Obama: Putting the sophist back in sophistry

“'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves Did gyre and gimble in the wabe” – Lewis Carroll, Jaberwocky

Caution! You are entering a Spin-Zone.

How fast do you suppose this sucker can go?

Beleaguered Attorney General Ricky Holder’s meeting with journOlists to explain how he plans to honor freedom of the press and government transparency the next time he violates the First Amendment was not well attended. Unfortunately, the meeting on transparency was off-the-record so many of the usual mouthpieces had previous engagements.

Not a problem, as most of the “Obama-water-carrying glitterati” had been called in earlier this month for “consultation” on issues related to our persistent Scandalanche® which has negatively been effecting Big Guy’s ability to impose his will implement his “common sense solutions” to America’s nagging problems.

Butt allow me to turn this conversation over to somebody more capable of explaining the situation: Victor Davis Hansen. He’s not confused by Big Guy’s Wonderland of Jabberwocky; he just calls it rhetoric, and treats it accordingly:

After all, we have never had a president who descended the steps of Air Force One with such catlike agility, hands almost as paws lightly bouncing in synchronization with each elfish footstep.

 

“I taught Obama to Prance!” [Gerard studied Prancercizing yesterday, and again today]

(And now you know the real inspiration for Psy’s Gangnan Style)

Never has a commander in chief so casually, so confidently approached the podium as if he were popping open his own laptop, his jaw almost in Mussolini style thrust out, with eyes fixed three feet above the heads of the audience — all with just the right mixture of self-assurance and canned humility.

In fact, he outdoes Benito

Never has a president so mastered the teleprompter — no easy task in itself — with just the right pauses, followed with a timely ratcheting up of passion, punctuated with a half-smile, a grimace, a laugh.

Hey you!

Never has a president mastered both the art of empty bluster and the art of bowing.

 

Never has a president so mastered the patois and cadences of an intended audience: with corporate CEOs, he sounds like a(n) Ivy League Citibank exec;

 

“Get Bernanke on the phone!” 

with foreign-policy types, he can out-authenticate the multicultural experts with accentuation like “the Taleeeban” and “Pakeeestan.”

 

Among African-Americans, he drops his g’s, affects the slight drawl of the South, inserts an old-time Southern colloquialism, and follows the mannerisms of a Rev. Wright thundering at Trinity Church.

 

Bearing witness on the campaign trail

Among Latinos, the “r” is rolled, and accent marks fall in the proper places, better than any third-generation Latino evening-television newsreader.

 

Obama for el Presidente! Hecho in America!

In short, Obama is the most impressive sophist of his age.

What else could you expect from a community organizer demoted to president?

“If only Barack Obama had something to say…”

I am your Tabula Rasa: I can read anything TOTUS scrolls.

As they say, you really must read the whole thing: Our ‘Make No Mistake About It’/'Let Me Be Perfectly Clear’ President.

A freeze frame captures the precise moment TOTUS realizes that everything he’s scrolling is pure sophistry. And not even good sophistry at that.

REMEMBER: “THERE IS NO POTUS WITHOUT TOTUS!”

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Cross-Posted on Patriot Action Network

No, Not Here - Over There: Lady M’s Got Veggies! Shiny!

Transparency: redacted

My Administration is committed to creating an unprecedented level of openness in Government. We will work together to ensure the public trust and establish a system of transparency, public participation, and collaboration. Openness will strengthen our democracy and promote efficiency and effectiveness in Government. – WhiteHouse.gov

What’s going on with the most transparent Administration ever in the history of the world?

While at the FEC Lois Lerner practiced extortion? The DOJ is spying on journalists doing their job? The IRS is harassing conservative Republicans? Homeland Security is “monitoring” peaceful Tea Party protests?

It almost sounds like your government is trying to intimidate you into not doing things they don’t want you to do,

and make you do things they do want you to.

The long gun of the law: the only gun allowed

I don’t know about your olfactory gland, butt mine is picking up the wiff of…dare I say it?…tyranny.

It smells like the full force of the Federal Government bringing it’s heavy steel-toed boot to the throat of the little people. What! Wait a minute! Isn’t that the purview of…the jack-booted right wing?

Hey you! “The Rest of the American People”  Wake up!!! Smell the coffee. Or something.

Yikes! We’ve got a new federal police force? At Homeland Security? Is that in the Constitution? Well at least now we know what they’re doing with all those bullets they’ve sucked off the market and out of your cold, dead hands.

Butt none of that is really “news”. Let’s turn our attention now to where your government wants it to be: on Lady M’s amazing charms and her magical organic Garden of Good and Evil.

That’s right boys and girls! It’s already time for our first official “summer” garden harvest! [Note: in Washington D.C. “summer” – like everything else - arrives when we say so, or when it’s convenient for our agenda.] So - bring on the little children and the smelly fruits of our labor:

  I don’t want to smell your stinky fennel; you smell it.

Eeuuu! Smells like mendacity to me.

Meanwhile, Lady M took her considerable charms to Boston yesterday to raise $600,000 at a fundraiser for Rep. Ed Markey - who never met a tax increase he didn’t like. For $37,600 a pop, supporters got a gourmet lunch and the opportunity to hear words of wisdom from both Senate candidate Markey:

“The first lady is a symbol of our future,” Markey told reporters outside the fundraiser at the Taj Boston. “She inspires millions of Americans, millions of people around the world, on a daily basis.”

And Lady M herself:

Inside the hotel, Obama told the crowd, “if you want to have my husband’s back, you need to support” Markey, according to a tweet from Carl Nilsson, Markey’s field director.

As always, fans like Andrea McLeod, a retired business consultant, eagerly stood in line for hours for the opportunity to shell out her money to see Lady M: 

“Anybody who grows vegetables in the White House garden has my vote,” she said.

Thanks Andrea, butt Lady M isn’t running for anything just yet. Although if that’s how you feel, I can introduce you to a few of your candidates for the U.S. Senate: Carlos, Diego and Manuel.

     

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and Cole Gaskins, Mireille Buser, Rock Searle, Steven P. Duhon, on facebook, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and Free Republic, Thanks!

Cross-Posted on Patriot Action Network

Scarlet O’Clinton?

Did you hear about the movie they’re making about Big Guy’s old Secretary? They haven’t settled on a name for it just yet; “Rodham” was under consideration until someone worried it might be confused with the other Secretary of State serving alongside Hill.

Tag Team: Hill meets with South Korea while Rodman meets with North

“A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Koran” was briefly considered, butt rejected for its blatant religious overtones.

The working title for now is “The Godmother.”

Actresses currently being considered to play the part of Hillary, any of whom would be fine:

Butt I’d like to hit the Hillary reset button,

and broaden the search, so to speak. What’s wrong with Barbra Streisand?

She’s already done the early Hillary:

     

and I think she could easily handle the old Hillary:

                             

And why not Lady Gaga?

Or Rebecca De Mornay? She does a pretty good Hill:

“You’re dead to me!”

And no need to be America-centric here; Emmanuelle Riva could likewise fill the bill, so to speak. So what if she’s 83? We don’t discriminate on the basis of age.

        

And come to think of it, we don’t discriminate based on sex either. Why not Billy Chrystal?

                             

Or Bobby Redford? He was born to play an old lesbian.

                             

Wait - I think you want to see the full length shot of this:

There are so many others likewise talented and capable butt, heh, again, here are the current top contenders: Scarlett, Amanda, Reese, and Jessica.

Scarlet is in the lead simply because I think Hills has an affinity with the original Scarlett character – Scarlett O’Hara. If she hadn’t already been named after Sir Edmund Hillary she would have been called “Scarlett.” Butt with any of these beauties the movie is guaranteed to win an Oscar...for “Best Makeup Artist”... (h/t: Rush...he won’t h/t: MOTUS when he uses my stuff, butt I’m bigger than that).

Scarlett: As God is my witness, as God is my witness they're not going to lick me. I'm going to live through this and when it's all over, I'll never be hungry again. No, nor any of my folk. If I have to lie, steal, cheat or kill. As God is my witness, I'll never be hungry again.

And frankly, at this point, what difference does it make? Frankly, the lady doesn’t give a damn.

Linked By: American Digest, and Dave Jimenez, Clint Counts, Donald P Domke on facebook, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and Free Republic, Thanks!

Cross-Posted on Patriot Action Network

How to Handle a Scandalanche®? Hint:You’ll Need a Few Rounds. UPDATED WITH THE NEW WHITE HOUSE PLUMBERS, est. 1971

We’re hoping everyone has forgotten about this so-called Scandalanche® (like an Instalanche, only smellier) over the long weekend holiday.

Things have gotten so out of control that we had to cancel our usual plans to visit friends in Chicago in order to attend the ceremony at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier ourselves this year. 

Lady M gets a rose,

Big Guy gets a boutonniere sized to match his ego: For me? You really shouldn’t have.

While people across America spent the long weekend remembering our fallen heroes, disconnected from their personal electronic devices, resting up and roasting wieners, Big Guy was busy HOPING that you’ll forget about all those so-called scandals swirling around.

If not, we’ll just have to relegate them to one of our Big Government approved recycling dustbins of history:  “sideshows,”  “distractions,” “political circuses,” or – my personal favorite - “bumps in the road.”

Then we’ll just let everything work it’s way out through the media cross-hairs as it always has in the past.

Don’t worry, we will survive this Scandalanche® too. Especially since we now have “a civilian national security force that's just as powerful, just as strong, just as well-funded” as our military at our disposal.

So - now do you finally understand what we need those 1.6 billion bullets for?

If this Scandalanche® trend continues we’re going to need every round we (legally) purchased to properly defend ourselves against our enemies.

Proud Member since 2008

THIS JUST IN, ON A H/T FROM SILVERLADY: CREDITS TO JOHN DEERING

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Memorial Day 2013: America’s Spirit Is Alive And Well

“Not for fame or reward; not for place or for rank; not lured by ambition or goaded by necessity; but in simple obedience to duty, as they understood it. These men suffered all, sacrificed all, dared all, and died.”

 

Today’s Memorial Day post is dedicated to our country’s fallen heroes; the 1.4 million men and women who made the ultimate sacrifice in wars waged across centuries in order to preserve the principles of freedom and liberty.

And to brighten your day I offer a couple rays of light into our sometimes very cloudy skies:  two amateur videos that represent tiny glimpses of why America is the last, best hope of the world. The first is Gary Sinise performing with the  Lt. Dan Band; proving that not everyone in the entertainment business is dedicated to fundamentally transforming America.

 

God Bless the USA!!!

Gary Sinise & Lt. Dan Band 

Next, young Hunter Haden with his first grade class from Pepperell Primary in Lindale, GA performing Lee Greenwood’s anthem. I should note that Pepperell is a public school!! God bless flyover country.

Warning: this young man is more notable for his unbounded patriotism than his vocal skills, butt the cuteness factor supersedes his not-ready-for-Carnegie Hall creds.  Plus, it provides real HOPE for America’s future.

Hunter Hayden and the first grade class of Pepperell Primary in Lindale, GA

 

 "God Bless The USA" (Lee Greenwood)

If tomorrow all the things were gone I'd worked for all my life
And I had to start again with just my children and my wife
I'd thank my lucky stars to be livin' here today
'Cause the flag still stands for freedom and they can't take that away

And I'm proud to be an American where as least I know I'm free
And I won't forget the men who died, who gave that right to me
And I'd gladly stand up next to you and defend her still today
'Cause there ain't no doubt I love this land God bless the USA

From the lakes of Minnesota, to the hills of Tennessee
Across the plains of Texas, from sea to shining sea
From Detroit down to Houston and New York to LA
Well, there's pride in every American heart
And it's time to stand and say that

I'm proud to be an American where as least I know I'm free
And I won't forget the men who died, who gave that right to me
And I'd gladly stand up next to you and defend her still today
'Cause there ain't no doubt I love this land God bless the USA

God bless the USA

 

“What difference does it make?” you ask?

Pretty much all the difference in the world.

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and Mireille Buser, Betsy Bitter, Mike Goldstein, Ghori Khan, Clint Counts, Chris Kuehn, Anthony Benson on facebook, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and Free Republic, Thanks!

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This just in from Cannes: Big Pharma Creates Shemales

We spent our first four years blaming everything on former President Bush,

So long, butt not goodbye.

We’ve now decided to (finally) move on to more sophisticated defenses for our inherent inadequacies. The new excuse alibi immunity is provided by defenses variously known as “the Sgt. Schultz,” “the Nuremberg” or the “Three Wise Monkeys” (I think we can reject that last one out of hand; not because it’s a dog whistle, butt because of the “wise” part.).

Of course, we will continue to use the ever popular “Blame it on the R-words” excuse, as it can be generically applied to anything and everything.

Hey - What happened to the first $60 billion infrastructure stimulus?

Now, before you get out there and fire up the charcoal grill, or campfire if you’re in one of the Global Warming zones, here’s something else that isn’t the Wons’ fault: the masculinization of women.

That’s right, it’s not Lady M’s and Val Jar’s fault that they sometimes, shall we say, fall short of the feminine ideal:

That’s the fault of “birth control pills.” Don’t take my word for it; this is coming straight (heh) from the Cannes Film Festival. From no lesser luminary than the darling of the glitterati set, ex-Hollywood director and child sexual predator Roman Polanski:

Oscar-winning director Roman Polanski on Saturday blamed birth control pills for "masculinising" women, as he premiered what he called a satire on sexism. (snip)

"I think to level the genders -- it's purely idiotic. I think it's a result... of progress in medicine. I think that the Pill has changed greatly the woman of our times, 'masculinising' her -- how would you say it?" he said, looking to his cast for a prompt.

And who would know better about masculinized women than the man convicted of giving a 13 year old girl drugs and booze before practicing safe statutory rape?

Sorry to leave you with such a conundrum on your holiday weekend: butt what are we to do?  Keep fighting the Republicans’ War on Women by continuing to hand out free birth control pills and risk shemale-ing the entire female population of America? That would eliminate the Democratic advantage:

Rosen, Rice and Rosa: and that’s just the R’s!!

I say let’s just focus on our shovel ready projects instead, and fix the infrastructure that the R-words broke:

Now on to the weekend festivities: let’s get out there and roast some wieners! Lady M would want you to.

MMMMM! Crunchy!

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Cross-Posted on Patriot Action Network