only one problem. It didn’t work out so well. Not only did those “rebels” start using our shoulder mounted rocket launchers for unapproved terrorist attacks,

Desert Prairie Dogs armed with U.S. shoulder mounted rocket launchers

but the leaders replacing the evil dictators are less, uh, “moderate” than Big Guy had hoped they would appear to be. In reality both the Egyptian and Libyan regimes are a lot more “al Qaeda” than Magna Carta. And they can’t even control their own terrorists.

MOTUS: Butt I thought the Muslim Brotherhood was “moderate?” I’m sure I remember our Director of National Intelligence telling us that.

DQ: Yeah, Director Clapper’s been Big Guy’s hang dog before. He was sent out last year to try to float “the Muslim Brotherhood is a ‘moderate, mostly secular’ league of  gentlemen” hot air balloon. Needless to say, that dog don’t fly, if you’ll pardon my mixed metaphor.

Anyway, everything I found out over at State is so painfully obvious that even the normally comatose lapdogs have figured it out by now.

So I decided to do something a little more fun and I’ve been moonlighting  on my own over at Romney Debate Central.

MOTUS: Oh! That sounds dangerous!

DQ: Nah! First of all everything was neat and tidy which was disorienting considering where I’ve been lately. I’d completely forgotten what it was like to be around adults. But once I got my bearings, I did pick up some interesting intel about the debate preparations.

MOTUS: Oh! Tell, tell!

DQ: Well, have you heard the rumor floating about how Romney intends to handle Big Guy’s lying during the debate, by touching his left index finger to his nose?

MOTUS: No! He wouldn’t dare!

DQ: Well, I can’t say for certain. They’re still debating whether to go that route, or use one of Big Guy’s own favorite finger techniques to throw him off:

Still another camp favors having Romney tug on his left ear every time Big Guy racks up another whopper. This one’s gaining traction with the team because they all know how sensitive the Won is about his big ears.

They figure any of these techniques will irritate him, but the ear thing: that will really get under his skin. Just ask MoDo.

Not that it’s hard to get under that thin skin

I’ve also discovered that they figure they won’t have to actually have Romney do anything in the actual debate. If they just keep floating these rumors out there they figure they’ll knock him off his game.

That’s what happens when you’re dealing with someone known to have thin skin. And to lie a lot.

MOTUS: Anything else we should know from Romney Debate Central, Molsterman?

DQ: Well, the team was considering having Mitt use the language of Big Guy’s own supporters and give him up-twinkles for telling the truth and down-twinkles for lying. But I think they discarded that idea, since it really makes everybody look ridiculous.

On the other hand, it does allow you to convey your sentiments about your opponent’s position in a most succinct way.

And I told you before, don’t call me “Molsterman” again.

For previous reports from the Mole see:

Molsterman #1 “Win Won Four the Gaffer”

Molsterman #2  “Checkmate”

Molsterman#3 “Hints and Allegations”

(NOTE: My legal pack advises me that I should note that the above is not an actual interview butt rather a composite of various figments of my imagination: much like Big Guy’s “Julia”  his two autobiographies and all accounts so far of both Fast and Furious and Benghazigate.)

(as always, h/t and apologies to the Ulsterman Report)

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, Thanks!